# Create your own Tract. HAW HAW HAW! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 17, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652 "2003-02-17T16:25:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/81 "2003-02-21T17:26:16Z")
Brilliant work, all of you! And now, a proposal, if I may, as at least one of you ( **Baker**?) suggested creating more tract scripts. A tract about the dangers of ignoring (and even worse, _mocking_) Chick tracts. My unworthy contribution would have the last page be the duped and doomed soul shrieking, _ **"Check the box!!!** For God’s sake, check the box, before it’s too late for you, too! [sub]Check the box . . . check the b-- [/sub]"_, as it spirals inexorably down into the Lake of Fire [sup]TM[/sup]. ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/82 "2003-02-21T17:49:13Z")
Go ahead and rearrange as you see fit. I’m just glad I could contribute to this. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/83 "2003-02-21T19:28:52Z")
> [@](#): > > _kingpengvin_ > LUCAS: Wrong Jenny, we are one in the same and now for your eternal damnation!!! Stan Roll reel one of Phantom Menace the extra special, extra long, more Jar Jar than before Directors cut! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo…! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/84 "2003-02-21T19:32:28Z")
I look forward to seeing **SPOOFE’s** drawings. Maybe on the teemingmillions site? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/85 "2003-02-21T20:27:24Z")
**kingpengvin** and **Diogenes** , was panel 22 by kingpengvin the last one? Or will you be doing a question panel with the boxes to check? **kaylasdad99** , I loved your “last scene” for another tract, especially the spiraling effect. My own panels here may be edited as needed. and I did one bit of change myself, substituting one Scripture passage for another, as a part of Panel 20. My only regret is that I couldn’t figure some way to talk about the “evil” origins of the Vulcan hand sign. I’ve seen carvings of it from the ancient Middle East in Old Testament textbooks, and once saw Leonard Nimoy explain he himself suggested it’s use after, as a boy, seeing it used in a religious ceremony(he was Orthodox Jewish I believe). If anyone ever saw a long mini-series entitled “Moses the Lawgiver” at one point Aaron, in his capacity a chief priest makes the sign with both hands while chanting during worship. Chickites would _love_ to emphasize any “sinister Jewish” origins. I’ve had more fun in the last few days following this tract and contributing to it, than I have in a long time. Thanks everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/86 "2003-02-21T21:07:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baker \* > \*\*Chickites would _love_ to emphasize any “sinister Jewish” origins. \*\* Despite regrettable tracts like _Where’s Rabbi Waxman_ Jack doesn’t practice that kind of anti-semitism. Rabid anti-Catholic rants are another matter and he has plenty of examples of that. ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/87 "2003-02-21T21:07:25Z")
yes, as a Jew myself, i can tell you that the vulcan hand thing is an ancient Jewish priest symbol, which really does mean “live long and prosper.” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/88 "2003-02-21T22:49:12Z")
Sorry about my mistake with the anti-Semitism. But since I mentioned it I learned something about the folks on this tract. One(XWalrus2) is Jewish, two or more(Padeye and myself) are Christian, and I’m not sure about the beliefs(or lack there of) of Diogenes and kinpengvin. But we all worked together pretty well on this tract. There’s got to be a moral in there somewhere. But now[whining mode on] I’m looking for closure. I want to hear the final page[whining mode off] ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/89 "2003-02-21T23:31:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baker \* > **But we all worked together pretty well on this tract. There’s got to be a moral in there somewhere.** The first ever BBQ pit thread where all the participants did a group hug and sang _Kum-ba-yah_? Now we can spin the dreidl with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. ;j I didn’t know that about the hand symbol XWalrus2, that’s pretty cool. …so does that mean Vulcans are Levites? I may never look at TOS the same way again. No sweat Baker. Jack Chick isn’t the poster boy for tolerance but even he has some limits. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/90 "2003-02-22T05:27:30Z")
Ok, last panel: Did you accept Christ as your Saviour? Yes No If you checked yes, here is what you must do: !. Burn all science fiction videos, books and paraphenalia. 2. Pray for Jesus Christ to enter your life and cleanse you of all demonic influences. 3. Divest yourself of all friendships with anyone who worships the Force or believes in science fiction. 4. Read the Bible daily and beg Jesus for forgiveness 5. Tell others about Jesus Christ and warn them about the evils of science fiction and aliens. 6. Remember: Jedi Vulcans are really Satan’s demons! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/91 "2003-02-22T05:29:06Z")
Ok, let’s do another one. Why don’t we chuck out a few ideas and pick another storyline. BTW, whatever happened to bong? ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/92 "2003-02-22T05:45:07Z")
I kind of like the idea that was floated at some point of showing up the Satanic nature of the _Lord of the Rings_. GANDALF HAD NO SON! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/93 "2003-02-22T05:55:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*Ok, last panel: > > Did you accept Christ as your Saviour? Yes No > > If you checked yes, here is what you must do:\*\* > \ > **4. Read the Bible daily and beg Jesus for forgiveness** > \ Gotta make that “_King James Version_ **only**.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/94 "2003-02-22T06:41:44Z")
> [@](#): > > _Rube E. Tewesday_ > I kind of like the idea that was floated at some point of showing up the Satanic nature of the Lord of the Rings. > > GANDALF HAD NO SON! LOTR would be great, we could have it mix up its franchises again, ala _Star Wars/Star Trek_. Maybe the characters could think there was a wizard school in LOTR. > [@](#): > > _kaylasdad99_ > Gotta make that “King James Version only.” > 😃 Of course, how could I forget! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/95 "2003-02-22T12:12:30Z")
LOTR or Harry Potter would be good, but being fantasy literature they are rather close to science fiction. But it _still_ would be fun to work with them. Will the new “tract” have it’s own thread, so that this one doesn’t get too long, or will we just stay with this one? One other idea that might be fun, but sounds weird at first. What about the “dangers” of being too big an environmentalist? After all, some people almost _worship_ Mother Earth. That would let us get in some good licks against those who honor a Goddess. Earth First and PETA give animals equal rank with _humans_ for crying out loud, and didn’t God give us DOMINION over creation? Dolphins are NOT people, it’s us _humans_ that were made in God’s image! Think of the possibilities. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/96 "2003-02-22T12:15:17Z")
I forgot to mention something else about my panels that could need editing. I used(forgive me Lord!) the Revised Standard Version, not the KJV. Can I still be saved? ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/97 "2003-02-22T13:26:54Z")
Well Harry Potter has already been soundly dennounced by many Christian sects so it loses some impact. The Star Trek/Wars mixup worked so well because it completely overlooked the messiah symbolism of Anakin’s virgin birth. Still could be a lot of fun so count me in for that as well. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/98 "2003-02-22T15:26:22Z")
I think we might as well keep the same thread. I’ think I’m starting to agree that an LOTR/fantasy tract might be too close to the Sci-fi tract. How about a message board tract? What if Bob has to save a kid who is learning too much on SDMB? It might be funny to have the kid screaming “cite” at him and correcting all his inaccuracies-- of course that wouldn’t be playing it as straight as the other tract but it would be amusing, nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/99 "2003-02-22T16:21:24Z")
Diogenes, my post of 2/19 spoke to just what you were suggesting. I whined about my stupid _job_ getting in the way of my being on the SDMB. It could still be played straight. Some poor soul’s benighted bleating of “cite!” would be their feeble attempt to counter Bob’sout of context Scriptural quotations. And abandoning the good ol’ _Protestant_ work ethic for useless knowledge? Sinners and devils and Satan, oh my! ---
**Author:** ![BioHazard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3bc359/32.png) [@BioHazard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BioHazard)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652/100 "2003-02-22T19:22:41Z")
Hell yah! I think that SDMB tract would rock! They can say something about knowledge being the root of all evil! Ok, I just woke up… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/create-your-own-tract-haw-haw-haw/155652.md?page=6)