# Cthulhu carols!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-carols/587224>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [June 29, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-carols/587224 "2011-06-29T01:34:45Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 1

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\
**Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-carols/587224/1 "2011-06-29T01:34:45Z")

</div>

Now that the season is well past, I can divulge the contents of the christmas card I sent my brother last year, to go with the femo clay statue of an elder thing I sent him, which unfortunately I can’t show you because photobucket doesn’t like me today.

(to the tune of, “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen”)

Beware the lime-green tentacles of Elder Things that fly  
Remember HP Lovecraft said they all have five eyes  
To keep a ceaseless watch until Cthulhu’s time is nigh  
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom  
Suff’ring and doom  
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooooom.

They watch for waking kraken at the bottom of the sea,  
They watch the stars for signs it will be trying to break free,  
They know Cthulhu’s coming to devour you and me,  
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom,  
suff’ring and doom.  
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooom!

The Elder Things stand ready for the battle to go on,  
When they again will vanquish the Great Old Ones and their spawn,  
They never get too comfortable, they know Cthulhu fhtagn,  
Oh, tidings of suff’ring and doom,  
Suff’ring and doom.  
Oh, great tidings of suff’ring and dooooom!

* * *

—I’m all ready for next christmas, too:

we three things abhorrent are  
bearing spores we bring from afar  
supernova, pseudopoda  
coming from yonder star

O, star of hunger, star of might  
star of human beings’ fright  
earthward leading, soon to be feeding  
guide us to our hearts’ delight.

* * *

It comes upon a midnight drear,  
that hideous monster of old,  
from deep beneath the ocean floor  
in dank and dark and cold

he stomps the earth, devouring men  
and every living thing  
til all the earth in stillness lies  
(he hates to hear us sing.)

* * *

up on the hilltop, pentacles  
out come eldritch tentacles,  
grabbing the nearest human beast,  
all for the little ones’  
first blood feast.

Ia! Ia! Ia!  
into the maw  
Ia! Ia! Ia!  
into the maw  
up on the hilltop  
Cthulhu fhtagn,  
down in the gullet  
to feed the spawn.

* * *

(with apologies)

---

<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\
**Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-carols/587224/2 "2011-06-29T01:38:16Z")

</div>

We’re doomed.

Correction: _You’re_ doomed. 😃