# Crunchy Frog's New and Improved Welcome Wagon, everyone invited **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067 "2001-04-23T23:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Cation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Cation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cation)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/241 "2001-10-17T00:28:38Z")
I already muddied up the forum by making this an autonomous post but: Hi everyone. Decided it’s about time I plunged into this wonderful cesspool of knowledge (Since i’ve been reading for a while but just haven’t gotten around to posting). A little about myself: I’m a student studying Chemical Engineering at a Philadelphia University. I don’t like to wash clothes. And I have a penchant for the ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/242 "2001-10-17T01:01:29Z")
_ **goonhead** says_: > [@](#): > > \*\* The most odd thing about me with regard to the straigthtdope boards is that I discovered them via the straigthtdope chatroom on Undernet. Most people find the chatroom after familiarizing themselves with the boards and the people posting therein, I’m going at it backwards.\*\* Yes, I’ve seen you at the chatroom. We all talk about you when you leave. Sometimes, a bunch of people call me at work and we have hours long conference calls about how … oh sorry, I’m not suppose to divulge our secret clique secrets. > [@](#): > > \*\*And not to blow my own trumpet, but I’ve already got my own thread going \*\* Newbie, newbie, newbie. So much to learn. To really self-promote, you should have provided a link to that thread. Trust me, I’ve got a PhD in self-promotion. _ **lard2000** joins in_: Hang on, before we get to the quote I want to have a bit of fiun with this username. Try new and improved **lard2000**! Twice as effective as our previous **lard1000**! Hundreds of household uses! Fries chicken! Get rid of annoying cowlicks! Yes no home is complete without **lard2000**! Call now and we’ll toss in the Quadruple Bypass home game _ **FREE** _! > [@](#): > > **I’m in my late 20s, female, and from St. Louis.** You’re turning me on already. BTW - e-mail me. We have a DopeFest in planning for the weekend of the 25-27th this month. Being a newbie does not mean you can’t attend. > [@](#): > > \*\* Along that line, Crunchy, I’ve really enjoyed what you’ve said in other posts about the St. Louis _choke_ Blues. \*\* Yeah, it’s hard to root for a team like that. Every year it looks like it may be “The Year” and every year they fall short. I’m still fuming over them winning the President’s Cup a couple years ago and getting knocked out in the first round by San Jose. _The first fucking round_! By the _Sharks_! What the hell?! > [@](#): > > \*\*Uh, I’m also the manager of a supposedly art-house chain movie theater (though not the coolest one in town, by far). \*\* Which one? Not the one at Plaza Frontenac, is it? I used to work at Plaza Frontenac. _ **Caiata** chimes in_: > [@](#): > > \*\*23-year-old female here, I’ve not been abused yet so I’m very much looking forward to it! (about those nekkid pics … uhh … we like to pretend they don’t exist! So shhh! _nods_) \*\* _You_ may like to pretend the pics don’t exist, but don’t go dragging me into your delusions. The pix are necessary for my labido, er, your survival I mean, on these boards. > [@](#): > > \*\*I haven’t read the whole thread 'cause 200+ posts is a lot, so I don’t know what’s up with the St. Louis Cardinals thing, but I’m originally from St. Louis and the Cards are in my blood, I think I’m going to cry now … damn Arizona … _sniffle_ \*\* The trick to following these threads is not to read every post. Just read mine, since I quote the pertinent information. As for the Cardinal thing, I’m from St. Louis, used to play baseball, and am a die-hard Cardinal/baseball fan. I collect autographed baseballs and have 33 now, mostly Hall of Famers or soon-to-be HOFers.And don’t cry for the Cardinals. Without a strong closer in the bullpen, we wouldn’t have made it much farther even if we had beat the D-backs. > [@](#): > > \*\*I was, however, a dance instructor. Ooh, I belly-dance, does that help? ;D \*\* It helps the hell out of me! BTW, did I mention any claims made in this thread need to be verified by me personally? So drop me a line and we’ll set up an appointment for your belly-dancing demonstration at my place. _ **Rye** arrives_: > [@](#): > > \*\* Hi I’m a 12 year old little bastard in california. I have a disease called fibor myalgia and it causes me to be in a lot of pain, loss of sleep, and tired all the time. I can’t go to school and I don’t have any friends, I like to read these boards because it’s about the only time I can “Talk” to other people besides my family.\*\* I’m not sure what to make of all that, but none of it seems joke-worthy. Welcome aboard. _ **Cation** makes an appearance_: > [@](#): > > \*\*I already muddied up the forum by making this an autonomous post but: Hi everyone. Decided it’s about time I plunged into this wonderful cesspool of knowledge (Since i’ve been reading for a while but just haven’t gotten around to posting). A little about myself: I’m a student studying Chemical Engineering at a Philadelphia University. I don’t like to wash clothes. And I have a penchant for the ridiculous. \*\* Just to clarify, you didn’t necessarily have to post here you know. This isn’t the SDMB “official” Welcome Wagon, just me funnin’ with the newbies. I don’t like to wach clothes either. In fact I don’t like to wash anything, which would explain the leprosy, pus filled infectious sores, and possibly the fungus in the navel. BTW, I have a penchant for the ridiculous too. In fact that’s my middle name - **Crunchy Ridiculous Frog**. ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/243 "2001-10-17T03:19:18Z")
Should I have posted here first before jumping in? I did post a “Newbie Alert” thread on my first day. Does that count? 😕 Sheri ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/244 "2001-10-17T03:25:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DarkWriter \* > \*\*Should I have posted here first before jumping in? > > I did post a “Newbie Alert” thread on my first day. Does that count?\*\* There’s no reason anyone has to post to this thread at all. Starting your own thread is fine. As I said earlier, this isn’t an official Welcome Wagon by any means, just me having a bit of fun with the new people. If you want a welcome, you’ll need to give me a bit of info though. And if you haven’t read any of my welcomes to the other newbies, you may want to check a few out so you know what to expect. (I’m not necessarily nice to people who post here.) ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/245 "2001-10-17T03:31:03Z")
Ha! Do you call this welcomings? Yak pizzle! Insults such as this flaccid tongue wagglings we would shove into a pig’s buttocks to give his farts flavor. If the menfolk in my village were to shame themselves with such puling pubics, the wimmens would pull their upper lips over their heads and nail them to the backs of their skulls with chopsticks. This, for your wagon-welcoming with such non-tumescent noodle-wiggles! Ptui! ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/246 "2001-10-17T03:42:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*There’s no reason anyone has to post to this thread at all. Starting your own thread is fine. As I said earlier, this isn’t an official Welcome Wagon by any means, just me having a bit of fun with the new people. If you want a welcome, you’ll need to give me a bit of info though. And if you haven’t read any of my welcomes to the other newbies, you may want to check a few out so you know what to expect. (I’m not necessarily nice to people who post here.) \*\* Well, if this is a rite of passage, count me in! I’m a 35- (soon to be 36) year-old mom of three girls, ages almost-13, 6 and almost 4. Almost-13 lives with my EX. Hubby is a software developer and all-around computer gaming nerd. I stay at home with said children and write horror stories every chance I get. Once in a while get published. I live in Maryland, but I hate it. I’d rather be in Texas or Florida where it doesn’t snow. That’ll do for now, I suppose. Sheri ---
**Author:** ![SweetLilKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@SweetLilKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetLilKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/247 "2001-10-17T04:04:00Z")
Hey Everyone, I’m a 20 year old female from PA. I’m a junior, a psych major, and a member of Alpha Phi Omega (co-ed service fraternity). Currently I’m a slave for Aramark… I mean I work as a cook for them. I guess that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/248 "2001-10-17T04:11:07Z")
_ **Yondan** spews forth_: > [@](#): > > \*\* Ha! Do you call this welcomings? Yak pizzle! Insults such as this flaccid tongue wagglings we would shove into a pig’s buttocks to give his farts flavor.\*\* Technically, it’s not “tongue wagglings” since I’m typing this and I don’t need to move my lips when I read. And seeing as this is MPSIMS and not the Pit I do try to behave myself. And whatever you do to give your pig’s farts flavor is your own businees, man. I’m not into tasting pig’s farts myself, but hey, whatever rocks your cock. > [@](#): > > \*\* If the menfolk in my village were to shame themselves with such puling pubics, the wimmens would pull their upper lips over their heads and nail them to the backs of their skulls with chopsticks. \*\* If only you would do the same as your wimmens. Time to get off the village computer now, grasshopper. The chief of your tribe wants to download some shemale bukkake pics. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye now. _ **DarkWriter** joins in_: > [@](#): > > **I stay at home with said children and write horror stories every chance I get. Once in a while get published.** Ok, female newbie, send the nekkid pics, y’all should know the drill by now. So bedtime sounds interesting. **Kid** : Mommy tell us a bedtime story! **Mommy** : Ok, this one is about the man who killed his girlfriend, but then the girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend made a deal with Satan to raise her from the dead. And now her rotting corpse walks the land, hungry for human flesh and revenge against the man who killed her while her ex-boyfriend tries to escape the Pits of Hell. **Kid** : Oh crap, that one _again_?! > [@](#): > > **I live in Maryland, but I hate it. I’d rather be in Texas or Florida where it doesn’t snow.** And I’d rather live in a state where daily blowjobs are mandatorily given to all male residents by supermodels who swallow and are flown in on a regular basis. I called the governor once about getting legislation passed, but he just reminded me that the restraining order prevents me from calling him anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/249 "2001-10-17T04:22:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SweetLilKitty \* > \*\*I’m a 20 year old female from PA. \*\* Ok, I’m getting tired of saying this to everyone, but it’s my job and I’ll tough it out no matter how long it takes: I need to see your nekkidness. Send pics ASAP. > [@](#): > > \*\* I’m a junior, a psych major, and a member of Alpha Phi Omega (co-ed service fraternity). \*\* A psych major? Oh good. We have a newbie named **Yondan** that can use your help I think. He’s got a thing for pig farts. What does Freud say about that? Or are you more a student of Jung? > [@](#): > > \*\*Currently I’m a slave for Aramark… I mean I work as a cook for them. I guess that’s about it. \*\* ::insert waggling eyebrows:: You can cook for me anytime, baby. How do you feel about guys with tattoos? ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/250 "2001-10-17T04:57:51Z")
Hi Everyone! Well, I have been on this board for almost a year, but I have never been officially welcomed, so I figured that I would put in a nice big “Howdy!” I am 20 years old, and I work at a State Park. I am in college, majoring in Biology. There is absolutely nothing interesting about me. Well, some people think that it is interesting that I am a triplet, but, in truth, I only mention that here for one reason, and that is the nekkid pics factor. As for the nekkid pics…well, lets just say that you REALLY wouldn’t want any nekkid pics of me. However, **Shera** looks almost exactly like me, but with a much nicer body, so I will leave the nekkid pic part to her. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/251 "2001-10-17T07:08:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* ``` Which one? Not the one at Plaza Frontenac, is it? I used to work at Plaza Frontenac. ``` * * * Uh…what if it is Frontenac? Should I just go away now? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/252 "2001-10-17T11:17:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lard2000 \* > \*\*Uh…what if it is Frontenac? Should I just go away now? \*\* Nothing wrong with Frontenac, I was just wondering. I didn’t work at the theatre there, I was the night security supervisor. I did see _The Tailor of Panama_ there though. Nice place. ---
**Author:** ![Rye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e56c9b/32.png) [@Rye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rye)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/253 "2001-10-17T11:21:12Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m not sure what to make of all that, but none of it seems joke-worthy. Welcome aboard. There’s nothing really interesting about my life to make fun of, except the fact that I lurk around these boards. ---
**Author:** ![SweetLilKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@SweetLilKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetLilKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/254 "2001-10-17T14:03:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > ::insert waggling eyebrows:: > You can cook for me anytime, baby. How do you feel about guys with tattoos? \*\* I dig guys with tattoos, so I’ll cook for you Crunchy, but how do you feel about chicks with piercings? ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/255 "2001-10-17T14:12:13Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* **Technically, it’s not “tongue wagglings” since I’m typing this and I don’t need to move my lips when I read. And seeing as this is MPSIMS and not the Pit I do try to behave myself. And whatever you do to give your pig’s farts flavor is your own businees, man. I’m not into tasting pig’s farts myself, but hey, whatever rocks your cock.If only you would do the same as your wimmens. Time to get off the village computer now, grasshopper. The chief of your tribe wants to download some shemale bukkake pics. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye now.** Ho! Not bad for child-playing with sharp instruments! Your invective grows in spicy increments. I think I will enjoy it here, among such ones. ---
**Author:** ![Shera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Shera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shera)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/256 "2001-10-17T15:59:34Z")
Hey! I already sent them, there,uh…in the mail. Yeah That’s it. There in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/257 "2001-10-19T22:13:54Z")
\*\*\*heraldgwena \*_says_: **Well, some people think that it is interesting that I am a triplet, but, in truth, I only mention that here for one reason, and that is the nekkid pics factor.** [/quote] Woo hoo! Nekkid triplet pics! Of course I’m sure you could find something interesting about yourself if you tried. Any hobbies? How about Jello wrestling? Ya into that? That’d be interesting. Or talking your sisters into joining you in sex acts with guys from message boards? That’d really be interesting. > [@](#): > > **As for the nekkid pics…well, lets just say that you REALLY wouldn’t want any nekkid pics of me.** Re-read the thread. I’ve been over this before. _ **SweetLilKitty** says_: > [@](#): > > **I dig guys with tattoos, so I’ll cook for you Crunchy, but how do you feel about chicks with piercings?** Piercings where? ---
**Author:** ![Arwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7c8e57/32.png) [@Arwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwen)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/258 "2001-10-19T22:25:18Z")
Since someone has resurrected this, and I am relatively new, can you welcome me? The nekkid pics are getting developed as we speak, I will send them to you when they are done (insert evil grin here) I am Arwen, I am Canadian. I am COOL, dammit, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. I like to lurk rather than write, since I am usually just putting in my two cents worth. Mowt people ignore these posts. That is good. I like cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/259 "2001-10-19T22:41:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arwen \* > **The nekkid pics are getting developed as we speak, I will send them to you when they are done (insert evil grin here)** The penalty for lying about naked pics is punishable up to 10 years of listening to Yoko Ono singing. > [@](#): > > **I am Arwen, I am Canadian. I am COOL, dammit, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.** But I already let **Dyno Saur** tell me what a loser you are. Now that’s it’s been done, I can’t un-let him tell me. And **Slip Mahoney** says you’re the uncoolest person he’s ever been ashamed to say is Canadian. And the\*\* Little Blue Men\*\* said I should kill my boss as they stole the hair from my shower drain to build their nests in the walls. The **Little Blue Men** tell me lots of things. Who should I listen too? Good luck with the cheese thing. ---
**Author:** ![SweetLilKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@SweetLilKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetLilKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/260 "2001-10-20T03:25:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Crunchy Frog_\*\* Piercings where? \*\* [/QUOTE] Six in each ear and my tongue. I know it isn’t that big of a deal but some people,well… a lot of people have a problem with it. Just thought I’d ask, before I really offered to cook for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=14)