# Creative answers for a question of "Where are you from"?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [September 27, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257 "2010-09-27T19:49:32Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 11\
**Page:** 8

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**Author:** ![lshaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e36b37/32.png) [@lshaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lshaw)\
**Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/141 "2010-10-05T23:01:45Z")

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> [@Anaamika](#):
>
> “Exotic-looking” or just “weird”? Because sometimes the first is OK but all too often it’s the latter and that is never OK.
> 
> Here is a conversation I get a lot and I fucking hate it…
> 
> SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. If all you can think about is your negative stereotype of India I don’t want to hear it. If you are my friend and we have talked for a long time before, I may engage in some discussion on the faults and the good things about India. I don’t hesitate to criticize it but I certainly am not going to get into it with a relative stranger.

Are we running into the same morons? I have similar conversations too:

“Where are you from?”  
“I’m from California.”  
“No, where are you REALLY from?”  
“I really am from California…”  
“I mean, where are your parents from?”  
“Oh, Taiwan”  
“Taiwan? What’s that? Oh, you mean China?”  
“Uh no (is this person for real?). From… ok fine, yeah China (whatever).”  
“Do you guys really eat dogs there?”

Another slightly modified one would go almost the same, except after they asked “Where are your parents from” and I answered “Taiwan”, they were like, “Wow, your English is so good.” Well duh, didn’t I just say that I was from California?!

The most obnoxious one was when I was on public transportation, and this guy came up to the seat in front of me with his friend. He turned around and went, “Ni hao ma??? Where you from? China? Japan? Korea? Konnichiwa? Anyong haseyo?? Ni hao ma, mei li?”

Yeah, I love how he basically went through all the major east Asian languages there, and when I started talking on my cell in English with no trace of a foreign accent, he was basically all blown over that I didn’t speak with a “chinky” accent, perhaps. He interrupted and spoke in slow, enunciated English, “Hey, where you from? You—speak—English? You-- understand—me?” Moron. Didn’t he just hear me speaking it?

I’m wary of the question because I’m used to receiving some fairly moronic follow up questions and comments.

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**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\
**Post date:** [October 5, 2010, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/142 "2010-10-05T23:09:09Z")

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There was an old county judge, who had long since gone senile and retired to private practice, and I had the same conversation with him on multiple occasions –

Former Judge: Are you Filipino?  
Me: No … actually my parents are from India.  
Former Judge: Ah, you must be South Indian, because they’re darker skinned.  
Me: No, actually. Ethnically, my family is from the northeast of India.  
Former Judge: Ah. … You know, when I was serving in WWII, I spent a lot of time in the Phillipines.  
Me: (Looks around for the nearest exit)

After a while, I would skedaddle any time I saw the old coot coming down the street. One day I was chatting with an actual judge. We happened to be in his courtroom at the time, because it was vacant, but we were standing behind the bench, close to the door to his chambers. I saw Old Coot open the giant courtroom doors at the other end and I quickly said goodbye to the actual judge and slipped out through his inner chamber.

Next time I stopped by the prosecutor’s office, he was grinning at me: “Judge X said you saw Old Coot and hightailed it out of there!”

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**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\
**Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/143 "2010-10-06T09:17:59Z")

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> [@Brynda](#):
>
> > [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#):
> >
> > \<snip\> \*\*But at least in the UK, to come right out and ask this of someone you’ve just met would be considered not rude exactly, but a little bit uncouth. \*\* Maybe like asking someone how old they are: it’s hardly secret information, but does trigger a bit of a ‘why do you care?’ response.
> > 
> > I have noticed that (white) Americans use ‘where are you from’ as a standard greeting/piece of smalltalk more than British people, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But when you are being asked in a slightly more inquisitive way because you don’t fit in in some way, and they won’t let you dodge the question, with some power imbalances (it is their country, after all, so you don’t want to be too rude), it gets tiresome.
> > 
> > I know that some people like to be the centre of attention, and to talk about themselves to new people. I don’t, really, and the problem with a lot of people who ask the question is that they won’t let it drop, and they won’t let you get away with an evasive answer… they will keep pushing until you tell them. (The other option is to put your foot down, but then you look like an oversensitive jerk.) So it’s fine for the extroverts, but for the rest of us it really is like being put unwelcomely on the spot.
> > 
> > But as I say, just one of life’s minor annoyances.
> > 
> > pdts
> 
> I quoted all of what you posted to show that I do see that you get that this is a cultural difference, but I think the part I bolded is a big part of your annoyance with this: It seems uncouth to you. I hope you get on a more than intellectual level that it isn’t uncouth to most Americans; in fact it is friendly. When I am in England, I try to get over my bias that NOT asking is unfriendly. Maybe you could try to get over your bias that it is uncouth. When in Rome and all that.
> 
> This thread has mixed together furriners and Americans who are perceived to be “other”, which is unfortunate, as it confuses the issues. IMHO, if you chose to come to another country, it is your duty to adapt to the locals. If the locals like to be friendlier (or more distant) than is your preference, too bad. You accept that when you choose to move. I say this as the daughter of a German woman and the wife of a British man, so I claim some experience of sorts.
> 
> On the other hand, if you are born here, but look as if you were born elsewhere, I have more sympathy for your frustration. You didn’t choose, and being asked where you come from must be difficult on a whole different level. You are being treated as “other” when you are not, unlike the emigrant who really is “other.” Nothing wrong with being “other” (I like it when I am in a different place) but not when you are not truly other.

Thanks for your reasonable response. I do get that asking normally ‘where are you from’ within a few seconds of meeting someone is a standard American thing to do, and to be honest it doesn’t bother me that much. Not how we do things in the UK, I suppose, but like you say it’s just a cultural difference.

It does bother me, though, when people either

[ol]  
[li]come out and ask me when they wouldn’t ask an American. like when I’m ordering coffee and the barista asks me (and didn’t ask the people in the queue in front of me). That does get on my tits a bit – it really reinforces that I am an outsider, even though of course you are right I am an outsider![/li]  
[li]start a roll-call of stupid stereotypes or other banality. What you get if you answer ‘the UK’ that you don’t tend to get if you answer ‘Kansas’ is a parade of stereotypes or stupid jokes or stories about someone who studied abroad in Ireland. It is horribly obnoxious to be told ‘but your teeth aren’t that bad!’ upon meeting people relatively often.[/li][/ol]

So my complaint is not so much with the question, but with being put on the spot or with stupid stereotypes. I think this is often exaggerated, but Americans do combine a lot of ignorance about the outside world (seriously, every story on even CNN is either about America or about America’s interactions with or imperial adventures in some other place), with a lack of travel (it’s expensive and far to most places, plus the feudal system means people don’t want to take time off), with a strange willingness to tell you all about your own country.

Maybe I’m just mixing with the wrong crowd (possibly, actually: I think a lot of it has to do with college students wanting to show off how ‘cosmopolitan’ they are), but that does get grating and is not just a cultural difference.

pdts

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**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\
**Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/144 "2010-10-06T09:59:09Z")

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> [@spark240](#):
>
> An answer _like_ Urbana, Illinois? I’m not sure if you’re saying that you answer truthfully IRL (but are keeping secrets here) and are not believed, or if you make up answers to confound people.

**Spark** , I’ve had Americans tell me “You don’t look Spanish!” or “You don’t sound Spanish!” Some of them got insulting about it, “no way, you don’t look Spanish! C’mon, where are you really from?” OK, they’re not just saying “you don’t look like I believe Spaniards look”, they’re calling me a liar! Where I come from (which was still in Spain last time I looked), the proper response to that is “I dare you to repeat that in the street.”

I happen to be from Spain and there are thousands of Spanish women whose general description fits mine to a T, but those people expect every Spaniard to sound like Antonio Banderas. Heck, I even have the same coloring as P… but, according to them, I don’t look Spanish. Several of them were also confused about the location of Spain, thinking it was “next door to Colombia”.

I don’t have a problem with people asking “where are you from?”, but there are too many times when what comes behind that is completely unacceptable. Once you’ve had enough of those bad experiences, the sentence which has been known to lead to them already makes you defensive.

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**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\
**Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/145 "2010-10-06T18:06:45Z")

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> [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](#):
>
> I suppose I do ask others this indirectly, if it arises naturally in the conversation .. it is part of getting to know people. But at least in the UK, to come right out and ask this of someone you’ve just met would be considered not rude exactly, but a little bit uncouth.

As a recent emigrant to the UK from North America, I just got asked this question by a very interesting source – the obscene caller who somehow got my mobile number. He went from making weird growling noises when I answered, to saying “You’ve got an accent, where are you from?” AS IF…

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**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\
**Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/146 "2010-10-06T22:45:34Z")

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> [@acsenray](#):
>
> I honestly don’t want your advice. I want strangers to stop prying into my background because they think I look different.
> 
> And seriously when I hear people talking about how interested they are in the exotic backgrounds of their new acquaintances, or statements like these –
> 
> > [@Jeneva](#):
> >
> > I’m always interested in people’s ancestry, especially if they are exotic-looking – it’s a question that takes some delicacy in the asking. 😉
> 
> What comes to mind is someone oiling up to an attractive woman. “Wow, you’re exotic looking. Was you dad in the military?”

I mean “exotic” in the sort of biological sense, as the opposite of “indigenous”, not making any particular implication about a person’s appearance except that they don’t necessarily look local. I also understand that it can be an annoying or offensive question for the recipient, hence the comment about delicacy. Obviously your example is at the “indelicate” end of that spectrum.

I also said “ESPECIALLY” if they are exotic looking – but I am interested in ancestry regardless of what someone looks like or how long their family has been in the area, especially coming from North America which has so many people whose ancestors came from so many different places.

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**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\
**Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/147 "2010-10-06T22:54:53Z")

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> [@spark240](#):
>
> Okay, to be clear, I don’t make a habit or “avocation” of investigating the origins of everybody I meet. Nor do I ask it of total strangers, out of the blue, ever. But I don’t consider people _total_ strangers after we’ve met, exchanged names and a few words. At that point, I might well ask, either out of friendly curiosity (which _might_ be derived from accent or appearance, or anything they’ve said, or whatever) or simply for the sake of continuing the conversation.
> 
> No, I can’t think of any kind of person I _wouldn’t_ ask this about in a first meeting–not by way of introduction (though I’ve had people introduced to me, and been introduced, on this basis), but at some point, sure, perhaps. More or less as people might ask each other, on first meeting, what their profession was, or whether they had children, or whether they were watching the playoffs. Any of these might come up in some contexts, none is usually essential.

^^This. Just to further clarify my own position, which seems to have been taken a bit wrongly.

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**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\
**Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/148 "2010-10-09T21:03:23Z")

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Coincidentally, I came across this today! A quick, interesting read (which gratifyingly agrees with me :D)

[http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/So-Where-You-From.html](http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/So-Where-You-From.html)

pdts

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/da6949/32.png) [@put\_down\_the\_sabre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/put_down_the_sabre)\
**Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/149 "2010-10-09T21:10:11Z")

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And a spot-on quote in the comments, by an American no less:

> [@Smithsonian mag comment](#):
>
> For me, the frustration doesn’t come with all these nice people asking questions. The frustration comes with having to repeat the answer endlessly to almost every single American that I meet, otherwise I’m considered rude.

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**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\
**Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/150 "2010-10-10T04:23:35Z")

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I get those questions a lot because of my last name, complete with multiple requests to pronouce it. When I don’t want to deal, I say in the most up-beat way: “Absolutely!” complete with a big smile. If they persist, I say “yes!” with an eve bigger smile. That usually does the trick.

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**Author:** ![Paragonkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c0e974/32.png) [@Paragonkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paragonkid)\
**Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-answers-for-a-question-of-where-are-you-from/555257/151 "2010-10-10T07:00:12Z")

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That guy/girl: Where are you from?  
You: If I told you, I’d have to kill you…

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