# Curses! I need suggestions for curses! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 18, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665 "2002-05-18T03:07:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/1 "2002-05-18T03:07:49Z")
Brevity being the soul of effectiveness. Something I can hastily throw at a cow orker, box- or floorman, or, hell, a pit boss who annoys me. Something I can spit out quickly on a jammed up craps game between rolls. So far, the best thing I’ve come up with is, “May you be devoured by giant cockroaches on your next sapphire-buying trip to Madagascar!”, but I’ve already used it now, and it takes much too long to say. ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/2 "2002-05-18T03:13:22Z")
“May you die of rectal tumors,” is one I’ve used for a while. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/3 "2002-05-18T03:15:47Z")
may you be forced to commit cunnilingus on an oozing boar cunt but I’ve only used that on my mom ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/4 "2002-05-18T04:44:11Z")
Bill Clinton wouldn’t take blowjobs from your mother! ---
**Author:** ![Sanscour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Sanscour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanscour)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/5 "2002-05-18T04:52:14Z")
You are the congealing mix of sexual fluids from the wild, sweaty, animalistic humpings of Dick Cheney and Janet Reno! Best used when your victims are eating. Enjoy 🙂 Sanscour ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/6 "2002-05-18T05:20:00Z")
May a flea infested yak nestle in your bed. Your mother should have swallowed instead of spreading her legs. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/7 "2002-05-18T06:46:47Z")
May you live in interesting times. May all of your teeth fall out but one, and may you get a toothache. May your armpits be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels. One for times you’ve got more time to speak: May you inherit a house with a thousand rooms, and may each room have a thousand beds, and may each bed have a thousand fleas, and may a rabid wolf chase you from bed, to bed, to bed… [sub]\*note: Threefold law and all that, so I don’t actually advocate cursing anyone. Still, these amuse me. :)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/8 "2002-05-18T07:47:13Z")
Here’s a good threat: If you don’t shut up, I’m going to cut off your legs at the knees, tourniquet the wounds, and force you to play a tune through the flutes I carve from your shinbones before I kill you. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/9 "2002-05-18T15:01:51Z")
May you seek happiness forever. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/10 "2002-05-18T15:50:12Z")
May your next job be with AOL. Corr ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/11 "2002-05-18T15:54:26Z")
Um, **Corrvin** , I think that’s a bit harsh. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/12 "2002-05-18T16:05:30Z")
From Black Adder: “May God hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an inconvenient moment.” Much better than their lower end version: “May something slightly unpleasant happen to you, like a turnip falling on your head.” ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/13 "2002-05-18T16:13:31Z")
[This site](http://hermes.lincolnu.edu/~focal/scripts/mallacht.htm) shows you how to create completely off-the-wall curses in Irish. My favourite is _Go gcreime na gráinneoga cealgrúnacha do chuid fo-éadaigh_ (may the malevolent hedgehogs gnaw on your underwear). ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/14 "2002-05-18T20:29:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Thea Logica \* > \*\*Brevity being the soul of effectiveness. > > Something I can hastily throw at a cow orker… \*\* I can’t believe it! You and **Otto** know each other? When he wrote “cow-orker” I jested with him about cows and such, but now I wonder if there really is such a thing. Do your co-workers know you see them as cows and long to ork them? ::runs from casino as huge man with bent nose chases him, reaching for a large bulge in his pants. hopes it’s just a gun:: :eek: Okay, I think the spell has passed. Please continue, and ignore the globular geezer. He just can’t help himself. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/15 "2002-05-18T20:33:42Z")
May you get the runs for ten years…in rubber waders you can’t take off.Didn’t want to leave without actually contributing something. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/16 "2002-05-18T21:01:48Z")
“A hundred million sperm in a squirt, and YOU are the one that won?” ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Earthworm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dirty\_Earthworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Earthworm)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2002, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/17 "2002-05-18T23:38:29Z")
May you eat a red pepper and forget to wash your hands before masturbation. Best I could do on short notice. Sorry. -Dirty ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/18 "2002-05-19T08:16:19Z")
Such a wonderful group of peoples I call friends. And this folks is why I like to stay on y’alls good sides.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![S.Mussberger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@S.Mussberger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/S.Mussberger)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/19 "2002-05-19T09:47:00Z")
You offspring from a leper! I pray that you beard shall start to grow inwards. ---
**Author:** ![Journeyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2002, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665/20 "2002-05-19T20:03:50Z")
May the fire ants of hell infest your undergarments. May your father be found to have been sterile all his life! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/curses-i-need-suggestions-for-curses/109665.md?page=2)