# Current and former non-cohabitating couples: What is it like? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2011, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554 "2011-04-24T13:30:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/1 "2011-04-24T13:30:14Z")
I’m wondering what it’s like to be a long term couple that doesn’t cohabitate. What have your experiences been? What are the challenges? How have you handled them? What are the advantages? What made you decide to form a non-cohabitating couple? ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/2 "2011-04-24T17:51:38Z")
My husband and I dated for a few years before we got married. We each had a house and two preteen/teenaged children. We knew that getting married would be a Big Hairy Deal as far as combining the two, so we took our time and laid a lot of groundwork before my kids and I moved in out here. We also had to extensively remodel this house to take it from a 3 br/2 bath to a 5 br/4 bath. We went ahead and got married about 10 months prior to the actual moving-in time. So, it was more like a phase of the relationship rather than a long-term thing. Challenges were mainly logistic in nature, such as “should we eat over here or over there?”. Another thing we did was to put the same set of rules in place at each home before we all lived in the combined home. It was a bit of a challenge coming up with that set of rules. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/3 "2011-04-24T19:04:31Z")
My husband and I didn’t live together before we were married. I never thought of it as being a challenge. After all, we had never lived together before. The challenge was coming home after the honeymoon to a place that was new to both of us and learning to live together. The choice to wait to live together (and have sex) was due to religion. We are both atheists now, so we wouldn’t do it that way again. ---
**Author:** ![janeslogin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@janeslogin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janeslogin)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/4 "2011-04-24T22:57:15Z")
My wife leaves for work on Monday morning and returns Thursday night. This has been the case for about 25 years. She does something for the government. She cannot say what and I am expected not to ask. It is a most delightful lifestyle. I just love it. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/5 "2011-04-24T23:42:53Z")
janeslogin - that sounds about perfect! I guess you don’t have kids though. And, if Hollywood is to be believed, you’ll get quite the surprise one of these days 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/6 "2011-04-25T00:01:52Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > What made you decide to form a non-cohabitating couple? Our relationship has run into a slight obstacle: Kelly Hu is not aware that we are a couple. But I plan on informing her of this if we ever meet. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/current-and-former-non-cohabitating-couples-what-is-it-like/579554/7 "2011-04-29T01:51:10Z")
We’ve been together for 6 years and we don’t _really_ live together. But we do sleep in the same bed every night. There are no drawbacks I can think of - each of us having our own space, stuff, and to some degree, life, eliminates a ton of potential sources of conflict.