# Creative Writing Workshop **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 15, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497 "2001-10-15T15:23:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/1 "2001-10-15T15:23:39Z")
I thought this might be fun to do. Post a portion of a short story, novel, or poem you are working on, and the teeming millions and I will try to give you solid constructive criticism. I leave it to you to select the size of the piece you post, but bear in mind that exceptional length in this kind of forum is usually counterproductive. Or, if you like, I’ll give you an assignment. Anthropomorphize. Write a piece from the perspective of an animal, or where an animal takes on human characteristics. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/2 "2001-10-15T17:40:53Z")
I’ve thought about writing a short story about a guy who wants to commit suicide, but his religious hang-ups have him believing that he’ll go to Hell if he does. So, instead, he decides to try ridiculous things that are sure to kill him. First, he’ll go to the 'hood and try to goad someone into killing him, by shouting racial slurs and antagonizing passers-by. When that doesn’t work, he’ll try something else… the finer points of his schemes have yet to be worked out in my mind. Is this a sound idea? I’m also stuck on a resolution. I thought about throwing in some O. Henryian irony-- like, say, he repents of his suicidal tendencies just as he gets killed by some weird coincidence. But that seems a little… _too easy_. Any ideas/criticisms? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/3 "2001-10-15T19:23:06Z")
Sounds good to me. Try writing a section. Don’t worry about setting it up, just write a scene where he tries to get somebody to kill him. You could have a lot of fun with it. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/4 "2001-10-15T19:31:01Z")
**rasta** > [@](#): > > First, he’ll go to the 'hood and try to goad someone into killing him, by shouting racial slurs and antagonizing passers-by. When that doesn’t work …I think I see your first problem. But seriously- it sounds interesting as a conceit- but you’ll have to flesh out this point- if suicide is against your religion, wouldn’t going into the hood to cause someone to kill you be just as bad and maybe even worse, religion-wise? Maybe he just doesn’t have the fortitude to do the physical deed himeslf, and after several failed attempts (I see a nice opening, as our hero contemplates the feeling of his head in a noose, and then chickens out) resorts to tactics like the one you list. The proposed “easy” resolution I do like, but I seem to have a rather high tolerance for triteness, so YMMV. Good luck! **Scylla** , nice thread. I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/5 "2001-10-15T20:02:53Z")
BTW: I think people worry too much about plotlines. Any plot is good if you write it well. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/6 "2001-10-15T20:09:59Z")
Workshop this thing I just wrote. I’m convinced it could be really cool if I put a lot of revision into it. The basic plot is there, though. Tell me whether or not you understood it, and give me suggestions on how to flesh it out. > [@](#): > > Above all, we remember the sea that summer. Usually its thoughts were heavy as a mountain, but somehow they had been abandoned. He, the strange creature, would perch on the cliffs while the waves crashed below. Perhaps he listened. > Often restless, we ran up and down the ridge of the cliffs. We lifted ourselves into the drifting thunderheads that collected on the horizon. We howled down the sheer rock walls to the hammering waves. But when we wandered back, he would be there, waiting for something that never happened. He was the one solid object amid our madness, a boulder in our ocean. > We were never far from him in those days. We rose with him at dawn and followed him up the hills. We stood guard as he slept, cutting our paths in wide circles around him. We were with him when he ate poisonous plants, and we towered over him as he vomited and vomited. When he took his place on the windswept cliffs, staring across the sea with his empty primate eyes, we were at his side. > At times, he seemed almost sentient, almost able to communicate with our kind. We may have thought that he was capable of learning. But then we would see him destroying lower animals, or defecating in a holy place. Our kind did not know his kind. But we had seen their civilizations crumble and their multitudes die. > Our kind is capable of standing still for thousands of years. We have seen stars being born and dying out. Yet no geological shift or volcanic eruption could interest us more than this filthy creature. We watched him grow older and older. His back bent and his teeth fell out. Eventually he grew too feeble to climb the cliffs, but we stayed with him still. > He stopped eating. He had curled up in the grasslands and was rarely awake. We had never stayed to watch animals die. At his end, he moaned out strange platitudes in his guttural tongue. He was trying to implore the gods, who had averted their eyes from his cities. He was asking us why did we let him live, when the rest of his kind had perished. > We stayed with him still, stayed with him until his bones decomposed and washed away in fertile rains. We should not have stayed. But our kind is inscutable and motiveless. And we are not imaginary. I feel like I should be putting more events or more scenes in the storyline, just to show the audience that all the humans are dead except for the one the gods/aliens/spirits/whatever-they-are are watching. I could have the guy wander past some rubble or something. What else could I add? Also - > [@](#): > > At his end, he moaned out strange platitudes in his guttural tongue. He was trying to implore the gods, who had averted their eyes from his cities. He was asking us why did we let him live, when the rest of his kind had perished. I fucking hate these sentences. What could I do to make them less painful? Thanks y’alls! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/7 "2001-10-15T20:12:43Z")
I’ve wondered about something along these lines since “Cafe Society” was established. Perhaps **Euty** or **Ike** or an admin could clear it up or establish some ground rules regarding posting literary works in this forum. See, I write a humor column (unpublished) on a fairly regular basis. I’m between websites right now, so there isn’t a place for someone to go and see it. Anyway, some SDMBers are on my email list, and I wouldn’t mind adding more if anyone is interested. But I would like a larger audience (and feedback, too). At the same time, I wouldn’t want to appear to be cluttering up this forum with my columns every week or two. If it helps the mods and admins reach a decision re: posting such material here on a regular basis, the columns are rarely more than 800 words, and don’t really contain any inflammatory material (I like to say it’s 100% clean because my Mom reads it!). If anyone wants to be on my email list, drop me an email and title it “Ravings From Dave.” Sorry if I hijacked this thread, but I think my concern regarding posting in this manner was legit. ---
**Author:** ![Blacksheepsmith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@Blacksheepsmith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blacksheepsmith)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/8 "2001-10-15T20:44:08Z")
Daowajan: Do one of two things. Cut those sentences that are bothering you, or: Instead of saying that he “moaned out platitudes,” give us that in dialogue. Let’s hear what this dying man said, in a few quick lines. Don’t tell us he asked why he was still alive, let’s “hear” him say it himself. Do it quickly and move on. That’ll help alleviate some concerns about not having an active scene. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/9 "2001-10-15T21:14:20Z")
**Daowajon** : I like the tone of your piece. You could flesh things out more- but part of the fun of it may be the discovery that “we” are the gods in question- the first few lines bring to mind a frankenstein-like outcast and the people he terrifies, rather than the actual situation, it’s a nice reversal. Short pieces rise and fall on nice little touches like this. But you must commit to it, and clear up confusion. A lot depends on whether this is a stand-alone, or part of a larger piece. WRT your question: > [@](#): > > At his end, he moaned out strange platitudes in his guttural tongue. He was trying to implore the gods, who had averted their eyes from his cities. He was asking us why did we let him live, when the rest of his kind had perished. The feel of this is off because the three sentences are af a similar structure and rhythm, especially the last two. I’ve found that varying sentence lengths makes writing read more naturally for me- otherwise you have what looks like verse in the middle of prose, and it’s a little strange. On preview- I must agree with **Blacksheepsmith** - what is he saying? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/10 "2001-10-15T21:20:51Z")
Daowajan: I like it a lot. It reminds me a lot of Roger Zelazny’ writings in the way you invoke archetypes and the extraordinary in a familiar way. I’d agree with the earlier comment, and take it even a step further. It’s better if you show instead of tell. > [@](#): > > Often restless, we ran up and down the ridge of the cliffs Why not “Restlessly we ran up and down the ridge of the cliffs” See? You do that several times. A trick I like is that if you show several things, you can get away with telling something that’s difficult to show. > [@](#): > > We may have thought that he was capable of learning. But then we would see him destroying lower animals, or defecating in a holy place. I’d love to see an example of this, as well as an example of these beings trying to communicate with the human, and his reaction. I think a powerful example would go a long way. here’s another one: > [@](#): > > Our kind is capable of standing still for thousands of years I think this works much better as an example. You could have them watch a mountain erode, or watch a star gow through it’s life cycle, and give us this information by implication. Another thing is I would like to see why these beings found the human and this particular human so fascinating, why he was so special. I suspect it’s not just because he was the last of his kind, but because of his ability to almost communicate with them. I picture an incident of the man praying or doing something in one of the Holy places and the beings attempts to respond injures or frightens the man. I like it a lot though. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/11 "2001-10-15T21:28:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > I’ve wondered about something along these lines since “Cafe Society” was established. Perhaps **Euty** or **Ike** or an admin could clear it up or establish some ground rules regarding posting literary works in this forum. This came up recently over in **ATMB** , with this recommendation from **Ukulele Ike** : > [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by Libertarian_ > > where ought we to post original literature? > > In TEEMINGS. Send it to Eutychus55. That way, you get to keep the copyright. > > You post your original poetry in Cafe Society, I’m gonna copy it out and mail it to all the best magazines under MY name. And when those checks start pouring in, boy, I won’t even drink your HEALTH with all the Champagne I’m gonna get me. Hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/12 "2001-10-15T21:29:16Z")
An excerpt for review: > [@](#): > > The monsters took their time with James because he knew about them, just a little. When he was a boy, he never really gave up his imaginary friends, and he never really stopped playing. There was never that invasion of reality that stifles the rest of us. James smiled a lot. He worked in a flower shop. He owned one dark suit that he wore to his parents’ funeral, three very long days after they died when a deep-sea-fishing boat sank. James never ate fish, ever. The smell made him nauseous, and sometimes he’d have an attack, and he wouldn’t remember anything for a little while. > > James lived in a little apartment just south of the river. He had a dog named Mouse that he loved more than anything in the world. Mouse was a big shaggy gray dog, a mutt, and he was James’ best friend. Mouse was loving and gentle and his old eyes told James that everything was OK. Mouse was very old, for a dog. Mouse was eleven years old. James could see that his eyes weren’t as clear as they had been, that he sometimes seemed very sleepy, that he dragged his back legs a little. But Mouse smiled in his foggy eyes, and James knew that Mouse still loved his life. > > A while ago, when the monsters first came, Mouse knew first, and Mouse told James. They were walking together, down by the river, and Mouse began to bark at an old woman who was feeding the pigeons. When Mouse barked, the pigeons flew away in a big flapping grey cloud. Even back then, Mouse hardly ever barked. James apologized to the woman. He saw that she was very old and wrinkled, and that her coat looked warm and soft. He looked into her eyes, because his Dad always said that people trust you if you look them in the eye. Her eyes were wrong. They were black and cold and they didn’t look like anything that James had ever seen. They looked like two little holes in the world. James felt like he had to pee. Mouse was barking and barking. I’m wondering about tone here. I’m not sure I have the narrator, or the connection between the narrator and James. Any comments would be welcomed. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/13 "2001-10-15T22:36:06Z")
Hm. I have a short story that’s a hair under 2,000 words that I’m probably going to start shopping around once I get all my family stuff straightened out. I could either a) post it here (if the powers that be give me the okay), b) email it to interested parties, or c) post it on my webspace somewhere and link to it (which will probably be best, huh?). And **Dave** , not to be self-serving or anything, but I have a website at [http://www.sixdegreesofnothing.com](http://www.sixdegreesofnothing.com), and I’d be glad to have your columns be a regular part of the site if you’re interested. The site isn’t exactly “100% safe” itself, as I have rather prurient interests, but if you think you can put up with this, we’d be glad to have you. We have the rather underwhelming number of 13 hits per day, but, well, it’s something. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/14 "2001-10-15T23:01:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\* > Post a portion of a short story, novel, or poem you are working on, and the teeming millions and I will try to give you solid constructive criticism. \*\* Didn’t a Doper do something like this up a few months back? I don’t remember who it was, but he actually created a website for this exact thing. I visited it once… it looked nice but I don’t know if it ever really took off. Anyone else know what I’m talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/15 "2001-10-15T23:12:40Z")
Here’s a short story I wrote. As a story it’s quite short but as a post, it’s too long. [http://www.geocities.com/ai\_yue\_han/story.html](http://www.geocities.com/ai_yue_han/story.html) I wrote it for a creative writing class and the teacher was so thrilled that it wasn’t an entry in the political battles being waged between our homophobic future Marine and angry lesbian environmentalist and their respective friends that I didn’t get as much commentary as I’d like. I’ve had questions about the conclusion… namely that there’s a reunifying moment with the girlfriend and not the friend. The reasoning behind that is that his friendship is not in any danger in this conflict and his relationship is already extremely fragile; but I’m not sure how well I communicate that in the final paragraphs. Besides that anything else anyone thinks could use fixed up, from word choice up to major plot events, is welcome. Thanks. –John ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/16 "2001-10-15T23:26:58Z")
**Dao** , I think your piece is very good. It reads like an excerpt or a treatment, so the beginning was a little abrupt. A little more background on this poor last human might be good. A description of clothing, tattered though it may be, or personal effects might give us a better sense of temporal positioning, if you’re so inclined. As far as your prose goes, it’s pretty strong for the most part and you’ve already IDed the sections you have trouble with, so edit it a bit and let us take another look at it. One thing you may want to keep in mind is that although prose fiction does not need to utilize only those words used in “every day” situations, you should stick to words that have a more…visual aspect to them. Well, for verbs, anyway. It’s possibly just me, but I have difficulty visualizing what a person looks like when he is “imploring,” and I prefer the sound of “turned their eyes” rather than “averted.” Emphasizes a certain sense of abandonment, IMHO. But these are rather nitpicky things. As far as the Planet of the Apes-ish fall of society thing…well, I don’t feel as if it’s necessary. I think the last human being is a powerful image, and the lack of temporality lends a certain…desolation to your story. The timelessness of the story also helps focus attention on your characters and your actions, and I honestly believe that any further context (time, place, ruins of the Statue of Liberty) would be to the stories detriment. Besides that, it also helps contribute to the timelessness of your god/spirit beings. Well, I’m far from lucid at the moment (nothing to do with your story, I assure you), so feel free to take my comments with a block of salt. A good beginning, all said and done, however. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2001, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/17 "2001-10-15T23:33:02Z")
Feh. Let’s pretend I know how to proofread posts. Anyway, I need a word of advice. Much like **Dao** ’s story snippet, I often have flashes of inspiration that take the form, annoyingly enough, of first or third person monologue or exposition. Almost as if a person were giving a speech, you know? Well, though these lines sound in my head, they are difficult to integrate into an actual story. I mean, it’s difficult for me to work a transparent (or even workable) transition from one of these chunks of prose to actual character interaction. Any tips on how to deal with this? Have my characters go into long Kevin Smith style monologues perhaps? Keep in mind that when I have these little (extremely so) brainstorms while I am actually writing a story, I have little trouble integrating them. When they happen out of the blue, however, independent of either story or characters, I freeze up. And again, I’m feeling sleep deprived, so please excuse my lack of coherence. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/18 "2001-10-16T02:45:47Z")
I have the opening to a story I just started working on. I’m not sure if this can get the reader into the story or to make them want to read more. Please let me know what you think. > [@](#): > > “Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.” > Genesis 3:19 > > Jonathan Gabriel Chick stared at his bible and felt nothing. He could not focus on the words, which he had practically memorized over his years of service to the One true God. > At least the One True God he knew of. It was not that weak, materialist God others seemed to want to worship no his God was a vengeful, fearsome God who created life in six days and then destroyed it in forty. > > He, and it is no question in Chick’s mind that God was a He, tortured and killed his son to save us and he will come again to judge us and wipe away the sinners who scoffed at Jonathan Gabriel Chick. All of them, his Father, who he knew was burning in Hell, his mother who still would not talk with him, his wife who he knew secretly loathed him, and most of all his Son who refused to honour his father. > > That above all was unpardonable. His son the filthy Sodomite and sinner, the Boy, who did not follow his father’s teachings and turned his back on both he and God by moving in to lay with another man, dared to defy the teachings of the Bible. > > Chick’s fist clenched tightly until he could no longer feel his palm. He wished hell on his son; he wished all of the torments and hell fires that the afterlife offered such an abomination. He tightly smiled and whispered to himself > “Hate the sin, hate the sinner…” he stopped and corrected himself, “Hate the sin love the Sinner” > > He could not and in loud prayer begged forgiveness for his weakness, > > “Lord, forgive me as I am a weak man filled with sins. I have failed you by not showing the way to you to my son. I have hated him for it and I feel… Please forgive me for hating my son in Lord Jesus’ name Amen,” > He felt a little better but even he knew how hollow the prayer sounded because he knew he had not felt the desire to be forgiven just the obligatory need. > > He settled back in his leather easy chair and adjusted the floor lamp beside him. > He read over the page again trying to remember where he was. After several times he gave up and rubbed his burning eyes. > > It was the light, he told himself as he gazed out into the darkness of his back yard. The old swing set he and his son spent many weekends playing with… he stopped. The darkness and poor orange light from his lamp burned his eyes again. He wiped a tear away and closed the old worn leather book he had sought comfort from. His fingers pressed against the pages forcing them to flip and then stopping them on a random page he saw one passage above all others, it was from Psalm 68:20 > > “Unto God, the Lord belong the issues of death” > > He smiled tightly and felt that once again all was right with the world. The Lord reigned supreme and those sinners will receive their proper punishment in time. > “In time we all must meet judgement, are you ready my son?” He asked the reflection in the window. > “I’m am always ready,” he whispered back patting the cold metal object on his lap. Please forgive if this is too long. ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/19 "2001-10-16T03:41:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Yue Han \* > **I’ve had questions about the conclusion… namely that there’s a reunifying moment with the girlfriend and not the friend. The reasoning behind that is that his friendship is not in any danger in this conflict and his relationship is already extremely fragile; but I’m not sure how well I communicate that in the final paragraphs.** Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with your CW teacher; it’s very good. First, you have strong, clean style. Your dialogue is believable and fluid, and the narration has a strong, personal voice. The physical descritions of people, actions and setting are clear and sharply detailed. I particularly liked the vivid tension you create bewteen the three characters; it’s powerful, genuine, and archetypal. I particulalry liked the conversation between Tim and the Narrator, and the way the Narrator described Anna. The whole “brittle” motif is very strong. That strength, however, makes the conncetion between her and the narrator unconvincing. I do not really get a sense that he has truly tender feelings towards her, or in fact sees something in her with sufficient affection to balance that very sharp sense of brittleness. As a result, the ending, as you have observed, is flawed. It is clear that he does not know what to do with/about her, but I do not believe that what has shattered between them that afternoon is reparable. In fact, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the narrator had looked down at his hand to see blood seeping from where her sharp edges had cut him. I see two possibilities: 1. Develop their relationship more, give it a life and depth equivalent to the one the N shares with Tim. 2. Don’t force such a hopeful ending. If they are really broken, see where that goes. Thanks again for sharing. I hope this is helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497/20 "2001-10-16T03:50:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KKBattousai \* > \*\*Feh. Let’s pretend I know how to proofread posts. > Anyway, I need a word of advice. Much like **Dao** ’s story snippet, I often have flashes of inspiration that take the form, annoyingly enough, of first or third person monologue or exposition. Almost as if a person were giving a speech, you know? > > Well, though these lines sound in my head, they are difficult to integrate into an actual story. I mean, it’s difficult for me to work a transparent (or even workable) transition from one of these chunks of prose to actual character interaction. > > Any tips on how to deal with this? \*\* I would collect these snippets, and draw on them later when a more complete storyline or context presents itself to you. Don’t try to integrate them at all; let the characters voices speak to you, and write them down as they are. When the time is right, their stories will become more accessible. Eventually, you may find that these characters may begin speaking to one another. Of course, some will be better sources than others, and as the stories come, the original speeches may change, but that’s ok. Just collect them, and see what happens. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creative-writing-workshop/87497.md?page=2)