# Cthulhu vs. Gandalf **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 3, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121 "2003-11-03T08:04:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/21 "2003-11-06T00:57:02Z")
Bah, I could kick that feeble little grey/white/whatever color stain that he makes when I squish him wizard, and that pipsqueak little balrog, from my universe to theirs and back again. At the same time. Even if he somehow resisted my telepathic attacks, I am 103 feet tall. The balrog was only about 30foot or so tall. All I have to do is sit on them. Or in Gandalf’s case, nail him in the nuts with one of my smaller tentacles( \*\* Scumpup \*\*, I \* invented \* hitting people in the nuts.) or I could simply send a swarm of some of my Starspawn, deep ones, and assorted human cultist and others to dogpile Gandalf if I wish. And about Tolkien characters being more resistant to the mind-shattering effect of the mythos because of their exposure to orcs and goblins, remember that orcs are goblins are not much more than ugly humans, when you get down to it. Now, the same is true of some mythos creatures(deep ones, for example), but many of the mythos creatures are \* wrong \* in more disturbing ways and involve things like non-Euclidean geometry, which tends to cause problems in human brains. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/22 "2003-11-06T01:18:41Z")
> [@](#): > > And about Tolkien characters being more resistant to the mind-shattering effect of the mythos because of their exposure to orcs and goblins, remember that orcs are goblins are not much more than ugly humans, when you get down to it. Now, the same is true of some mythos creatures(deep ones, for example), but many of the mythos creatures are wrong in more disturbing ways and involve things like non-Euclidean geometry, which tends to cause problems in human brains. I’m curious - what is said about non-euclidianity? And I don’t know about seeing orcs and goblins, but I think it’s reasonable to think that having seen the universe from the outside makes you less succeptible to that sort of problem. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/23 "2003-11-06T01:40:57Z")
In “The Call of Cthuhlu,” Lovecraft described the architecture of the sunken city of R’lyeh as based on “non-Euclidean” geometry. At one point, a character running away from Cthulhu (always an excellent idea) takes shelter in a corner that appears convex and concave at the same time. That’s as specific as it gets, and since the stories are not illustrated we have to use our imaginations. The term “non-Euclidean” appears in other stories as well. It was all part of Lovecraft trying to make the Old Ones and their world appear alien and incomprehensible. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/24 "2003-11-06T01:52:27Z")
Sorry, it was an angle that appeared acute and obtuse at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/25 "2003-11-06T01:55:26Z")
Thanks. (Now I’m going to get a headache thinking of fun non-euclidian shapes. I’m sure that makes sense in some geomety :)) ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/26 "2003-11-06T02:00:02Z")
Oh, ok. Hmm… angles normally work in all geometries… hmm… aha! If you pinch the space so there’s two different arcs through the angle you could get that. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/27 "2003-11-06T02:24:20Z")
You see - even thinking of non-euclidian shapes give you humans headaches, much less having to actually deal with them. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/28 "2003-11-06T02:28:36Z")
And no, Cthuhlu isn’t like Morgoth, Sauron, or a Balrog. He’s the Void, with tentacles on. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/29 "2003-11-06T13:18:30Z")
Gandalf in the second round, while making a sandwich. ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/30 "2003-11-06T13:38:45Z")
Excluding what is obviously a thoroughly unbiased opinion from one of the contributors to this thread, and also me (the OP), the voting tally goes as follows: Gandalf: 3 votes Cthulhu: 6 votes Sitting on the fence: 3 votes Batman: 1 vote My poor Gandalf…sighh… ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2003, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121/31 "2003-11-06T17:27:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DreadCthulhu \* > \*\* Scumpup \*\*, I \* invented \* hitting people in the nuts. Then the answer is clear. Cthulhu will be dancing the Greater Outer Elder Old Ones victory dance (it looks a lot like Irish stick-up-your-arse dancing…only eldritch and unclean) while Gandalf lies in a whimpering, nut-clutching heap. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cthulhu-vs-gandalf/211121.md?page=1)