# Creepy to look up a waiter on Facebook? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2013, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199 "2013-02-03T06:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/1 "2013-02-03T06:42:12Z")
A big group of friends and I were out tonight and got some really stellar service from a waiter who seemed very oddly nervous the entire time. It was perhaps the single most memorable service I’ve had in a while so I looked him up on Facebook and sent him a message thanking him and apologizing if we did anything to make him feel nervous. Was this out of line? I am thinking that this might be a bit creepy and all but I hope my good intentions will come through in my message. Needless to say I left a generous tip and a kind note on my receipt, but I still felt bad that something we had done might have made him so nervous! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/2 "2013-02-03T06:45:43Z")
Yup, I’d consider that creepy if I was the waiter. Especially if you’re a dude and he’s straight. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/3 "2013-02-03T06:47:41Z")
It’s a bit odd. A kind note and a big tip would have definitely been enough. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/4 "2013-02-03T06:50:00Z")
How did you know his full name to look him up on Facebook? Yeah, that’s weird. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/5 "2013-02-03T06:55:16Z")
Yes it was a little stalkery. People usually like to keep public-private separate unless they are using FB for business (and many do this) but a waiter is not normally in that category. My first inclination if I received a message like that as a waiter is that you are looking to get to know me better on a personal basis, and that could be welcome or unwelcome. But yes, it was a bit of an awkward and intrusive move. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/6 "2013-02-03T06:58:57Z")
Much better idea would have been to send an email to the restaurant management telling them how good he was. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/7 "2013-02-03T07:05:22Z")
Extremely out of line and creepy. He’s probably a gibbering wreck at work today. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/8 "2013-02-03T07:12:44Z")
I guess I was just morbidly curious as to why he seemed so nervous and to let him know that there really wasn’t any reason to be. Maybe he’s new and just needs a confidence boost. Well it’s an out of town thing anyway so hopefully he won’t get creeped out too much by my message. Next time I will direct my compliments directly to management. Still might do it on his case too. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/9 "2013-02-03T07:17:16Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Still might do it on his case too. So after being told you’ve already been stalkery/creepy, you think it’s a good idea to intrude into this guy’s life again? Really? Just letting it drop doesn’t seem to be the wiser course? ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/10 "2013-02-03T07:19:26Z")
Only because another poster suggested it but if it’s not helpful obviously I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/11 "2013-02-03T07:21:17Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > So after being told you’ve already been stalkery/creepy, you think it’s a good idea to intrude into this guy’s life again? Really? Just letting it drop doesn’t seem to be the wiser course? [He will not be ignored!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DM64Y8ndyG4) ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/12 "2013-02-03T14:02:11Z")
If you really want to improve his life, write a letter or call the restaurant manager and tell him exactly what an excellent server he’s got there, why he was so good, and that you’ll be returning and referring friends and you want to be served by this dude in the future because it was such an awesome experience. You know how often most servers get a compliment like that? Never. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/13 "2013-02-03T14:13:18Z")
Definitely creepy. I would not be flattered at all if I were a server and somebody looked up my personal Facebook page. Sending me a message because you thought I seemed “nervous” would not help my comfort level at all, in fact, it would make me feel more anxious-like maybe I need to -never walk to my car alone at night- anxious. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/14 "2013-02-03T14:18:42Z")
I think it comes off as bad and creepy stalkery. Then again, maybe the guy is NOT the paranoid type and it made his day in some small way. You MEANT well. Lets hope it was taken that way. You tried to be a nice guy. Thats the important thing. Maybe it worked, maybe it did not. Don’t beat yourself up over it in any case. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/15 "2013-02-03T14:44:54Z")
I vote somewhat creepy and include my agreement with telling management is a much better way of complimenting the help ---
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/16 "2013-02-03T14:50:59Z")
Extremely creepy to do that, especially knowing the waiter was somewhat nervous to begin with. Letting management know would have been the proper course of action originally but at this point you absolutely should not contact them. It doesn’t speak well for you that you’re so obsessed over a waiter that you have to contact everybody about how great a waiter he is. Frankly, if you write the restaurant after sending a private note to the waiter and they put two and two together I wouldn’t be surprised if the restaurant refused to serve you in the future. Yes, it’s really that creepy. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/17 "2013-02-03T15:26:08Z")
I’m a waitress. I can’t imagine this happening to me or one of my co-workers. Creepy, creepy, creepy. Eew. How did you get his last name? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/18 "2013-02-03T15:33:04Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > A big group of friends and I were out tonight and got some really stellar service from a waiter who seemed very oddly nervous the entire time. It was perhaps the single most memorable service I’ve had in a while so I looked him up on Facebook and sent him a message thanking him and apologizing if we did anything to make him feel nervous. Little did you know, the reason he was nervous was because the night before, some customer had looked him up and left a note on his Facebook page complementing him on his service… ---
**Author:** ![Frazzled](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frazzled/32/3368_2.png) [@Frazzled](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frazzled)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/19 "2013-02-03T16:18:06Z")
Just because I’m curious but was the inception of your question the waiters response back to you on Facebook calling you a creep? Did you come here seeking condolences that this was a normal thing to do? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199/20 "2013-02-03T17:18:26Z")
There’s a local cafe I go to nearly every Saturday. The waitresses there know me by name and remember what I usually order. I wouldn’t send one of _them_ a message on Facebook unless specifically invited to, so yeah, I have to agree with others that messaging someone who served you once is weird…especially if you were motivated by desire to know why he seemed nervous. It’s none of your business why he seemed nervous, and pointing it out to him probably did nothing to help his discomfort. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/creepy-to-look-up-a-waiter-on-facebook/649199.md?page=2)