# Crush thread. I can't wait forever. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2000, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403 "2000-07-30T04:39:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/1 "2000-07-30T04:39:48Z")
Now that I’ve finally fixated on a SD member, the perennial crush threads have dried up! So I am reduced to starting one. **Eve** , darling, come with me to Tahiti. We will live on the beach, eating coconuts, weaving palm fronds into the necessities of life, and posting the meditative wisdom we will acquire in paradise on the SDMB via our satellite internet uplink. For money we will dive for pearls. When the monsoons come, you can shelter in the lee of my adoration. When the softness of the ocean’s whispers tires, I will sing to you. I will strew tropical blossoms on your bed and wash your hair in the sea. Our children will be kissed by the sun, whole and strong and joyous. Is Thursday good for you? ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/2 "2000-07-30T04:41:26Z")
Wow, do you have a brother? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/3 "2000-07-30T04:44:47Z")
God, makes me wish I was a chick! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/4 "2000-07-30T04:47:51Z")
Nevermind that bunk, Eve! Eve, Come with me to Colorado! We will live in a bung-studded pinealow in the mountains, eating berries as they fall from the bush. We’ll run round nekkid as jaybirds during the summer months, and as I sit on the barcalounger watching the cubbies on WGN, you will be allowed to fetch me beers until I demand you to join me in our sleeping bag on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/5 "2000-07-30T04:49:53Z")
I have an enormous penis. 'nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/6 "2000-07-30T04:57:32Z")
oh! pick guanolad, eve! or send him to me, whichever. ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/7 "2000-07-30T05:13:09Z")
Why are both of my crushes already being crushed on in this thread? You guys have good taste. Eve, Cessandra, I can’t offer you more than a quarter of a dorm room. Unless both of you come along, in which case we each get a sixth. I’ll understand. –John ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/8 "2000-07-30T05:51:26Z")
Maintaining my lofty composure is difficult, bombarded as I am by the Pic Pages in one window and all this competition in another. But I’m in asshole mode tonight, not gentleman mode, so I can say: **Swiddles** , eveningwear, an imperious look, and manneristically-lit lumber are a deadly combination. **Michi** , how about you and me cuddling up with a bottle of Pink Juice and taking that last, big ride together? Wait a second. That somehow sounds like a BAD idea. Never mind. **Eve** , you’re gorgeous, but we’ve been through that. Here’s the interesting part: track down a copy of “The Whole Fun Catalog of 1929.” It’s a collection of reprints from the Johnson Smith catalog from the early part of the 20th century. These are the folks who still advertise X-Ray Specs and Whoopee Cushions in the back of comic books. A total slice and the forward is by Jean Shepherd. It must be love. I’m giving her a reading list. ---
**Author:** ![Anniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/cc9497/32.png) [@Anniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anniz)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/9 "2000-07-30T06:11:52Z")
Okey, I confess, I have a little crush on **Soul**. Where are you **Soul**? I’m waiting for you… ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/10 "2000-07-30T06:39:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GuanoLad \* > \*\*I have an enormous penis. > > 'nuff said. \*\* Yeah well… do you know how to use it? And make it last? [impish giggle] Heh heh heh [/impish giggle] ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/11 "2000-07-30T08:07:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah well… do you know how to use it? And make it last? You’d be surprised. _(And so would I, actually)_ Cessandra! Where have you been these past weeks? I definitely pick the wonderful actress Cessandra as one of my many concubines. As well as Swiddles (as she well knows), Eve, Mega, and various Canadian women. And Realidad. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/12 "2000-07-30T14:34:02Z")
😕 Hmm, I wonder why my crushes/those who crush on me don’t seem to say it more than once on the boards. GRRR. ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/13 "2000-07-30T17:06:06Z")
Hey! This is a crush thread - post your own. Why is everybody trying to distract my loveling? That’s so tasteless. Like if I were to mention the enormity of my own seed-planter, just to remove any doubt. Show some class, guys. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/14 "2000-07-30T17:15:38Z")
Together we will shovel snow for months on end, looking into each other’s eyes (to make sure they haven’t frozen open). My loving gaze will be the first thing you see each day, as I haul you out of bed to come help me jump-start the car on a serene January morning in Northern Michigan. We’ll enjoy the gentle February breezes coming across Lake Michigan from the Canadian Arctic, as we trudge with snow in our boots to the nearest civilization, to call a wrecker because the car has become ditched in a snowbank. Whaddaya say? ---
**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/15 "2000-07-30T17:19:52Z")
On my way Milo 😉 ---
**Author:** ![HomeSlice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/9d8465/32.png) [@HomeSlice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HomeSlice)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/16 "2000-07-30T18:33:06Z")
I have the biggest crush on that HomeSlice kid. He is hot. ---
**Author:** ![lswote](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lswote/32/5737_2.png) [@lswote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lswote)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/17 "2000-07-30T18:52:49Z")
As much as I hate to admit it, I have a crush on **techchick**. I say hate, because I am sure I am just about opposite of what she likes in guys. Needy is my middle name, the antithesis of what she likes in guys. But alas I am smitten. Hell last night I actually had a dream about her, how pathetic am I for that? But **techchick** should you wake up one day and realize you want someone who will adore you, spoil you, comfort you, support you and make you feel like the most special woman on this spinning blue orb, well you know where to find me. I’ll be on that bar stool over there. ---
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/18 "2000-07-30T19:18:28Z")
I’ve been crushed several times in the last decade and am trying to avoid getting crushed again. In early 1994, I was in an automobile accident when a drunk decided that if he sped up, the light wouldn’t be as red when he got there. It destroyed my car (a 1990 pontiac Grand Prix Coupe – arguably the first “sexy” car I ever owned) and left me in not-like-new condition. I got better. Then there’s the trainwreck of my relationship with TW (_That Woman_), and… Oh. _That_ kind of crush. That’s completely different. Never mind. ~~Baloo [And a tip o’ the hat to Gilda Radner.] ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/19 "2000-07-30T19:52:09Z")
**HomeSlice** said: > [@](#): > > I have the biggest crush on that HomeSlice kid. He is hot. Ah…so _that’s_what your I got me a Palm Pilot!!! thread was about. ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/20 "2000-07-31T04:49:29Z")
Has Eve posted anywhere today? I’d hate to think she’s ignoring me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403.md?page=2)