# Crossing your legs -- offensive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2012, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358 "2012-12-07T21:55:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/41 "2012-12-11T20:49:12Z")
If a male passenger in the front seat of my car crosses his legs so that the sole of his shoe is pointing at me I do not like it and I ask them to uncross. For some reason it is unpleasant to me. Knee over knee style does not bother me. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/42 "2012-12-11T20:55:13Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Yes, it seems weird to many of us, but in a lot of western culture it’s not considered rude to extend any combination of fingers except one. Except in Britain, where the index+middle finger extended (usually upward, with the back of the hand showing) is a sort of F-U gesture. I think it has something to do with Agincourt. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/43 "2012-12-11T21:03:02Z")
> [@For You](#): > > Except in Britain, where the index+middle finger extended (usually upward, with the back of the hand showing) is a sort of F-U gesture. I think it has something to do with Agincourt. Gahhhhh. Please not the “[pluck yew](http://www.snopes.com/language/apocryph/pluckyew.asp)” folk etymology. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/44 "2012-12-11T21:23:21Z")
I do whatever I please with my legs, and nobody has yet complained . . . well, except when I accidentally kick my partner (or a cat or dog) in bed. I lived in NYC for 25 years and rode lots of trains and buses, and never a problem. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/45 "2012-12-11T21:58:44Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I live in America. I’ve lived here since I was four. I’m American. But…the way I was raised doesn’t die that easy, and I try never to show the sole of my foot to anyone. > > But I’ve also been raised with manners and thus wouldn’t say anything to anyone unless they were actively getting dirt from the sole of their shoe on me. I’ve always felt that one shouldn’t be rude on purpose when it comes to cultural sensitivities, but that people should realize that there are people of all nationalities living here and that your regional customs aren’t imported. Like, if I were traveling somewhere that’s not in the US, and I see someone use their middle finger to point at me, I wouldn’t automatically fly off the handle and demand they respect my custom. My first instinct would be that they and I find different things offensive and they didn’t know what it means. I wouldn’t even mention it to them because if they don’t know what it means, its not like they’re trying to insult me so I shouldn’t be offended. But apparently lots of people expect everyone around the world to adhere to their personal notions of what’s offensive and not ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/46 "2012-12-11T22:03:04Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I’ve always felt that one shouldn’t be rude on purpose when it comes to cultural sensitivities, but that people should realize that there are people of all nationalities living here and that your regional customs aren’t imported. > > Like, if I were traveling somewhere that’s not in the US, and I see someone use their middle finger to point at me, I wouldn’t automatically fly off the handle and demand they respect my custom. My first instinct would be that they and I find different things offensive and they didn’t know what it means. I wouldn’t even mention it to them because if they don’t know what it means, its not like they’re trying to insult me so I shouldn’t be offended. But apparently lots of people expect everyone around the world to adhere to their personal notions of what’s offensive and not The average person isn’t aware of cultural differences, and I don’t think many people try to be rude on purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/47 "2012-12-11T22:04:38Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I do whatever I please with my legs, and nobody has yet complained . . . well, except when I accidentally kick my partner (or a cat or dog) in bed. I lived in NYC for 25 years and rode lots of trains and buses, and never a problem. I’ve never had anyone complain to me either about “crossing my legs” or whatever. I do it quite often, but again, that’s only because my legs get restless. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/48 "2012-12-11T22:14:54Z")
> [@Modern\_Master](#): > > I’ve never had anyone complain to me either about “crossing my legs” or whatever. I do it quite often, but again, that’s only because my legs get restless. Perhaps I have particularly offensive legs–twice, in two different cities! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/49 "2012-12-11T22:17:07Z")
> [@Modern\_Master](#): > > The average person isn’t aware of cultural differences, and I don’t think many people try to be rude on purpose. Wouldn’t the average person know that if someone who looks like he’s from the other side of the world do something you find offensive, that different people might not take it the same way? I guess living in LA, always having a lot of ethnicities around me growing up, might play a role in why I believe most people should know that cultures are different. ---
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/50 "2012-12-11T22:17:57Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Wouldn’t the average person know that if someone who looks like he’s from the other side of the world do something you find offensive, that different people might not take it the same way? I guess living in LA, always having a lot of ethnicities around me growing up, might play a role in why I believe most people should know that cultures are different. Most people really don’t care. You’re going to be more aware if you live around people of different cultures; however, the majority of people just don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/51 "2012-12-11T22:54:38Z")
> [@LawMonkey](#): > > Perhaps I have particularly offensive legs–twice, in two different cities! 🙂 Are you tall or take up a lot of space? Do you have large feet? Were they short people? ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/52 "2012-12-11T23:11:18Z")
> [@DataX](#): > > I think Clinton (Bill) started using his thumb to make “a point” when people though his pointing the finger was rude. The thing is, finger pointing can be seen as agressive, especially if one takes an inopportune photo and displays it out of context, it is easy to make the person look angry and accusative. Thus the thumb pointing for Clinton and other politicians. Because they are frequently photographed and targets for misrepresentation. [quote=LawMonkey;15773554 A woman in another seat, probably ten feet away or more, becomes visibly agitated and tells me to put my foot down. Bemused, I ask why. She says, “Because it’s DIRTY!”… . He starts giving me the hairy eyeball around the dude in between. The guy in between gets off at the next stop, and older gent leans over and asks me to put my foot down. Both a) baffled and b) suddenly remembering the crazy lady from Cincy, I ask why. He says, “Because it’s offensive.” Bemused, I explain that while I’m sorry, I certainly don’t mean him any harm and I fail to see how this could possibly be offensive. He “explains” that when I cross my legs like that, it’s a very offensive gesture. I say again that I’m very sorry, and I really don’t mean to give him any offense… He asks where I’m from. I tell him Cincinnati,\* and he replies that this explains it: They clearly did not teach me right, and he is doing me the service of explaining to me that crossing my legs is very offensive and I will not do so in the future. [/quote] This is rather annoying, someone sees something they consider rude, so they take another rude action themselves to point it out. Even when the original person didn’t mean it offensively. Some people need a hobby. > [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > More recently, women were trained to only cross their legs at the ankle, and, while exiting a vehicle, to never splay one foot out and then the other, but to keep both feet together and swivel on their butts. I’m pretty sure that’s related to skirts and the need to not display the intermediary zone like so many papparazi catch the celebutants these days. ---
**Author:** ![AuntPam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@AuntPam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntPam)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/53 "2012-12-12T03:36:50Z")
And believe me, when you wear a mini skirt (I haven’t done this for years), you need to sit with your knees pressed together in a really prim-little-miss kind of way. Or you can TOTALLY distract every male in the room. My husband and I took a river cruise up the Murray-Darling River in SE Australia a few years ago. I love Ozzies (with a few exceptions). But we had a German immigrant to Australia on board, an older woman with (I swear to God) a paid companion–another woman, kind of cowed and subservient. And I’m eating American style. Cut meat with knife in right hand, put knife down, transfer fork to right hand and commence eating. Mrs. OberFrau glares at me and says pointedly and condescendingly “In Europe, ve are taught to eat with the fork in the left hand! So sensible!” I chewed a bite before answering. “Different customs,” I said peacably. “In the US, we are taught not to criticize the table manners of guests.” She never sat with us again. Anyway, OP, I sympathize with your confusion. It’s annoying to have people react to something that is obviously not intended as a rude gesture. By the way, in Australia, the “thumbs-up” gesture that means approval in the U.S. is the F\*\* You gesture. I managed to stop myself from using it almost the entire time I was there. Although I occasionally had to transform it into an awkward kind of fist-up thingie. ---
**Author:** ![tellyworth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@tellyworth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tellyworth)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/54 "2012-12-12T05:39:47Z")
> [@AuntPam](#): > > By the way, in Australia, the “thumbs-up” gesture that means approval in the U.S. is the F\*\* You gesture. No it’s not. Though it does sound like the kind of thing an Aussie might tell an American tourist. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/55 "2012-12-12T06:37:12Z")
> [@AuntPam](#): > > And believe me, when you wear a mini skirt (I haven’t done this for years), you need to sit with your knees pressed together in a really prim-little-miss kind of way. Or you can TOTALLY distract every male in the room. … perhaps the same is true for the OP? they’re distracted by your junk, seen or unseen? i am thinking of that _Friends_ episode. i don’t know about rude, but it was a crude way to sit, visible junk or no. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/56 "2012-12-12T16:41:39Z")
> [@LawMonkey](#): > > Pretty sure that my running tights make it physiologically impossible to have a boner. While they are quite, um, revealing, they’re also… not exactly flattering, that way. There’s a reason I never wear them without **something** over them–shorts if it’s moderately cold, another layer of pants if it’s really cold. I think that’s your problem, they probably saw nothing but shorts leg openings and bulge from their point of view. People don’t like obvious junk. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/57 "2012-12-12T17:08:49Z")
> [@AuntPam](#): > > I chewed a bite before answering. “Different customs,” I said peacably. “In the US, we are taught not to criticize the table manners of guests.” I LOVE your response! 😃 Direct and to the point, while not being rude yourself! > [@AuntPam](#): > > By the way, in Australia, the “thumbs-up” gesture that means approval in the U.S. is the F\*\* You gesture. I managed to stop myself from using it almost the entire time I was there. Although I occasionally had to transform it into an awkward kind of fist-up thingie. > [@tellyworth](#): > > No it’s not. Though it does sound like the kind of thing an Aussie might tell an American tourist. I thought it was the 2 finger “Victory” salute? ---
**Author:** ![tellyworth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@tellyworth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tellyworth)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/58 "2012-12-12T22:16:52Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I thought it was the 2 finger “Victory” salute? The backhanded V gesture was considered rude when I was a kid. It’s gone the way of the dodo now. Palm-outward V is for victory, though it was generally avoided because of the chance of confusion. [This](http://sandcintercomm.wordpress.com/intercultural-understanding/when-it-all-goes-wrong/) Bush faux pas caused some mirth at the time, though the gesture was obsolete and no one was genuinely offended. Thumbs up is unambiguously positive in Australia. Part of me wants to hear that it was Mrs. OberFrau who told AuntPam that it was offensive to Australians. AuntPam, I admire your dedication to politeness 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2012, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358/59 "2012-12-13T01:19:54Z")
If someone has their legs crossed such that the bottom of their shoe points at me, I find it very off-putting. I couldn’t tell you why, though; it’s not a cultural thing for me. I don’t think I’d ever actually say something to a stranger about it, though. > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Incidentally, Miss Manners (in her _Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior_, 1982 ed., p. 105) firmly states, “A gentleman’s at-ease posture while seated is to place one ankle upon the opposite knee.” Therefore, if you are a gentleman, you may rest secure in the knowledge that you are behaving perfectly correctly. Miss Manners also uses a variation of “don’t be a jerk” as a key rule of thumb. She would be unhappy to discover that someone has been citing one of her books to justify inconsiderate behavior. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crossing-your-legs-offensive/643358.md?page=2)