# Crush thread. I can't wait forever. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2000, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403 "2000-07-30T04:39:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/41 "2000-08-11T18:29:21Z")
Oh, goodness, is THIS what I missed while I was away having a too-eventful life? Mr. C., aren’t you a new father? SHAME ob you. APB . . . Boston, huh? That’s not too far from New York . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/42 "2000-08-11T18:38:41Z")
1. Yes 2. I have no shame 3. Welcome back, and Happy 2000, Eve. We’ve missed you here. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/43 "2000-08-11T20:31:05Z")
Goodness, gracious, me. I have to choose between: • APB, the Mystery Man from Boston • Mr. Cynical, a shameless married, new father • Yue Han, the clean-cut Midwestern college student • Hard-boiled newshound Milo • Drop, who knows all about Whoopee Cushions WHO shall I choose? Who shall be my Mystery Date? Good thing I have a long rainy weekend to think about it . . . ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2000, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/44 "2000-08-11T21:32:56Z")
You need to buy a computer, dear. I can’t wait all weekend. ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/45 "2000-08-12T02:00:42Z")
Ah, my enamorata has returned! How shall I prove myself to you Eve? How should I chase away the competition? We could compete to bring you the rarest and most precious gift from all the four corners of the earth, a la _The Thief of Baghdad_(Douglas Fairbanks, dir. Raoul Walsh, 1924). We could attempt to beat each other senseless in variety of highly violent yet comic ways. _Popeye the Sailor Meets Sinbad_ (dir. Dave Fleischer, 1936) My competition could realize that they are being selfish, that you and I belong together, that it is the right and noble thing to give you up. Boo hoo, sniffle sniffle, and off we fly together like in _Casablanca_. (Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, dir.Michael Curtiz, 1942) I could improvise poetry to you and recite it beneath your window at night, like _Cyrano de Bergerac_ (Jose Ferrer, dir. Michael Gordon, 1950). I could seduce your favors with an acrobatic and stylized dance number. _An American In Paris_ (Gene Kelly, Leslie Caron, dir. Vincente Minnelli, 1951) [Actually, I can see you more as Cyd Charisse. Make that _Brigadoon_, 1954] I could kidnap you and carry you off to the top of the Empire State building (for the obvious purpose of ravishing you although that will never be said explicitly), and battle with my aeroplane-flying competitors until I fall to my grisly death. _King Kong_ (Fay Wray, 1933) The choice is yours! Command us, Venus! ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/46 "2000-08-12T03:30:59Z")
I gotta vote for APB9999 - he’s charming, romantic, and knows about old movies. Sounds like he’s right up your alley. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2000, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/47 "2000-08-14T13:37:14Z")
I must admit, APB is winning the apple . . . Not that I don’t adore and appreciate Drop and Cynnie, but the idea of dressing up like Justine Johnstone and flying away on APB’s Doug Fairbanks carpet is an alluring one . . . ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/48 "2000-08-15T06:09:52Z")
Wonderful! So what do you say, Eve, can I take you on a date thread? Say, tomorrow? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/49 "2000-08-15T13:39:03Z")
A “date thread?” This is intriguing . . . OK, pick me up at my computer. [primping in front of mirror, singing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” while APB goes out for a corsage] ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/50 "2000-08-15T13:40:12Z")
P.S. I ASSUME other Dopers will be chaperoning in the form of waiters, cab drivers, doormen and nosey passersby . . . ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/51 "2000-08-15T14:11:21Z")
> [@](#): > > _in the OP_ > **Eve, darling, come with me to Tahiti. We will live on the beach, eating coconuts, weaving palm fronds into the necessities of life, and posting the meditative wisdom we will acquire in paradise on the SDMB via our satellite internet uplink. For money we will dive for pearls. When the monsoons come, you can shelter in the lee of my adoration. When the softness of the ocean’s whispers tires, I will sing to you. I will strew tropical blossoms on your bed and wash your hair in the sea. Our children will be kissed by the sun, whole and strong and joyous.** Damn. Well, it that doesn’t get the girl, what **will**? Since this is a crush thread, I just popped in to say my heart belongs to the unavailable **Ruffian**. If only DeathLlama had never been born! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403/52 "2000-08-15T15:17:23Z")
Oh, great. Lizard’s got a CRUSH on Ruffian, but only wants to wrestle in butter with me. Story of my life, man; story of my life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/crush-thread-i-cant-wait-forever/27403.md?page=2)