# "Cry over spilled milk" - what does it really mean? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 12, 2015, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346 "2015-06-12T10:29:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/21 "2015-06-12T20:25:10Z")
I have always used it for things that are inconsequential. The other meaning makes no sense to me. If it’s something that matters, then you need to feel bad, as that’s the first step in making sure it doesn’t happen again. It’s what motivates you to try and stop it from happening again. But even if I take it the other way, since that seems to be the actual meaning, it still seems to be a crappy thing to say to anyone. You’re still telling them that they should stop being upset because it’s pointless. And when in the history of the world has that every helped? “I’m so sad.” “Don’t be sad. It won’t help.” “Okay, thanks!”–that’s a comedy bit. Maybe if it’s used the way “It is what it is” tends to be used, as something you tell yourself, I can get behind it. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/22 "2015-06-12T20:37:02Z")
I thought the point was that you DON’T cry over spilled milk? ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/23 "2015-06-12T20:41:18Z")
I’ve always thought it was a little bit of both, it’s inconsequential and it’s done, so let’s move on. It would seem very odd to me to use this expression in a very serious context, like a death, which is the ultimate “no going back” situation. It would also be weird if someone used to refer to something that was easily fixable. ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/24 "2015-06-12T20:55:13Z")
[“To lament uselessly or pointlessly. As early as 1659 James Howell was listing ‘no weeping for shed milk’ as a British proverb. The basis of it is that spilled milk cannot be gathered up and put back in the container.” From “The Dictionary of Cliches” by James Rogers (Ballantine Books, New York, 1985).](http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/27/messages/697.html) ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/25 "2015-06-12T22:15:38Z")
An Indonesian equivalent roughly translates to, “the rice has already become porridge.” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/26 "2015-06-12T23:03:37Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > My point is that if you spill milk, you can’t pick it up and put it back in the bottle. Spilled milk can’t be fixed in the way that a spilled basket of apples can be. That’s the way I interpreted it too. It’s ruined, and crying over it won’t/can’t make it better. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/27 "2015-06-12T23:10:56Z")
IMHO, it means something is irreversible and regret or lament does no good. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2015, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/28 "2015-06-12T23:25:29Z")
Originally the saying “There’s no use crying over spilt milk” meant that you should step to the side of spilled milk when you cry so your tears don’t get in it. Since that definition was useless the saying quickly changed to “There’s no use saying there’s no use crying over spilled milk”. Over time the saying was shortened to it’s current form which means that there’s no use in doing anything when you spill milk, unless you don’t have a cat or dog, in which case you should clean it up. Anyway, I think that’s what I heard somewhere maybe. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/29 "2015-06-13T13:31:44Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > One way deals with the weight of the situation and the other deals with the results. > > Where do you stand?? It’s both. It’s like saying “there’s no point in crying over something in the past”, **BUT** it’s also only appropriate to use in relatively minor situations. If my wife was killed in a car accident and someone told me “don’t cry over spilt milk”, that would be a horrible thing to say. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/30 "2015-06-13T14:00:54Z")
[quote=“hogarth, post:29, topic:722346”] It’s both. It’s like saying “there’s no point in crying over something in the past”, **BUT** it’s also only appropriate to use in relatively minor situations. [quote] I would say it’s potentially both, but primarily and directly, to move on, it is only indirectly related as it’s not so bad as to stop one from moving on. Taking it as something so minor that it’s not worth crying over seems like the view my ex-wife would take, which would inevitably get us into a argument based on the different definitions. If I said to her ‘no use crying over spilled milk’, a typical thing for her to say is how I can be so dismissive of her feelings, she thinking that I am diminishing the issue calling it minor and dismissing her feelings, when I am really saying lets mitigate the problem by cleaning the milk up (working on it, including the feeling), and finding another source of milk. I do wonder how the genders would divide on these definitions in a poll. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/31 "2015-06-13T14:09:03Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/32 "2015-06-13T14:18:20Z")
I use “no use crying over spilled milk” closer to the way you do - the bad thing happened. The situation is unfixable. Tears and regrets are not going to fix the situation. To me, it also implies to me that something needs to be done (e.g., getting a mop). I think I use “it is what it is” differently, though. It’s very much about the current state of the situation. That thing could be undone, but _right now_ we’re in this place. Spilled apples would fall into “it is what it is” for me. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/33 "2015-06-13T14:39:14Z")
(Do Americans use the “spilt” spelling for anything accept this phrase? I don’t think I do, but “spilled” just seems wrong in this context.) And yes, I agree one wouldn’t say it in response to a death. That’s far too serious for the phrase. But I have heard people use it over, say, a terminal diagnosis, as a tension breaker and way to move the conversation to another topic. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/34 "2015-06-13T15:26:21Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > It’s both. It’s like saying “there’s no point in crying over something in the past”, **BUT** it’s also only appropriate to use in relatively minor situations. > > If my wife was killed in a car accident and someone told me “don’t cry over spilt milk”, that would be a horrible thing to say. Sensing an unexcluded middle here… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/35 "2015-06-13T15:36:59Z")
> [@diggerwam](#): > > Simple discussion. I’ve always thought the cliche “cry over spilled milk” was very similar to “it is what it is”, meaning done is done. Time to move on. Can’t undo it. That’s how I’ve always taken it. No use fretting over what’s already happened. Instead, you hunt down the bastard who spilled your milk and gut him like a catfish. ---
**Author:** ![Razncain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@Razncain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Razncain)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/36 "2015-06-13T17:11:08Z")
It’s too short of a phrase for me the way the OP used it, the way my parents always used it in TX, anyway, was, “there is no sense crying over spilled milk.” Which was always something they perceived of as inconsequential. Interesting, people’s different perceptions. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/37 "2015-06-13T23:05:37Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Sensing an unexcluded middle here… I don’t know what to tell you; I’m saying that there are some situations that are too serious to apply “spilt milk” to. If you want to disagree, feel free to say so. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/38 "2015-06-14T01:29:16Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > (Do Americans use the “spilt” spelling for anything accept this phrase? I don’t think I do, but “spilled” just seems wrong in this context.) I use “spilled.” I would never use “spilt” for anything. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2015, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346/39 "2015-06-14T01:42:34Z")
Definitely not inconsequential. When I was a kid, if you spilled your milk, you didn’t get anymore. Crying didn’t help. So, to me, the phrase, “there is no use crying over spilled milk” applied to a situation where was no point in crying and making a bad situation worse (by annoying everyone with your crying). Just get your glass of water and finish your meal. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cry-over-spilled-milk-what-does-it-really-mean/722346.md?page=1)