# Crunchy Frog's New and Improved Welcome Wagon, everyone invited **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067 "2001-04-23T23:51:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/81 "2001-04-25T01:57:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > Hey smart-ass, I live in St Louis. How far down I-70 are you? There’s a DopeFest I’m trying to get together sometime between May 4-14 (I’m on vacation then) There’s a thread open if you’re interested. > \*\* Well, I did give you the exit number. But that’s Columbia. Unfortunately, I’m still in classes at that time. It is, in fact, right before finals week. After the 18th would suit me better. So you’re being awful nice. Am I going to get scolded for the hijack? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/82 "2001-04-25T02:05:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > [B \*\*Lesson #1 for the Newbies!!\*\* Here’s how to make a link. You can cut and paste the url, like \*\*eunoia\*\* did above, or you can be slick with it. Make one of the words in the sentence a link. Such as if I wanted to link to a picture of me in my [ugly ass tuxedo]([http://i1b.yimg.com/1b/f0412388/h/65c7681a/mood+jacket.jpg](http://i1b.yimg.com/1b/f0412388/h/65c7681a/mood+jacket.jpg)). Yes. I actually wore that to my sister’s reception. She dared me. Here’s how you do something like that. [url=“http://whatever\_you\_want\_to\_link\_to.com”]words that will be seen Just make sure there’s no space between the bracket and url. I just did that so you’d be able to see how it’s typed. > > Here endeth the lesson. Dear Frog, your link doesn’t work. Please allow me to show you how it’s done. Here (link deleted) is where you go to see a Frog in a tuxedo. He’s the one on the left. You know I wouldn’t have to resort to this if you would just say hi or something. Would it kill you to just insult me or something? Just one little bite me, is that too much to ask. Really have I pissed you off or something? Mod note : link deleted at request of the OP. - Euty [Edited by Eutychus55 on 04-25-2001 at 02:16 AM] ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/83 "2001-04-25T02:13:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrnalene \* > \*\*I am wee and quite afraid of you. I lurked here many a day but finally registered because you are all so shiny and your teeth flash so prettily. I want to play, but all my brilliant thoughts turn to so much babble in the presence of so much intelligence. IRL, people think I am very nice and hard-working and pat me on the head a great deal. One day, I will show my inner badass and all will be amazed. Thank you for your time. P.S. You, sir, are very comely. \*\* Ah don’t be afraid, little one. This is all an act. Ask anyone who’s met me IRL. I’m actually a much sweeter and self-depricating than this. I’m still acerbic, cyncial, sarcastic, and rude, but I’m nicer about it. 😉 Too bad people think you’re nice IRL. IRL, People think I’m just another computer tech who plays too many video games and needs a haircut. Here, I am the Assclown of Evil. See the difference? And what’s with the comely remark? Is this another person thinking I’m gay? What is it about me? Is it my hair? My clothes? The tube of KY Jelly I keep in my purse in case I get lucky on a date? Um… ok, let’s all ignore that last sentence there. I don’t know why I typed it, really I don’t. **Tattva** - I just realized, I’ve emailed you already, haven’t I? No, you won’t be scolded for a hijack. In fact, I’m looking for a replacent for my virtual wife **Nymysys** , who is getting married IRL. Know anyone who might be interested in being the virtual Mrs. Assclown of Evil? So far I’ve got my eye on **citygirl** and possibly you. 😉 And **Mermaid** , sorry the link isn’t working, but it’s working fine for me. And why did you have to post that pic of me in the tux? Not that you would know this, but I hate those pix from my sister’s wedding. My sister got married about 3 weeks after I stopped drinking and doing drugs, so whenever I see them, all I can think of is how on-the-wagon I look. Dark circles under my eyes, unhappy to be anywhere… sheesh… And just to make you happy - Bite Me (but didn’t I already welcome you in the other thread?) ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/84 "2001-04-25T02:21:39Z")
You’re right, Frog, it is a dismal tuxedo. I’d like to be compensated for the hearing loss it caused me before I could get to the “back” button. I’m 42, male,live near Chicago, work in Robotics. I never take the bones out. I keep a container of Lark’s vomit under the sink at all times, just in case. I am always in a bad mood. I quit smoking a couple of months ago and it’s made me homicidal. Niceta meetcha, crunch. The K-Y is in the second drawer of the nightstand. Lock up when you leave. b. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/85 "2001-04-25T02:23:03Z")
Oh, crap, was that out loud? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/86 "2001-04-25T02:27:08Z")
Yes I remembered that you didn’t like that pic of yourself but it was the only other one that I could access of you in a tux. When I click on your link, I get the message “Access forbidden from external hosts” so perhaps that’s where the problem is. Of course it would work fine for you since you are not an external host. I’m sorry about the link, I still think you looked quite charming, in a sort of dark under eye circled promise of good things to come sort of way. I’ll see if I can get someone to fix it. Okay? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/87 "2001-04-25T02:30:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Billy Rubin \* > **You’re right, Frog, it is a dismal tuxedo. I’d like to be compensated for the hearing loss it caused me before I could get to the “back” button.** And can you believe I got that jacket for only $50?! \*\* > [@](#): > > I’m 42, male,live near Chicago, work in Robotics. \ I am always in a bad mood. I quit smoking a couple of months ago and it’s made me homicidal. \*\* You work in robotics? So are you making HAL9000 right now as we speak? Waht are you doing, Dave? I wouldn’t do that if I were you… My mind is going… I can feel it… Well, this may explain why I’ve been so cranky lately. I quit smoking 2 weeks ago, but don’t tell anyone ok? I don’t want to make it public until I’ve quit for good 100%. oh damn. Bite Me, Newbie. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/88 "2001-04-25T02:31:43Z")
BTW- for those who can’t access my ugly tux link, it’s a pic in my Yahoo briefcase, accessible from my profile if you’re really interested. My yahoo ID is crunchy\_frog\_1 ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/89 "2001-04-25T02:38:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*oh damn. > > Bite Me, Newbie. \*\* Hey, thanks! that’s the second nicest thing anyone’s said to me here yet. First being the time I was accused of being a Jesuit. b. ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/90 "2001-04-25T02:43:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > Tattva - I just realized, I’ve emailed you already, haven’t I? No, you won’t be scolded for a hijack. In fact, I’m looking for a replacent for my virtual wife **Nymysys** , who is getting married IRL. Know anyone who might be interested in being the virtual Mrs. Assclown of Evil? So far I’ve got my eye on **citygirl** and possibly you. 😉 > > \*\* Yup, you have emailed me. Called me newbie, in fact. I dunno how well I could handle being Mrs. of Evil. It makes me giggle. Um, I mean, laugh maniacally. So, do you limit yourself to only 2 virtual wives for any particular reason? And does this new wife search have anything to do with the new Newbie thread?? You like to rob the virtual cradle, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/91 "2001-04-25T02:49:19Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Tattva \* \*\* > [@](#): > > So, do you limit yourself to only 2 virtual wives for any particular reason? And does this new wife search have anything to do with the new Newbie thread?? \*\* No, the search for a wife and the newbie thread are entirely separate from each other. In fact, discussing it further would only cause a hijack of this thread, so I’ll end aymore discussion about it here. And the only reason I’ve only got two wives is because I at one time have 5 (or 6) and got some complaints. Now I only have two. ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/92 "2001-04-25T03:03:23Z")
Time for me to call it a night, **Crunchy**. Get back to being cranky for a while and give me a holler if you want someone to bitch to. I’ll be back to watch the slaughter of thousands of innocent newbies, lured in by the promise of recognition. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/93 "2001-04-25T03:54:47Z")
\<—my name. Hi, Crunchy! I’m in retail management, love beer and hockey, and own the world’s most evil cat. BRING IT ON!!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/94 "2001-04-25T04:14:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dogbutler \* > **Hi, Crunchy! I’m in retail management, love beer and hockey, and own the world’s most evil cat. BRING IT ON!!!** In retail management, huh? So you’re what, the head cashier at K-Mart? And I know you’re lying about the beer, cuz Stacey and Jennifer told me they saw you at Booty Shakes drinking a Zima! You Nancy-boy, you! As for your cat: speaking in my official capacity as the Assclown of Evil, I can say for certain your cat in not the world’s most evil cat. My sister’s cat, Moe is. I’ve seen him playing pinochle with Lucifer talking about how that wild man **Wastrel** will be going straight to hell if he tears another one of those tags of the matresses. He is such a rebel! ---
**Author:** ![Wastrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f17d59/32.png) [@Wastrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wastrel)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/95 "2001-04-26T02:31:45Z")
Crunchy! How could you be so blasphemous, so impious that you’d ACTUALLY rip the tag off of a mattress?? Don’t you know that as soon as you do that, the IRS comes and hands you an audit sheet, your house becomes property of Switzerland, and then the mattress itself explodes in an unsightly mass of Jello?? What the hell are you thinking?? You leave those damned tags alone! _skulks away, muttering something about “appeasing the Mattress Gods by soon sacrificing Crunchy…”_ ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/96 "2001-04-26T03:11:43Z")
Re-read **Wastrel**. Lucifer and Moe were talking about how _ **you** _ tear off the tags, not me. You’re the wild man, I’m just a smart-ass. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/97 "2001-04-26T03:32:55Z")
::sobs:: Mommy, the assclown called me a nancy-boy! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/98 "2001-04-26T15:01:55Z")
:places dogbutler’s head on her ample bosum and begins to talk soothingly: There there now dog-boy. I think maybe you’re just over tired and need a nap. Everybody knows there’s no such thing as a_real_ assclown. I think maybe you’ve been playing a bit too many video games and have developed an overactive imagination. How many times have I told you that playstation thing is not good for you? Now why don’t you rest your head here a minute and try not to act like such a nancy boy. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/99 "2001-04-26T20:08:03Z")
Good afternoon, Crunchy, I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced. I have seen you around though. I’m Robin. I am female (picture is on the way, even though you really don’t want it), 42, Texan, Mom, wife and awesome bowler. I also am a bit of a Stephen King nut, and have read all his books. I work for an oilfield service and supply company as a mechanical designer using a 3D CAD system. I am not exactly a newbie, but I missed the last Welcome Wagon thread, and look forward to your scathing comments. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2001, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067/100 "2001-04-27T01:01:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dolores Claiborne \* > \*\*I am female (picture is on the way, even though you really don’t want it), 42, Texan, Mom, wife and awesome bowler. \*\* I didn’t realize anyone still bragged about their bowling skills! How sad. You’d figure someone who lives in a state that big would be able to find something more interesting to do. BTW - I live in St Louis, home of the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame (sadly enough, I am not making that up [See for yourself](http://www.bowlingmuseum.com/)). > [@](#): > > **I work for an oilfield service and supply company as a mechanical designer using a 3D CAD system.** Huh? Wait, on second thought, don’t explain. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking I give a flying aardvark’s testicle on a boomerang. I won’t even get into the fact that you’re from Texas, the lovely state that gave us our current President. You bunch of dickweasels. You should be ashamed of yourselves. :mad: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-new-and-improved-welcome-wagon-everyone-invited/63067.md?page=6)