# 'cuse me while I wallow in self pity **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 21, 2006, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511 "2006-09-21T02:45:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/41 "2006-09-26T02:53:01Z")
[QUOTE=mischievous] Huh, that doesn’t sound good. Would you mind giving me some of the inside gossip on someone I’m thinking of interviewing with (for a post-doctoral position)? If you’re willing to chat, my email is in my profile - I’d rather not talk trash about another researcher on the message board. mischievous [/QUOTE] I sent you an email. If I know anything, I’ll pass it on to you. 🙂 [QUOTE=Vlad/Igor] Those alone would get you into another lab doing something quite different, and put you in a position for learning a lot of other skills, that could lead to something else down the road… Don’t be afraid to take opportunities if/when they come up, and don’t sell yourself short on being able to learn new things. [/QUOTE] It’s hard to take on new things. (Nothing deep and original, I know.) I feel handicapped without the degree; adding “No, I don’t know how to do that, but I’m willing to learn” is intimadating. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/42 "2006-09-26T06:50:38Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] It’s hard to take on new things. (Nothing deep and original, I know.) I feel handicapped without the degree; adding “No, I don’t know how to do that, but I’m willing to learn” is intimadating. [/QUOTE] Hehe… that happens even when you’ve got a ton of degrees. My uncle has a Licenciatura in Journalism, another in Law, four PhDs (Law, Journalism, History and I never remember what the fourth one is). He speaks seven languages. He still runs into people who think he won’t be able to learn \. His office got computers for the first time when he was working on his third PhD and the instructors were surprised that he learned how to use Works in a couple weeks (back then it was only MSWorks, they hadn’t split Word, Excel etc nor re-joined it as MSOffice). ---
**Author:** ![St.Urho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@St.Urho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Urho)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/43 "2006-09-26T07:35:37Z")
I can offer some sympathy and a few random anecdotes… I’m a non-traditional student attending the main branch of said university (although, I have a bachelor’s and do want to go to med school…) It’s kind of interesting because right now I have a job where bachelor’s degrees are few and far between. Some of these super gung-ho med school types scare the crap out of me. I really can’t compete. I also used to work just up the street from you. (Ambulance station at 33rd & Peoria). I enjoy not having to hang out in that neighborhood anymore. Anyway, best of luck whatever you do. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/44 "2006-09-26T15:25:29Z")
[QUOTE=St. Urho] I can offer some sympathy and a few random anecdotes… I’m a non-traditional student attending the main branch of said university (although, I have a bachelor’s and do want to go to med school…) It’s kind of interesting because right now I have a job where bachelor’s degrees are few and far between. Some of these super gung-ho med school types scare the crap out of me. I really can’t compete. [/QUOTE] Good luck to you! The gung-ho pre-meds get on my nerves. ::shiver:: [QUOTE=St. Urho] I also used to work just up the street from you. (Ambulance station at 33rd & Peoria). I enjoy not having to hang out in that neighborhood anymore. [/QUOTE] This area is scary!! :eek: The Univeristy makes you pay to park on campus and it feels like extortion. \*Cough up $55 a month or we’ll make you walk through the gang infested, crime ridden “neighborhood.” \* ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/45 "2006-09-26T16:34:24Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] TI’m having the job-is-in-jeopardy-turing-30-in-five-months-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues. [/quote] You can get the turning-30-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues even if your job isn’t in jeopardy. Either that, or it’s just you and me that that happens to. > [@](#): > > Also, someone put a bottle o’ piss in the food fridge. I must find whoever did this and _ **kill** _ them. Keep your eyes open for a Pit thread. . .) And just to prove that growing older is mandatory, but growing up is optional, I giggled at this 😃 I’m looking forward to that Pit thread… ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/46 "2006-09-26T16:49:08Z")
[QUOTE=Anne Neville] You can get the turning-30-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues even if your job isn’t in jeopardy. Either that, or it’s just you and me that that happens to. [/QUOTE] Nope. You were right the first time. When I turned 30, almost 2 years ago, several of us (all female) were griping about how we were nervous about our career paths (we were all in graduate school working on Masters of Science in Information Science which is NOT as impressive as it sounds like, I assure you), lonely and unhappy because none of us were married yet (not that marriage is the be all, end all, but we did agree that we’d all kind of expected when we were young and starry-eyed that we would be married by 30–and I’m not even sure that any of our group was seriously dating) and just generally feeling attacked by the feeling that this wasn’t where we’d dreamed of being at 30. I will leave my present turning-32-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues out of this thread. Actually, they are more of “How the heck do I get the experience to get the job I want if no one will hire me without experience” screams of frustration, mostly, more than birthday blues, but there are some birthday blues around my life right now. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/47 "2006-09-26T17:13:41Z")
[QUOTE=Eureka] Nope. You were right the first time. When I turned 30, almost 2 years ago, several of us (all female) were griping about how we were nervous about our career paths (we were all in graduate school working on Masters of Science in Information Science which is NOT as impressive as it sounds like, I assure you), lonely and unhappy because none of us were married yet (not that marriage is the be all, end all, but we did agree that we’d all kind of expected when we were young and starry-eyed that we would be married by 30–and I’m not even sure that any of our group was seriously dating) and just generally feeling attacked by the feeling that this wasn’t where we’d dreamed of being at 30. I will leave my present turning-32-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues out of this thread. Actually, they are more of “How the heck do I get the experience to get the job I want if no one will hire me without experience” screams of frustration, mostly, more than birthday blues, but there are some birthday blues around my life right now. [/QUOTE] My heart goes out to you **Eureka**. Hopefully things will turn out. I have a strong feminist streak. It pains me to see women struggling in male-dominated fields. Here at the University, the majority of biology undergrad and grad students are women, but most of the senior research staff are men. (There are phd’s who have “reputations”. One consistantly hires/mentors lovely blonde women. Another has been know to sleep with his grad students. The list goes on.) The cultural expectation of having a good career at or around your mid-twenties plus the angst of turnging 30 (especially for a woman) is awful. I’ll step off this soap box before I make an \*Equus africanus \* of myself. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/48 "2006-09-26T17:17:04Z")
[QUOTE=Eureka] lonely and unhappy because none of us were married yet (not that marriage is the be all, end all, but we did agree that we’d all kind of expected when we were young and starry-eyed that we would be married by 30–and I’m not even sure that any of our group was seriously dating) and just generally feeling attacked by the feeling that this wasn’t where we’d dreamed of being at 30. [/QUOTE] It’s even more fun when you’re lonely and unhappy because you’re not married _and_ you’re feeling guilty for feeling that way, because you shouldn’t need marriage to define yourself. I’ve been feeling attacked by the feeling that this wasn’t where I dreamed of being at X since I was a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/49 "2006-09-26T18:59:12Z")
Don’t mind me, I’m just using this thread as an excuse to wallow in self pity myself a bit. Truely, my life could be a lot worse, although feelings of loneliness are not uncommon–nor unreasonable. I just moved more than 600 miles less than a month ago, so the only people I know are my co-workers–nice people but they have their own lives–and my students–whom I don’t relate to in the slightest. So I’m trying to find my feet in my new job–which is not what I’d dreamed of doing, but hopefully will look good on my resume–and the job is only part time, and they don’t pay me enough (well, who says they are getting paid enough?), but truly, my pay sounds good on an hourly basis, but they don’t pay for prep time, and as a new instructor I need lots of prep time. And there’s the angst of do I want to keep doing this job next semester (and will they want me? have need of me?) which I don’t have to decide for a while–and neither will they. So I appreciate the well-wishes, but do need to acknowledge that my life is not rotten, just a little rocky at present. ---
**Author:** ![St.Urho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@St.Urho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Urho)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/50 "2006-09-26T19:03:00Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] Good luck to you! The gung-ho pre-meds get on my nerves. ::shiver:: [/quote] Thanks! [QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] This area is scary!! :eek: The Univeristy makes you pay to park on campus and it feels like extortion. \*Cough up $55 a month or we’ll make you walk through the gang infested, crime ridden “neighborhood.” \* [/QUOTE] Damn! Although, I don’t think it’s fair to call it a neighborhood when most of the local residents live in motels… We usually ran at least a shooting a month, including one at the gas station at Colfax & Potomac. And when they’d drag us out of our quarters to post we were either at 6th & Peoria or Colfax & Sable. I can’t tell you how happy I am I don’t work there anymore. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/51 "2006-09-26T21:57:11Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] _sigh_ I work for the UC Health Sciences Center. Animal work is not highly valued. One of the reasons I have grown to loath Stepford Students is that some of them think they’re “better” than me. I muck about in urine, feces, blood and guts - give them the processed cells for experiments. Other than that, I’m subhuman. :mad: I got tried of this and moved to a lab where I feel respected. 🆒 If things go south (or North to Canada in this case) I don’t know if I can find another researcher that sees value in my work. [/QUOTE] Wait, then what are they planning to do? Become podiatrists? Isn’t being in med all about mucking around in urine, feces, blood and guts? ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/52 "2006-09-26T22:05:36Z")
[QUOTE=kushiel] Wait, then what are they planning to do? Become podiatrists? Isn’t being in med all about mucking around in urine, feces, blood and guts? [/QUOTE] If the subject is a human being, its medicine. If its a rodent, its mucking. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2006, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/53 "2006-09-26T23:27:37Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] I also wonder if my career is a dead end. Right now I’m a Professional Research Assistant/Lab manager. In a few more years, I could apply for a Senior PRA job. That’s it. I’m trying to decide if I’m OK with that. (Another Stepford Student moment, “Yeah. I’ll work as a PRA if I need to re-apply to med school.” Great, my career is someone else’s back up plan. :rolleyes: ) Actually, the PRA holding pattern for med/nursing school is very common. I have seen many people do this. It makes me wonder if there is more I want to do. [/QUOTE] It’s hard working in an academic environment, since people rarely work for much longer than a couple of years. Undergrads move on to fancy med schools or graduate schools, grad students move on to impressive post-docs, and post-docs go off to tenure track positions somewhere far away. It has to be tiring after a while watching everyone “progress” while you stay in one place year after year. I think my former lab manager, who had worked in the lab for eight years, was tired of being left behind. He wanted to make a career out of being a lab manager, but except for the PI, there are no “career” positions in a lab. The nature of grants makes them all temporary jobs. So yes, I think you’re going to be wondering. Imagine being 40 years old and having to work with Stepford students who are twenty years younger than you. You’re going to despise them more than you do now. Like I said before, I think it’s a good thing that this is happening to you. You mentioned that you’re afraid you won’t be able to learn new things in a new lab. I think you should confront this fear by seeking a position that gives you new experiences. You’ve got great animal experience in what appears to be some sort of medical arena. Can you translate your skills to neuroscience? Sure. What about a behavior lab or a pharmacological lab? Yes, you can! Collect as many skills and experiences as you can, so you won’t be afraid anymore. I know what I’m talking about. I did my graduate work in marine biology, working with wetland animals and plants in northeastern US. Where do I work now? In freshwater wetlands in subtropical US. I had to learn new plants, new animals, new collection methods. All of it was intimidating at first, especially since as a new Ph.D I thought I was supposed to know everything already. And I made embarrassing mistakes. But now I have a totally new experience under my belt, and I’ve acquired skills that make me more valuable and versatile. You CAN do it, **Mouse\_Maven**. You just have to be brave and go for it! ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/54 "2006-09-27T01:16:33Z")
[QUOTE=monstro] It’s hard working in an academic environment, since people rarely work for much longer than a couple of years. Undergrads move on to fancy med schools or graduate schools, grad students move on to impressive post-docs, and post-docs go off to tenure track positions somewhere far away. It has to be tiring after a while watching everyone “progress” while you stay in one place year after year. I think my former lab manager, who had worked in the lab for eight years, was tired of being left behind. He wanted to make a career out of being a lab manager, but except for the PI, there are no “career” positions in a lab. The nature of grants makes them all temporary jobs. So yes, I think you’re going to be wondering. Imagine being 40 years old and having to work with Stepford students who are twenty years younger than you. You’re going to despise them more than you do now. Like I said before, I think it’s a good thing that this is happening to you. You mentioned that you’re afraid you won’t be able to learn new things in a new lab. I think you should confront this fear by seeking a position that gives you new experiences. You’ve got great animal experience in what appears to be some sort of medical arena. Can you translate your skills to neuroscience? Sure. What about a behavior lab or a pharmacological lab? Yes, you can! Collect as many skills and experiences as you can, so you won’t be afraid anymore. I know what I’m talking about. I did my graduate work in marine biology, working with wetland animals and plants in northeastern US. Where do I work now? In freshwater wetlands in subtropical US. I had to learn new plants, new animals, new collection methods. All of it was intimidating at first, especially since as a new Ph.D I thought I was supposed to know everything already. And I made embarrassing mistakes. But now I have a totally new experience under my belt, and I’ve acquired skills that make me more valuable and versatile. You CAN do it, **Mouse\_Maven**. You just have to be brave and go for it! [/QUOTE] You have some very good points, **monstro**. Mouse\_Spouse and I have been discussing me applying for a Senior Professional Research Assistant position. Maybe look into a job with industry once I have the BS. I’ve started a [blog](http://mundane-mouse-musings.blogspot.com/) so that I’m no longer wasting SDMB broadband. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/55 "2006-09-27T04:22:59Z")
[QUOTE=Mouse\_Maven] \(Sorry Dopers. I’m having the job-is-in-jeopardy-turing-30-in-five-months-what-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-career blues. \ [/QUOTE] Just wait till you have the what-the-hell-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-life-anyway-shouldn’t-I-have-a-career-at-some-point-turning-40-in-two-months-blues. 😃 (Um, that wasn’t meant to make you feel worse - that was meant to commiserate, that we all feel lost and hopeless sometimes.) ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/56 "2006-09-27T14:17:19Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Just wait till you have the what-the-hell-do-I-want-to-do-with-my-life-anyway-shouldn’t-I-have-a-career-at-some-point-turning-40-in-two-months-blues. 😃 (Um, that wasn’t meant to make you feel worse - that was meant to commiserate, that we all feel lost and hopeless sometimes.) [/QUOTE] You didn’t make me feel worse, I appreciated the commiseration. A friend of mine is in a situation similar to yours. Hopefully, you both will find a direction. **monstro** ’s post has gotten me thinking - a dangerous thing. I work with a bunch of highly motivated people, it makes feeling directionless _worse_. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2006, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/57 "2006-09-29T04:38:46Z")
I’ve been working as an office-type administrator/accounting clerk for ten years - I’m starting to think that I have a direction, I just don’t want to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2006, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/58 "2006-09-29T15:12:13Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I’ve been working as an office-type administrator/accounting clerk for ten years - I’m starting to think that I have a direction, I just don’t want to admit it. [/QUOTE] From your posts in the Pee Thread, I assume you work in medical research/testing. 🙂 Yeah, at times it seems like all roads lead to Admin. Become a phd, do a few post-docs, become a Principle Investigator. PI’s do a lot of administrative work. :rolleyes: In my case, my niche is doing what (most) everyone in the lab hates doing: animal work, inventory/supply ordering and accounting. I count _everything_: mice, cells, test tubes, dollars, the list goes on. Good luck to you! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511/59 "2006-09-29T22:14:15Z")
I used to be a medical lab tech - I gave it a go, and it didn’t work out for me. That is one high-stress career. Now I’m just a regular accounting clerk. It gave me great perspective, though - if I don’t get an invoice entered on time, nobody dies. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cuse-me-while-i-wallow-in-self-pity/373511.md?page=2)