# Cutting (behavioral) - Help Me Understand **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 26, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535 "2009-02-26T18:21:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/41 "2009-02-27T16:26:39Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Well, I found out about this because said kid’s mom had an appointment with the school psychologist because of the cutting and needed me to babysit the younger kid. I haven’t yet had a conversation with her about what transpired at that meeting. Good luck wit dat. I imagine her meeting won’t be pleasant. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/42 "2009-02-27T17:28:56Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Do schools provide information (flyers, etc.) and assistance when cutting becomes the _remedy du jour_ for stressed out kids? I would hope that they address it with both the kids and the parents. I wonder if most parents even know that it’s becoming the response of choice among the kids. I don’t think most “older” folks really realize how common it is or if they even realize it exists. I say “older” (like, my parents’ age) because I’m probably the youngest teacher on my campus by far- demographically speaking, I’m in the same census group as a chunk of my kids. The others certainly are attentive and great folks, but I think there’s just something that comes from being in the same age group as the kids. It’s sort of like how the kids make sex jokes or drug jokes around the other teachers and they don’t get it, so I immediately have to put the smack down on that. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/43 "2009-02-27T21:01:37Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I also remember the days when small issues seemed like gigantic, insurmountable ones when seen through a teenager’s eyes, but we didn’t see them as so big that we wanted to mutilate our bodies. I guess it’s the permanence of the cutting that seems so disproportionate. I’m sure they don’t see it as mutilation. I’ve had people refer to my facial piercings (lip and eyebrow) as mutilation and say that I’ve basically ruined my good looks, but to me they look attractive. I have my own scars, from accidents, from surgery, from an attack, and I don’t think they’re unattractive either - they remind me of where I’ve been, and I wouldn’t get rid of them if I could. I would venture to guess that people who cut themselves don’t view their scars as ugly mutilations, but as “war wounds” that are evidence of what they’ve been through. Now that I think of it, I can see that being very comforting, to see the scars that are the evidence of the emotional pain they experienced and survived. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/44 "2009-02-27T21:10:37Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > I’m sure they don’t see it as mutilation. I’ve had people refer to my facial piercings (lip and eyebrow) as mutilation and say that I’ve basically ruined my good looks, but to me they look attractive. I have my own scars, from accidents and from surgery, and I don’t think they’re unattractive either - they remind me of where I’ve been (and they remind me to be more careful with the kitchen knives!) I would venture to guess that people who cut themselves don’t view their scars as ugly mutilations, but as “war wounds” that are evidence of what they’ve been through. Now that I think of it, I can see that being very comforting, to see the scars that are the evidence of the emotional pain they experienced and survived. I agree…mutilation is in the eye of the beholder (said Mother of Illustrated Son ;)). I tend to think they do see it as mutilation, though…it is socially unacceptable and I don’t think any of them see the scars as body art or adornment. I do agree that there could be some sort of emotional attachment to them, though. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/45 "2009-02-27T21:45:00Z")
There are a couple of books I can recommend on the subject: [A Bright Red Scream](http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Red-Scream-Self-Mutilation-Language/dp/0140280537) by Marilee Strong. [Bodies Under Siege](http://www.amazon.com/Bodies-under-Siege-Self-mutilation-Modification/dp/0801853001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1235771061&sr=1-1) by Armando Favazza. ---
**Author:** ![MissMossie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@MissMossie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissMossie)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/46 "2009-02-27T22:24:38Z")
My sister used to cut and I recently had the interesting experience of teaching about it in an eighth grade health class. I included it in the lessons on compulsive behavior along side eating disorders. I asked my sister if she would be willing to provide any insight for me to pass along to my students. This is what she wrote, please excuse her grammar. Names have been removed. > [@](#): > > I believe that for most the reason behind cutting is not knowing how to cope with your feelings. I know that for me I felt numb a lot and cutting made me feel something. I was used to being a happy person and when those intense feelings of numbness came cutting was a relief b/c it just gave me something to feel, and then it became my answer to any bad feeling I was having, anger, sadness, defience, aniexty…anything. It gave me something that I could control in my life. Statics show that the vast majority of people who self injure are not suicidal but it is still a very serious problem that 2-3 million americans suffer from. People who do this need to get professional help no matter what reason they are doing it for. I know that [our other sister] would say I was doing it just to get attention, and on some level I was, I wanted to be cared for and wanted people to understand what I was feeling and cutting did get their attention, but reguardless of the reason a person hurts themselves the fact is they are hurting themselves and need help. > I wish I remembered more stats. It’s not something I really talk about anymore but it is something that I still think about on an almost daily basis. And now I worry about what to tell [my not yet born son] when he asks how I got those scares She was sixteen when she cut and she is twenty-six now. I was only thirteen when she cut and I was the last in the family to know about it. I think they didn’t want to scare me. I know that she was able to hide the scars on her arm from the family and was only caught when the bleeding didn’t stop as soon as one might hope. She didn’t, that I know of, have to go to the ER though. Time for dinner…more later. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/47 "2009-02-28T04:20:36Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > I am not a pshrink, but… > > I’ve had it explained to me that people cut because the perceived pain in their lives is unbearable. Cutting gives them actual pain which they can control, and through that, they attempt to gain control over the other pain. That explanation sounded reasonable to me. This topic happened to come up at lunch today. One of the guys at that table was a pshrink. He advocates the control train of thought and adds the thought that people with body piercings fit into this category as well. That was somewhat of a curveball. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/48 "2009-02-28T05:24:18Z")
Don’t underestimate the simple fact that a kid might hate him/herself and want to cut themselves to punish themselves for being bad in some form or fashion. Same thing goes for kids who starve themselves for no apparent reason (not anorexia/bulimia). ---
**Author:** ![Mrs\_Johnson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mrs\_Johnson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs_Johnson)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/49 "2009-02-28T05:35:22Z")
> [@The\_Weird\_One](#): > > I’m sure they don’t see it as mutilation. I’ve had people refer to my facial piercings (lip and eyebrow) as mutilation and say that I’ve basically ruined my good looks, but to me they look attractive. I have my own scars, from accidents, from surgery, from an attack, and I don’t think they’re unattractive either **- they remind me of where I’ve been, and I wouldn’t get rid of them if I could. I would venture to guess that people who cut themselves don’t view their scars as ugly mutilations, but as “war wounds” that are evidence of what they’ve been through. Now that I think of it, I can see that being very comforting, to see the scars that are the evidence of the emotional pain they experienced and survived**. That is right on target for me. there’s an interesting story for each of my accidental scars… it’s the same for the scars I made myself. I wouldn’t erase them. I’ve survived more than I ever thought I could endure. I look back on the times that I was at my worst and somehow I made it through and I’m doing alright. In a small way I’m proud of my battle-scars. It’s a very personal triumph. It bothers me that some people (especially psychologists and other medical professionals) associate body piercing or tattoos with self injure. I’m sure there are exceptions but I think most people endure the pain for a desired visual result - whether it is standard ear piercing, belly button piercing, below the belt piercings, or beautiful artistic tattoos. If those are considered as self-injury - wouldn’t tweezing and waxing fall into the same category? Self injury = causing pain for emotional relief. Piercings & tattoos = enduring pain for the physical/visual results. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/50 "2009-02-28T05:43:09Z")
I found no satisfaction in cutting. The pain was sharp and burning, and I didn’t like it. Instead, I bruised myself – punched my arm and bit my fingers until I knew they’d be sore the next day. Dull and aching and pokable was preferable. I’m not sure I can really explain the why of it. Some of it was feeling anger at myself. I’ve heard people on this board talk about flinching at a memory of saying something stupid or embarrassing. At the end of some days, I felt like I was full of things I’d done “wrong” and felt better about it when I punched or bit. It cleared my mind, and I could say, “Oh well, you’re only human,” but not until I had been hurt. I also liked the marks. It wasn’t about attention. I went to lengths to hide my bruises. I NEVER wanted my family to know. ---
**Author:** ![happiness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e36b37/32.png) [@happiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happiness)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/51 "2009-02-28T06:16:33Z")
Well, I don’t know that I can add anything that hasn’t already been said, but as someone who was a “cutter” for nearly 10 years (from 13 to about 23), I can tell you how it was for me… I didn’t have a life that would be described as traumatic in any way. My parents are still married, I went to a great school, had good friends, etc. The first time I cut myself was because I got into a fight with a friend (stupid teenage stuff), and I had read an article in a magazine about how some people cut themselves to relieve emotional pain. I tried it that once, and I was hooked. This was in the late 90s, so it was definitely before cutting became well known (or at least before it was widely discussed). Some of my close friends knew about it, but my parents never did. As others said, cuts can easily be hidden if they aren’t meant to be seen. I cut myself for any number of reasons, some of which changed throughout the years. At first, I cut when I was really emotional, because it calmed me down. Then I cut because I felt numb all the time, and cutting at least made me feel something, even though I knew it was fake. I cut because it was the only thing I could control, and on rare occasions, I will admit that I did cut to get attention. I don’t know why it became such a popular thing to do, because from the outside, it doesn’t make any sense. But I can tell you, at least in my experience, that it is pretty addicting. There’s something about the pain that makes you feel real, and makes you feel like you are actually alive. I think that maybe the best way to deal with it is definitely to acknowledge the behavior, because if it is attention-seeking, that could solve the problem. It couldn’t hurt to introduce other activities that create that same kind of rush- exercise is one that works for me. Everyone is different though, and if these kids are cutting just to fit in, that’s a world that I know nothing about. Best of luck to you, and I think you’re doing a great job keeping communication open with your son. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4491bb/32.png) [@I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Have_Hippos_In_My_Garden)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/52 "2009-02-28T20:37:31Z")
> [@](#): > > What about adults cutting? I haven’t read all of the responses but it depends entirely on the individual and the situation. I didn’t start self harming (mainly cutting and burning my stomach and bikini line and then occasionally arms) until I was 22. There were several reasons, punishment usually. I believed I’d eaten too much, not done enough exercise, not revised enough blah blah and so would have to feel pain as a punishment. Sometimes I would feel lost in my own body and would lose sense of how full, cold, hot, happy, sad, i felt and so would have to physically do something to feel my body was still there. Sometimes I would feel incredibly dirty (usually after being around guys, especially if i’d been on a crowded bus or in a club where the guys outnumbered the girls) and scraping the skin away would be a way of properly cleaning myself. Now I am more consistently okay and slip up now and again by doing something more major. Luckily self harming never became a habit that I had to learn to break. The thoughts are always there though. It is annoying when people who have never done it themselves make an assumption as to why they think people do it…because the assumptions are usually wrong. Ask, but never assume. If you don’t know and can’t ask don’t guess. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2009, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535/53 "2009-03-04T03:09:02Z")
Personality seems to make a difference in how people deal with stress. I think people who cut internalize things, they turn their pain inward instead of acting outwardly. Some of the people who cut might have been anorexic, or chosen compulsive promiscuity, drug abuse, or some other self-destructive act. Cutting is relatively harmless compared to some behaviors. The culture also has an effect on what form self-harm takes. Suicide rates in Japan are more than double what they are in the US, particularly adult suicides. There’s huge pressure to conform, suicide doesn’t carry as much social stigma as most western countries, there’s basically no mental health care, and people do not share their personal lives with outsiders. At all. The society is extremely harsh toward rebellion or anything that causes external social disturbances, so they turn inward. Belonging to a group is extremely important here, which has led to bizarre social phenomena like the formation of suicide clubs, largely online communities. Identifying with the group helps some people — there have been members who never actually went through with their plans — while quite a few have chosen to commit suicide together with some others from the group. I can see parallels between these groups, which are an outgrowth of how mainstream Japanese culture organizes itself, and the social groups in the US. Group identification gives them a method — cutting — and so they use that instead of something that isn’t as normal or acceptable to that group. I externalize things, but I think I can understand at least a little bit about people who turn inward. When my mother was dying from cancer and my family was generally falling apart in the last couple of years of high school, the frustration and pain would sometimes be too much to bear and I’d either have a screaming argument with someone, or have an overwhelming urge to run somewhere — anywhere — as fast and as hard as I could. Gods only know what the neighbors thought of a teenage guy running half naked and barefoot in the middle of the street. I’m probably lucky I didn’t get arrested or something. I’d also hit _things_ (not people) and would almost savor the pain it caused me. The metal garage door gained dents and knuckle marks from several outbursts over those couple of years. It did help in a way to hurt myself. It provided focus and had the added benefit of both burning off aggression and making me feel like an ass when I calmed down, which probably helped reduce the amount of times I allowed myself to lose control like that. I was lucky not to break any bones. Martial arts training probably helped there, though it obviously made those occasions more destructive. ETA: my favorite cutting-related cartoon: [emo catgirl](http://somethingpositive.net/random.shtml) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-behavioral-help-me-understand/487535.md?page=2)