# Crunchy Frog's Welcome Wagon (newbies take note) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 6, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958 "2000-11-06T16:48:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/81 "2000-11-07T20:52:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > Look! It’s a closet Canadian! You can’t expect us to believe you’re from LA and Phoenix when you spell “favorite” with a “u” now can you? I really am from Los Angeles, I’m even a product of the Los Angeles Unified School District (not something to be proud of, let me assure you). However, my grandmother was born and raised in England. I was always getting into trouble in school for tossing a ‘u’ in where American teachers say it doesn’t belong, and for crossing 7’s and Z’s. I can’t stand naked 7’s. > [@](#): > > And check out that username! That’s the work of a French Canadian if I’ve ever seen it! I so seldom get a chance to use my HS french that it’s mostly non-existant at this point. My friends refer to me as the Evil Temptress (or they did before I got together with my boyfriend), so I adopted Mauvaise as a username to reflect that. > [@](#): > > And putting together submittals for a sals staff isn’t as boring as it sounds? Maybe you’re just more boring than you think. Ok, so maybe it is really boring and I’m just in denial. You can’t let me keep my delusions ?! > [@](#): > > Welcome aboard and everything, hope you have fun and remember I do not represent or speak for anyone else on the SDMB when I say, “Bite me, newbie.” _CHOMP_ ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/82 "2000-11-07T20:57:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\*\ Sorry guys, disregard previous posts. I now am going to follow Anamorphic around. The starving artist type gets me every time. \*\* So those of us who are struggling artists, yet have money are completely out of the race, huh? Yeah, I can understand that. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Anamorphic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anamorphic/32/3057_2.png) [@Anamorphic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anamorphic)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/83 "2000-11-07T21:06:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > > \*\*\ Sorry guys, disregard previous posts. I now am going to follow Anamorphic around. The starving artist type gets me every time. \*\* > > So those of us who are struggling artists, yet have money are completely out of the race, huh? > > Yeah, I can understand that. 😕 \*\* No one said life was fair. 😛 Hi, Nymysys. Nice to meet ya. Did I mention how hungry I was today? - Dave ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/84 "2000-11-07T21:25:36Z")
The ones that make money lack the DESIRE! The HUNGER! The NEED! The…wait, what was I talking about again? Hey, I’m an artist that just happens to be making money, too. But, there’s just something about that lean, mean glint in the eye…wait, what was I talking about again? Hey Anamorphic, I’m in the middle of chopping up veggies for homemade soup, just how hungry ARE you? You KNOW I still love Froggy and FDWTFUN, though. They’re my firsts. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/85 "2000-11-07T21:35:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > **But, there’s just something about that lean, mean glint in the eye…** You wanna see a lean, mean, glint in my eye? Easy, just mention my ex around me to remind me why I don’t have even _more_ money than I do now. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/86 "2000-11-07T22:26:40Z")
Well, as long as you’re not bitter about it, Froggy baby…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Pinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dr.Pinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Pinky)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2000, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/87 "2000-11-15T08:35:36Z")
Dr. Pinky was raised in Lake Wobegon, from which he fled at his earliest convenience. He has worked as a bus driver, beer bottler, and church bulletin editor. He lived in Palo Alto, Key Largo, and Fargo before settling in Juneau. A computer program, fed his peripatetic mendicant itinerary, predicted he would be in Siberia by now. He has been the editor of eight underground poetry magazines that folded after one issue, or he has produced eight issues of one magazine that changes its name with each new release. Among the titles are No Art, Apocalypse Bob, and Goodbye Dali. Throb Broth (Dec 2000) is his fifth book of poetry; the others being XYZA (1982), A Season in Madison (1986), Love Bites (1992), and Coyote Café Blues (1996). They are not available in bookstores. He has read his poetry in bars, parks, libraries, classrooms, auditoriums, coffee shops, rooftops, and at the VFW Post in Robert Bly’s hometown. He has consistently been ranked “Third Best Poet in Alaska” at the poetry slams at the Fly By Night Club in Anchorage. * * * Dr. Pinky is a pedant, a pirate, a poet, a parent, a pawn and king. And fashion consultant to wyldelf. “Red hair and black leather, my favorite color scheme.” ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/88 "2000-12-02T16:17:11Z")
AHHH! Don’t sneak up on a fella like that, **Dr.Pinky**! I was linking to this thread in another thread when I saw your post. I don’t know how I missed it the first time, and I wouldn’t want you to feel left out, so here goes: First of all, we need to work on your listening skills. The OP states (and I quote), “tell me about yourself (don’t write a novel or anything, just a couple quick sentences)” You proceed to tell us your life story. Ease into it, son. Slowly, slowly! Treat us like you would a woman, give a soft kiss first before you go grabbing for the clitoris. You have to build up to the life story post, because frankly, you’re new here, so we don’t really care. 😉 And just WHAT THE HELL is it all in the THIRD PERSON for?! **Crunchy Frog** hereby decrees that **Dr.Pinky** should never do that again! Now, because you have felt the need to write a press release, I now feel the need to make fun of every little bit that I can. > [@](#): > > Dr. Pinky was raised in Lake Wobegon, from which he fled at his earliest convenience. Really? Actually _ **in** _ the lake itself? You lucky bastard! What I wouldn’t have given to be able to live in a lake! I grew up in a discarded torn up old shoebox in the gutter. Every morning, me father would wake me and my 13 siblings, make us clean the gutter with our tongues, go to work in the coal mines, come home, eat gravel for dinner (and if we’re lucky a bit of broken glass for dessert) and then whip us within an inch of our lives before bed! > [@](#): > > He has worked as a bus driver, beer bottler, and church bulletin editor. So you’re like Ralph Kramden, Laverne & Shirley, and Ned Flanders all rolled into one? > [@](#): > > He lived in Palo Alto, Key Largo, and Fargo before settling in Juneau. A computer program, fed his peripatetic mendicant itinerary, predicted he would be in Siberia by now. Hmph. He can read a thesaurus, but not the OP. :rolleyes: Ok, for those who are wondering, but too lazy to look it up for yourselves, that last sentence means (roughly translated) he traveled rather erraticly and had no money. > [@](#): > > He has been the editor of eight underground poetry magazines that folded after one issue, or he has produced eight issues of one magazine that changes its name with each new release. Among the titles are No Art, Apocalypse Bob, and Goodbye Dali. > Throb Broth (Dec 2000) is his fifth book of poetry; the others being XYZA (1982), A Season in Madison (1986), Love Bites (1992), and Coyote Café Blues (1996). They are not available in bookstores. So you’re a literal failure? _Ba-dum-dum_ Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip the waitress! > [@](#): > > He has read his poetry in bars, parks, libraries, classrooms, auditoriums, coffee shops, rooftops, and at the VFW Post in Robert Bly’s hometown. He has consistently been ranked “Third Best Poet in Alaska” at the poetry slams at the Fly By Night Club in Anchorage. I have read in bed, at the dentist’s office, work, the bathtub, airplanes, and at the JFK Memorial Park’s public pool in Kevin Kline’s hometown. (I bet more people know my guy than your guy! My guy has won an Oscar, neener neener neener!) Thanks for posting, **Dr.Pinky** , you’ve brightened up my morning by letting me do this. Don’t take anything I’ve said personally, and if you do: Bite Me Newbie. ---
**Author:** ![stifferd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@stifferd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stifferd)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/89 "2000-12-02T21:30:17Z")
name: stifferd location: Canada sex: male age: 23 height: 5’11 weight: 185 hobbies: music, books, beer and skateboarding occupation: union factory worker I will rule this board one day. Remember my name. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/90 "2000-12-02T21:55:45Z")
Let’s start at the bottom and work our way up, shall we? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stifferd \* > **I will rule this board one day. Remember my name.** Actually, according to the song **andyman** made up for me in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48936), I am “King of Mundane Pointless Stuff” So take off, um, uh . . . what was your name again? Hoser. > [@](#): > > \*\*name: stifferd / location: Canada / sex: male / age: 23 / height: 5’11 / weight: 185 \*\* You seem to have mistaken this for a Playboy Playmate description. You forgot to list your turn ons and turn offs. > [@](#): > > **hobbies: music, books, beer and skateboarding** And under hobbies, only one of the things you list is actually an activity. You seem to have the stereotypical IQ of a Playboy Playmate as well. I see I may need to use as many monosyllables as possible so you can keep up. (See, Sparky, ‘music’ is a noun. Playing music, writing music, listening to music – those are activites that could be considered hobbies.) > [@](#): > > **occupation: union factory worker** Really? You work at a factory where they make unions? Wow. Sorry, I know this one’s kinda lame, but I’m just keeping in the spirit of your post, **stifferd** And now, having posted here, I believe you have read the entire thread and have an idea what happens next. Bite me, newbie. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2000, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/91 "2000-12-02T22:09:03Z")
Crunchy, I just have to ask. Do you ever go home? Ever? It seems that every single day you’re “posting from work”. I think this is the sign of a very unhealthy individual, and may require further examination. That said, my name’s **Jester** , and I used to be one of you. Then I crawled up out of the dephts of newbie shame, and became the respected, admired, God-like poster you see standing before you? Eh? What’s that? Oh, yes, of course, sir, one drink coming right up. \ ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2000, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/92 "2000-12-02T22:11:13Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by me, of all people!_ > **Then I crawled up out of the dephts of newbie shame, and became the respected, admired, God-like poster you see standing before you?** Yes, that’s right, COWER before my improper use of punctuation! Worship the typo! Awwwwww…c’mon, please? Oh, right, your drink. Be right back. ---
**Author:** ![dwala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@dwala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwala)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/93 "2000-12-03T03:50:55Z")
1. South Carolina, love it here. Play with computers for money. If it would get my IQ to 200, I’d gain the kind of weight that would encourage people to call me mean names. About to be a foster parent to a troubled teen. Socially active. Alternatively educated. Free of illegal substances. [TheSpark.com](http://TheSpark.com) called me a slut last night. Never liked MP. ---
**Author:** ![stifferd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@stifferd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stifferd)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/94 "2000-12-03T14:30:15Z")
monosyllables? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/95 "2000-12-03T15:08:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > \*\*Crunchy, I just have to ask. Do you ever go home? Ever? It seems that every single day you’re “posting from work”. \*\* Well, you may not feel like it, but you can always go back and check the time and date of my posts, most of which will occur between the hours of 8am-4pm central time, with the odd exception if I spend time at my parents’ house and post from there, or I work nights (I will do this occasionally for the overtime). I don’t have a regular schedule as far as which days I work, sometimes I’m off on the weekends, sometimes I’m off on Wed. and Thurs, sometimes I work for 11 straight days. It’s all pretty f\*cked up. Somewhere around here is a thread about when I had to work a 76-hr work week to help cover for people on vacation and in training classes. The oddities of my work schedule may help explain why I seem ubiquitous. > [@](#): > > That said, my name’s **Jester** , and I used to be one of you. You used to be one of me? You mean there’s more than just me running around being me? How many of me are there? What made you decide to stop being one of me? Are the other me’s nice? Are any of me successful? Do you think I could find another me so ask myself if I could borrow a couple bucks to help out for the holidays? Have any of me ever had sex with Charlize Theron or Nicole Kidman? If so, tell that me to call me so I can tell myself all about it, ok? > [@](#): > > Then I crawled up out of the dephts of newbie shame, and became the respected, admired, God-like poster you see standing before you? ROTFLMFAOBMHOTWCTWTGDFOMGITIJSMPFLSFH!!! AFGAERUZOIVJARBGA! [SUB](Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Fucking Ass Off, Banging My Head On The Wall Cuz That Was Too God Damn Funny Oh My God I Think I Just Shit My Pants From Laughing So Hard!!!) That second part there doesn’t mean anything. I hit my head on the keyboard whole rolling around and laughing.[/sub] **dwala** (who seemingly has a problem with complete sentences) says: > [@](#): > > 1. South Carolina, love it here. 1. Alabama Red. Hut hut HIKE! > [@](#): > > Play with computers for money. This could be interpreted in _SO_ many ways . . . You perv. > [@](#): > > If it would get my IQ to 200, I’d gain the kind of weight that would encourage people to call me mean names. If it would turn my Ford Focus into a '58 Corvette, I’d butt-fuck Buddy Hackett, but what’s that got to do with my dog suffering from male pattern baldness? > [@](#): > > About to be a foster parent to a troubled teen. Nothing to make fun of here, good for you and good luck with that, I hope it works out ok. > [@](#): > > Socially active. Alternatively educated. Free of illegal substances. Who? We talking about you, the teen, or my balding Terrier? Tomorrow’s lessons will cover the basic composition of the sentence, boys and girls. We will learn all about subjects, verbs, adjectives, and prepositional phrases. > [@](#): > > [TheSpark.com](http://TheSpark.com) called me a slut last night. Want us to kick it’s ass for you? Or do you like that sort of thing? 😉 > [@](#): > > Never liked MP. I’ll try not to hold that against you. Bite me, newbie-slut. **stifferd** : monosyllables = small words. My apologies. Oops! Apologies = My bad. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mdf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@mdf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mdf)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/96 "2000-12-03T18:07:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*psst . . . hey, you! Yeah, you, the newbie! I would say I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself and welcome aboad, but I won’t welcome you unless you go to [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=45294). > \*\* Alright Crunchy, I’ll take that dare. Let’s see… [ul] [li]Male, married (12 years); wife is Tessa[/li][li]No kids[/li][li]2 dogs, a neurotic Australian Cattle Dog/Border Collie named Annie, and a generic terrier mix named Sam[/li][li]Live in Lincoln, Nebraska[/li][li]Work as a computer operator/network technician at the University of Nebraska. Am slowly migrating from operator to maintaining UNL’s nameservers.[/li] (When they tell you you can’t be replaced, does that mean no one else is loony enough to take the job?) [/ul] Hey! Can I sig myself or does that make you go blind? Oh yeah, bite yourself. -Matt ---
**Author:** ![dwala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c4cdca/32.png) [@dwala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwala)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/97 "2000-12-03T18:26:47Z")
Thanks for the welcome. Consider yourself bitten. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/98 "2000-12-03T18:54:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mdf \* > **[ul] > [li]Male, married (12 years); wife is Tessa[/li][li]No kids[/li][li]2 dogs, a neurotic Australian Cattle Dog/Border Collie named Annie, and a generic terrier mix named Sam[/li][li]Live in Lincoln, Nebraska[/li][li]Work as a computer operator/network technician at the University of Nebraska. Am slowly migrating from operator to maintaining UNL’s nameservers.[/li] (When they tell you you can’t be replaced, does that mean no one else is loony enough to take the job?) > [/ul] > Hey! Can I sig myself or does that make you go blind?** Good God, you’re so boring, I can’t think of anything to go on here. And from Nebraska even! Have you ever seen a travel brochure for Nebraska? It’s 3 pages long. Page one suggests you stop at the Waffle House on I-94 and check out the wonderfully clean public restrooms. Page 2 lists all the airports in the state and offers suggestions of interesting places to visit in other states. Page 3 is poem about corn. And how do you know your dog is neurotic? Does she pace nervously a lot and constantly ask you if her new flea collar makes her look fat? And no, you won’t go blind, but you may have to shave your palms. > [@](#): > > **Oh yeah, bite yourself.** Normally I would tear into you for being so brazen, but seeing as you have to live in Nebraska, I feel you’ve suffered enough. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/99 "2000-12-03T19:01:31Z")
Well, I’m still sort of a newbie. I mean, there are still less than 300 posts over there, even though I’ve been here since June. And I never get to bite anyone anymore. 27 currently living in Atlanta. Since graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in history in 1995, I have lived in Waterville, Maine, Chattanooga, TN, Murfreesboro, TN, Nashville, TN, Jackson, MS, and now Atlanta. I just did my first ever renewal of a lease, so I plan to be here until at least May 2002. Single, no kids, no pets(I’m dying for a dog though…but it’s a small apartment). And I’m a corporate pigdog, er, auditor, for a living. ---
**Author:** ![mdf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@mdf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mdf)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2000, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958/100 "2000-12-03T19:36:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \ > Have you ever seen a travel brochure for Nebraska? It’s 3 pages long. Page one suggests you stop at the Waffle House on I-94 and check out the wonderfully clean public restrooms. Page 2 lists all the airports in the state and offers suggestions of interesting places to visit in other states. Page 3 is poem about corn. > \*\* Hey, we did that on purpose. Keeps out the undesirables. The I-94 thing was mine - 94 doesn’t pass through the state, of course. The airport thing only works for the easily distracted. What’s wrong with corny poetry? -mdf, Life member, Keep Nebraska for Nebraskans Committee [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crunchy-frogs-welcome-wagon-newbies-take-note/39958.md?page=6)