# Customer Service Agent from the Security Department of Windows **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 21, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272 "2016-12-21T00:43:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/21 "2016-12-21T21:58:21Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I get these calls from time to time. My standard response now when they tell me there’s a security problem with my computer is to ask “Which one? There are about three hundred computers here. Which one is causing the problem?” “Which one?” was what got me transferred to a supervisor in the first place, who responded “all of them.” ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2016, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/22 "2016-12-21T22:48:50Z")
Does anyone fear that if they anger these scammers that the scammers may call your local police department and report that you are an ISIS child-molester holding hostages in your home or something like that? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/23 "2016-12-23T03:56:49Z")
Strange coincidence? I got one of these jerk calls today. As soon as the guy Identified himself I gave him my usual “No you’re not; you’re a lying piece of shit.” I wish I had the patience to mess with them. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/24 "2016-12-23T04:24:43Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > Strange coincidence? I got one of these jerk calls today. As soon as the guy Identified himself I gave him my usual “No you’re not; you’re a lying piece of shit.” I wish I had the patience to mess with them. I’ve been doing that to the "this is your last chance to get an extended warranty on your car’ calls - How many fucking last chances do I need to tell you to fuck off before you take me off the list? It’s not like tomorrow i am suddenly going to want the fucking thing. Between them and Sally - they must have gone to the JW school of peddling shit. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/25 "2016-12-23T07:06:30Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > Strange coincidence? I got one of these jerk calls today. As soon as the guy Identified himself I gave him my usual “No you’re not; you’re a lying piece of shit.” I wish I had the patience to mess with them. If you don’t want an extended conversation, but still want to hit home, try “Does your mother know you are a criminal?” ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/26 "2016-12-23T19:53:56Z")
I’m at my parents’ house for the holiday week and this morning took a telemarketing call from a chimney cleaning service. I just hung up on them but then later realized that the perfect thing to tell them was that Santa would clean the chimney as he came down it. ---
**Author:** ![Deser2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dfb087/32.png) [@Deser2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deser2)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/27 "2016-12-23T20:00:29Z")
Back when the IRS scam was going in full force I got a couple calls from the same number that I let go to voicemail. I was having a particularly shitty day at work so I decided to make it a little better - by screwing with someone else. In the span of maybe an hour or so I called back the number upwards of 50 times. Some calls I was able to get them to stay on for a while, sometimes they knew it was me and hung up immediately. At one point I decided to see how long they would let me rattle off numbers when they asked for the reference number - no lie, over 2 minutes of spouting off random letters and numbers (and I threw a few symbols in there just for the hell of it) before the guy stopped me and said “wait this is your reference number?”. My crowning achievement after the 50+ calls - I called back and they disconnected the number they were calling from - either that or they blocked me but I don’t know if you can do that on an toll free number so I’m gonna stick with the story that they disconnected it. Granted I’m sure they have 20+ numbers they use but I like to think I did my small part. At the very least, the time I wasted was that many less calls they made to other people. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Librarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_librarian/32/402_2.png) [@The\_Librarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Librarian)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/28 "2016-12-24T08:37:29Z")
I away try to keep them on the line as long as possible. “Bla bla Microsoft customer bla bla” Me: “I’ve got to finish feeding the baby, do you mind waiting?” “Ok” (10min later) “Sorry about that, let me put her to bed” (10 min later) And so on, my record is 40 mins ---
**Author:** ![OldOlds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a3d4f5/32.png) [@OldOlds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldOlds)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/29 "2016-12-24T12:55:35Z")
I was getting calls from a scam where they tell me my personal loan has been approved and they will wire me the money, just need to give them all sorts of information. At first I was hanging up on them, but on this one particular day I was stuck in traffic, bored… I started giving them all kinds of bogus info (sir, that is not enough numbers to be your social security number). After running them around for a while, and asking when they would realize I was fucking with them, they got abusive. To my surprise, calling the number on the caller ID brought me back to them. I started using their same pitch on them (Sanjeep, I have good news! Your personal loan has been approved! We just need some information to complete the process and we will transfer the funds!). I cannot overstate how much that pissed them off. Even better, it became apparent there were only a few people at that number so I was getting the same few people. Eventually they blocked my line. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/30 "2016-12-24T21:26:55Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > That’s pretty good! The guy asking if you had a brain problem is pretty funny. Good social engineering skills there. > > These guys do seem to get snippy if they sense you’re not a mark. One of my coworkers got one and strung him along for a bit before asking him (IIRC), “What would your mother think if she knew you were doing this?” At which point the scammer told him to put a gun to his head and hung up. That’s funny. Several times, I have said, “Does your mother know you’re a thief?” That gets a quick hangup. I don’t have the patience to string them along and I really don’t know how. I am certainly not going to run any program they suggest so I cannot give them a plausible response. Maybe I could just make like an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/31 "2016-12-24T22:50:26Z")
> [@The\_Librarian](#): > > I away try to keep them on the line as long as possible. > > “Bla bla Microsoft customer bla bla” > Me: “I’ve got to finish feeding the baby, do you mind waiting?” > “Ok” > (10min later) > “Sorry about that, let me put her to bed” > (10 min later) > > And so on, my record is 40 mins I kept a mortgage scam guy on the line for ten to fifteen minutes, just making generic “uh-huh” noises punctuated by an occasional, “That sounds like a good deal!” or the like. Just when the guy thinks he’s about to close the deal, he asks if I have any questions. “Uh, yeah, just one. Does it matter that I don’t own a house?” The line went strangely dead at that point. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/32 "2016-12-24T22:53:20Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > That’s funny. Several times, I have said, “Does your mother know you’re a thief?” That gets a quick hangup. I don’t have the patience to string them along and I really don’t know how. I am certainly not going to run any program they suggest so I cannot give them a plausible response. Maybe I could just make like an idiot. You don’t have to actually run a program; just tell them that you are. I’ve done that for more than 15 minutes at a clip. “Okay, I’m turning on my computer.” “Okay, let me start up my browser.” Ok, let me open that." Etc. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2016, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/33 "2016-12-26T16:31:27Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Last time they called I told them we don’t believe in computers. > > They haven’t called back since. I had one guy phone up with a fake “deal on long distance calls” scam. I told him, “Oh, I don’t need that!” “Why not? Why don’t you need to save money on your long distance calls?” “Because I don’t own a phone!” Him: Long pause … _\>click\<_ I also got one of the Windows Security guys to swear at me once. He gave the usual spiel about my computer sending out viruses, and so I quickly answered back, “Oh, yeah, it’s great you called, I do keep having a problem with my computer!” Sensing a mark on the line, he happily asks, “Oh yes? What sort of problem?” “I keep getting assholes calling me to lie about the computer sending our viruses!” He comes back with “Oh no sir, we’re not assholes, we’re fuckers!” We went back and forth on that theme for a few minutes before I hung up on him. ---
**Author:** ![Emergency911](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/43a26b/32.png) [@Emergency911](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emergency911)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2016, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/34 "2016-12-26T21:03:25Z")
I try to get their name and then act like I went to school with them. “Sahir…it’s me Raja! Remember when we were 10 and cut school to go see that movie?” None have gone along with it, but I continue to reminisce until they give up. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2016, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/35 "2016-12-26T21:57:39Z")
You guys almost (note I said ALMOST) make me want to be more sociable and answer calls that I don’t recognize on my call display just so I can have some of this fun! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2016, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/36 "2016-12-26T22:19:36Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > If that was a scammer that your pizzed off, well done! I don’t think you have to piss them off; you just have to be unreceptive. My 90-year-old mom, who wouldn’t say shit if she had a mouthful, had trouble understanding the guy’s accent, and kept politely asking him to repeat what he said. But she understood it when he told her to fuck herself. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2016, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/37 "2016-12-26T22:31:45Z")
Just tell them that anyone who believes in Microsoft Customer Service would believe just about anything. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/38 "2016-12-27T16:00:08Z")
Anyone else been getting calls from the computers pretending to be human? I’ve had a couple that started exactly the same way. I say hello, there’s a brief silence, then, “Hello? Oh, sorry, I was having trouble with my headset.” Sure you were. Then she launches into her sales pitch. It’s fun to interrupt and say she’s a computer, because they always respond with something like, “Oh no, I assure you, you’re talking to a real person.” Last time, I said, “Then what’s four plus two?” Silence, then a hangup. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/39 "2016-12-27T18:43:40Z")
> [@Alley\_Dweller](#): > > Does anyone fear that if they anger these scammers that the scammers may call your local police department and report that you are an ISIS child-molester holding hostages in your home or something like that? I mean, it’s possible, but 1. That doesn’t make them any money and 2. Screwing around with police departments is a great way to get the police pissed off at you. Do that enough, and someone with the power to figure out who the hell you are is going to get involved. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272/40 "2016-12-27T19:52:05Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Anyone else been getting calls from the computers pretending to be human? > > I’ve had a couple that started exactly the same way. I say hello, there’s a brief silence, then, “Hello? Oh, sorry, I was having trouble with my headset.” Sure you were. > > Then she launches into her sales pitch. It’s fun to interrupt and say she’s a computer, because they always respond with something like, “Oh no, I assure you, you’re talking to a real person.” Last time, I said, “Then what’s four plus two?” Silence, then a hangup. I wonder what would happen if you pretended to be a chatbot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customer-service-agent-from-the-security-department-of-windows/775272.md?page=3)