# Crunchy Frog's New and Improved Welcome Wagon, everyone invited **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067 "2001-04-23T23:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Another\_Primate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/281 "2001-11-10T22:09:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > BTW, I’m glad you posted so early, it gives me a chance to point out a little pet peeve of mine to all the newbies. > Remember how I mentioned earlier that your name appears just to the left of your post? It does, really, go check it out. That means, you do **not** need to sign your screen name at the end of the post. We can all see it perfectly well just there to the left. > > Thank you. Well, am I ever glad I decided to read this thread. I’ve been wasting my finger-power typing “-Another” at the end of my threads. I will stop now. Not just because I like you, **Crunchy** , but because you’re right. (Dang, do you know how hard it is to break a bad habit?) [strikethrough]-Another[/strikethrough] ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/282 "2001-11-10T22:32:59Z")
Hi, ok I am truely a newbie here. Just found the site few days ago and registered today. Not really sure you wanna know to much info, so I will be brief. Female, 34, Divorced(whew) outside of Houston, Tx. I am honest and sarcastic whatta combo. Sorry no nudie pics. ( you are all the better for it~trust me~ lol) I like the humorous topics and the odd ones. Not to much in to the “deep thought” stuff. Thanks for the welcome 🙂 Don’t be to rough on me now 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Another\_Primate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/283 "2001-11-10T22:51:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > Nick Park and Indiana Jones have collaborated on projects? What was it called - _Raiders of the Wrong Trousers_? Doggone you, **Crunchy** , I broke two ribs Hallowe’en morning, and they still hurt, and I just went ballistic over this one. Close-Shaving Temple. Doom of Close Shaves. Indiana Feathers. Nope, yours is the best. Grand Day Out in the Temple of Doom. No, you win. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/284 "2001-11-11T00:02:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by modro \* > Hello, I am new, punish me. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I can see you assuming the position already. BTW, the safe word is supercalifragilisticexplidocious, backwords, in Pig Latin. > [@](#): > > After seeing all of these warm, heartfelt welcomes, I had to pop in. Whoo hoo. > [@](#): > > I am 19, and like mustard, but will someone please tell me why my ass is suddenly enlarging? It is a touch uncomfortable. Quite simple, for every object you absorb rectally, you should _remove_ an object. You’re suffering from latex overdose, pal, get thee to an emergency room. > [@](#): > > I’ve been lurking on these boards for a while now, and just recently decided to take a more active role in here. whoo hoo. Excuse me, the excitement made me incontinent, back in a jiff. > [@](#): > > Unfortunately, I must disagree with **Crunchy Frog** , Scooby Doo was the greatest cartoon, followed closely by Transformers in my formative years. He-Man was good mind you, but the power of Greyskull has nothing on a box of Scooby Snacks. I’m back…WTF??? You _dared_ to disagree with **Crunchy**? And over a cartoon the advocated drug use and threesomes? [sub]Hello, Fred ALWAYS takes the chicks to the Mystery Machine to “look for clues”.[/sub] On second thought, **Crunchy** wouldn’t mind the threesome part… [sub]And I lost my High Priestess title for too much independent thought, but this putz can waltz in and disagree with him? Grrr[/sub] > [@](#): > > Too bad I am lacking a digi-cam, I might have some trouble coughing up some pics for **Hardygrrl**. how about I just send my naked body to you? You can take all the pics you want. Nope, I’m sure you can disappoint me sexually from far away. No need to test it at a closer distance. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/285 "2001-11-11T00:18:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* > Hi, ok I am truely a newbie here. Just found the site few days ago and registered today. Good, we can really mess with this one. FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT! > [@](#): > > Not really sure you wanna know to much info, so I will be brief. Oh, that just won’t do. Feel free to tell me EVERYTHING about you as I listen. When I close my eyes, I’m listening _really_ intently. When I turn away, it’s to concentrate to your pearls of wisdom. > [@](#): > > Female, 34, Divorced(whew) outside of Houston, Tx. I am honest and sarcastic whatta combo. Sorry no nudie pics. ( you are all the better for it~trust me~ lol) > I like the humorous topics and the odd ones. Not to much in to the “deep thought” stuff. First, the rule **clearly** states females **must** send in the naked pictures. If he saw me naked, he sees _every female_ naked. No exceptions. Second, you happened to notice the banner about Fighting Ignorance, right? Or were you too busy playing with a ball of foil to notice? Third, since I **know Crunchy would say it** , did it hurt when the Cardinals mabe the Astros their bitches? [sub]Forgive me Harry Caray, for I have sinned and supported the Red Birds.[/sub] > [@](#): > > Thanks for the welcome 🙂 Don’t be to rough on me now 😉 ``` Ok, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! "To" as in "I go to the store" and "too" as in "Is it too hard to remember proper English?" ``` ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/286 "2001-11-11T00:30:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by ~Sky~ \* > > Hi, ok I am truely a newbie here. Just found the site few days ago and registered today. > > Good, we can really mess with this one. FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT! > > > [@](#): > > > > Not really sure you wanna know to much info, so I will be brief. > > Oh, that just won’t do. Feel free to tell me EVERYTHING about you as I listen. When I close my eyes, I’m listening _really_ intently. When I turn away, it’s to concentrate to your pearls of wisdom. > > Oh, I am full of wisdom > > > [@](#): > > > > Female, 34, Divorced(whew) outside of Houston, Tx. I am honest and sarcastic whatta combo. Sorry no nudie pics. ( you are all the better for it~trust me~ lol) > > I like the humorous topics and the odd ones. Not to much in to the “deep thought” stuff. > > First, the rule **clearly** states females **must** send in the naked pictures. If he saw me naked, he sees _every female_ naked. No exceptions. Second, you happened to notice the banner about Fighting Ignorance, right? Or were you too busy playing with a ball of foil to notice? Third, since I **know Crunchy would say it** , did it hurt when the Cardinals mabe the Astros their bitches? [sub]Forgive me Harry Caray, for I have sinned and supported the Red Birds.[/sub] > > I asume you meant “made” and I could care less. Not a sports fan :eek:_ugh, gasp, shock_:eek: > > The ball was not made of foil > > Well, I will send a nude pic~~ “It’s in the mail, along with a check” 😉 > > > [@](#): > > > > Thanks for the welcome 🙂 Don’t be to rough on me now 😉 > > ``` > Ok, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! "To" as in "I go to the store" and "too" as in "Is it too hard to remember proper English?" ** > > ``` Sorry, will try harder next time. Hopefuly you will watch the spelling next time as well . 😉 Thanks for the glorious welcome 😃 ~Cheers~ ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/287 "2001-11-11T00:41:58Z")
I’ll watch the typos and you watch the coding, m’kay? BTW, it’s scarcasm, not sarcasim. I believe _sarcasim_ is a rare form of skin cancer contracted by exposure to Longhorn feces. **Crunchy** can diagnose you when he gets the pics. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/288 "2001-11-11T00:46:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*I’ll watch the typos and you watch the coding, m’kay? > > BTW, it’s scarcasm, not sarcasim. I believe _sarcasim_ is a rare form of skin cancer contracted by exposure to Longhorn feces. **Crunchy** can diagnose you when he gets the pics. \*\* Goddamn Gaudere’s Law! ☹ S\_A\_R\_C\_A\_S\_M ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/289 "2001-11-11T00:48:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*I’ll watch the typos and you watch the coding, m’kay? > > BTW, it’s scarcasm, not sarcasim. I believe _sarcasim_ is a rare form of skin cancer contracted by exposure to Longhorn feces. **Crunchy** can diagnose you when he gets the pics. \*\* Whoops, Like I said I am new. Different from other boards I have used. Coding is different and I thought with the edit icon, I could edit my own post, but can’t sorry. Fixed that there sarcasm problem there as well. Thanks for pointin it out fer me 😉 Ta~ ---
**Author:** ![\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b2d939/32.png) [@\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/290 "2001-11-11T00:52:59Z")
Okay ? ? ? Thanks 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beardedcrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@Beardedcrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beardedcrow)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/291 "2001-11-11T02:47:30Z")
1. Don’t Mess With Texas Witches! Yes, that is a Pentagram in our State flag, thank you for asking! 2.Wonderful Whirla and I have been together 7 years, 1 month and 12 days 2. Hi,Opal! 3. I am not a mechanic, if I ever sound like one, don’t believe me. 4. When they get the Big Wall finished out back of our house, I think there will not be enough room for the Vagina Garden. The Vagina Garden will have to go up against the house and I can switch the Head and Testicles of the Penis garden so it points at the Labia Garden. Against the wall, I will put the Pubic Jungle. 5. There is no number 6. 6. Wonderful WhirlaWhirla has all the naked pictures of me, she might give you one. Bribing her with a Damiana Screwdriver would work, I think. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/292 "2001-11-11T03:15:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Beardedcrow \* > [@](#): > > 1. Don’t Mess With Texas Witches! Yes, that is a Pentagram in our State flag, thank you for asking! First, I am a witch, and **Crunchy Frog** is the Center of the Universe. Get your terms straight, sparky. > [@](#): > > 2.Wonderful Whirla and I have been together 7 years, 1 month and 12 days _Whirla_? You have to be pulling my chain, right? Tell me that’s a nickname you devised as you spun her on your teeny erection. And is it a relationship or a prison sentence? > [@](#): > > 1. Hi,Opal! Opal says “Bite me, newbie.” > [@](#): > > 1. I am not a mechanic, if I ever sound like one, don’t believe me. Well, I am _not_ a riding lawn mower or a bowl of jello. Just your everyday punk rock girly girl. > [@](#): > > 1. When they get the Big Wall finished out back of our house, I think there will not be enough room for the Vagina Garden. The Vagina Garden will have to go up against the house and I can switch the Head and Testicles of the Penis garden so it points at the Labia Garden. Against the wall, I will put the Pubic Jungle. Back slowly away from the porn, m’kay? I’ve heard of some sick ass shit, but performing sex acts with innocent shubbery is just plain **wrong**. > [@](#): > > 1. There is no number 6. [Hamlet] I am slain![/Hamlet] [Wallace] We’re out of cheese[/Wallace] Sorry, got sucked into the Vortex of Pointlessness. > [@](#): > > 1. Wonderful WhirlaWhirla has all the naked pictures of me, she might give you one. Bribing her with a Damiana Screwdriver would work, I think. Yep, all I need is another picture of a naked Doper. Good to know your lovely wife is easily influenced by alcohol. THAT explains a lot. NEXT! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/293 "2001-11-11T04:35:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Another Primate \* > [@](#): > > Well, am I ever glad I decided to read this thread. I’ve been wasting my finger-power typing “-Another” at the end of my threads. I will stop now. Not just because I like you, **Crunchy** , but because you’re right. > (Dang, do you know how hard it is to break a bad habit?) > [strikethrough]-Another[/strikethrough] And now you can dedicate your finger power to downloading those Kathie Lee Gifford bukkake pics. More power to ya. ---
**Author:** ![modro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@modro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/modro)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/294 "2001-11-11T06:26:48Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Quite simple, for every object you absorb rectally, you should _remove_ an object. You’re suffering from latex overdose, pal, get thee to an emergency room. \*\* I don’t know what kind of funky stuff you are into during sex, but it was always my opinion that the condom left _with_ the penis, not taking up a permanant lodging. > [@](#): > > \*\*Nope, I’m sure you can disappoint me sexually from far away. No need to test it at a closer distance. \*\* That may indeed be the case, but I can safely say I would be rather disappointed myself. I bet **Esprix** would be _far_ from dissapointed though. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/295 "2001-11-12T01:41:23Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by modro \* > [@](#): > > I don’t know what kind of funky stuff you are into during sex, but it was always my opinion that the condom left _with_ the penis, not taking up a permanant lodging. Oops, I was supposed to take the penis _out_? That explains things. No wonder I’ve been walking funny. > [@](#): > > That may indeed be the case, but I can safely say I would be rather disappointed myself. I bet **Esprix** would be _far_ from dissapointed though. 😉 As a memeber of the Imaginary Straight Dope Clique[sup]TM[/sup], all requests to flirt with **Esprix** come through me. Get in line, chuckles. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/296 "2001-11-12T04:35:01Z")
New Guy checking in. Hi all, I don’t believe I have ever run into this large of a group of intelligent, thoughtful people ever before. Quite amazing. My two basic rules for living. This has got me to 40 years old so they can’t be all bad. 1. If you’re not sure if you should say it, don’t. 2. If you’re not sure if you should do it, do. Enipla, Or Alpine backwards. My Dogs name. And Greetings, or I mean WOOF. ---
**Author:** ![Playdeaux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e99b99/32.png) [@Playdeaux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Playdeaux)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/297 "2001-11-12T06:37:02Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by modro \* > Hello, I am new, punish me. > [@](#): > > You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I can see you assuming the position already. BTW, the safe word is supercalifragilisticexplidocious, backwords, in Pig Latin.\*\* Okay, I always thought the safe word was **OW!** Please feel free to correct **modro** if I am wrong… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/298 "2001-11-12T07:51:30Z")
Just wanted to pop in and see how things were going. Just two little critisisms for **hardygrrl**. **beardedcrow’s** rule 6 is a Monty Python reference and as such, is not pointless. The Cardinals did not make the Astro’s our bitches this year. We tied for best record in the NL and the Cardinals got sent to the Wild Card spot because the Astros won more games vs the Cardinals during the regular season. Ok, this thing is pushing 7 pages, it’s geting to be a bit long, so give it another page or so and I’ll ask a mod to close it (or they might do it on their own accord) and, if the mods don’t have a problem with it, I’ll start Welcome Wagon III. If a new one does need to be started, it’ll probably have to wait till next week as I’m going under the knife soon and don’t think I’ll be back for a few more days. Carry on. [sub]Stupid newbies don’t even know to wait till I’m healthy before they go posting to this thing! Deny me of the pleasure of greeting them myself. Stupid frickin newbies…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2001, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/299 "2001-11-12T12:47:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by enipla \* > [@](#): > > New Guy checking in. Whoo hoo > [@](#): > > Hi all, > > I don’t believe I have ever run into this large of a group of intelligent, thoughtful people ever before. > > Quite amazing. Proper sucking up? _check_ > [@](#): > > My two basic rules for living. > This has got me to 40 years old so they can’t be all bad. > > 1. If you’re not sure if you should say it, don’t. > > 2. If you’re not sure if you should do it, do. Shit, I wouldn’t have 2000= posts if I THOUGHT about things. Where’s your devil may care sense of newbie adventure? > [@](#): > > Enipla, > > Or Alpine backwards. My Dogs name. > > And Greetings, or I mean WOOF. Great, another Doper with a split personality.::Loads the gun with Thorazine darts:: NEXT! ---
**Author:** ![RaCha\_ar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@RaCha\_ar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaCha_ar)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/300 "2001-11-13T06:27:56Z")
::peek:: Um, hi. I’m new. ::shuffling of feet:: And very nervous. I’m Saffs. Long-time lurker who finally got some chutzpah and registered and has been posting WAY too much in the twelve hours I’ve been registered. I know classics and Greek and stuff, so if you’ve ever wondered what John 3:16 sounds like in Greek I’m your man. Er, woman. I consider myself a writer; others consider me a hack. I roleplay online on AOHell – their roleplaying forum is the ONLY reason I hang around there so don’t get any funny ideas about me based on my dependence upon inferior Internet software or any of the other stuff people spew at me when lambasting my AOL-ness. I am a college student and quite lacking in funny at 1:30 in the morning. Otherwise, I’m quite mundane. And I shall now wait to be greeted. w00t. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=16)