# Creative answers for a question of "Where are you from"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 27, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257 "2010-09-27T19:49:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/101 "2010-09-30T20:02:58Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > **Creative answers for a question of “Where are you from”?** = “Help me be a smartass because I can’t stand it when people ask me this question.” Uh.. yes. The thread has been very explicit about this. Why are you acting like this is some insightful observation by you? > [@](#): > > (snip) > As far as the frustration that (I think) someone mentioned above about it leading to more conversation that you don’t want because they have never heard of such a place. I’d say you’re being too specific. “Where you from?” “South America” Have you read this thread, at all? I mentioned that I’ve tried such vague answers and if anything they promote stupid conversation. pdts ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/102 "2010-10-01T13:00:48Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > > [@Anaamika](#): > > > > To Brenda, pulkymell, and Surly Chick, it is different if you actually are a foreigner, is it not? I am not a foreigner, and as I said, i certainly don’t have a foreign accent. It comes across as “You have a weird name” or “You are substantially browner than the average person.” > > “I could tell you, but then the marshalls would have to relocate me again” Definitely another favorite. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/103 "2010-10-01T21:27:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’ll answer, but I don’t love it either. As others have said, it makes me feel foreign, when I am as American, if not more, than the people around me, and grow more so every year. Plus I can’t just say “I’m Indian” because people immediately knee-jerk to “What tribe?” and then I have to go, “No, from India [you dolt]”, so I have to start off with “I was born in India”. \ > > But I don’t like silly answers, either, because that just encourages them to ask more. **Anaamika** , you gotta say “Dot, not feather” to their inquiry. If that doesn’t shut 'em up, nothing will. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/104 "2010-10-04T00:25:25Z")
Antarctica Bethlehem Fukue (Japan, 60 miles west of Nagasaki) ---
**Author:** ![Rubik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dec6dc/32.png) [@Rubik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubik)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/105 "2010-10-04T00:25:49Z")
My mother. ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/106 "2010-10-04T00:44:36Z")
I lived abroad (Spain) and routinely got asked this question. It never bothered me- saying I was from America or California always triggered a lot of interest and was a good conversation starter. Except this one encounter with the old lady next door: Vieja: Hey! Where are you from? Me: Umm, America. Vieja: America? Like…ECUADOR?! Me: 😕 No…_North_ America. Vieja: You’re English? Me: No, North American. United States. (starts backing away slowly) Vieja: (watches me go, grumbling about Ecuadorans) It’s funny, here in California I _still_ get asked “Where are you from?” when I go shopping at the local Mexican markets. I’m obviously not Mexican, but I speak fluent Spanish, so people are curious. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/107 "2010-10-04T00:52:29Z")
> [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > And the issue is not so much the question, but two related things: (i) as the OP mentioned, people always follow up an answer with some wholly banal and predictable spiel; (ii) people don’t let you dodge the question… if you try to give a ‘cute’ answer like some of the suggested ones, Americans will badger you for it. If you’re just lamenting banality, I’m with you. But curiosity about a new acquaintance’s origins seems sort of normal and friendly to me. Do you never ask others this? ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/108 "2010-10-04T02:22:45Z")
I’ve not often bothered by this question. I live in the South but I don’t have the strongest of Southern accents (except when I want to.) Every day patients ask me where I’m from and I say (town name) they’ll say do you know so-and-so who lives there? and they are satisfied. If they ask further I tell them I don’t really have relatives here as my mother is German and my father from another state. In the small towns of the South, often people ask these questions to find a connection or because they are interested. I know I have often asked people with uncommon names what ethnic background gave them the name. Similarly, I have asked aquaintances with striking looks about what ethnic background contributed to their appearance. I certainly mean no harm, I’m not trying to “pigeonhole” them, I’m just interested. So far, no one has let me know they were offended. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/109 "2010-10-04T11:59:13Z")
> [@Cub\_Mistress](#): > > Similarly, I have asked aquaintances with striking looks about what ethnic background contributed to their appearance. I certainly mean no harm, I’m not trying to “pigeonhole” them, I’m just interested. So far, no one has let me know they were offended. I’m always interested in people’s ancestry, especially if they are exotic-looking – it’s a question that takes some delicacy in the asking. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/110 "2010-10-04T15:33:27Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > “Lots of different places.” This is what I always say,in a very mean voice. ---
**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/111 "2010-10-04T15:33:39Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > > [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > > > And the issue is not so much the question, but two related things: (i) as the OP mentioned, people always follow up an answer with some wholly banal and predictable spiel; (ii) people don’t let you dodge the question… if you try to give a ‘cute’ answer like some of the suggested ones, Americans will badger you for it. > > If you’re just lamenting banality, I’m with you. But curiosity about a new acquaintance’s origins seems sort of normal and friendly to me. Do you never ask others this? I suppose I do ask others this indirectly, if it arises naturally in the conversation .. it is part of getting to know people. But at least in the UK, to come right out and ask this of someone you’ve just met would be considered not rude exactly, but a little bit uncouth. Maybe like asking someone how old they are: it’s hardly secret information, but does trigger a bit of a ‘why do you care?’ response. Now imagine upon finding out that you are 40 they start droning on about the other people they know in their 40s, or bring out the crass stereotypes about 40 year-olds … My objection (and, I think, the OPs), is to people who either interrupt you or say it right upon meeting you for the first time, because you look or talk funny. That is more annoying, it carries a connotation of ‘hey you! something’s odd about you and I’m gonna figure out what that is!’. I don’t care if someone ‘is curious about accents’ or whatever, this is rude. I have noticed that (white) Americans use ‘where are you from’ as a standard greeting/piece of smalltalk more than British people, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But when you are being asked in a slightly more inquisitive way because you don’t fit in in some way, and they won’t let you dodge the question, with some power imbalances (it is their country, after all, so you don’t want to be too rude), it gets tiresome. I know that some people like to be the centre of attention, and to talk about themselves to new people. I don’t, really, and the problem with a lot of people who ask the question is that they won’t let it drop, and they won’t let you get away with an evasive answer… they will keep pushing until you tell them. (The other option is to put your foot down, but then you look like an oversensitive jerk.) So it’s fine for the extroverts, but for the rest of us it really is like being put unwelcomely on the spot. But as I say, just one of life’s minor annoyances. pdts ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/112 "2010-10-04T15:54:54Z")
> [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > But at least in the UK, to come right out and ask this of someone you’ve just met would be considered not rude exactly, but a little bit uncouth. Maybe like asking someone how old they are: it’s hardly secret information, but does trigger a bit of a ‘why do you care?’ response. > > Now imagine upon finding out that you are 40 they start droning on about the other people they know in their 40s, or bring out the crass stereotypes about 40 year-olds … People’s approximate ages are generally apparent, and less significant than places of origin. Everybody has been or gets to be essentially all the ages (with obvious limitations)… but for the most part people are _from_ one place each. (Those who say they’re “from” many places often really mean they have sufficient attachment to none.) > [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > My objection (and, I think, the OPs), is to people who either interrupt you or say it right upon meeting you for the first time, because you look or talk funny. That is more annoying, it carries a connotation of ‘hey you! something’s odd about you and I’m gonna figure out what that is!’. I don’t care if someone ‘is curious about accents’ or whatever, this is rude. I agree. I tend to be curious about _all_ the things that make people diverse and interesting, but I don’t need to know what they all are _before_ talking to somebody. Still, the question “where are you from,” in itself, is hardly an investigation. > [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#): > > I know that some people like to be the centre of attention, and to talk about themselves to new people. I don’t, really, and the problem with a lot of people who ask the question is that they won’t let it drop, and they won’t let you get away with an evasive answer… they will keep pushing until you tell them. (The other option is to put your foot down, but then you look like an oversensitive jerk.) So it’s fine for the extroverts, but for the rest of us it really is like being put unwelcomely on the spot. But why evade it? I imagine you make the subject seem much larger, and draw much more attention to yourself, doing so. Why not just have a simple factual answer ready and–in most cases, I would think–be done with it? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/113 "2010-10-04T16:25:12Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > But why evade it? I imagine you make the subject seem much larger, and draw much more attention to yourself, doing so. Why not just have a simple factual answer ready and–in most cases, I would think–be done with it? Sometimes I feel like evading it, because there is often a clear implication of “Because you’re obviously not from _here_.” That’s the kind of implication that makes want to punch the asker. I’m from here as much as (you) are, if not more. In America, every kind of name is American, every color of skin is American, every cultural background is American. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/114 "2010-10-04T16:41:54Z")
Exactly. I don’t mind if we’re talking about family, parents, etc, and it’s in the natural flow of conversation. What I DO mind is the freaking inquisition. The worst is levied upon those with no discernible accent but who clearly _look_ different. I’m certainly a prime example of that. It’s a reminder of people, purposely or unintentionally, grouping me differently. Pisses me off, and always catches me off guard. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/115 "2010-10-04T16:42:10Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Sometimes I feel like evading it, because there is often a clear implication of “Because you’re obviously not from _here_.” That’s the kind of implication that makes want to punch the asker. It need not be an unfriendly implication. Maybe it _is_ obvious (for every person, there must be some such contexts), and the person is interested in talking to you for that reason. > [@acsenray](#): > > I’m from here as much as (you) are, if not more. In America, every kind of name is American, every color of skin is American, every cultural background is American. Yes, but “here” doesn’t mean just America. America is too big for “America” to even be a real answer to the question. I ask it all the time of people I know or assume to be Americans. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/116 "2010-10-04T16:51:04Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > It need not be an unfriendly implication. Maybe it _is_ obvious (for every person, there must be some such contexts) It doesn’t matter whether it’s unfriendly. In fact, it usually isn’t. That doesn’t obviate the fact that the implication is offensive. > [@](#): > > , and the person is interested in talking to you for that reason. See, that _is_ borderline offensive. > [@](#): > > > [@acsenray](#): > > > > I’m from here as much as (you) are, if not more. In America, every kind of name is American, every color of skin is American, every cultural background is American. > > Yes, but “here” doesn’t mean just America. America is too big for “America” to even be a real answer to the question. I ask it all the time of people I know or assume to be Americans. It’s the people who _don’t_ get asked the question that makes the difference. Regardless of your personal intent, “Where are you from?” carries with it an _inherent_ implication of exclusion. Look, I don’t know you or what occasions you ask this question, but just as a piece of advice, if you’re asking only people who (in your eyes) might have an “exotic” background, then I would be offended. The very idea of “exoticness” is borderline offensive in the context of a diverse, immigrant society. If you have some other reason to seek my acquaintance, then fine. And you can broach the subject of my origins or background once you’ve gotten to know me a little better. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/117 "2010-10-04T17:17:30Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > It’s the people who _don’t_ get asked the question that makes the difference. Regardless of your personal intent, “Where are you from?” carries with it an _inherent_ implication of exclusion. I like to meet and know people from a great variety of backgrounds, and I particularly enjoy hearing first-person accounts of experiences unlike my own. This broadens and informs my own perspective. To me, this attitude seems more welcoming and _inclusive_ than the disinterested reverse. > [@acsenray](#): > > Look, I don’t know you or what occasions you ask this question, but just as a piece of advice, if you’re asking only people who (in your eyes) might have an “exotic” background, then I would be offended. Well, I often ask it of people who are of similar white ethnicity to myself, if that’s what you mean. On the other hand, I guess I don’t see why having a greater interest in the answer of somebody of more-different origins should be offensive. I’ve _been_ the subject of similar curiosity; it seemed pretty natural in context. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/118 "2010-10-04T17:32:11Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > I like to meet and know people from a great variety of backgrounds, and I particularly enjoy hearing first-person accounts of experiences unlike my own. This broadens and informs my own perspective. To me, this attitude seems more welcoming and _inclusive_ than the disinterested reverse. Believe me, as a member of a minority group, we are well aware of our differences from the majority. Having strangers come up and remind us that does not feel “welcoming and inclusive.” If all you’re interested is your own enjoyment and edification, then there’s no downside for you. I’m telling you from the other end of the conversation that you’re sending a meta-message, which is “I can tell by looking at you that you’re not one of us, so let’s discuss the ways in which that is true.” > [@](#): > > Well, I often ask it of people who are of similar white ethnicity to myself, if that’s what you mean. On the other hand, I guess I don’t see why having a greater interest in the answer of somebody of more-different origins should be offensive. I’ve _been_ the subject of similar curiosity; it seemed pretty natural in context. Yeah, I’ve been in those contexts myself, when _I_ go abroad. Being made to feel a stranger in my own land is an entirely different context. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/119 "2010-10-04T18:08:38Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Yeah, I’ve been in those contexts myself, when _I_ go abroad. Being made to feel a stranger in my own land is an entirely different context. I’ve had the experience right here in America too. FWIW. > [@acsenray](#): > > If all you’re interested is your own enjoyment and edification, then there’s no downside for you. I’m telling you from the other end of the conversation that you’re sending a meta-message, which is “I can tell by looking at you that you’re not one of us, so let’s discuss the ways in which that is true.” For the record, I’m not interested _only_ in my own enjoyment and edification (though I consider asking a question for my own edification–fighting ignorance–a perfectly worthy motive). I am also interested in other people enjoying and being edified. When I’ve been asked questions of background, or when I’ve asked it, the meta-message I’ve understood or intended has often been something like, “I suspect by looking at you or listening to you that your background is different from mine–yet here we both are! We may be different, but we must also be somehow the same. Both facts are interesting and good, so let’s discuss the ways in which that is true.” But I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from, whether it merits special sensitivity, and how I can tell when people may feel this way. I am pretty certain that your feelings aren’t shared by _all_ the people I’ve talked backgrounds with, since some speak quite enthusiastically on the subject. If I may ask, to this end… where are you from? I take it you’re an American citizen and resident of neither obvious white-European or black-African ancestry. Were you raised in the United States? Is there some complication with giving the town/province/country (as necessary) of your raising as a simple, factual answer? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/120 "2010-10-04T18:23:15Z")
> [@spark240](#): > > Is there some complication with giving the town/province/country (as necessary) of your raising as a simple, factual answer? The town/province/country of my raising? What if I said “Lexington, Kentucky” or Town of Muncie, Province of Indiana, Union of American States? What would you say then? When I give an answer like “Urbana, Illinois,” I invariably get a confused and frustrated reaction, as in “Come on, you know what I meant to ask.” Sometimes the follow up question is explicit: “Yeah, but where are you _really_ from?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257.md?page=7)