# Cyber-bullying: School and parental responsibility (request for enlightenment) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 20, 2018, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413 "2018-06-20T00:49:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/21 "2018-06-20T18:18:36Z")
It was definitely not strictly on social media. The girls were using social media to extend their actions at the school: > **[After months of bullying, her parents say, a 12-year-old New Jersey girl...](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/08/02/after-months-of-bullying-a-12-year-old-new-jersey-girl-killed-herself-her-parents-blame-the-school/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.49bbcd44a412)** > > Mallory Grossman's parents intend to sue her New Jersey school district and its administrators “who ignored months of pleas to stop this,” their lawyer said. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/22 "2018-06-20T19:27:06Z")
> [@BeeGee](#): > > It was definitely not strictly on social media. The girls were using social media to extend their actions at the school: > [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/08/02/after-months-of-bullying-a-12-year-old-new-jersey-girl-killed-herself-her-parents-blame-the-school/?noredirect=on&utm\_term=.49bbcd44a412](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/08/02/after-months-of-bullying-a-12-year-old-new-jersey-girl-killed-herself-her-parents-blame-the-school/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.49bbcd44a412) That article reads pretty familiar. The girls doing the bullying would not let her sit at their lunch table - so she’d find a new one. And then they’d all sit there and tell her she needed to move…until she just stopped going to the lunchroom. And the administration was dismissive. She had one teacher who really got her and what was going on. She was supposed to be in her room all year - the last trimester, they moved her out due to a scheduling conflict with someone else. I complained, and got absolutely no where…but we did get meetings about her grades suddenly suffering - and when we said “its the bullying” were told “there are two sides to every story and she needs to figure out a way around this.” (She was having lunch in that teachers room with that teacher - and kept doing that). It didn’t help that the alpha bully was the superintendents daughter - so the administration REALLY didn’t want to take action. I talked to her as well and got “I’ve tried, I can’t do anything with her, she’s a bitch.” ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/23 "2018-06-20T19:35:51Z")
There is precedent for schools disciplining students for actions outside of school hours. I recently posted where a student was suspended for posting a picture of himself at a gun range (legal) after school. Bong hits 4 Jesus might be stretched to apply as well. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/24 "2018-06-20T19:37:47Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > I tell my kids that if someone is saying something mean about you online, then stop looking at what that person says online. This doesn’t work, for two reasons. First of all, as others pointed out, it’s a blaming-the-victim approach. Secondly, it’s human nature to want to be informed of events. You want to be aware of developments, even if they are hurtful, so as to know where things stand. It’s akin to the reason nations have intelligence agencies, why people want to know if there are death threats issued against them. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/25 "2018-06-20T19:48:42Z")
I saw an article about this case, and really could not believe it. It seems the administration suggested that the victim try to sort this out by trying to give a hug to one of the bullies, and by eating her lunch in the guidance counselors office. Really? Tell me they did more to try to protect that child. The two suggestions would most likely make things even worse for her. I know at one time my daughter had to eat in the library, not because of bullying, but she was just cleared from a concussion and was still sensitive to the loud noises, etc in the cafeteria. She was never bullied for it, but, of course, it called attention to her. Can you imagine the field day a group of bullies would have with that? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/26 "2018-06-20T19:52:35Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > I saw an article about this case, and really could not believe it. It seems the administration suggested that the victim try to sort this out by trying to give a hug to one of the bullies, and by eating her lunch in the guidance counselors office. Really? Tell me they did more to try to protect that child. The two suggestions would most likely make things even worse for her. I know at one time my daughter had to eat in the library, not because of bullying, but she was just cleared from a concussion and was still sensitive to the loud noises, etc in the cafeteria. She was never bullied for it, but, of course, it called attention to her. Can you imagine the field day a group of bullies would have with that? COMPLETELY believable. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/27 "2018-06-20T19:53:32Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > I saw an article about this case, and really could not believe it. It seems the administration suggested that the victim try to sort this out by trying to give a hug to one of the bullies, and by eating her lunch in the guidance counselors office. Really? Tell me they did more to try to protect that child. The two suggestions would most likely make things even worse for her. I know at one time my daughter had to eat in the library, not because of bullying, but she was just cleared from a concussion and was still sensitive to the loud noises, etc in the cafeteria. She was never bullied for it, but, of course, it called attention to her. Can you imagine the field day a group of bullies would have with that? Uh…totally believable. School administrators have amazingly warped logic at times. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/28 "2018-06-20T22:21:28Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > I saw an article about this case, and really could not believe it. It seems the administration suggested that the victim try to sort this out by trying to give a hug to one of the bullies, and by eating her lunch in the guidance counselors office. Really? Tell me they did more to try to protect that child. The two suggestions would most likely make things even worse for her. I know at one time my daughter had to eat in the library, not because of bullying, but she was just cleared from a concussion and was still sensitive to the loud noises, etc in the cafeteria. She was never bullied for it, but, of course, it called attention to her. Can you imagine the field day a group of bullies would have with that? This sounds like a kids’ variation of telling an abused wife to cook him a nice dinner and wear a pretty negligee to bed. (dons flameproof suit) Dangerosa, why did your daughter stay in an activity where she was so obviously unwelcome? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/29 "2018-06-20T23:29:15Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > This sounds like a kids’ variation of telling an abused wife to cook him a nice dinner and wear a pretty negligee to bed. > > (dons flameproof suit) Dangerosa, why did your daughter stay in an activity where she was so obviously unwelcome? I can’t speak for Dangerosa’s kid, but I know the following things can come up: [ul] [li]Just because some people are shits to you in an activity doesn’t mean everyone is. If you also have friends and it’s important to you, you don’t want to leave.[/li] [li]You can feel an obligation to stay in an activity: you spent all this money, you’re a part of the team/cast, you made a committment[/li] [li]You can think it’s going to get better. Usually these things come in waves, and each time it ebbs, you think you’ve turned a corner.[/li] [li]You can feel pretty sure that leaving the activity won’t make things better, it will just chum the waters and leave you feeling ashamed and bereift[/li] [li]You can be a stubborn cuss that won’t let a bunch of assholes take away something that matters to you.[/li] [li]You can have career/college plans that require you to stay in the activity.[/li] [/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2018, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/30 "2018-06-20T23:40:29Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > COMPLETELY believable. Yes, I should have said, it’s believable, but boggles my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2018, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/31 "2018-06-21T15:20:10Z")
Pretty much all of the above. Most importantly, it was something that she enjoyed…she likes acting and singing and is pretty good at it…and colleges like to see something you’ve stuck with…theatre was hers. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413/32 "2018-06-23T04:11:55Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Even if the bullying occurs off school grounds or outside of school hours, bullying that’s escalated to that point has typically also occurred at school and other environments as well. While I wouldn’t necessarily hold the school 100% liable (the other kids’ parents and the kids themselves are moreso in my mind), they do play some part in monitoring and reporting bullying to all parties. > > My 12 year old was bullied by this kid down the street (who moved, thank goodness - could not wait to see him go) who posted pics of him on Snapchat with things like, “gay,” “looooves the boys,” “eats ass” and other stuff plastered all over the photos. This same kid had also been suspended from school multiple times for taunting another kid at the middle school who was transgender to the point where his parents were really concerned about his mental wellbeing. > > When I called his mom to let her know what was going on and to have her son take the photo down, she played it off like “Oh, he just thinks it’s a joke, but he’s not supposed to have social media. This isn’t the first time this has happened.” He took it down, but what kid in his right mind at 12 years old doesn’t know that actions and language like that will have a negative impact? Yeah, kids make shitty decisions all the time, but decisions like those are intended to hurt and they generally follow a pattern. Plus, his mom’s lackadaisical attitude about the whole situation made me want to scream. And, of course, after he was busted, the kid only went on to find another victim. > > I cannot reiterate enough times how glad I was to see that family move. I only wish that records like that transferred from state to state and school to school to protect other kids. Doesn’t Snapchat have an age limit? Google says they have “Snapkidz” for children under 13, and I can’t imagine that they would allow that kind of language. He also sounds like the kids of kid who sets fires and tortures animals - and it wouldn’t surprise me if his mother coached him to bully the transgendered child, and your son too. And whose parents were concerned about their child’s mental health? The bully’s (unlikely) or the transgendered youngster (probably)? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cyber-bullying-school-and-parental-responsibility-request-for-enlightenment/816413.md?page=1)