# Customer Service Agent from the Security Department of Windows **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 21, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272 "2016-12-21T00:43:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/1 "2016-12-21T00:43:10Z")
Today I got a call on my home line from the “customer service agent from the security department of Windows” and after about 10 minutes of talking he told me to go to hell. I had a call from the same department this past Saturday too and that guy told me to shove it up my ass. I tell you, customer service just isn’t what it used to be. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/2 "2016-12-21T00:45:21Z")
If that was a scammer that your pizzed off, well done! ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/3 "2016-12-21T00:52:55Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > If that was a scammer that your pizzed off, well done! “if?” ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/4 "2016-12-21T00:56:42Z")
Man, I really am a security guy, and I’ve been waiting to get one of those calls. I read an article a while back where a malware researcher got one and enticed the scammer to execute ransomware on his (the scammer’s) PC. The article said the researcher heard the line go quiet before the scammer disconnected. I couldn’t pull that off, but it would be fun to string them along a while. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/5 "2016-12-21T01:33:25Z")
I miss those guys. One of them kept sticking to his pitch even after I told him my computer was owned by my great uncle who was in a coma and we could only communicate via Ouija board, but I couldn’t reach him right now because the cat had eaten the planchette. After a while they stopped calling me. Sigh. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/6 "2016-12-21T02:12:06Z")
last one I had on, he wanted me to hit the ctrl key - I asked him any key? he said, no the ctrl key, next to the windows key - I said I had one next to the apple key - he got his supervisor - so, you’re running a mac? no, linux \. It was fun for 5 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/7 "2016-12-21T15:02:15Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > Man, I really am a security guy, and I’ve been waiting to get one of those calls. I read an article a while back where a malware researcher got one and enticed the scammer to execute ransomware on his (the scammer’s) PC. The article said the researcher heard the line go quiet before the scammer disconnected. I couldn’t pull that off, but it would be fun to string them along a while. I’m not that good but I was 10 years in IT before moving to another position a little while ago. I’m out now so I’m a little “rusty” though more than competent enough on a computer. I just picked up my kids from school and got back home when he called. I started out by playing along but I was asking questions to see at what point he would get that I’m not a complete idiot. I asked him if he needed my MAC address, then my IP address, then if he needed my computer name. I then asked if it was my work computer ('cuz you know, that’s the one I work on) and he replied “No, your home computer.” I then asked if he was calling from Microsoft and he replied “No, I’m from Customer Service for the Security Department for Windows.” So that’s when I turned it up a bit. I started asking some more questions and he asked me if I was an idiot or if I had a brain problem and I said “both.” Then I asked if he was calling from Nevada or India, if he wanted to come over and have a beer, if I could lick him in a fair fight, if he wanted me to lick him, how tall he was, if he liked his job, etc. etc. He said that he would write down all of the questions and then answer them one by one when I am finished. I started to exhaust my questions and that’s when he told me to go to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/8 "2016-12-21T15:22:45Z")
That’s pretty good! The guy asking if you had a brain problem is pretty funny. Good social engineering skills there. These guys do seem to get snippy if they sense you’re not a mark. One of my coworkers got one and strung him along for a bit before asking him (IIRC), “What would your mother think if she knew you were doing this?” At which point the scammer told him to put a gun to his head and hung up. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/9 "2016-12-21T15:49:22Z")
I recently had four calls in two days from these jerks. I don’t have the patience to mess with them; when they identified themselves as windows security agents I told them they were really lying pieces of shit at which point they hung up on me. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/10 "2016-12-21T15:51:00Z")
Good job! Get those scammers. FYI - YouTube has all sorts of videos of smart people receiving calls from these scammers. Some of them set up “virtual PC’s” which can’t be damaged, they allow the scammer to try to mess with it. In one case someone had virtual Windows 95 running and the scammer did not know what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/11 "2016-12-21T16:26:07Z")
For “scamming the scammer” fans, one of the best legends is that of the [P-P-P-Powerbook scam.](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/p-p-p-powerbook) Executive summary: [ul][li]Seller lists Powerbook for sale on eBay. Scammer makes an offer, asks for shipping to a foreign address and proposes an external (fake) escrow site for managing payment.[/li] [li]Seller agrees to the sale, and ships a three-ring binder with keyboard keys haphazardly glued to it and an icon-filled screen drawn freehand on it with a magic marker. He lists the customs value as $2000, thus requiring the scammer to pay 27% in import duties before he can receive the package. [/li] [\*]Scammer does indeed pay the taxes, receives the package, and responds with an internet attack against the seller (the seller claimed that the attack wasn’t particularly effective and was easily stopped). [/ul] The KYM page doesn’t give all the details, but the whole reverse scam is very well documented elsewhere on the net; helpful UK members of the SomethingAwful forum (where the original story was posted) even staked out the delivery site in an effort to identify the scammer and maybe even get his picture. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/12 "2016-12-21T17:30:43Z")
I generally alternate between asking if their mother knows they are a criminal, why they don’t have the balls to get a gun and be a real criminal, or why they don’t just go down to the docks, suck some dick, and make some honest money. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/13 "2016-12-21T18:36:54Z")
Last time they called I told them we don’t believe in computers. They haven’t called back since. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/14 "2016-12-21T19:38:30Z")
I approve of all the above. 🆒 Another one I’ve used is to ask them politely to hold on - then leave the phone off the hook and get on with something useful. They normally ring off after several minutes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/15 "2016-12-21T20:37:27Z")
> [@3trew](#): > > I generally alternate between asking if their mother knows they are a criminal, why they don’t have the balls to get a gun and be a real criminal, or why they don’t just go down to the docks, suck some dick, and make some honest money. I’m not that kinda harsh - The first thing out of my mouth is “No you’re not! You’re lying! Does your mother know you lie to people all day? Is your mother proud of you? You need to quit this job, you’re better than this!” I go for straight up guilt. I assume most of the ones calling are just some poor sap who answered an ad and got a job without knowing the details. Like any boiler-room job the are incented, cajoled, threatened, etc., to keep at it. I figure if I can get them to quit then I am doing them a favor. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/16 "2016-12-21T20:45:14Z")
Got a call from one of those last month. “Your computer is reporting that it is infected with viruses, and malware, and…” “Really? That’s amazing, seeing as it’s inside a cardboard box, because we recently moved, and I haven’t unpacked it yet.” And he tried to keep going. “That does not matter, sir…” click. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/17 "2016-12-21T20:55:56Z")
I got one to escalate to his supervisor, who told me that they were receiving these reports from all of our computers. Even the really old ones that aren’t connected to the Internet. The supervisor went silent for a bit, then apologized for bothering me and hung up. A few weeks prior to that, I really scared one by getting him to believe he called an internal number at the US Dept. of Commerce (which I happen to really work under). ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/18 "2016-12-21T21:19:53Z")
I get these calls from time to time. My standard response now when they tell me there’s a security problem with my computer is to ask “Which one? There are about three hundred computers here. Which one is causing the problem?” - it seems to confuse them really deeply for a moment, then they get all sweary and angry, then hang up. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/19 "2016-12-21T21:29:39Z")
Pulling the phone away from your face and saying loudly, “Captain, I’ve got an unknown hostile calling on secure line 3, location locked in. Should I send in a team?” will get your number off their call list…at the very least. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/20 "2016-12-21T21:50:20Z")
I’ve generally just hung up on the windows scammers. However, I got one of those robocallers one time - the smarter ones that can parse out some possible responses. They’re also the ones that you can practically hear the generations of upper-middle class American heritage in their accents. So I had already tried a couple of thing to mess with the robot. This time I decided to meow. Meowed a couple of times in response to the general pleasantries they always start out with, then a guy with a thick, decidedly not American accent comes on and starts ranting at me because I meowed at his machine. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272.md?page=2)