# Crunchy Frog's Welcome Wagon (newbies take note)
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 6, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958 "2000-11-06T16:48:37Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/1 "2000-11-06T16:48:37Z")
OK, I’m bored at work (almost constantly) so I would like newbies (or anyone who’d be interested for that matter) to pop in here, tell me about yourself (don’t write a novel or anything, just a couple quick sentences) and I will welcome you all in my own inimitable fashion.
---
### Author:  [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/2 "2000-11-06T17:00:32Z")
OK I’ll bite.
I was born in a manger in a small town of Bethlehem, PA.
I’m 5’10", 126 lbs, 38©-24-34.
I enjoy mud wrestling, loud motorcycles, friendly people.
I hate insincerity, bad spelers,and people use bad grammar who.
I’m a pathological liar. I eat small children (a la J. Swift - jes’ doin’ my part).
Now for the true stuff. I’m a statistics geek, dead head, Dylan fan, lover of all “Homegrown” music.
I’ve been reading SDMB for quite some time and just recently “enlisted” in the SD-army.
I’m cynical as all hell.
In spare time (HA) I try to scuba dive and try to keep British cars running. Not meant as a slam!
That’s me.
NB: I started a thread this morning about Spontaneous Human Waste Combustion.
I have no sig.
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### Author:  [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/3 "2000-11-06T17:11:24Z")
I’ll take a swing at that pinata.
I’m 29, living in Dallas, and just got married a little over a month ago. I’m a product manager for a small insurance company (read: I set the rates on different risks). I’ve lived in GA, TN, SC, AL, and now TX. I’m into running, reading (when I have time), and music.
There you go.
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/4 "2000-11-06T17:34:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by spritle \*
> \*\*OK I’ll bite.
>
> I was born in a manger in a small town of Bethlehem, PA.
>
> I’m 5’10", 126 lbs, 38©-24-34.
>
> I enjoy mud wrestling, loud motorcycles, friendly people.
>
> I hate insincerity, bad spelers,and people use bad grammar who.
>
> I’m a pathological liar. I eat small children (a la J. Swift - jes’ doin’ my part).
>
> Now for the true stuff. I’m a statistics geek, dead head, Dylan fan, lover of all “Homegrown” music.
>
> I’ve been reading SDMB for quite some time and just recently “enlisted” in the SD-army.
>
> I’m cynical as all hell.
>
> In spare time (HA) I try to scuba dive and try to keep British cars running. Not meant as a slam!
>
> That’s me.
>
> NB: I started a thread this morning about Spontaneous Human Waste Combustion.
>
> I have no sig. \*\*
Welcome to the boards, **spritle**.
Rule #1 - take everything I say with a grain of salt, I tend to have my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek while I’m awake.
Rule #2 - I am your master. You will obey everything I say.
So anyway: Are you sure you were born in a manger and not just left there after the fact? And how the hell do you _try_ to scuba dive? To paraphrase the all-knowing Yoda, that’s one of those “do or do not, there is no try” things, no? I mean, I _try_ to get laid every night, but it just doesn’t happen. Once you’re breathing underwater, the point of “Hey, I’ll give this a shot” is long since past. Of course, seeing as you are a pathological liar, you probably don’t even know how to swim.
I couldn’t give two shits about your Spontaneous Human Waste Combustion thread. (pun intended ;))
So in short, glad to have you here - oh wait, you hate insincerity - ok then, I’m indifferent to your being here, have fun, don’t be an ass, bite me newbie.
---
### Author:  [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/5 "2000-11-06T17:41:40Z")
[timid]Hi, I’m Silver Fire.[/timid]
So, I was looking at my own welcome thread from back in the day. Not many people responded to it. You’re one of the ones that did, Crunchy. 😃 Anyway, you can find out more about me (and others) in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=43536) thread, and again in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40045) thread. Happy reading!
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### Author:  [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/6 "2000-11-06T17:44:51Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \*
> \*\*I’m indifferent to your being here, have fun, don’t be an ass, bite me newbie. \*\*
Hey spritle? I would definitely use that as a sig if I were you. 😃
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/7 "2000-11-06T17:46:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Tommy the Cat \*
> \*\*I’ll take a swing at that pinata.
>
> I’m 29, living in Dallas, and just got married a little over a month ago. I’m a product manager for a small insurance company (read: I set the rates on different risks). I’ve lived in GA, TN, SC, AL, and now TX. I’m into running, reading (when I have time), and music.
> \*\*
That’s no pinata, that’s my penis enlarger! Don’t break it, don’t break it!
Congrats on getting married, **Tommy**. I almost got married once, but then my fiance died. Ok, she didn’t really die, but I had a dream once where she did. And when I say I had a dream that she died, I mean that I actively fantasize about many different horrible, slow, painful deaths for her.
But I’m not bitter.
Say, you aren’t any relation to our own **Zumba the Cat** are you?
Well traveled, I see. You have to move around like that to stay one step ahead of those felony charges. I know where you’re coming from. If I were wanted in as many states as you, I’d take up running as a hobby too. You never know when you might have to make a break for the backdoor.
Speaking of backdoors, do you have any KY Jelly I can borrow? Got a hot date tonight. 😃
Anyway, welcome aboard, try to have fun, and bite me newbie.
(BTW, same goes for you as for **pritle** , most of what I say in this thread is tongue-in-cheek, don’t get offended, m’kay?)
And people, could we please specify if we are male or female? That would give me a little more to work with here.
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### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/8 "2000-11-06T17:51:31Z")
Hello,
I live in NYC.
I’m from OKC.
I am a man.
I am married.
I have no children but I have two cats.
Their names are Tybalt and Princess Penelope Prissypants.
I was married befor but got divorced.
My nick name is from a book called Valis.
---
### Author:  [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/9 "2000-11-06T17:55:07Z")
As Crunchy’s virtual wife I’ll have to second his plead not to break the Penis Enlarger.
I am also here to defend myself against what some may see as commentaries about me.
1. I was not, to the best of my knowledge, the finace with the slow & painful demises.
2. The KY is not for me. My backdoor remains locked at all times. (You can never trust the neighbors)
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/10 "2000-11-06T18:05:27Z")
Ok, I’ll take your post one line at a time:
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Zebra \*
> **I live in NYC.
> I’m from OKC.**
My condolences. On both counts.
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*
> I have no children but I have two cats.
> Their names are Tybalt and Princess Penelope Prissypants.
> I was married befor but got divorced.
> \*\*
Come on, be honest. Are you gay? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but Princess Penelope Prissypants?! I had a cat once. Named him Patches. I actually like cats - deep fried with a little sweet-n-sour sauce, stir fried with veggies . . . mm-mm good!
\*\*
> [@](#):
>
> My nick name is from a book called Valis.
> \*\*
Wow. Glad you explained that to me, that clears everything up. Otherwise I’d have lain awake for hours wondering where the hell you picked out a bizarre name like “Zebra” Hey, I’ll give you a quarter if you know where my username comes from! (Actually, if a person knows where this username comes from, they automatically make my ‘cool’ list.)
Ok, enough of the arrogant act. Welcome aboard, **Zebra**. Hope you like it here, we need more good posters to make up for the likes of **Coldfire** , **Satan** , and **Zenster**.
oh yeah - before I forget: Bite me newbie (I said it to the other two, have to be fair and say it to everyone now).
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/11 "2000-11-06T18:09:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by little_bit \*
> \*\*1. I was not, to the best of my knowledge, the finace with the slow & painful demises.
> 2. The KY is not for me. My backdoor remains locked at all times. (You can never trust the neighbors) \*\*
No, **little\*bit** you are not the ex-fiance I referred to. That is some IRL whom I now hate with a passion and no longer speak to.
And **Tommy the Cat** nevermind about loaning me the KY Jelly. It seems as if the backdoor will remain locked _again_ tonight.
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### Author:  [@Tommy\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tommy_the_Cat)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/12 "2000-11-06T18:10:26Z")
:slowly backing away from and trying not to look directly at the penis enlarger:
Just to answer Crunchy’s questions:
1. I’m a guy
2. Sorry no relation (that I know of) between Zumba and myself.
Thanks for the welcome by the way.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/13 "2000-11-06T18:10:39Z")
Glad I’m not a newbie… so not only will I not bite you, Crunchy, but I invite you to plant a big wet one on my caboose!
Have a nice day! 😃
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/14 "2000-11-06T18:18:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \*
> **so not only will I not bite you, Crunchy, but I invite you to plant a big wet one on my caboose!**
Well I never told you to bite me, **FairyChatMom** , nor am I serious about it to the people in this thread, so what brought that on? And not only will I not “plant a big wet one on your caboose” I invite _you_ to meet my dyslexic Chinese friend Duck My Sick.
Have a nice day! 😃
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### Author:  [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/15 "2000-11-06T18:21:16Z")
Is there still room in here for another newbie? And do I have to bite crunchy or will I get out of it with a doctor’s note - scratch that; I hate dealing with doctors more than I fear death; if bite I must then…
As far as introduction goes, I am 6 feet of cynical, blue-eyed laziness that worries just enough about school to get up and go to class (well, sometimes). Majoring in electrical engineering, looking to minor in photonics. Music is a big part of life, but I am willing to bet that most of you haven’t ever listened to the stuff I do on an everyday basis so I won’t list anything specific.
Oh yeah - before I get asked again, my name is French and means (approximately; nothing is ever quite exact) the lazy blood.
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### Author:  [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/16 "2000-11-06T18:31:38Z")
Hello. I am female, 25 y/o, married, with one on the way. I have two dogs and two cats. I work at a copy chain in the CS dept. designing crap for people (but not bitter). I hope to go back to school soon.
I have lurked for a long time. I got interested when the Straight Dope TV show was on. Miss it. I am on here mostly to combat “mommy brain” so gimme your best shot, Crunchy.
PS - is your name from MP?
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### Author:  [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/17 "2000-11-06T18:31:50Z")
here’s my take on the sig idea, thanks.
I didn’t quote verbatim, since I’m so damn aloof and don’t care. Throw “rat’s ass” in there and you’ve just about got it.
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### Author:  [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/18 "2000-11-06T18:32:12Z")
I am a newbie already posting with zeal. I live in Chicago via Minneapolis and St. Louis. I’m a “retired” HIV/AIDS counselor and spend my time trolling the Chicago theater/music scene these days. There are many things I like and dislike. There are many things I do and don’t do. I am a female of child-bearing years. I’m on my computer all day most days, so you’ll frequently see me leaving meaningless (yet hopefully witty) posts in random configurations. I’m not a computer geek, but I play one on TV.
I’m going to assume that Cruncy Frog is the Monty Python-inspired comedy show, but it could also be that game-making company. Not knowing you, it’s hard to say.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/19 "2000-11-06T18:35:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \*
> \*\*
> Well I never told you to bite me, **FairyChatMom** , nor am I serious about it to the people in this thread, so what brought that on? And not only will I not “plant a big wet one on your caboose” I invite _you_ to meet my dyslexic Chinese friend Duck My Sick.
>
> Have a nice day! 😃 \*\*
hmmm, was my flippant attempt at humor that subtle? Is my sarcasm so thinly disguised? Does he really hate me that much? \ I’m really a lot of fun once you get to know me. I’ve even stopped playing my accordion in public.
Have a nice day! 😉
---
### Author:  [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)
#### Post date: [November 6, 2000, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/20 "2000-11-06T18:55:12Z")
Hi, **Crunchy**! I’m named after my cat, and I have trouble turning on my computer no matter what I wear, _or don’t wear_, in front of it. But somehow, I have figured out how to post here, to everyone’s dismay.😉
I make jewelry, when not in the throes of my addiction to this board. **Crunchy** , it’s posters like _you_ that keep me coming back for more. So bite _me_, oldbie!😛
_grumble_ where’d the day go…_grumble_
😃
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