# "Cry over spilled milk" - what does it really mean? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 12, 2015, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346 "2015-06-12T10:29:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/1 "2015-06-12T10:29:43Z")
Simple discussion. I’ve always thought the cliche “cry over spilled milk” was very similar to “it is what it is”, meaning done is done. Time to move on. Can’t undo it. Wife thinks it refers to an incident that is so inconsequential that it doesn’t deserve your tears. I think it’s a pretty big distinction. One way deals with the weight of the situation and the other deals with the results. Where do you stand?? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/2 "2015-06-12T10:31:05Z")
I use it like your wife does, though your interpretation makes sense too. ETA: Various online sources seem to agree with you, that it’s not worth fussing over problems that already occured. Interesting! ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/3 "2015-06-12T10:49:10Z")
Done is done. I never thought of it as inconsequential. It’s an old phrase. Maybe spilling milk isn’t a big deal now but in the past I’m sure it would have been. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/4 "2015-06-12T11:16:06Z")
What’s happened, has happened, and there’s nothing you can do about it. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/5 "2015-06-12T11:41:01Z")
My understanding is the same as yours. Never heard the one your wife proposes, although it’s easy to see how someone could reach that. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/6 "2015-06-12T11:55:54Z")
What you said, OP ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/7 "2015-06-12T12:31:43Z")
I’ve always understood it to mean that continuing to be frustrated, sad, upset, etc. might be appropriate, but futile. That is, the trigger might be a totally legitimate trigger, something that really is upsetting, but there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, there’s no way to fix it, so you’re better off moving on than continuing to beat yourself up about it. Contrary to your wife’s interpretation, “no use crying over spilt milk” indicates to me that there _is_ something worth crying over, but crying won’t help, so what’s the point? Then again, I’ve literally cried over spilt (pumped breast)milk, so I totally understand the temporarily devastating nature of going to all the work of getting milk just to see the results ruined beyond recall. I suppose that doesn’t make much sense when you buy milk by the gallon at the store for less than the price of gasoline, but when you have to actually milk a creature to get it, it’s a lot of work with nothing to show for it and hungry babies. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/8 "2015-06-12T12:32:46Z")
I thought it meant getting upset over something insignificant. ---
**Author:** ![peg4x4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6de8d8/32.png) [@peg4x4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peg4x4)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/9 "2015-06-12T12:45:10Z")
The cow/goat/mare kicked the bucket over. The children will go hungry if you don’t hold it together and find something else for them. Cry later,when you have time. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/10 "2015-06-12T13:07:00Z")
Yeah, “what’s done is done” is how I know it. While I can see the other interpretation, I can’t say I’ve ever heard it used in this way. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/11 "2015-06-12T13:08:06Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Contrary to your wife’s interpretation, “no use crying over spilt milk” indicates to me that there _is_ something worth crying over, but crying won’t help, so what’s the point? Exactly, the “no use” highlights that the saying is not about the appropriateness of the response, but efficacy. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/12 "2015-06-12T13:15:50Z")
‘What’s done, is done.’ I don’t think spilled milk is, or was, ‘inconsequential’. Remember that when the phrase came about, you couldn’t just drive down to the milk store. People milked their own cows, churned their own butter, etc. Spilling the milk meant doing without. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/13 "2015-06-12T14:51:32Z")
I think it’s “what’s done is done” because in most circumstances you literally will not be retrieving or drinking that milk. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/14 "2015-06-12T14:58:12Z")
Done is done. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/15 "2015-06-12T15:52:50Z")
There’s support for the argument that the idiom is over 350 years old. [Cite.](http://www.knowyourphrase.com/phrase-meanings/Cry-Over-Spilt-Milk.html) Definitely _NOT_ an inconsequential matter back then. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/16 "2015-06-12T15:55:59Z")
[QUOTE=Stephen King] Done bun can’t be undone. [/QUOTE] … ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/17 "2015-06-12T18:01:50Z")
Another vote for it being about an unfixable problem rather than an inconsequential problem. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/18 "2015-06-12T18:52:36Z")
I don’t think of it as “unfixable”. More as “get on with it”. Don’t sit there being sad or angry about knocking a glass over - clean up the mess and get a new glass full. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/19 "2015-06-12T19:09:01Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I don’t think of it as “unfixable”. More as “get on with it”. > > Don’t sit there being sad or angry about knocking a glass over - clean up the mess and get a new glass full. My point is that if you spill milk, you can’t pick it up and put it back in the bottle. Spilled milk can’t be fixed in the way that a spilled basket of apples can be. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/20 "2015-06-12T19:17:45Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > My point is that if you spill milk, you can’t pick it up and put it back in the bottle. Spilled milk can’t be fixed in the way that a spilled basket of apples can be. Yeah - but that’s not what I always thought the expression was ‘about’. I always thought it was ‘about’ the appropriate reaction to an accident or problem. In short, that it would work as well for spilled apples as it would for milk - the issue being, you gotta move forward and _get on with it_, not sit around being sad and sorry, or arguing over who was to blame. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346.md?page=2)