# Creepy Porn Spam **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 18, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797 "2004-02-18T15:19:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/1 "2004-02-18T15:19:44Z")
Like many here, I’m sure, I get my share of unwanted junk in my email box. Along with the requisite Viagra and penis enlargement pitches come the occasional knee-slappers, such as “Cum Queen Carmen Craves Colossal Cock”. Anyway, I’m used to it, and try to derive what humor I can from some of the more creative “sporn” offerings. But the other day my box was flooded with messages such as this: > [@](#): > > From: Bigger Breasts > Subject: Bigger Bust Now > What are we going to do tonight? I asked. Just tell me your answer, even if it sucks. I’d thought it was sad to hate the forest the way she’d done. I can never describe the walk back to my truck. > > (Things were looking worse.) He extended his hand by way of introduction. This is what I like, I’d tell myself. Are you getting pieces of this? > > What is the answer? Hi, I said to all the animals. He extended his hand by way of introduction. I’ll tell you what happened next. > > I’m evil. It was cold and sweet. Don’t do that, the cat pointed out. Are you getting pieces of this? Don’t do that, the cat pointed out. I find the vaguely schizophrenic tone of the body of the message somewhat menacing, and don’t know if a furrowed brow is all receipt of this email warrants. It certainly has me a little creeped-out. So, is this truly a pitch? A psychotic ex-girlfriend taking revenge? Hidden viruses? Dunno. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/2 "2004-02-18T15:21:31Z")
That text is there to try and fool Bayesian spam filters. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/3 "2004-02-18T15:59:28Z")
Moving to MPSIMS. Please familiarize yourself with the forum descriptions. – Uke, Cafe Society moderator ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/4 "2004-02-18T18:07:12Z")
Sporn, I like that. I agree with **Revtim** or it’s just another example of what happens when you rely on Babelfish too much. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/5 "2004-02-18T18:50:32Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Like many here, I’m sure, I get my share of unwanted junk in my email box. Along with the requisite Viagra and penis enlargement pitches come the occasional knee-slappers, such as “Cum Queen Carmen Craves Colossal Cock”. Anyway, I’m used to it, and try to derive what humor I can from some of the more creative “sporn” offerings. > > But the other day my box was flooded with messages such as this: > > > [@sporn](#): > > > > From: Bigger Breasts > > Subject: Bigger Bust Now > > What are we going to do tonight? I asked. Just tell me your answer, even if it sucks. I’d thought it was sad to hate the forest the way she’d done. I can never describe the walk back to my truck. > > > > (Things were looking worse.) He extended his hand by way of introduction. This is what I like, I’d tell myself. Are you getting pieces of this? > > > > What is the answer? Hi, I said to all the animals. He extended his hand by way of introduction. I’ll tell you what happened next. > > > > I’m evil. It was cold and sweet. Don’t do that, the cat pointed out. Are you getting pieces of this? Don’t do that, the cat pointed out. > > I find the vaguely schizophrenic tone of the body of the message somewhat menacing, and don’t know if a furrowed brow is all receipt of this email warrants. It certainly has me a little creeped-out. > > So, is this truly a pitch? A psychotic ex-girlfriend taking revenge? Hidden viruses? Dunno. Oh sure, you guys are all trying to make me think I am the only one aroused by this. Especially the part about the truck. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/6 "2004-02-18T19:13:46Z")
I always highlight the white spaces in spam email. There’s some funky hidden stories in there! I suspect they are secret communiques from a Nigerian princess who is trying to purchase 26 million X-10 cameras. Look for my conspiracy theory website about hidden text in spam, coming soon! I’ll email you about it. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/7 "2004-02-18T19:39:34Z")
Yeah, this is really funny. Hah, hah. Look, you come into _your_ office some day, to find your inbox clogged with hundreds of messages containing what seem to be the psychotic ramblings of some jibbering lunatic, and see if the hairs on the back of _your_ neck don’t stand up. It was a crazy spornocopia. I got bazillions of these things. It took me ten minutes just to delete them all. They contained no links, no hidden text that I could see, no attachments, just something resembling the word salad of some raving spamiac: > [@](#): > > From: Aphrodite Marketing, Inc. > Subject: Never pay your credit card bills > > It was cold and sweet. It was cold and sweet. This was a place without the internet, without email, without the rush of business meetings and untapped desires. I’m cold, you said, staring at the continuation we had to feel through yesterday. > > (I’m loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.) I’m evil. The continuation of our species matters more than you can imagine. It is the single most important thing we can do. It was cold and sweet. > > I’m evil. The continuation of our species matters more than you can imagine. It is the single most important thing we can do. It was time… to rock. And someone was waiting for me, just around the corner. > > Suddenly, he disappeared. (I’m loving the way you walk with me so quietly, contentedly.) What are we going to do tonight? I asked. He wanted to know more. It was time… to rock. The only thing aroused in me by this is a case of the willies. Jeez, maybe I just have a paranoid phobia of anti-Bayesian Filtration context scramblers or something, I dunno. Truth is, that possibility never occurred to me. I really sat there for a good long while wondering “Who sent all this shit to me, and _why_?” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Adjustable\_Beavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Adjustable\_Beavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adjustable_Beavis)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/8 "2004-02-18T20:15:58Z")
The joys of spam. Here is the one that just popped into my mailbox. > [@](#): > > gerundiums sous-sol tesquorum vaneck > within 5 seconds you will be able to see an amazing new product > > Bob runs over and demands to know what’s in the 18-wheeler. Should she go to the kitchen and get herself something to eat? > zan0autoritaarinen56chedririons. The subject of the message was "Pjksjjley ". The amazing product has still not shown itself. What is in that damn 18 wheeler!? Will the nameless lady get something to eat?! So many questions left unanswered. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/9 "2004-02-18T21:47:12Z")
Sorry if this is a be a hijack, but there just may be more to the story. I received this e-mail this morning: The subject was; Drunk soccer moms abdulaim they just don’t know when to stop [http://www.URL](http://www.URL) changed to prevent unwanted links Mine white bicycle stares however, her fancy mobile phone smells. The red boots makes sound. Whose white hairy magazine show its value. Whose round-shaped table stares and perhaps a hairy kitchen is on fire. Our purple glove stares. His brothers little car arrives. Our children well-crafted expensive ipaq stands-still. Her silver soda arrives. Mine green green bra prepare for fight and their odd shaped printer stares. His golden stupid book calculates as soon as his expensive beautiful white golden slopy forg smells. His small computer walks the time that whose round glove fidgeting or maybe her daughters fancy computer stares. Lots to think about going on there. BTW, I get about 300+ spams a day in my ‘public’ account. The ones that really puzzle me are the messages that are completely blank. No return address, no subject, no text, nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/10 "2004-02-18T21:51:02Z")
I get about 50 unsolicited ads a day trying to add inches to my penis. If I’d answered them all, I could probably tip over the Mars lander by now. (And yet I still delete them all unread…) ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/11 "2004-02-18T22:24:38Z")
> [@Bumbazine](#): > > The ones that really puzzle me are the messages that are completely blank. No return address, no subject, no text, nothing. I got a few of those too…couldn’t figure out what the point was… I guess they could have been figuring out which email addresses actually existed by seeing how many “Undeliverable mail” notices they got, but…weird… ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/12 "2004-02-18T22:28:27Z")
> [@quietman1920](#): > > I get about 50 unsolicited ads a day trying to add inches to my penis. If I’d answered them all, I could probably tip over the Mars lander by now. (And yet I still delete them all unread…) Pah! Lightweight! I’m on Hotmail! If I read all of mine, I’d be able to rake sandy zen gardens on Pluto. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/13 "2004-02-19T01:09:10Z")
After reading some of the posts, I gotta tell ya, a lot of the spam out there is also to sucker you into sending an e-mail back to “unsubscribe” to that spam. Why “unsubscribe”? 'Cause it lets the spammers know that there’s a legitimate address out there they can spam to and make money off of. They can sell this addy to other spammers, and the cycle continues. Just delete any Goddamned spam. _ **Never** _ reply to them. Consider them an unholy seed that will spawn misery if you say “reply”. Tripler I’m a victim. Consider me a “counter-intelligence” source. ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/14 "2004-02-19T03:56:54Z")
On the subject of spam tips, Mike Elgan of [mikeslist.com](http://mikeslist.com) suggests a nifty idea. Instead of trying to create a filter to catch all the spam, he creates filters to organize emails he knows are legitimate and thusly separates the good from the bad. This is a system I happened upon accidentally just as a result of organizing my inbox. There are only 4 types of email I get regularly and three of them are deposited in appropriate folders and the rest just ends up in my inbox which I sort through when necessary. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/15 "2004-02-19T06:38:24Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Yeah, this is really funny. Hah, hah. Look, you come into _your_ office some day, to find your inbox clogged with hundreds of messages containing what seem to be the psychotic ramblings of some jibbering lunatic, and see if the hairs on the back of _your_ neck don’t stand up. My computer is filled with what appear to be the psychotic ramblings of a gibbering lunatic. I’d be very upset if they _weren’t_ there. It tok a lot of time to write them. Fer Example. And Mother lifted the baby to her face and said “Oh, what sparkling eyes!”. Then, Mother’s teeth snapped shut. I hope that explains just why, explains just why I can’t stay for freon frappucino. Mother’s teeth, her great, white teeth snapped shut. The dotors laughed and laughed. Holding their aluminum bellies. with their, with their asbestos hands they laughed. I cannot see the forest for the trees. [sub]Lest the above be misinterpreted, I did not send any gibberish e-mail to Loopydude.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-porn-spam/229797/16 "2004-02-19T15:43:50Z")
the hidden song on Tool’s CD, _Undertow_? The one about the guy being colors? Freaky! Perhaps the Devil is trying out his email account on you all and having some fun at your expense? And, no… I’m not a Satanist. Just a joke… 😃