# Cruddy child present or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 23, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913 "2011-05-23T16:15:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/101 "2011-05-24T21:57:23Z")
[Moderator Note]i realize that the OP practically begged for it, but let’s drop the name-calling in IMHO. Y’all are articulate enough to make your points without resorting to it.[/Moderator Note] ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/102 "2011-05-25T01:21:47Z")
Not the same thing as socks, but my grandmother did get each of us kids slippers one year. I got a pair of cat slippers (like bunny slippers, only with cats) – they were white with little turquoise ribbons. And up until I was about six, my Aunt Katie would give everyone a present (she didn’t get married until I was about eight – when I turned four the custom was a present for each kid from our grandparents, and then only our god parents would get each of us a gift, rather than one from everyone). The one year we all got a book of gift certificates for McDonalds. I also used to get lots of Christmas tree ornaments. My cousins and I would do an ornament exchange every year. We’d each get a name, and you’d buy an ornament for that person. We continued doing that up until I was in my twenties. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/103 "2011-05-27T02:05:14Z")
A gift means no strings attached. By attaching money for college it’s not a real gift, it’s more of an “investment” in the future of the child. The same way a wedding ring isn’t a gift but a symbol of the marriage. A gift is given for one to use as the recipient sees fit Truly, how would you like it if the kids, gave you five bucks and said the rest is for a down payment toward your grave. ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/104 "2011-05-27T02:12:47Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > A gift means no strings attached. By attaching money for college it’s not a real gift, it’s more of an “investment” in the future of the child. :rolleyes: An investment whose dividends will be collected by the child, not the investor. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/105 "2011-05-27T02:13:25Z")
> [@constanze](#): > > First, a gift is a gift. Neither you nor your children have a claim to a certain sum from the grandparents. Children have a claim\* to a certain minimum amount from the parents as pocket money\*\*. > > - Under German law, the courts and consumer advocates set guidelines for pocket money, so the parents give enough considering today’s value of Euros. This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Do German children also receive a weekly chocolate ration and a tiny golden trophy upon learning to tie their shoes? ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/106 "2011-05-27T03:05:09Z")
I’ve been looking for “the other side” of this argument (I fall into the “OP is being dickish” camp) and I can’t find it. There’s a lot of entitlement around the OP’s premise. I come from a large extended family, and no one is particularly rich. So phone calls and cards were perfectly acceptable gifts. I was taught this by my parents at a young age. I still to this day think that feeling entitled to gifts is hugely problematic. Maybe it’s okay if a kid expects a present from Mom and Dad, but nobody else. I think the grandparents were incredibly generous. A lot would have given the generous gift of the college fund and nothing else (which is fine, but maybe a little hard for a kid to understand). By sending a “tangible” gift, they’re really providing the best of both worlds. And I honestly don’t know where this idea that your parents are supposed to pay for your college comes from. Well, I do, I guess, but I love my parents and are very close to them - but I was the first to go to college from my family, and did it with scholarships. My mom, apparently, felt very guilty that they weren’t prepared financially to help with college, but I told her that I preferred that I paid for college on my own, and nobody ever told me to change my major, or drop that activity because they were holding the pursestrings. I went to college in my hometown and used my folks’ washing machine and refrigerator throughout college, which is the level of support I needed and appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/107 "2011-05-27T04:12:10Z")
I only wish my relatives would have given my son fewer actual presents and put some of that money into his college fund. One Christmas he receive so many presents he got bored opening them and had a melt down. A token from each and cash to his college fund would have been perfect. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/108 "2011-05-27T08:35:22Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > This knocked loose a buried memory of cruddy gifts from my childhood. > > My parents had some friends who would babysit me and my brother from time to time. Every Christmas, they would give my brother and me a present. My brother would get a cool toy like a Transformers action figure, or a remote controlled car, or something like that. I would get a package of underwear. Every single year for about ten years. On our birthdays, my brother would get a cool toy. I would get a package of underwear. > > That is a cruddy gift. > > And the thing is, I was too dumb to notice the established pattern, and every Christmas or birthday when they would hand me the wrapped gift and I would feel that it was soft, I’d think it was a stuffed animal or a new dress or something I would like. But no, underwear. In cases of unfair favouritism like this, I think the parents should take the giver aside and explain to them why playing favourites is a bad thing, and that it’s better to give both children an equally cheap, but cool, gift (or an equally boring practical gift), than this. If the giver don’t understand or don’t want to change, the parents have a teaching opportunity about being polite, and that some people are prejudiced and why that’s bad, but that they (the parents) will love and treat the children both equally. I do not think it’s a good idea for the parents to lie and “make up” the gifts. In this special case, giving a girl child underwear is seriously creepy and sending all kind of bad vibes and alarm signs to me. ---
**Author:** ![constanze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@constanze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constanze)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/109 "2011-05-27T08:43:33Z")
> [@Hyperelastic](#): > > This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Do German children also receive a weekly chocolate ration and a tiny golden trophy upon learning to tie their shoes? Of course not. Chocolate is bad for health and can produce obesity. And tying shoes is not worth mentioning. However, under German law parents do have an obligation to provide a child with an “Berufsausbildung” - a job education. This can mean sending the child to lower High School until 9th grade and then letting them learn a “trade” (one of the classified Lehrberufe) for 3 years - the cheap option; or it can mean letting them go to advanced High Schooluntil 13th grade and then study at University until a degree (in extreme cases, age 27) - the expensive option. There are regularly court cases to decide what counts as adequate job education: can the child switch tracks at university; can the child learn a trade first and then study at Uni; can the child learn two trades; if the child was lazy during High School, but then wants to go to evening school to get the Abitur and then Uni later, is that covered? And the courts have to decide whether the parents have to pay it for the child (including room and food), or whether the child is on their own. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/110 "2011-05-27T21:57:20Z")
> [@bump](#): > > My wife and I have a standing argument about whether or not this particular Grandparent gift practice in her family is craptastic or not. > > They give our niece and nephew (7 and 9 yrs) some token gift for like $15, and then drop a pretty good sum into their college fund each year- like several hundred bucks. > > My thinking is that this is kind of a cruddy grandparent gift, because the gift to the kid is the $20 dollar gift, and the money in the college fund is essentially a gift to the child’s parents, not to the kid. > > Maybe I’m kind of sensitive- we didn’t have much cash when I was a kid, so I counted on that $25 (in say… 1985 dollars) from my grandparents to let me save up for $50 and more items. Getting a $5 item would have seemed cheap by comparison, and when I was 10, I wouldn’t have appreciated the college fund gift. > > So, am/was I an ungrateful shit, or is that dinky gift/college fund money practice kind of a cruddy way to give gifts to children? My grandparents would put $5 in bank accounts they had set up when we were wee ones. IMHO, you’re being rather ungrateful. What does what you experienced as a kid have to do with your kids today? ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913/111 "2011-05-27T23:09:00Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > I only wish my relatives would have given my son fewer actual presents and put some of that money into his college fund. Same here. Every year, various relatives ask my mom what my kids might like for Christmas or their birthday. Every year, my mom suggests contributions to their college funds. Yet we still end up with lots of toys and stuffed animals that never get played with and copies of books we already have. I would be thrilled if my kids received a small, thoughtful gift ($15 is more than enough) in addition to a generous contribution to their college fund(s). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruddy-child-present-or-not/582913.md?page=5)