# Crunchy Frog's New and Improved Welcome Wagon, everyone invited **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067 "2001-04-23T23:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/61 "2001-04-24T22:21:52Z")
Since I’ve been posting here lately, I guess I should introduce myself. My name’s Rick. I’m a systems engineer for an instruments division of a medium-sized aerospace company. I’m single, white, and mostly heterosexual. I’m studying for my Masters in EE (12 years after earning the BSEE) and just ignored my 36th birthday last week. I’m a veteran netizen, remembering fondly the days of Usenet before spam, and lately my favorite newsgroups are alt.tasteless, alt.peeves, and rec.arts.movies.erotica. :o But I promise to be good and observe the rules of decorum here… such as they are. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/62 "2001-04-24T22:28:14Z")
_ **eunoia** _, don’t worry, pal, I saw your there. Don’t know why my “assistants” ignored you. > [@](#): > > \*\*Here goes, I’m male, mental age 17, homeless, I created this thread: > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68257](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68257) > rated “Worst Thread Ever” by Comic Book Guy \*\* Mental age 17. Great, another emotionally stunted walking bag of hormonal plentitude. Just what this board needs. And I guess you haven’t mastered the art of posting a link. I have no idea what you linked to above, since I haven’t quite mastered the ability to match thread id’s with thread titles. Pay attention: **Lesson #1 for the Newbies!!** Here’s how to make a link. You can cut and paste the url, like **eunoia** did above, or you can be slick with it. Make one of the words in the sentence a link. Such as if I wanted to link to a picture of me in my [ugly ass tuxedo](http://i1b.yimg.com/1b/f0412388/h/65c7681a/mood+jacket.jpg). Yes. I actually wore that to my sister’s reception. She dared me. Here’s how you do something like that. [url=“http://whatever\_you\_want\_to\_link\_to.com”]words that will be seen Just make sure there’s no space between the bracket and url. I just did that so you’d be able to see how it’s typed. Here endeth the lesson. _ **Helena** _ > [@](#): > > **I’m from Ohio, went school in Utah (English major/Korean minor) \** I would think an English major, albeit one with a Korean minor (and what do his parents think about that, anyway?!) would be able to read and comprehend. Go back to the OP. Check out rule #2. Beg forgiveness and send nekkid pix. > [@](#): > > **I do have one question! I loved all the stories about Halvsie the two-legged dog, but I must admit the “paddling around in circles like Curley” reference quite escapes me.** WHAT!? How do you grow up in America (from Ohio, school in Utah) and not be able to catch a Three Stooges reference? Please tell me you’ve heard of Larry, Moe, and Curley. _ **Evnglion** _ > [@](#): > > \*\*I suppose I am a bit new, but pretty experienced for a newbie, so I can’t call myself that. \*\* Doesn’t matter what you call yourself. It’s my opinion that matters. Don’t you people realize the world revolves around me? Didn’t anyone get the memo? It’s true, it’s been proven. Sheesh, you’d think a scientific breakthrough like that would get more air time on the 6:00 news, but all they ever talk about is the President and floods and really unimportant stuff. It’s the liberal media trying to keep me down, that’s what it is. Fight the MAN!!! [quote] **Everyone welcome me!!!** [quote] Kinda pushy aren’t you? _ **frobozz** _ \*\* > [@](#): > > Hi, I’m frobozz, and I work in the Department of Redundancy Department. \*\* Oh good, another smart-ass. Can ever get enough of those around here. > [@](#): > > \*\*Also, I’m engaged to the cutest girl in the world. We’re getting married next summer. \*\* And we’re already taken bets on how ling it will last. To join the pool, send cashier’s check or money order to Crunchy Frog and log your choice for the big split at http://www.doomed\_from\_the\_start.com _ **arisu** _ > [@](#): > > \*\*What, you have a thing for dull, bespectacled chicks wasting their precious youth learning about dead people and their languages? \*\* You little flirt! Stop getting me so hot at work. If I was to stand up right now, people would think I’m surfing for porn. > [@](#): > > \*\*Come on, you’d have to at least buy me dinner first… \*\* Do you prefer McDonald’s or Burger King? _ **frobozz** _ > [@](#): > > \*\*I found it at the bottom of page 2 six hours after I posted. I am the typhoid mary of the message boards. \*\* So why did you post again?! Dammit, **frobozz**! _ **Sweet Walter** _ > [@](#): > > **An evil nazi goose is stalking me.** Oh, he’s harmless. It’s the groundhogs you have to worry about. \*\* > [@](#): > > A picture of my nekkid mom is on the way. \*\* So is anyone else disturbed that he even has nekkid pics of his mom? Now let’s examine rule #7 again, shall we? It says, “All female newbies must send nekkid pictures of themselves to me, via email.” The key words are **female newbies** and **themselves**. No men ( **TruePicses** has requested those pics), nobody’s mother, grandmother, sister, thrid cousin once removed. Female newbies’ pics of themselves. Is that so difficult to understand? _ **Citygirl852** _ > [@](#): > > \*\*Anyway, I’m a 20 something female (cityGIRL kinda gave it away, huh?) in Chicago, and according to my latest personality test/horoscope, I am: \ > That’s pretty accurate… especially the unusual beauty part. \*\* Well, helloooooo nurse! How seridipitus (is that a word?) that you’ve popped in. Seeing as my virtual wife, **Nymysys** who is also from Chicago is running off and getting married IRL and my other virtual wife is MIA, I’m in the market for a replcement. Wanna be my new favorite newbie? 😉 > [@](#): > > \*\*Sorry no nekkid pictures. The closest I can get you is a bra and panty shot from behind. \*\* Tell ya what, send those to me and we’ll see what we can do with them in PhotoShop… _ **seawitch** _ \*\* > [@](#): > > I am a 40-ish chatty redhead, prone to making disparaging remarks about the unseemly personal habits of others.\*\* That’s ok, I make disparaging remarks about everything. My favorite targets are 40-ish chatty redheaded Wiccans. \*\* > [@](#): > > I have the following hobbies: > > 1. Winemaking > 2. Younger men > 3. Hi, Opal! > 4. Naming inanimate objects (my toaster is called Pop-Up Willie).\*\* I’ve got something nicknamed Pop-Up Willie also. Wanna see it? \*\* > [@](#): > > the first time I read the name Crunchy Frog the first thing I thought about was toad-licking. \*\* It’s from a Monty Python skit. You are all cordially invited to Bite Me. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/63 "2001-04-24T22:51:42Z")
Ok, I give up. I’m not exactly a newbie, but somehow I’ve managed to miss what exactly this “3) Hi, Opal!” business is about. Please elucidate. ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Walter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7cd45c/32.png) [@Sweet\_Walter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Walter)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/64 "2001-04-24T22:59:29Z")
I wouldn’t bite you with seawitch’s teeth. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/65 "2001-04-24T23:58:24Z")
> [@](#): > > **Memo** > > The world revolves around **Crunchy Frog**. > > Film at 11. This one? I got it. I just ignored it. So bite me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/66 "2001-04-24T23:59:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Memo > > The world revolves around **Crunchy Frog**. > > Film at 11. This one? I got it. I just ignored it. So bite me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TruePisces](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/truepisces/32/13628_2.png) [@TruePisces](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruePisces)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/67 "2001-04-25T00:11:51Z")
I think I’ve been smited by the Gods of Crunchy. I _ **never** _ double post. This will teach me to try to make fun of Crunchy. I’m just not good enough. _sigh_ Now I just need to find out what my penance will be… ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/68 "2001-04-25T00:35:41Z")
Now that I’ve got some formal posting time, I’d like to take the time to make the following announcement: **BITE ME!!!** Thanks. Now, newbies, the nekkid pics rule doesn’t just apply to Crunchy… And some of us aren’t getting any… You might know where this is going… so, uh… yeah… I’ll just be over here… and if you wanna, y’know… uh… stop making me feel awkward… please stop staring… I’m a little uncomfortable… yeah… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/69 "2001-04-25T00:49:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Totoro \* > \*\ ***BITE ME!!!** \*\* That is the saddest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Not only can’t you think of your own lame insult to toss about, you have to steal my lame insult. \*\* > [@](#): > > Now, newbies, the nekkid pics rule doesn’t just apply to Crunchy…\*\* Yes it does. I am the only non-admin or non-mod Doper authorized to view the nakedness of our esteemed female newbies. \*\* > [@](#): > > And some of us aren’t getting any…\*\* And that’s why god gave us hands. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/70 "2001-04-25T00:58:51Z")
_ **bughunter** _ \*\* > [@](#): > > I’m a systems engineer for an instruments division of a medium-sized aerospace company.\*\* So what’s that? You make flying flutes? Aerodynamic tubas - oh, wait it’s only a medim sized company. Tuba would be too big, I guess. Trumpets then? \*\* > [@](#): > > But I promise to be good and observe the rules of decorum here… such as they are.\*\* And if you slip up, we feed you to **Tequila Mockingbird**. Don’t think this is an idle threat, lad. She’ll chew you up like Juicy Fruit. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pulykamell \* > \*\*Ok, I give up. I’m not exactly a newbie, but somehow I’ve managed to miss what exactly this “3) Hi, Opal!” business is about. Please elucidate. \*\* I’m _assuming_ you’ve done a search before asking this question… **Lesson #2 - All Newbies Pay Attention** The history of the “Hi, Opal!” - abridged version. Some time ago, **OpalCat** claimed a list needed at least 3 items to be a proper list. This started the in-joke of ending a 2-item list with Item #3 being “Hi Opal!” Now in almost any list #3 will be “Hi, Opal!” It will always be #3. If you put a “Hi Opal!” after any other number you will look silly. Here endeth the lesson. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/71 "2001-04-25T01:02:31Z")
Oh come on, I’ve been here long enough to ogle some of our more vivacious dopettes. And if you want a better insult, I’m too damn lazy to come up with one. You’ll take what you get… ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/72 "2001-04-25T01:15:23Z")
All right, Crunchy, I’ll bite. I am a 23 yr old female electrical engineer one semester away from graduating from the biggest drinking school in the midwest. I wear the pants in my relationship. But without underwear. I like cats, Jeeps, AMD, archaeologists, Thai food, and the Straight Dope. And you have to earn your nekked pictures, rules or not. You send me one, I’ll send you one. Now who wants to take them?? ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/73 "2001-04-25T01:16:35Z")
I’ve noticed people are using “assclown” without giving me proper credit. You will hear from my attorney soon. And Crunchy…When a sig line like that drops into your lap like a gift from the Gods…and you ignore it… If Cruncy doesn’t want " assclown of evil" I will start the auction now 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/74 "2001-04-25T01:17:29Z")
[hijack] Now I’m stuck with a mental picture of an ass with fuzzy orange hair and a round red nose. I wish they made Windex for the brain. [/hijack] **Crunchy** , I knew where your name came from. And yes, I would like to see your Pop-Up Willie. Nekkid pics gonna be posted? ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/75 "2001-04-25T01:22:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*_ **bughunter** _ > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > I’m a systems engineer for an instruments division of a medium-sized aerospace company.\*\* > > So what’s that? You make flying flutes? Aerodynamic tubas - oh, wait it’s only a medim sized company. Tuba would be too big, I guess. Trumpets then? > \*\* Yea, sorta like that, if you mean trumpets that can read your license plate from low Earth orbit. 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > > * * * > > > [@](#): > > > > But I promise to be good and observe the rules of decorum here… such as they are.\*\* > > And if you slip up, we feed you to **Tequila Mockingbird**. Don’t think this is an idle threat, lad. She’ll chew you up like Juicy Fruit. > \*\* Oooh… I’m intrigued. I adore aggressive women. In fact, I’ve been having fantasies about Anne Robinson lately. Anne, a huge bowl of uncooked pancake batter, an entire flat of fresh strawberries, a case of Redi Whip, and a giant, two-handed spatula. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/76 "2001-04-25T01:26:04Z")
**hardygrrl** gripes: > [@](#): > > \*\*And Crunchy…When a sig line like that drops into your lap like a gift from the Gods…and you ignore it… \*\* Easy girl, easy! Keep your shirt on! (Unless of course, you’re about to take those pix you owe me.) I said a while back I’m adding it to my sig line, I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. It’s not easy keeping track of the threads I’m involved and my real work at the same time you know. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tattva \* > \*\*I am a 23 yr old female electrical engineer one semester away from graduating from the biggest drinking school in the midwest. I wear the pants in my relationship. But without underwear. I like cats, Jeeps, AMD, archaeologists, Thai food, and the Straight Dope. And you have to earn your nekked pictures, rules or not. You send me one, I’ll send you one. Now who wants to take them?? \*\* So what is the biggest drinking school in the Midwest? It seems we don’t have mush inn common except for the habit of walking around _sans_ underwear. Let me know where this college is and I’ll be glad to pop by, get you all liquored up, and take nude pics of you. As for my nude pics… There out there somewhere, but I won’t say who has them… ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/77 "2001-04-25T01:39:45Z")
So, you wear the skirt in your relationship? Without underwear… go ahead and bend over for me, please. I’m just off exit 127 on I-70 in the beautiful state of Missouri. You have 3 hours to find me to claim your picture taking rights. Beginning… now. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/78 "2001-04-25T01:48:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tattva \* > \*\*I’m just off exit 127 on I-70 in the beautiful state of Missouri. You have 3 hours to find me to claim your picture taking rights. Beginning… now. \*\* Hey smart-ass, I live in St Louis. How far down I-70 are you? There’s a DopeFest I’m trying to get together sometime between May 4-14 (I’m on vacation then) There’s a thread open if you’re interested. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/79 "2001-04-25T01:55:17Z")
I am wee and quite afraid of you. I lurked here many a day but finally registered because you are all so shiny and your teeth flash so prettily. I want to play, but all my brilliant thoughts turn to so much babble in the presence of so much intelligence. IRL, people think I am very nice and hard-working and pat me on the head a great deal. One day, I will show my inner badass and all will be amazed. Thank you for your time. P.S. You, sir, are very comely. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/80 "2001-04-25T01:57:07Z")
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