# Crunchy Frog's New and Improved Welcome Wagon, everyone invited **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067 "2001-04-23T23:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/21 "2001-04-24T01:35:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > Ok, ok, bend over and I’ll give a spanking, but I don’t want this to get to be a habit with you people… > Ok, **Arden** , what’ll it be? Paddle, hand, or cat o’nine tails? > \*\* I’m feeling adventerous. You pick. You’re not going to get hit with a shoe or a toaster again, are you? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/22 "2001-04-24T01:39:01Z")
**TP** : > [@](#): > > **TP wonders idly how long it will take Crunchy to put her over his knee** Rule #8) No trolling for spankings. You got your welcome already in the last thread (and IIRC, you were mad at me for it too). I knew I shouldn’t have offered to spank **Arden Ranger** , this is on the verge of degenerating into a flirt-fest… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Since I missed the first thread and can’t resist such well crafted abuse… > I’m a redhead who is addicted to flirting. I also tend to drink heavily if properly motivated. > Bring on the pain Crunchy… \*\* It’s no fun if you _like_ it! Besides, you give me nothing to work with. So you’re a flirtatious redhead. Not that I don’t _like_ flirtatious redheads who can be persuaded to get drunk, but there’s not much there for me to work with. Oh, wait, I’m sorry - is that the limit of your personality? Is that all you have to offer? I didn’t realize you were so uninteresting IRL as well as on the boards! Don’t worry, I’m here to help. We’ll shape you a personality in no time. First, we need to get you out of the house. Really, you have to get out some. I’d put some sunscreen on if I were you. If you’ve been in for too long, actaul sunlight hitting your body may be quite a shock to the system. So first, get outside and walk, do something. Pretty soon, you’ll be living the wild life just like **Wastrel** , then you may have something to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/23 "2001-04-24T01:43:22Z")
Damn. All hail Crunchy, Master of the Universe. And I am SO living the wild life. Excuse me while I go drink milk from the carton and go play pinochle. All while riding an escalator. I’m so talented. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/24 "2001-04-24T01:49:55Z")
Damn Crunchy…you’re the assclown of evil. And I get out plenty,my pet… when you celebrate last call by dancing on the bar give me a call,m’kay? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/25 "2001-04-24T01:56:20Z")
_ **MsRobyn** _ joins the fray: > [@](#): > > \*\* Hi, I’m MsRobyn, chat’s resident vacuous twit. Well, chat’s resident something. > > CF, honey, if I sent you nekkid pictures, you’d be in therapy for years to come. > > Robin\*\* Ok, so you go to chat. I’ve been a total of 2 times. Didn’t see you there. And as far as I’m concerned, chat has nothing to do with this place, so I couldn’t care less if you were chat’s resident rimjobber. And you send the pix, I’ll decide what kind of therapy I’ll need. BTW, I’m glad you posted so early, it gives me a chance to point out a little pet peeve of mine to all the newbies. Remember how I mentioned earlier that your name appears just to the left of your post? It does, really, go check it out. That means, you do **not** need to sign your screen name at the end of the post. We can all see it perfectly well just there to the left. Thank you. **Arden Ranger** , sorry, but we’ll have to save the actual spanking for another thread, lest this one get hijacked full of flirters spanking each other and getting naked. I’ve had a number of my threads degenerate into orgies (I’m sure **iampunha** remembers the Female Newbie Check-in a while back. Boy, that thread sure got away from me…) I’m going to try to keep this one on track. BTW - if I _were_ to spank you, I’d have used the cat o’nine tails. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/26 "2001-04-24T02:14:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Damn Crunchy…you’re the assclown of evil. > And I get out plenty,my pet… > when you celebrate last call by dancing on the bar give me a call,m’kay? \*\* Regardless how you meant it, I’ll take “assclown of evil” as a compliment (although it sure as hell doesn’t sound like one). And usually when I go out, before last call I’d have already found someone to take home for the rest of the night, so I’m not even _at_ the bar to dance on it. 😉 :shakes head: If you only knew some of the shit I’ve been into… ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/27 "2001-04-24T02:18:00Z")
That’s okay, hon. Good things are worth waiting for. 😉 And all you newbies can bite me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/28 "2001-04-24T02:21:40Z")
BTW- Rule 9) Don’t argue the facts of my welcomes, ok, people? I really don’t know any of you and I’m just pulling stuff out of my ass here. Of course most of it won’t be true. I’m just playing around. Feel free to play back with me, but please don’t feel like you need to defend yourself against some of the things I say in this thread. It’s all BS and not to be taken seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/29 "2001-04-24T02:26:00Z")
Hi, I’m Totoro. I’d say more, but you don’t care. I’ve been posting for like 6 months, and people still don’t know who the hell I am, other than from the Calvinball game. Now I have to go to bed. I’m a young’un. ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/30 "2001-04-24T02:26:55Z")
Yeah, I figured as much, Crunchy. Anyone want to ride the escalator with me?? (That is hilarious, I think it’ll be my catchphrase now) Guess it’s not as bad as having fun on the elevator. Wheeeeew-ieee, those thing are too scary for me! ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/31 "2001-04-24T02:27:58Z")
I sincerely like mustard and I’m not Jewish. Welcome me at your leisure. Many thanks, * * * ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/32 "2001-04-24T02:31:34Z")
Assclown of evil…that just screams "new sig for Crunchy:) It is trademarked,however,so make to credit me or face legal action. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/33 "2001-04-24T02:38:50Z")
_ **Totoro** _ says: > [@](#): > > **Hi, I’m Totoro. I’d say more, but you don’t care. I’ve been posting for like 6 months, and people still don’t know who the hell I am, other than from the Calvinball game. Now I have to go to bed. I’m a young’un.** Hi **Totoro** , I figured it was you from when I saw your username _at the left of your post_! And people do too know who the hell you are, you’re the guy from the Calvinball thread. Quit yer bitchin, some people aren’t even known for that much. _ **Wastrel** _ returns > [@](#): > > **Anyone want to ride the escalator with me?? > (That is hilarious, I think it’ll be my catchphrase now)** It’s ok, but not as good as being the “assclown of evil” which will be going into my sig presently. _ **katiekilldare** _ says: \*\* > [@](#): > > I sincerely like mustard and I’m not Jewish. Welcome me at your leisure. \*\* Yeah, that’s wonderful. You like mustard and you’re a gentile, just like me! We have so much in common we should be bestest friends and get married! :rolleyes: Now if you want to be properly welcomed, you need to add a little info there. It’s not easy making up stuff for everyone who decides they don’t want to put forth the effort in providing me with some material to work with. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/34 "2001-04-24T02:38:50Z")
Tie me to a hog and throw me in the mud! Batrachian Boy hath returned with more of his contemptuous cerebral contortions. Life is good! Line up the newbies and we’ll catch 'em all with just one bullet **Chrunchmeister**. Pluck your magic twanger **Froggy**! ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/35 "2001-04-24T02:48:28Z")
Hi. I am a sophmore Classics major. I attend Boston University and live among the rats on Bay State road. I am blond, quiet and inconspicuous. In fact, I don’t think anyone notices I’m here… I have lurked for many a long day and tremble in awe before your greatness. _curtseys deeply_ ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/36 "2001-04-24T02:51:39Z")
Fodder for my proper welcome: I’m a student at the Univ of S Fl, I watch entirely too much TV and see too many movies, I’m married with no children, and I named my dog after a Hobbit. And my hair is not naturally red. Aaaaaand I like grilled cheese sandwiches. But my love of condiments is directed almost solely at mustard. ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/37 "2001-04-24T02:52:30Z")
Yeah Crunchy, “assclown of evil” does have a nice ring to it. But it inspires bad images of asses of clowns who are evil. Or is it an ass that _looks_ like a clown that is evil? The possibilities are disturbing, yet endless. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/38 "2001-04-24T03:41:16Z")
_ **arisu** _ says… I don’t know, something, I wasn’t really paying attention. \*\* > [@](#): > > I am a sophmore Classics major.\*\* Let’s stop right here for a second. I now direct you to rule #7. I’ll be expecting to see an email from you soon. \*\* > [@](#): > > I attend Boston University and live among the rats on Bay State road.\*\* You live on the street?! You poor thing! One question though, how do you have access to the internet if you’re homeless? You can come stay with me if you don’t mind moving to St Louis, but at least then you’d have a roof over your head. \*\* > [@](#): > > I am blond, quiet and inconspicuous. In fact, I don’t think anyone notices I’m here… \*\* They’ll notice now that you’ve met me. I make or break people here. Did you know that **Coldfire** was just another poster when I first got here? He was teased and called rude names like “Clog Boy” and “Cold Clogs”. Then he met me. Now he’s a moderator and is respected and powerful. I could do the same for you. [Jon Lovitz] Get to know me! [/Jon Lovitz] \*\* > [@](#): > > I have lurked for many a long day and tremble in awe before your greatness. > _curtseys deeply_\*\* Kissing my ass(clown) will get you no special treatment. And as far as that cutsey goes, I much prefer a woman on her knees. 😉 _ **katiekilldare** _ is back: > [@](#): > > **I’m a student at the Univ of S Fl, I watch entirely too much TV and see too many movies, I’m married with no children, and I named my dog after a Hobbit. And my hair is not naturally red. Aaaaaand I like grilled cheese sandwiches.** Too bad you didn’t get things right the first time, because I’ve totally lost interest in welcoming you now. Besides, you seem very confused - a person can never see too many movies. I love film, good, bad, classics, mediocre, I’ll watch them all. You have offended me with your statements. So which Hobbit is the dog named after? Bilbo, Frodo, Sam, Merry? I want to get a Black Labrador. Solid black. At first I thought of naming him Stay, but that would just be confusing. “Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.” Eventually the dog would have a nervous breakdown. Either that, or I would have the break down trying to get the dog to stay, but he keeps answering - “No, just stay, Stay! Stay there! No, just STAY! Sit! Stay! NOOO!!!” Then I thought about naming my solid black Lab “Spot” First, because the dog would have no spots, so the name would just confuse people. Second, because for such a cliched name, I’ve never actually met a person with a dog named Spot (or Rover, or Fido…). And finally, I wanted to be able to look out the window to where my dog is playing and say to my firends. “See Spot? See Spot run? Run, Spot, run!” _ **Wastrel** _ is here _again_ > [@](#): > > **Yeah Crunchy, “assclown of evil” does have a nice ring to it. But it inspires bad images of asses of clowns who are evil. Or is it an ass that looks like a clown that is evil? The possibilities are disturbing, yet endless.** Well I figured the “of evil” part means that I’m evil, not that my ass or any clown is evil. I’m the evil part. I figure the assclown part must be that someone told **hardygrrl** about my penchant for getting clown make-up kits and drawing the faces on my ass. Just a little habit I picked up while in the military, everyone was doing it. ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/39 "2001-04-24T03:52:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*So which Hobbit is the dog named after? Bilbo, Frodo, Sam, Merry? \*\* “Took”, named after Pippin. Although we did discuss the possibility of “Later” or “Holy Mary Mother of God”. Have you lost all interest in nude pics? I’ve really messed up this time, haven’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/40 "2001-04-24T04:11:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by katiekilldare \* > \*\*Have you lost all interest in nude pics? I’ve really messed up this time, haven’t I? \*\* :sigh: Frickin’ newbies, I swear. You must still send the pics. Those were the rules as were very clearly outlined above. Have you not read any of the OP, or do you have some sort of reading disability wherein you do not comprehend that which you read? Should I start using smaller words when posting to you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=3)