# Cthulhu Chick Tract **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 7, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547 "2003-12-07T14:42:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/21 "2003-12-08T21:42:29Z")
> [@](#): > > But what if the Elder Gods oversleep? Clearly if they can lie dormant for millions of years, they need their nappy time rather badly. I’m betting that even IF Cthulhu WERE to wake up tomorrow, it’d be at LEAST 10,000 years before he got the cobwebs out, got his tentacles all arranged and so forth and was ready to commence eating people. Plus, if he’s anything like me, he’ll hit the snooze button at least two or three times… ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/22 "2003-12-09T00:19:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by winterhawk11 \* > \*\*Plus, if he’s anything like me, he’ll hit the snooze button at least two or three times… \*\* So what is the snooze alarm for a great old one? An Earthquake? A Brintney spears concert? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/23 "2003-12-09T00:30:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HPL \* > \*\*So what is the snooze alarm for a great old one? An Earthquake? A Brintney spears concert? \*\* Gilbert Gottfreid. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/24 "2003-12-09T00:52:31Z")
it is quite amusing, though chick tracts practicually parody themselves. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/25 "2003-12-09T04:50:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Gilbert Gottfreid. \*\* Actually, Gottfreid is actually one of the less powerful Great Old Ones. Something that annoying couldn’t be human. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/26 "2003-12-10T04:29:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Actually, Gottfreid is actually one of the less powerful Great Old Ones. Something that annoying couldn’t be human. \*\* I suppose you guys are responsible for Carrot Top as well? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/27 "2003-12-10T06:27:57Z")
Damn. That was funny. I want to be eaten first! Can I be eaten first? Please? ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/28 "2003-12-10T06:49:05Z")
That depends; are you lean or fatty meat? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/29 "2003-12-11T05:55:32Z")
Depends. I walk a lot, so my legs are pretty lean. A good layer of fat around the hips and thighs, as well as over the tummy, so if you like your meat a bit marbled, you’ll want to go for that. Arms are pretty lean, too. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/30 "2003-12-11T07:13:25Z")
Marble meat is good. :drools: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/31 "2003-12-12T07:08:52Z")
So how does one pronounce “Cthulhu”? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/32 "2003-12-12T14:48:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EddyTeddyFreddy \* > \*\*Eat me first! Me first!!! \*\* If Cthulhu isn’t ready, may I do the honors? ;):o ---
**Author:** ![UselessGit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/74df32/32.png) [@UselessGit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UselessGit)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/33 "2003-12-12T14:58:23Z")
As stated above; You don’t. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/34 "2003-12-12T15:08:57Z")
Or rather, you’re too busy shrieking histerically in absolute mad horror to bother with pronunciations… ---
**Author:** ![MrAtoz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MrAtoz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAtoz)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/35 "2003-12-12T22:45:29Z")
> [@](#): > > So how does one pronounce “Cthulhu”? A serious answer, **Guin**. (I may call you **Guin** , mayn’t I? I’ve seen other people do it.) For the sake of convenience, most people pronounce it “ka-THOO-loo.” In one of his letters, Lovecraft said that it should actually be pronounced more like “klul-hloo,” spoken very gutturally. I don’t know anyone who actually does that, as it tends to cause you to spit on people, and who wants that? As dismissive as they might sound, the responses above like “You don’t/can’t pronounce it” are probably the most accurate answer to that question. The idea Lovecraft was trying to get at was that this is a completely alien word, from a completely alien language, meant for a completely alien vocal apparatus. It is literally unpronounceable by human beings, and the sequence of letters “Cthulhu” is merely a feeble and largely unsuccessfuly attempt to capture that utterly nonhuman sound. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/36 "2003-12-13T07:49:06Z")
You may indeed call me **Guin**. Thanks. Hehehe…I like that plush Cthulhu-I want one! ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/37 "2003-12-13T09:16:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*So how does one pronounce “Cthulhu”? \*\* Exactly how is spelled. Only not. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/38 "2003-12-13T22:49:02Z")
And somewhere, in a village about twenty miles outside of Arkham, a father is talking to his daughter… You’re _what?_ Pregnant? How the hell’d that happen? Don’t get smart with me, young lady, I know how it’s done, I mean, who’s the father? Yog Sothoth? I don’t know anyone named Sothoth in this town. What is he, an A-rab exchange student at Miskatonic U? He’s a what? An Elder God? And you just believed him. Dammit girl, I thought I raised you with more sense than that. Don’t you know boys will say anything to impress a girl? Uh, huh. And does this Yog Sothoth intend to marry you? He’s beyond … wait, you’re telling me you got yourself knocked up by a boy who thinks he’s beyond our concepts of good and evil and morality? Did it occur to you that if you got pregnant, somebody who doesn’t have any concept of morality might just up and dump you? Look, girl, you just tell me what this Yog Sothoth looks like. I want to take my shotgun and find that boy and have a talk with him… You what? You’re pregnant by this boy and you dont’ know what he looks like? How drunk were you, girl? Oh, you can’t _describe_ him! And why the hell not? Indescribable? How can the boy be indescribable? Let me help you. How tall is he? He’s what? He defies description? Wait, he’s the Gate, and the Keeper of the Gate, the Key and the Lock? The Gate to What? Oh, you can’t tell me that either. OK, look, just tell me how you met this Yog Sothoth. The _Necronomicon_? Good Lord, girl, I thought I taught you better than to get mixed up in that witchcraft business. You know it never comes to no good… hey, what’s the matter with you? Cramps that bad? You’re probably having a miscarriage. It’s just as well… What do you mean you’re in labor? You ain’t even showing yet, girl. Alright, just keep still, I’ll call for an ambulance. What, are you sure? OK, just lie down, I’ll boil some water… Oh my God… Holy shit, girl, what is that coming out of you? Oh, no… NOOOOOOO!!! AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEERRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2003, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547/39 "2003-12-14T07:30:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\*Actually, Gottfreid is actually one of the less powerful Great Old Ones. Something that annoying couldn’t be human. \*\* Gottfreid was summoned a few years back when I left the locks off the doors to the back stacks of the library. I apologize deeply. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-chick-tract/217547.md?page=1)