# Critique my cover letter!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [March 17, 2002, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790 "2002-03-17T23:11:30Z")
**Posts on this page:** 14
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2002, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/1 "2002-03-17T23:11:30Z")
Here’s the body of the letter I’m including with the résumé I’m sending to the parenting magazine I talked about in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=103601) whose editorship I’m seeking… tell me what you think. (the ad didn’t have any identifying information but I figured out the publishing company’s identity via the fax number in the ad.) I removed a few bits of personal information just to be paranoid.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*I am writing to apply for the position of Editor that your organization advertised in Sunday’s _Dallas Morning News_. I am a professional writer/editor with more than seven years of applicable, progressively responsible experience, and I believe I would make a valuable addition to your editorial staff.
>
> In case you’re wondering how I come to be addressing you by name, I am a regular reader of _Dallas Child_ (I have an (X)-year-old son) and happened to have a copy on my desk when I found your ad. A quick check confirmed that the fax number in the _Dallas Child_ masthead matched the fax number in the ad, so I put two and two together.
>
> As my résumé states, in my current position, I am responsible for not only a daily newsletter with a circulation of more than 26,000 readers, but also a variety of other publications with monthly and annual production schedules. I also serve in a volunteer capacity as senior editor of a bimonthly online literary magazine. With respect to the qualifications requested in your ad, I am self-motivated and very detail oriented without losing sight of the overall picture; moreover, my command of grammar, syntax, and spelling is excellent. I feel that my skills and experience, coupled with a sincere desire to succeed, make me an excellent choice for this position.
>
> I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you face to face and discuss my potential value to Lauren Publishing. In addition to the address, phone number, and e-mail address above, I also may be reached at (number), which is my mobile phone. I will be happy to provide writing samples, references, or whatever other information you require. I look forward to speaking with you soon.\*\*
So how does it sound?
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2002, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/2 "2002-03-17T23:19:51Z")
This position was advertised in several issues of the paper last week and again today. The earlier ads all asked for salary requirements, but today’s ad didn’t.
Normally, I don’t ever volunteer salary related information because it’s just one more way to screen people out, but when it’s specifically requested I provide it, on the sound theory that not giving them what they ask for is a more certain way to get yourself screened out.
Should I provide it in this case? I mean, technically the specific ad I’m replying to didn’t ask for it, but that might have been an oversight. Obviously they want it or they wouldn’t have asked for it in the OTHER ads. I don’t know what to do.
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### Author:  [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)
#### Post date: [March 17, 2002, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/3 "2002-03-17T23:41:30Z")
How about “advertised by your organisation” rather than “that your organization advertised”?
Is there a common thread running through the newsletters/publications you’re already involved in? If so, you can point out your specialist subjects. If not, you can take the opportunity to emphasise the diversity of your work.
I would guess by the wording of your letter that they specifically requested someone who is self-motivated and detail oriented. If you haven’t already given examples in your resume, here might be a good point to include a short specific examples. Have you ever set up a club? Did you start any of the publications you work for yourself? Has anyone specifically praised/valued your proofreading skills? By giving an example you are not only telling your prospective employer what you can do, you are showing them. I think it can make your application seem more confident and solid.
Given that this specific ad didn’t ask for your salary information, you could add your willingness to provide it in this sentence "I will be happy to provide writing samples, references, _relevant salary information_, or (_and?_) whatever other information you require
Other than those points, it sounds excellent. And the above is, of course, all IMHO 😉
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/4 "2002-03-18T13:21:59Z")
bumping this, hoping to get a few more critiques…
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### Author:  [@ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChoosyChipsAndCeilingWhacks)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/5 "2002-03-18T14:02:31Z")
I would try, “As my résumé states, I am currently responsible…” Seems a little smoother.
But my main critique is that I think it’s hilarious that you’re applying for an editorial position and you’re asking the unwashed masses for writing advice!! I’m just waiting for someone to come along and suggest that you add a paragraph about them, or something equally as useful.
L
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/6 "2002-03-18T16:32:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by SexyWriter \*
> \*\*But my main critique is that I think it’s hilarious that you’re applying for an editorial position and you’re asking the unwashed masses for writing advice!! L \*\*
Hey, I never promised to TAKE their advice. Still, I figured it couldn’t hurt and might snare me some good wishes into the bargain. Besides, I’m a good enough editor to know that it’s hard to edit my own work.
Also, I wanted input on the salary requirements issue - I was hoping maybe I’d catch an HR person in my net. I’ve decided not to include my salary requirements, because a) the specific ad I’m responding to didn’t ask for them even though earlier ones did, and b) I don’t frankly KNOW what my requirements are… I might be willing to take the same pay, or even a small cut, if the rest of the package warranted it.
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### Author:  [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/7 "2002-03-18T18:39:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> ## \*Originally posted by Chef Troy \*
>
> As my résumé states, in my current position I am responsible for not only a daily newsletter with a circulation of more than 26,000 readers, but also a variety of other publications with monthly and annual production schedules.
I’d omit the comma after “position”
> [@](#):
>
> I also serve in a volunteer capacity as the senior editor of a bimonthly online literary magazine.
add “the” senior editor…
> [@](#):
>
> With respect to the qualifications requested in your ad, I am self-motivated and very detail oriented\* without losing sight of the overall picture\*; moreover, my command of grammar, syntax, and spelling is excellent.
italicized phrase is awkward, I’d go with “…oriented, yet able to stay focused on the overall picture.” or “oriented, without being blinded to the big picture” or some such adjustment.
> [@](#):
>
> I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you face to face **to** discuss my potential value to Lauren Publishing. In addition to the address, phone number, and e-mail address above, I also **can** be reached at (number), which is my mobile phone.
a couple small word changes (bolded) and that’s it!
All in all, a great cover letter **Chef Troy** –personable and direct. As for the salary requirements, I’d include them. Better to be disregarded by HR from the start than to waste your time interviewing for a company that will be ultimately unwilling to give you the money you require. Good luck!
bella
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### Author:  [@Mondeo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mondeo)
#### Post date: [March 18, 2002, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/8 "2002-03-18T18:53:49Z")
I noticed the **to** also, but belladonna beat me to it!
As in ‘face to face to discuss’, instead of ‘and discuss’
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### Author:  [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/9 "2002-03-19T01:34:13Z")
The only thing that doesn’t work for me is the paragraph where you explain how you knew what company to address the letter to. Although you put a positive spin on it, it sounds like you are apologizing for doing something you felt shouldn’t be done. I was taught that you never bring up negatives, or apologize in the cover letter or résumé - handle anything like that in the interview. That was the hardest thing I had to do, as well.
Francesca has a good point as well. Using specific events that back up your assertions will make your cover letter stronger.
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### Author:  [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/10 "2002-03-19T01:54:15Z")
I agree with Zyada, delete the entire fax number explanation paragraph. It’s not necessary. Chances are, they won’t even remember that they didn’t include the name of the publication in the ad. If they do, they’ll ask about it in the interview. Then you can explain how clever you are.
You might want to closely compare your letter to the magazines editorial content. Do you use the words they do? Do the sentances have about the same amount of sylabbles? Is it written to the same grade level? The cover letter is the first written material they’ll get from you. It should sound like a total fit from the first paragraph.
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### Author:  [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/11 "2002-03-19T07:17:07Z")
It’s always a matter of personal taste & style. But this is how I’d do it, enclosing a resume and giving my contact information along with my address, tel. #'s, email address at the top usual spot:
This letter is in response to your advertisement of an opening in Lauren Publishing in the March 17, 2002 Dallas Morning News. This senior position matches my career interests and is strongly compatible with my skills and experience.
I am currently responsible for a daily newsletter with a circulation of more than 26,000 readers, and a variety of other publications with monthly and annual production schedules. My enclosed resume further illustrates my employment background, which would allow me to readily fit into your editorial staff’s team concept.
I look forward to meeting with you to discuss the position at your earliest convenience. Please contact me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx.
FWIW. Best of luck to you! 🙂
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### Author:  [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/12 "2002-03-19T08:49:43Z")
**Chef Troy** ,
I’m no HR person, but I am a hiring manager\*, albeit not for a publisher. So grab your saltshaker for my take on your cover letter.
The first thing I noticed was the paragraph on how you came to know the hiring company. Along with **Zyada** , et al, it came off to me as apologetic. It’s likely no one will make the connection (in many firms, HR and HMs don’t talk, or don’t talk adequately), so why attract attention to it? If they do, you can then highlight your cleverness and proactivity in the interview. It’d sell with me. In any case, you have potentially back-doored the routine hiring process, which can make you stand out favorably (again, with _me_. YMMV).
Secondly, your letter said what was relevant, and closed. That resonated with me. Too often, I have to wade through interminable cover letters relating that the applicant was High School Class President, and won the _Standard-Times_ Junior Writing trophy of May, 1993. Bravo.
Thirdly, the only thing I _didn’t see_ that I tend to give bonus points for is some tie to the company’s business strategy, or some other evidence that you’ve researched what’s important to their goals. You respond to the ad’s requirements; which is good, but do they post an online mission statement you could address? Even better, is there an obvious corporate move (acquisition, editorial direction change) for which you could make the case that you’re a particularly appropriate choice? Without experience in the field, I’m unable to come up with an example, but I hope you take my meaning. It shows you’ve taken the time to research the company; that this isn’t just a form letter you’ve fired off to a dozen places, changing only the comapny name.
Overall, I’d rate the letter-writer a strong candiate as is. You’d get an interview from me, but that’s misleading. I interview many more applicants than my peers, a practice to which I acribe my relative success in “good hires.” I simply think a face-to-face, in the unconventional way I run them, is the best barometer for finding quality employees.
\*In the way of credentials, I offer that I work for a F500 company, and have often been asked to hire for peers and superiors because of my track record of sorting the wheat from the chaff. FWIW.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/13 "2002-03-19T12:42:40Z")
My advice: shorten it. When I see a lengthy letter, I’ll skim it. If it’s short and succinct, I’ll actually read it.
Case in point: this thread. Which posts did you read through and which posts did you skim?
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2002, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/critique-my-cover-letter/98790/14 "2002-03-19T14:43:00Z")
Thanks to all who responded. (where were some of you latecomers BEFORE i faxed it out yesterday? 😉 )
To those who thought my “how I know who you are” paragraph sounded apologetic… really? I was actually trying to show how clever I am. Hmmmm. Guess it didn’t work.
I’ll be sure and post an update if there are any developments.