# Cutting Off A Girl's Hair: Is This Ever OK? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 20, 2010, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859 "2010-06-20T08:51:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/21 "2010-06-20T13:19:58Z")
I have nice hair and it used to be quite long. My ex husband used to threaten to do this to me. He would say don’t fall asleep or I’ll cut all your hair off. He never did but it was a nasty thing to threaten. As far as your daughter goes I think what happens in the bar should stay in the bar. If you get drunk in a bar you need to accept the consequences of any number of bad things that can happen to you. I had a chair broken over my head once. I didn’t blame the bar for the bar fight. Drunk people make bad choices. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/22 "2010-06-20T13:27:03Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > I have nice hair and it used to be quite long. My ex husband used to threaten to do this to me. He would say don’t fall asleep or I’ll cut all your hair off. He never did but it was a nasty thing to threaten. > > As far as your daughter goes I think what happens in the bar should stay in the bar. If you get drunk in a bar you need to accept the consequences of any number of bad things that can happen to you. I had a chair broken over my head once. I didn’t blame the bar for the bar fight. Drunk people make bad choices. I don’t think being drunk makes you responsible for other people’s actions. Man, that’s a bizarre thing to say. Don’t blame the bar, no, but blame the person who attacked you! Unless you were filming a scene for a spaghetti western. (The OP was talking about their friend, btw, not their daughter, but I can see how my post might have confused you). ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/23 "2010-06-20T13:31:34Z")
People use “I was drunk” as an excuse. Plenty of people are very well-behaved when drunk, and if you know you get a little wild when drunk then it’s your own damned fault for drinking in the first place. Susan is kinda crazy, and that was an awful thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/24 "2010-06-20T13:31:35Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > Is it just me, or is cutting off a woman’s hair–even as a joke–crossing a serious line? I don’t have hair half as fabulous as Jen’s, and I would still cry if somebody butchered it the way Susan did. It’s not like you spilled red wine on my clothes, or dropped a greasy casserole on my carpet…you can change your clothes and clean your carpet. But your HAIR? Sure, Jen’s hair will grow back, but that’s not the point. > Jen has not replied to Susan’s text as of now. She doesn’t even know what to say, she’s so angry and hurt and upset. > > I would like opinions on this. Because I don’t think I know quite what the hell to think. I would be so freaking pissed off that I would probably consider suing her, if not seeing if I could get her slammed for some form of battery. And _NO_ hair does not always ‘just grow back’. When I was young, I had hair to my knees, now it snaps off at about just below shoulder length no matter how well I take care of it and try to get it longer. Health issues change between youth and adulthood that can prevent hair from ever attaining great length and density. The hair folicles change with the hormone cocktail in the body, so she may never get that foot of hair ‘back’. ---
**Author:** ![kathmandu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kathmandu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kathmandu)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/25 "2010-06-20T14:45:21Z")
It was an incredibly hostile act. If I were Jen, I wouldn’t have anything to do with Susan again. If Susan had been drunk and woke up the next morning upset, contrite, and very apologetic, I might reconsider. But the fact that she hasn’t even apologized tells me she knows exactly what she did and meant to send the underlying message. She’s got a screw loose, I think. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/26 "2010-06-20T14:56:53Z")
Cutting someone else’s hair without their permission is never okay. I’d be furious, and would make it known that I was not acknowledging their presence ever again in the best case scenario. In the worst case scenario, I’d be pressing charges or suing over it. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/27 "2010-06-20T15:02:13Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > As far as your daughter goes I think what happens in the bar should stay in the bar. If you get drunk in a bar you need to accept the consequences of any number of bad things that can happen to you. I had a chair broken over my head once. I didn’t blame the bar for the bar fight. Drunk people make bad choices. That’s kind of bizarre. It sounds like something out of Prohibition–don’t go near a bar or something outlandish might happen–and it’s all YOUR own fault. > [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > Susan is one of those girls who adores you and wants to be you, to the point that she hates you. If that makes any sense. Like I really do believe she fucked up Jen’s hair because it isn’t hers. Which is so far beyond any kind of rational thought process that I don’t know what to do with it. A girl’s hair is, for good or bad, part of who she is. Ask any woman alive. Even if a woman shaved all of it off, that’s her statement, and also a part of who she is. Sounds like Jen is better off without Susan. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/28 "2010-06-20T15:02:59Z")
> [@Audrey\_Levins](#): > > Susan texted her today, just once. “Make an appointment with your stylist and I will pay for it.” No apology. No “I’m sorry.” Just a blunt offer to pay for a haircut. > > Is it just me, or is cutting off a woman’s hair–even as a joke–crossing a serious line? > > […] > > Am I making too much of this? Is whacking off four inches of hair ever a joke? Ever OK? Ever even really forgivable? A woman’s hair is so personal, IMHO. I know I’ve been growing mine out recently and if somebody were to cut off even TWO inches of it–especially in a braid, where it will inevitably be all jagged and ugly–I would lose my mind. > > Jen has not replied to Susan’s text as of now. She doesn’t even know what to say, she’s so angry and hurt and upset. > > I would like opinions on this. Because I don’t think I know quite what the hell to think. I would be absolutely _livid_ if I were Jen. Even if Susan were the most apologetic person ever to walk the earth, which she quite clearly isn’t, though that text might have been meant as an embarrassed apology. If I were Jen, I’d not talk to her again, probably ever, certainly for a long, long time. And Susan needs to get help, professional help - that’s not a normal thing to do to anyone, particularly someone who’s supposedly your friend, no matter how drunk you are. If you get that out of control when you drink then you need to a) not drink and b) work out some of your issues, because for sure you have some. Hair is part of a person; it’s worse than damaging someone’s clothes, which would already be crossing a line as far as most people are concerned; those at least are replaceable. I’m appalled on Jen’s behalf, and I don’t know any of these people! ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/29 "2010-06-20T15:04:54Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > My immediate reaction is ‘WTF? What statement does she think she’s making?’ > [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Absolutely unforgivable. That person is unpredictable and too unstable to be around! > > I would never speak to her again. I don’t need that kind of crazy around me. > [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I expect legally it would be defined as assault, right? > [@kathmandu](#): > > It was an incredibly hostile act. If I were Jen, I wouldn’t have anything to do with Susan again. All of the above. And keep an eye on that Susan chick. Life’s waaaaay too short to waste it hanging around people like that. ---
**Author:** ![legalsnugs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@legalsnugs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legalsnugs)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/30 "2010-06-20T15:10:55Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > …She shouldn’t accept Susan’s offer to pay, because then Susan will think that everything’s OK between them. Some people think that as long as they apologize, that this fixes everything. Well, Jen will probably never trust her again, and she shouldn’t trust her… I disagree with this. I think Jen should absolutely have Susan pay for the repair and that Jen should absolutely never speak to her again except to say “get away from me, you filthy bitch.” Susan should pay for the damage she caused. She should not get a pass on that. But apology notwithstanding, Jen should still never have anything further to do with her ever again, as well. IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/31 "2010-06-20T15:13:12Z")
Joining the chorus here: there really need to be legal consequences for that. Altering someone’s appearance (possibly permanently, as noted in an earlier post, but definitely for years) without permission? Cash and/or jail time. At the very least, Jen should not speak to that crazy woman again, and you probably should consider the same policy, **Audrey**. That bitch is crazy. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/32 "2010-06-20T15:15:53Z")
People have been killed for less. Crossing the line is an understatement. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/33 "2010-06-20T15:21:06Z")
It was a nasty vindictive attack. if someone did something like that to me, I would never speak to them again, nor return their texts, nor accept any money from them. That’s it, end of friendship. ---
**Author:** ![pendgwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@pendgwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pendgwen)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/34 "2010-06-20T15:29:09Z")
I’m appalled that anyone would do this. I would have Susan pay for the haircut to fix the damage and then cut her out of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/35 "2010-06-20T15:34:24Z")
First, a disclaimer: I am a guy. While I agree Susan shouldn’t have done it, _it is just hair_. Jen choosing to taking legal action would be far worse than the action that provoked that response. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/36 "2010-06-20T15:38:04Z")
Had I been Jen, Susan would have looked real silly with those scissors stuck someplace in her flesh a few seconds later. IOW, Susan was totally out of line. Somebody neither the OP nor Jen should have any reason to ever associate with again. Unless they like dealing with weird passive / psuedo-aggressive behavior. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/37 "2010-06-20T15:41:48Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I expect legally it would be defined as assault, right? Technically, in the US, it’s battery. Assault is threat (“I’m gonna cut off your hair if you don’t stop complaining about your split ends!”) and battery is touching another person without consent. According to the legal section of my nursing textbooks, anyhow. I have to agree with all of the above. Absolutely inexcusable, and I say that as a person who’s pretty “Eh, it’ll grow back,” about hair in general. “It’ll grow back,” is a reasonable justification for cutting your OWN hair, or a cold consolation for someone who got their hair cut and it didn’t turn out the way they like, but it’s absolutely not an excuse for cutting someone else’s hair without their express permission. Bones will heal, too. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to break someone’s leg. I would strongly consider banning her from the bar. Either she’s a fucking bitch, in which case, why keep her around, or she’s an unstable drunk, in which case, why keep her around? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/38 "2010-06-20T15:51:49Z")
If I were you, I’d ban Susan from your bar. Assaulting other customers is not cool. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/39 "2010-06-20T15:54:03Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > First, a disclaimer: I am a guy. > > While I agree Susan shouldn’t have done it, _it is just hair_. Jen choosing to taking legal action would be far worse than the action that provoked that response. For women apparently it isn’t “just hair”, but even if it was, I’d refer you to **WhyNot** ’s response. If someone broke your leg, and it would heal up just fine, would you be saying “it’s just a leg”? Hair can be an integral part of your persona, self-image and the way you choose to project yourself. I’m not sure being a guy is that relevant, though. Not long ago we had a thread about someone not wanting to accept a job that required him to cut his hair. It’s not “just hair” to a lot of people, not only women. Also why shouldn’t she take legal action? What the person did is classed as a crime. It is not OK to assault (in the UK) or (apparently in the US) batter someone. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859/40 "2010-06-20T15:58:26Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > First, a disclaimer: I am a guy. > > While I agree Susan shouldn’t have done it, _it is just hair_. Jen choosing to taking legal action would be far worse than the action that provoked that response. Yes, it’s just hair, but the issue isn’t the hair. The issue is that Susan does not respect other people, or their boundaries. Jen’s hair is part of how she presents herself to the world. Susan had no right to alter Jen’s appearance in any way, unless Jen had specifically asked her to. Susan needs to face the consequences of her actions. If one of those consequences is Jen shouting “Get AWAY from me you crazy BITCH” every time Susan gets within 10 feet of her, she’ll just have to live with the humilation. Hell, I am very much a person who is able to say “the hair will grow back” when I’m contemplating getting a short cut. But the thing is, it’s MY hair, and MY decision. Even if I want my split ends trimmed, I don’t want some half-drunk bimbo in a bar deciding she’ll do the job for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cutting-off-a-girls-hair-is-this-ever-ok/543859.md?page=3)