# Customers called "Fat Girls" on receipt at restaurant **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595 "2012-12-10T14:31:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Modern\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/101 "2012-12-10T20:20:31Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > I don’t understand how on one hand, fat people want to be accepted for their weight, criticize skinny people as unhealthy and make fun of them and often accuse them of being anorexic so that they will feel better about their own deadly and unhealthy size, but then on the other hand the whole “big is beautiful” movement.. which is it? > > I think the former.. it’s insecurity. These women obviously DO NOT think that their weight is a good thing and they do know that it is indeed a problem, otherwise they would not have gotten offended and taken “fat” as an insult. People don’t make sense, so I can’t really answer your question. I think people just need to get over feeling down about their “size.” People only really need to make changes when their health is in jeopardy or they feel like they could be happier being active. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/102 "2012-12-10T20:23:25Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > But then it makes you wonder, if they see a problem with their weight, then why not fix it, assuming they do not have a debilitating condition that prevents them from doing so? Maybe they were all treating themselves to one last tri-tip value meal before shipping off to fat camp. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/103 "2012-12-10T20:24:33Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > But then it makes you wonder, if they see a problem with their weight, then why not fix it, assuming they do not have a debilitating condition that prevents them from doing so? I suppose that there are a number of reasons for that. You can ask a similar question to smokers. Sugary, crappy food is an addiction for some. For others it’s an emotional/psychological problem. For others they prefer the pleasure that they get out of overeating to the displeasure of their looks and the effect on their health. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/104 "2012-12-10T20:34:43Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > First, I don’t believe that shortness carries anywhere near the same stigma as fatness. A completely false equivalence. A difference in degree is not a false equivalence. > [@](#): > > No one has ever, ever said: > > “What did that person do to get so short?” > > “I used to be short, but kind of let myself go.” > > “You need to get a little taller, or it will take a toll on your health.” So what? Short people have faced mockery and disadvantages in society. Short people are less likely to win elective office. A lot of women won’t date short men. Shortness is often a topic of mockery. > [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > But then it makes you wonder, if they see a problem with their weight, then why not fix it, assuming they do not have a debilitating condition that prevents them from doing so? No, it doesn’t. That’s a false choice. None of that stuff is any of your business. “If you don’t like being called ‘fat’ then why are you fat?” Are you serious? That’s exactly the kind of attitude that generally makes society hostile to fat people. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/105 "2012-12-10T20:50:27Z")
the restaurant needs to get a table labeling system, so the waiters aren’t tempted to make such notation on tickets to keep them straight. Table 1-A would have been just as helpful. Problem avoided, customers happy, bill paid. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/106 "2012-12-10T20:50:51Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > A difference in degree is not a false equivalence. > > So what? Short people have faced mockery and disadvantages in society. Short people are less likely to win elective office. A lot of women won’t date short men. Shortness is often a topic of mockery. > No, it doesn’t. That’s a false choice. None of that stuff is any of your business. > > “If you don’t like being called ‘fat’ then why are you fat?” Are you serious? That’s exactly the kind of attitude that generally makes society hostile to fat people. In part, because it is a feature within the fat person’s control. Can’t change height, race, or bone structure. Can change hairstyle, eye color, muscle tone, and weight. If you are profoundly bothered by being called fat, the solution is to change the fat, not force the observer to change perceptions. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/107 "2012-12-10T20:56:14Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > If you are profoundly bothered by being called fat, the solution is to change the fat, not force the observer to change perceptions. People try, sometimes they succeed, sometimes not. Most people find losing weight to be quite hard. In any case, the fact that someone has not managed to change something they don’t like about themselves is no reason to be a dick by commenting on it. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/108 "2012-12-10T20:56:25Z")
> [@Zjestika](#): > > It would really hurt my feelings to see something like that on my bill, but there was a time in my life that it would have been an apt descriptor that I couldn’t deny. The last thing I would have wanted was more attention and to have to whole country discussing how, indeed, I was very fat. > [@Troppus](#): > > What is the purpose of bringing national attention? The attention _is_ the purpose. Of course most people would react to an inconsequential, _accurate_, personal humiliation as **Zjestika** suggests: be upset, but try to minimize it. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > In a call center, it isn’t uncommon to have an agent say something about a customer that they think is on ‘mute’. If a customer hears someone say, “Urgh, this country bumpkin is killing me” then it is damage control time. The customer hangs up, gets another agent. That agent sputters apologies and gets the manager. The manager takes the call, offers the tech support for free, and ‘sincerely’ apologizes to the customer. After the customer is comped, the manager will address the agent about being more careful with mute (some stricter managers will write him up, ours didn’t, but our program was a bit more ghetto than the others in the call center) and then we would all sit around and laugh about it. But the main thing is, we were all smart enough to execute the proper customer service. The customer felt like someone got fired. A tech-support call center is completely different from a restaurant. People call tech support because they have to, they don’t see the person they’re dealing with, and most of the time they never call again, particularly if the service was good. Conversely, people go to restaurants because they want to, face-to-face personal service is actually part of the product, and good service _for_ repeat business is essential. > [@Acsenray](#): > > What, sincere apologies are always futile? > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Because customer service is pretty much based on the philosophy that there ARE things you can do to pacify an upset customer. Free crap is the answer. If the manager had popped his eyes open in shock, sputtered apologies, promised disciplinary action (which of course, he doesn’t have to actually bother with) and ripped up the bill, I don’t think anyone would have gotten fired or put on the news. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. Of course none of us can be sure about this particular case, but yeah, I’d bet that you are wrong. These women _wanted_ drama. No apology or recompense would deter them from that, once the opportunity was presented. This wasn’t just about the price of a meal, this was about [something in their minds]! The manager prostrating himself would only serve to confirm their grand sense of the degree of their victimization, and the importance of the whole affair. On the other hand, because of that nature of the restaurant business I described, firing the offender was appropriate even if the women _had_ been wholly placated. If I were the manager in question, I _would_ have sincerely apologized, not because I necessarily thought it would spare me their wrath, but because my staff had, indeed, fucked up. Firing the server would not have been for the sake of _those_ customers (and I would not have offered it to them), but for the sake of the business. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/109 "2012-12-10T21:03:03Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Seriously. If I refer to two women in the same group as ‘short Jane’ and ‘tall Jane’, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If ‘short Jane’ gets annoyed, that’s her problem. Say you want to get someone’s attention, someone you don’t know. Maybe she’s overweight, and female, and is standing in a crowd of people who are all either not overweight or not female. Would you think it was OK, I mean socially acceptable, for you to shout “Hey, fat lady!” Would you expect her not to take offense, because after all, you were just trying to distinguish her from the crowd. Or do you acknowledge that she probably would take offense, but you’re just saying “I should be allowed to violate the standards of polite communication in our society, because I think those standards are stupid.” ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/110 "2012-12-10T21:04:30Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > People try, sometimes they succeed, sometimes not. Most people find losing weight to be quite hard. In any case, the fact that someone has not managed to change something they don’t like about themselves is no reason to be a dick by commenting on it. No one should be a dick, ever. But no one would have complained about “Skinny chicks” or “blondes”. The waiter was unprofessional and unkind, but the reality is that fat isn’t a disability, and no one’s rights were infringed by this stupid comment. The fuss is disproportionate and this level of attention undeserved. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/111 "2012-12-10T21:08:05Z")
So to summarize this thread: If you are called fat it’s your problem and you should stop being fat If someone calls you something you get offended by it’s your problem and you should change it so as not to be called that anymore People deserve being called fat if they are fat, because we are under no obligation to keep our thoughts to ourselves :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/112 "2012-12-10T21:09:28Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So to summarize this thread: > If you are called fat it’s your problem and you should stop being fat > If someone calls you something you get offended by it’s your problem and you should change it so as not to be called that anymore > People deserve being called fat if they are fat, because we are under no obligation to keep our thoughts to ourselves > > Lessons learned. How is the above, in any way, a summary of this thread? A bunch of people have posted here almost none of whom feel that way. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/113 "2012-12-10T21:10:48Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > How is the above, in any way, a summary of this thread? A bunch of people have posted here almost none of whom feel that way. Almost none? Are we reading the same thread? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/114 "2012-12-10T21:13:52Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So to summarize this thread: > If you are called fat it’s your problem and you should stop being fat > If someone calls you something you get offended by it’s your problem and you should change it so as not to be called that anymore > People deserve being called fat if they are fat, because we are under no obligation to keep our thoughts to ourselves > :dubious: Bullshit. Everyone agrees the waiter made a stupid move and was out of line. The conversation migrated to a discussion of “fat acceptance”. I don’t believe that fat should be protected or regarded as a disability, and fair or not, just like mohawks, Technicolor hair, neck tattoos and facial piercings, fat is an attractive nuisance and the wearer bears the risk of judgement. We can tell people to avoid mentioning the elephant in the room, and professional and polite people will do so. But the attention these women are cultivating is outrageous, and out of proportion to the offense. ---
**Author:** ![Grey\_area](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Grey\_area](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey_area)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/115 "2012-12-10T21:15:08Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > The word we are looking for is “unprofessional.” > > We all use potentially-offensive shorthand in our internal dialog (“Okay, I have to give the report to the bird-looking lady with the funny hair, and then have it signed by the slow guy with the unibrow…”) but it’s bad professional practice to write these things down or say them where they have any potential for being overheard. > > Waiters usually aren’t compensated professional wages, so it’s not surprising that they sometimes act unprofessionally. But sometimes you get caught and have to take the fall. A lost waiting job hopefully won’t ruin this guy’s future, and he’s learned a valuable lesson about professional conduct. This seems like the best assessment of the situation. Not sure what the debate is here. Is it rude call strangers “fat”? Yes. Did the waiter do that? No. He wrote himself a note with an unflattering description of the customers and forgot to remove it, presumably. From the article, “Ugly \*\*itch” from “tattoville [sic]” is funnier though. “Lady Chinky Eyes” is too, but crosses the line from descriptive to racist. “Asian lady” or “ugly Asian lady” even, should have sufficed. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/116 "2012-12-10T21:17:08Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > No one should be a dick, ever. But no one would have complained about “Skinny chicks” or “blondes”. Actually, there are plenty of thin people who would and do object to be identified as “skinny chicks.” There have been threads on this board to that effect. As for “blonde,” as a simple description, it is not used negatively. But it can be used as a way to denigrate a woman’s intelligence. Such a use would not be apparent in a restaurant cheque. > [@](#): > > The waiter was unprofessional and unkind, but the reality is that fat isn’t a disability It doesn’t matter whether it is a disability in your eyes or not. It’s a characteristic that is used to demean people. > [@](#): > > , and no one’s rights were infringed by this stupid comment. Rights? Infringement of rights is not the only standard for behavior in society. > [@](#): > > The fuss is disproportionate and this level of attention undeserved. Sez you. And so what if it is? How does that hurt you? Indeed, you are contributing to the level of attention. If you really don’t care, then you shouldn’t have participated in or indeed read this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/117 "2012-12-10T21:20:08Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Do you think those comments are positive or welcome? I assure you, they are not. You said that the comments are not positive or welcome, in your case. I have no reason to disbelieve you. I’ve heard some nasty comments about thin people myself. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/118 "2012-12-10T21:21:36Z")
> [@Grey\_area](#): > > This seems like the best assessment of the situation. > > Not sure what the debate is here. Is it rude call strangers “fat”? Yes. > Did the waiter do that? No. > He wrote himself a note with an unflattering description of the customers and forgot to remove it, presumably. > From the article, “Ugly \*\*itch” from “tattoville [sic]” is funnier though. > “Lady Chinky Eyes” is too, but crosses the line from descriptive to racist. “Asian lady” or “ugly Asian lady” even, should have sufficed. Hey! At least she was a “Lady”! I can forgive servers for coming up with creative (even if mean-spirited, rude, borderline or outright racist) nicknames for customers - it’s a boring and high-stress role they’re in, and it doesn’t make them bad people in and of itself for doing so. I could see myself engaging in it as a pastime, especially if inducted into a culture of doing so when starting out as a young person doing a service job for the first time. Letting the customer see an unflattering description though should warrant a sincere apology and, depending on the huffiness of the customer, a comp meal could be warranted (the manager’s call, as well as how much and in what way to come down on the server later). The server should just be honest and say “it was my quick, personal joke to myself to describe your table, I didn’t mean to give offense.” After that the customers should let it go. Leave a small tip or no tip if you must, swear never to come back, but going to the media is over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/119 "2012-12-10T21:21:42Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So to summarize this thread: > If you are called fat it’s your problem and you should stop being fat > If someone calls you something you get offended by it’s your problem and you should change it so as not to be called that anymore > People deserve being called fat if they are fat, because we are under no obligation to keep our thoughts to ourselves > :dubious: Not really. The prevailing sentiment seems to be “Dick move but far overblown to make it national news” ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595/120 "2012-12-10T21:23:07Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > How is the above, in any way, a summary of this thread? A bunch of people have posted here almost none of whom feel that way. See: > [@Scumpup](#): > > Can’t really comment until we get BMI figures. > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I don’t see it as calling people names. They were fat, it’s an apt description: > > I have a feeling that in Stockton CA putting ‘Mexican girls’ on the tab might not be as helpful a note. > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Well based upon the video in the link, Jeff the waiter clearly cannot be sued for libel. > [@Jophiel](#): > > He should have put “Hot chick and her two fat friends” and let them try and figure it out. > [@Enderw24](#): > > That’s when you devise a spectrum of measurement wherein these particular fat girls are point 0 on the scale and base all future descriptions off them. > [@Scumpup](#): > > That’s where the Richter Scale comes into play. > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Maybe I’m feeling particularly insensitive today, lemme ask you this: Do fat people think it’s ok to be fat? If yes, then it shouldn’t bother them to be referred to as ‘fat’. See the whole ‘big is beautiful’ movement. > > Then they need to lighten the fuck up. Seriously. If I refer to two women in the same group as ‘short Jane’ and ‘tall Jane’, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. If ‘short Jane’ gets annoyed, that’s her problem. > > If I walk up to ‘short Jane’ and rest my elbow on her head, and ask what it’s like to buy children’s clothes, she deserves to punch me in the balls. > > There’s a huge difference that I don’t think you’re allowing to be taken in to account. > [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > I don’t understand how on one hand, fat people want to be accepted for their weight, criticize skinny people as unhealthy and make fun of them and often accuse them of being anorexic so that they will feel better about their own deadly and unhealthy size, but then on the other hand the whole “big is beautiful” movement.. which is it? > > I think the former.. it’s insecurity. These women obviously DO NOT think that their weight is a good thing and they do know that it is indeed a problem, otherwise they would not have gotten offended and taken “fat” as an insult. > [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > But then it makes you wonder, if they see a problem with their weight, then why not fix it, assuming they do not have a debilitating condition that prevents them from doing so? > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Maybe they were all treating themselves to one last tri-tip value meal before shipping off to fat camp. > [@Troppus](#): > > In part, because it is a feature within the fat person’s control. Can’t change height, race, or bone structure. Can change hairstyle, eye color, muscle tone, and weight. If you are profoundly bothered by being called fat, the solution is to change the fat, not force the observer to change perceptions. That is hardly none [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/customers-called-fat-girls-on-receipt-at-restaurant/643595.md?page=7)