# Cruel and Unusual Musical Punishment **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085 "2000-03-22T15:29:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/21 "2000-03-22T20:44:00Z")
ZANFIR!! Master of the Pan Flute!! A few minutes of this (a friend actually had this in her collection) and I will gladly hand over the launch codes to the secret nuclear missle base. * * * _…send lawyers, guns, and money…_ ``` Warren Zevon ``` ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/22 "2000-03-22T21:56:00Z")
John Tesh. – Sylence * * * “Excuse me, are you reading Torah and eating crayons?” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/23 "2000-03-22T23:49:00Z")
My choices have already been mentioned, but I’ll repeat them anyway. 1. Find out what the kid’s favorite song is (or the most popular current song) and make him listen to a 5 or 10 second loop from it for a few hours. 2. Lawrence Welk. 3. Loop the ride of the Valkyries from _Die Walküre_. Make sure the recording includes the Valkyries singing. > [@](#): > > Originally posted by Dirty Devil: > **A few years ago I saw a “Where Are They Now?” kind of thing on TV about old Wayne … He even physically threatened Jonny Carson once backstage because Carson was using him as the butt of some jokes in his opening monologues.** Those jokes revolved around different allegedly effeminate traits Wayne had, implying of course that he was gay. As I recall from his own account on A&E’s Biography, he barged into Carson’s office and very firmly told him to stop. I don’t recall him mentioning any physical threats. * * * “No,” he replied, and smiled seraphically, as was his wont. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/24 "2000-03-23T00:23:00Z")
I personally don’t think the kid got punished. Making him _listen_ to music for a few hours is not punishment, regardless of what the music is. Death metal or church choir, he could tune it out. Think about it. How often have you tuned out background music while shopping? At a wedding? While riding in someone else’s car? If that judge had wanted to give the kid a musical punishment, he should have made the kid actually learn the songs, then do community service by performing those songs in a public venue, like a school or retirement home. 😃 * * * This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here. ---
**Author:** ![billehunt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c37758/32.png) [@billehunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billehunt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/25 "2000-03-23T01:40:00Z")
I saw Wayne Newton on (I think it was) Letterman about a year or two ago, and he rocked! I was totally surprised. He played lead guitar and of course sang. That, coupled with seeing him in movies like ‘Ford Fairlane’ and ‘Vegas Vacation’ have made me kinda dig him. Okay, so I don’t have any of his albums, and can’t sing 'Danke zhen (sp?) to save my life… ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/26 "2000-03-23T03:23:00Z")
Whitney Houston. I Will Always Love You - ooo -ooo - whoodle-ooo etc. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/27 "2000-03-23T05:08:00Z")
If/when I go to Hell, my punishment wouldn’t be to listen to music I already hated - that would only strengthen my resolve and confirm my conceit. No - they would play something I truly love (like Raymond Scott’s "Powerhouse’) OVER AND OVER until it attained the same level of hatefull noise as any other overplayed drek that I loathed in the first place. Same as “you like to sprinkle salt on your food? Here - let’s force feed you this nice bowl of yummy salt!” * * * Your deep sea diving suit is ready, me brave lad. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/28 "2000-03-23T12:12:00Z")
William Shatner and Yoko Ono singing “I will Always Love you” in a duet. Clawson is about 30 miles north of Detroit. ---
**Author:** ![egkelly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/db5fbb/32.png) [@egkelly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/egkelly)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/29 "2000-03-23T14:35:00Z")
My vote for worst torture: “The Best Of Zamfir” or “Zamfor and His Magic Flute”-this would drive a saint insane! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/30 "2000-03-23T14:41:00Z")
## 4th grade band recital and none of the children belong to you. An all strings concerts. Actually, it’s punishment enough even if your kid is in the band. Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny – Ralph Wiggum ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/31 "2000-03-23T14:55:00Z")
I’d definitely go with rap… Oh, you said _musical_ torture. Might I suggest: John Mellencamp Hootie and the Blowfish BareNakedLadies * * * Chaim Mattis Keller [ckeller@kozmo.com](mailto:ckeller@kozmo.com) “Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible. The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.” – Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/32 "2000-03-23T14:59:00Z")
All together now: “We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun…” ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/33 "2000-03-23T15:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Bucky: > \*\* > WORST OF ALL: virtually ANY two pieces of music played at the same time in such a way that I can hear them both! Arggh! > > Bucky\*\* Ooooh! You’d _LOVE_ Charles Ives!! ## Sweet Basil [SRB](http://www.selfrighteousbrothers.com) will get you girls!! ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/34 "2000-03-23T16:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Bluepony: > \*\*ZANFIR!! Master of the Pan Flute!! > \*\* You’re probably familiar with his American pop-music drivel. A few years back, I checked out from the library a CD of Yugoslavian folk music. I very much enjoyed it. Imagine my surprise to discover that much of it was played by Zamfir himself on the panflute!! He really is pretty good, in his **natural** setting. I guess even Hendrix would sound bad if he were playing “Theme From a Summer Place…” Sweet Basil * * * [SRB](http://www.selfrighteousbrothers.com) will get you girls!! ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/35 "2000-03-23T16:16:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Bluepony: > \*\*ZANFIR!! Master of the Pan Flute!! > \*\* You’re probably familiar with his American pop-music drivel. A few years back, I checked out from the library a CD of Yugoslavian folk music. I very much enjoyed it. Imagine my surprise to discover that much of it was played by Zamfir himself on the panflute!! He really is pretty good, in his **natural** setting. I guess even Hendrix would sound bad if he were playing “Theme From a Summer Place…” Sweet Basil * * * [SRB](http://www.selfrighteousbrothers.com) will get you girls!! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/36 "2000-03-23T17:51:00Z")
Bee Gees Celine Dion (already mentioned, but worth repeating) Barry Manilow ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/37 "2000-03-24T00:00:00Z")
Take a pimply-faced Swedish teenager. Add some Iron Maiden midis. Mix in a generous lack of talent, and you have: [Anton Maiden](http://antonmaiden.eu.org/am.html)! * * * TMR “You should apologize for using up oxygen and other essential supplies that are desperately needed for survival by banana slugs.” – Judith Bandsma ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2000, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/38 "2000-03-24T00:06:00Z")
The most horrible form of musical punishment I know isn’t a song, it’s far more diabolical… Play a major scale, slowly and steadily… Do…Re…Mi…Fa…So…La…Ti… … … Don’t play the last Do. Let that empty gnawing silence chew at their mind. * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) “I never meant to hurt you,” you said, And buried yourself in lies instead. Next time I would rather be slain, Than forced to bear your mercy again. ---
**Author:** ![saucy\_potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/edb3f5/32.png) [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2000, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/39 "2000-03-24T01:42:00Z")
Just yesterday I read an article in the paper about some protesters that were camping out at the University of Toronto. Without getting into details, the university decided to play the Backstreet Boys all night long to try and get the protesters to leave. The exact quote was, “This is the first time the Backstreet Boys have been used as a form of sleep deprivation torture.” ---
**Author:** ![Jeannie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@Jeannie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeannie)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2000, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085/40 "2000-03-24T02:02:00Z")
I went to see Wayne Newton in Branson, MO. with my parents when I was about 18 years old. I thought Wayne was fantastic! I really enjoyed the concert. For true torture, try any of the following concerts that I was forced to sit through in Branson: Mel Tillis Glen Campbell Tony Orlando (okay, I do like that “Knock Three Times” song) Or, just see any of the numerous “variety shows” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cruel-and-unusual-musical-punishment/15085.md?page=3)