# CSI: Turn the Fucking Lights On! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2007, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384 "2007-02-01T05:03:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/41 "2007-02-02T02:04:37Z")
[QUOTE=dropzone] And thank Og for it. Someday I’m doing a show in real time. We watch the protagonist typing for 45 minutes. Someone gives him lab results from a case he was working on a month and a half before and he has to be reminded what it was about. He puts the report on top of the pile of reports he hopes to get to this year. Then he sees someone he arrested ten years before and doesn’t have even a glimmer of recognition because he’s arrested hundreds of guys since then and they have all blended together into a generic street punk. The next episode is entirely devoted to him stuck in traffic on his way to a crime scene. No TV Cop teleporter for him! [/QUOTE] Yeah, good point. Maybe Horatio is like Cyclops from X-Men - he has to wear his shades or his eyes shoot laser beams from them. And Marg Helgenberger needs to put those things away. Professional women don’t dress with their funbags hanging out like that - well, not off-the-street professionals, any way. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/42 "2007-02-02T03:39:02Z")
[QUOTE=Homo Ergaster] …and the criminal carries the blood-stained shoes for two weeks…and of course the shoes are of a very special kind made with wombat teeth and Grissom finds out because the _Spuercosiam migeria_ bug only lives in wombat corpses [/QUOTE] Actually, the _first_ person they find with the wombat teeth is almost never the actual criminal. What is presented to the audience in Act 2 as a slamdunk piece of evidence almost always has some mundane explanation, sending the characters “back to square one” for Act 3. The CSI shows are fond of pointless coincidences and cheap irony, i.e. Person A kills Person B believing B killed A’s sister _but_ the final piece of evidence (_oh cruel cruel fate!_) shows that A’s sister was a suicide, or an accident, or had been unknowingly killed by A himself when he accidentally spilled ski wax into the jacuzzi, creating a chain reaction that eventually led to the fatal toothpaste explosion everyone initially assumed was a bomb planted by B, who, despite having all kinds of loopy evidence implicating him, was (they discover in the final seconds) in Cleveland at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/43 "2007-02-02T06:35:03Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] And Marg Helgenberger needs to put those things away. Professional women don’t dress with their funbags hanging out like that - well, not off-the-street professionals, any way. [/QUOTE] Hey, mind your own dang business! :eek: Don’t listent o _him_, Marg–you do \*not \* need to put them away! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Caiata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@Caiata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caiata)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/44 "2007-02-02T10:13:40Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I wonder if it is part of the crime scene investigation protocol, that you don’t turn the lights on there. Anybody have any facts about this? _trumpet fanfare_ Degree in forensic investigation (crime scenes) here! 🙂 You would most certainly note in your case notes that when you arrived the lights were off. However, the vast majority of the time you are there at the crime scene to _see_ what happened. Generally, light helps this task, so you would want to get light into the room as soon as you could. This may include turning on the lights. If you thought there might be fingerprints or DNA evidence on the light switch then you would use the illumination of a proper flashlight (possibly LED, possibly blue to make trace blood stains stand out with more contrast, but never one of those bloody 10-watt ‘dimlights’) to process that light switch before turning on the lights. At least, that’s how we would do it. Most of the time though, and especially for what we call “volume crime” - incidents where no person was injured/threatened, or very mild assault type incidents - you could wait until daylight to go to the scene, so you could examine it in the light without needing to turn lights on, or you could attend while the people living there are home and they could turn the lights on for you. In high-profile cases, such as murders, you may need to be there at night, and you may want to be wary and not turn on the lights, but then you would bring high-powered light sources with you. Still, if you’ve processed the light switch first there’s usually nothing wrong with turning on the lights. In some types of incidents it may be dangerous to turn on the lights at the scene. For example, people who set up indoor hydroponic Cannabis labs or clandestine drug laboratories might sprinkle booby-traps about the place to deter thieves and investigators. Some such booby-traps include filling light bulbs with gasoline or other flammable liquids, so that when the light is switched on the bulb explodes. You usually know going into a scene beforehand whether it will require such vigilance and care, though - it’s not something you usually would stumble in to. _Edited to rephrase a potentially misleading statement._ ---
**Author:** ![Homo\_Ergaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Homo\_Ergaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homo_Ergaster)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/45 "2007-02-02T17:32:36Z")
**Caiata** , thanks a lot for the information ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/46 "2007-02-02T17:38:29Z")
I notice on _NCIS_ that Ducky’s autopsy room has a light bright enough to block out even the suggestion of genitalia on all the male corpses. ---
**Author:** ![RedSwinglineOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@RedSwinglineOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedSwinglineOne)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/47 "2007-02-02T18:01:31Z")
[QUOTE=Operation Ripper] Have you ever seen a well-lit high-def Marg Helgeberger? [/QUOTE] I’m glad somebody else said this first. I was thinking some of the actresses had moved past the ‘flourescent lighting’ stage of life and were well into the ‘dive bar neon’ stage of life. No offense intended of course. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/48 "2007-02-02T20:01:45Z")
Why do they go into a crime scene wearing their ordinary clothes? Havn’t they heard of cross-contamination? In true life (here in the UK anyway) CSI personell wear those disposable paper coveralls and face masks. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/49 "2007-02-02T20:35:46Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I notice on _NCIS_ that Ducky’s autopsy room has a light bright enough to block out even the suggestion of genitalia on all the male corpses. [/QUOTE] I noticed that in previews for [this](http://www.cinempire.com/multimedia/Da-Vinci-Code/images/14.jpg). Convenient light shard placement. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/50 "2007-02-02T21:17:34Z")
I happened to see a rerun episode the other day… One where while hunting for a sniper the Miami guys found some sort of resin something or other glue that (through their magical resin glue use database) they were able to track down to the roofs of three buildings in a several block radius. Deep voice speaking main character “I need it narrowed down to one, before he kills again!” (commercial break) :dubious: Um… Just go to all three buildings at the same time. He’ll be on one of them. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/51 "2007-02-02T21:42:07Z")
[QUOTE=Jackmannii] The darkness _will_ tell you something. That you need to turn on the lights. I blame _Blade Runner_ for this trend. [/QUOTE] I blame _Alien_. A ship loaded with petroleum must surely have had the wherewithal and the energy necessary for someone to _turn the bloody lights on already_! Had they done so, Harry Dean Stanton wouldn’t have become Purina Alien Chow quite so quickly. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/52 "2007-02-02T21:50:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Had they done so, Harry Dean Stanton wouldn’t have become Purina Alien Chow quite so quickly. Sure he would have “The Three of us are going over here _You_ go over there, alone. Where it’s dark.” Once they sent him off alone, he was done. And the Alien came down from above, so I’m not sure he’d a’ seen it. Then they go and do it again an again. I hate that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2007, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/53 "2007-02-03T00:35:28Z")
[QUOTE=clayton\_e] I happened to see a rerun episode the other day.. One where while hunting for a sniper the Miami guys found some sort of resin something or other glue that (through their magical resin glue use database) they were able to track down to the roofs of three buildings in a several block radius. Deep voice speaking main character “I need it narrowed down to one, before he kills again!” (commercial break) :dubious: Um.. Just go to all three buildings at the same time. He’ll be on one of them. [/QUOTE] “I need it narrowed down to one, so someone else doesn’t get to make the arrest other than me!” ---
**Author:** ![Caiata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@Caiata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caiata)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/54 "2007-02-03T02:59:50Z")
> [@Rayne Man](#): > > In true life (here in the UK anyway) CSI personell wear those disposable paper coveralls and face masks. Now here’s one thing CSI does that I actually don’t have a problem with, despite its gross inaccuracies. Seriously, how unattractive are the damn coveralls? They could make Ally freakin’ McBeal look like Kirstie Alley, just imagine what they would do to Gil Grissom’s ass! _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384/55 "2007-02-03T03:41:51Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] I notice on _NCIS_ that Ducky’s autopsy room has a light bright enough to block out even the suggestion of genitalia on all the male corpses. [/QUOTE] Which is why the perfect crime would be to sever someone’s femoral artery. The coroner will never be able to determine the cause of death! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/csi-turn-the-fucking-lights-on/390384.md?page=2)