# Critics on Bloodrayne on rottentomatoes.com: that's entertainment! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 10, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332 "2006-01-10T17:22:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/1 "2006-01-10T17:22:44Z")
I love it when a _very_ bad film is released, because it gives critics the chance to really let go. ‘Bloodrayne’ is no exception; no surprise since it’s a video game adaption from Uwe Boll. His “film” 'House Of The Dead" may truly be least entertaining movie I have ever seen. Sounds like Bloodrayne is no exception to his body of work. > **[BloodRayne](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/bloodrayne)** > > In 18th-century Romania, after spending much of her life in a traveling circus, human-vampire hybrid Rayne (Kristanna Loken) escapes and plots to take down her evil vampire father, Kagan (Ben Kingsley). When she's discovered by three vampire hunters,... critics 6%: users:0% Yes, ZERO percent from users. I’m usually tempted to see movies with ratings this bad, because of the “so bad their good” concept, but after “House Of The Dead” I may have been cured of that habit. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/2 "2006-01-10T17:24:55Z")
Forgot to mention, I thought the Bloodrayne game on the PC was quite fun. Bloodrayne 2 made me give up in frustration, though. They screwed up a good thing, both with the movie and the game sequel, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/3 "2006-01-10T17:56:05Z")
It’s a shame, really; both this and Alone in the Dark could’ve been acceptable movies if they’d been given to a competent director. I’m not going to search for it right now, but I remember seeing a piece on SomethingAwful by one of the original scriptwriters for Alone in the Dark. Boll is apparently completely sincere in his belief that he’s making good movies. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/4 "2006-01-10T18:26:43Z")
Bwaaaaahahahahaha! From [here](http://www.oneguysopinion.com/review.asp?ID=1798): “And then there’s Kingsley, sneering his way through a part that makes Ming the Merciless seem a masterpiece of subtlety.” That stings. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/5 "2006-01-10T18:29:20Z")
“Madsen sounds like Mike Myer’s “SNL” character “Lothar of the Hill people”.” – Joshua Tyler, [CINEMABLEND.COM](http://CINEMABLEND.COM) ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/6 "2006-01-10T22:02:54Z")
My favorite so far: BloodRayne fails as mindless entertainment and as eye candy, violating the basic laws of both vampire films and cheesy videogame adaptations: It can’t even suck right." ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/7 "2006-01-10T22:13:36Z")
> [@](#): > > “Uwe Boll’s best videogame adaptation yet. Wait… what does that even mean?” > _– Chris Carle, IGN FILMFORCE_ …BWAhhaaaa!!! ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/8 "2006-01-10T23:50:02Z")
Wait, now I’m confused with the tomato rating system. Of the two “positive” reviews listed with tomatoes, reading into them gets me quotes like this: “BLOODRAYNE isn’t as bad as you would expect it to be if you’ve seen his other films. But saying one of his films is better than the other is like saying that getting punched in the kidneys isn’t as bad as getting kicked in the balls. Both still hurt and you don’t want either.” Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/9 "2006-01-10T23:56:24Z")
When I first saw an advertisement for Bloodrayne I thought it was going to be a made for TV type of thing or a Hercules/Xena type of series. Talk about crappy production values. Marc ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/10 "2006-01-11T00:07:08Z")
Where’s Earl Dittman’s inevitable declaration that the movie is “the first action HIT of the new year! You’ll be glued to your seat!”? ---
**Author:** ![spiralscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@spiralscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spiralscratch)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/11 "2006-01-11T00:16:50Z")
If it’s really this bad, I can’t wait for the Mr. Cranky review. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/12 "2006-01-11T00:56:46Z")
Someone pasted a poster for this movie on one of the most prominent trash cans on campus. That makes a lot of sense now… ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/13 "2006-01-11T01:02:29Z")
According to IMDB, Master Uwe has a doctorate in literature from some school in Cologne or Siegen. They must be giving away diplomas. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/14 "2006-01-11T02:41:57Z")
> [@Snooooopy](#): > > Where’s Earl Dittman’s inevitable declaration that the movie is “the first action HIT of the new year! You’ll be glued to your seat!”? If anyone is glued to their seat for Bloodrayne, it’ll be because that’s the only way to keep them in the theater. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/15 "2006-01-11T05:33:58Z")
Howard Tayler (of Schlock Mercenary) has this to say: > [@Howard Tayler](#): > > Okay, let’s start with my instructions to you: no matter how enticing I may make this film sound, do NOT spend money on it. Don’t see it in the theater, and don’t rent it. Buying the DVD would be a crime against humanity. For that matter, don’t bother seeing it for FREE, either. Spending your TIME on this film is a crime against your employer, your family, and the Baby New Year. You would be better off using an hour and thirty-four minutes eating junk food and watching Weather Channel repeats you’ve accidentally TIVO’d. > > I’m serious. If I find out that you went and saw this film after I told you not to, I’ll phone your friends up and tell them to go to your house and pour ants in your bed. And when you wake up screaming, covered in ants, you’ll think “at least I’m not still watching BloodRayne.” > … > If I’ve inadvertently made the film sound enticing, I assure you it was an accident. If you find nudity enticing, please don’t be tricked. This film doesn’t do that. It takes whatever beauty there is to be found in the human form and, with the help of blood-splatter, bad dialog, and the Amazing Epilepsy-Cam, leaves you feeling empty. Oh, and dirty, and impoverished by far more than the time and money you spent on the film. The full rant is well worth reading. > **[Movie Review: BloodRayne](https://howardtayler.livejournal.com/145626.html)** > > Okay, let's start with my instructions to you: no matter how enticing I may make this film sound, do NOT spend money on it. Don't see it in the theater, and don't rent it. Buying the DVD would be a crime against humanity. For that matter, don't... ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/16 "2006-01-11T06:02:44Z")
Ever since I found out that thanks to a loophole in the German Boll basically is doing a tax dodge for his creditors all became clear about where his budgets come from. We’re basically seeing a modern day **Producers** in action. What I don’t understand is how he gets the casts he does. Seriously, Ben Kingsly? No amount of money can be worth the reputation hit. It certainly didn’t do Jurgen Prochnow, Christain Slater, and Tara Reid any favours. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/17 "2006-01-11T06:17:33Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > What I don’t understand is how he gets the casts he does. Seriously, Ben Kingsly? No amount of money can be worth the reputation hit. It certainly didn’t do Jurgen Prochnow, Christain Slater, and Tara Reid any favours. Ben Kingsley also was in Species, a schlocky (but fun) sci-fi thriller in the mid-'90s. Michael Madsen was in that as well! It was a B-movie by anyone’s standards, but I’m sure a paycheck is a paycheck. Christopher Walken is a tremendous actor, but he seems to take any role, no matter how small or stupid, and no matter how bad the movies are. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/18 "2006-01-11T06:17:52Z")
> [@MGibson](#): > > When I first saw an advertisement for Bloodrayne I thought it was going to be a made for TV type of thing or a Hercules/Xena type of series. Talk about crappy production values. > > Marc Funny you should say that; my wife and I were talking about this last night. It doesn’t even look like it was filmed professionally; the images look as if they were shot with a personal camcorder. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/19 "2006-01-11T06:23:03Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > What I don’t understand is how he gets the casts he does. Seriously, Ben Kingsly? As to this… Kingsley, I suspect, is simply following the tradition of professional British actors; “If it’s a starring role and a paycheck, take it.” As Michael Caine said when asked why he agreed to be in a movie as horrible as Jaws: The Revenge, “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.” ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332/20 "2006-01-11T06:27:04Z")
“Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriquez? ‘I’ll take "Actors who should never appear in Period Pieces for $500 Alex.’” -Fob Vaux, Flipside Movie Emporium I really respect Uwe Boll for not crawling under a rock after his last few pictures. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critics-on-bloodrayne-on-rottentomatoes-com-thats-entertainment/339332.md?page=2)