# Dad Apologizes For Losing Cool On School Bus? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2010, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156 "2010-09-18T00:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![impatien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c89c15/32.png) [@impatien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/impatien)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/41 "2010-09-21T22:36:02Z")
I’m really glad this didn’t happen to my kid. My husband wouldn’t have been nearly as controlled as her dad. One positive thing that came out of this is that the situation certainly can’t be swept under the rug now. Good for him, and I hope everything turns out OK for the dad. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/42 "2010-09-21T22:37:57Z")
I don’t think it’s a good idea to investigate where kids get condoms. It’s a good thing they have them when they wish to have sex. Not so great when they use them to harass someone though. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/43 "2010-09-22T00:15:38Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > > [@GreenHell](#): > > > > Dad overstepped the line when he shouted profanities and made physical threats. > > Yeah, because dirty words and hyperbolic “threats” are truly damaging to a little shit who has actually already committed acts of violence against a disabled little girl. Can’t dare scream and use a PG-13 word at a kid who has already hit your daughter, you might hurt his little innocent feelings! > > Give me a Humvee sized break. indeed. this is why I have a hearty laugh when anyone tries to talk about “childhood innocence.” They may be ignorant, but they sure as hell aren’t innocent by any stretch of the imagination. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/44 "2010-09-22T03:42:08Z")
If this guy had raised a hand and hit any kid, I would be the first to slam shut his cell door. But verbal threats, to kids who’ve been dealing in their own verbal threats? Good for him. I hope they pissed their pants. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/45 "2010-09-22T10:37:50Z")
Those kids need a teeth-rattling slap to the face. It might not do them any good, considering their parents are still assholes and as such they are unlikely to instill any sense of decency to their kids. But at least one person would feel better. Me. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/46 "2010-09-22T11:22:03Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > They put an open condom on her head? And they are still in school?!? That to me is an open threat of sexual violence. And why aren’t the cops investigating how a child got hold of a condom? 'Twere it me, I’d be having a long chat with CPS about the well-being of bully-boy. > > And I might be guilty of the same thing that Dad did. I probably wouldn’t threaten death, but I’d do my damndest to scare the little bastards without crossing the line. For somebody to be bullying a handicapped girl, I think a death threat is just this side of the line. Sorry, but there are limits to discretion, as well. For somebody to touch a child is not reasonable, and to do it in a bullying manner, in particular a healthy male v a handicapped female…sorry, the boy would have been something to wipe up had I been Dad. Also, I believe that the condom thing should be treated as a sexual offense. If I, an adult, had done it to a child, I would be in the can, or worse, within minutes. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/47 "2010-09-22T11:25:28Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > > > I know they’re not adults, but I grew up in the big bad 70’s and 80’s. There were lines even bullies didn’t cross. If a kid was clearly weaker than a bully or it went too far, other kids would get involved. Or at least tell someone. > > I also grew up in the “bad 70’s and 80’s”, and in my experience the kids (and the teachers for that matter) were pretty much universally on the side of the bullies. Being noticed by the rest of the kids just means you are attacked by ten, twenty, thirty kids rather than one. Compassion and principle of any kind was unknown to them. I agree with **Der Trihs**. Same timeline, different side of the planet. I went to a Catholic school that featured an afterschool/lunchtime program of merciless bullying by stronger kids against weaker kids and none of the teachers did a single thing to stop it, even when it was happening right in front of them. I knew the system was broken from a very young age and, in my heart had already left Catholicism behind long before my parents finally let me formally stop pretending to be Catholic at the age of 14. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that several lives of good but different or weaker kids were permanently ruined by a few bullies. And there is also no doubt in my mind that the school could have stopped the bullying if it wanted to. Shit, they expelled kids for looking at pictures of nude women - they could have expelled them for assault and battery. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/48 "2010-09-22T11:30:06Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > > [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > > > I know they’re not adults, but I grew up in the big bad 70’s and 80’s. There were lines even bullies didn’t cross. If a kid was clearly weaker than a bully or it went too far, other kids would get involved. Or at least tell someone. > > I also grew up in the “bad 70’s and 80’s”, and in my experience the kids (and the teachers for that matter) were pretty much universally on the side of the bullies. Being noticed by the rest of the kids just means you are attacked by ten, twenty, thirty kids rather than one. Compassion and principle of any kind was unknown to them. That’s about the way it was for us in the 60s and 70s, also. Nobody that I know of EVER ratted out anybody that was bullying another student. The bullies were usually given a pass by the school admin, to boot. Sure, when busted, they would give somebody a talking to, but, there was the little done other than that. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/49 "2010-09-22T11:44:48Z")
Back when my little brother was in 4th grade, my mom asked me to do something about this bully who was making my brother’s life in school a living hell. So I stopped my brother’s school just as they were letting the kids out, walked up to the kid, and explained in a cool, calm voice that if he didn’t leave my brother alone, he’d have to deal with me as well. The kid just nodded. He never bothered my brother - or any other kid, AFAIK - again; by the end of the month, they were friends. Now, I’m not saying that a large 24-year-old man threatening (even obliquely) a 10-year-old is in any way heroic. But I had to look after my family. Besides, if my mom had called in my dad, things would have ended up much worse. He’s the one with the temper. ---
**Author:** ![Baracus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/50 "2010-09-22T16:49:40Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > That’s about the way it was for us in the 60s and 70s, also. Nobody that I know of EVER ratted out anybody that was bullying another student. > The bullies were usually given a pass by the school admin, to boot. Sure, when busted, they would give somebody a talking to, but, there was the little done other than that. In my high school, the biggest douche in the class was given an award for being a good role model for other students! The same guy that grabbed my crotch (I am a he, FWIW) when I was bending over to get something out of my locker. The same guy who was also (very convincingly) rumored to have stolen tests. I am sure it helped that he was captain of the football team and his dad was a coaching assistant. It all starts in elementary school with “no tattling” rules. If the teachers don’t see it and it doesn’t leave a mark, it never happened. Even a bully with a 85 IQ can figure that out. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/51 "2010-09-23T00:08:46Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > > [@GreenHell](#): > > > > Dad overstepped the line when he shouted profanities and made physical threats. > > Yeah, because dirty words and hyperbolic “threats” are truly damaging to a little shit who has actually already committed acts of violence against a disabled little girl. Can’t dare scream and use a PG-13 word at a kid who has already hit your daughter, you might hurt his little innocent feelings! > > Give me a Humvee sized break. I think I would withhold any threats and/or cussing because I would want to be able to go in front of the police/principal/school board/bully’s parents/etc. with the strongest argument and stablest demeanor as possible to get those kids disciplined without myself being disciplined. In other words, do not give them anything to divert attention away from the real bullying. Then if things don’t improve, turn up the heat incrementally. I’m just waiting for my youngest son (autistic, age 8) to be on the receiving end of a bully someday. But I would do it a little bit different than Dad would have done. Give the teacher, the bus driver and the principal a heads up of the situation, and have them report back to you either daily, weekly (your choosing) on what has happened during that time period, and become more verbal with parents (leave the bully alone…everyone else is hoping you’ll do something stupid with him so they don’t have to justify doing your bidding). That is where your power lies. You will have all the power and they will have nothing to defend their own actions/inactions with. ---
**Author:** ![mutantmoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@mutantmoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mutantmoose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/52 "2010-09-23T00:42:44Z")
Hmmm. Unless I’ve misunderstood something, the situation as I understand it is: - the kid was being bullied by a couple of kids on the bus (not necessarily the one being interviewed) - a large shouty frightening full-grown man comes onto the bus and starts threatening small children - most of said small children had nothing whatsoever to do with the bullying issue but they are still being threatened by large shouty frightening full-grown man - the school bus (and the school itself) should be a safe space where children are shielded from the dangers of the outside world. The school bus driver is (almost by default) the guardian of that safe space by virtue of being the only adult there. - large shouty frightening full-grown man violates that safe space and then threatens to “fuck up” the driver - the only remaining guardian of the safe space and the only protector of the children - large shouty man marches up and down the bus being large and shouty terrifying all the other innocent children sitting there The guy is a bully himself and a much worse bully than the bully kids. He should be shot. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/53 "2010-09-23T00:52:06Z")
I wish an adult had yelled at the kids who bullied _me_. I’m with dad. I wouldn’t have _threatened the children’s lives_ but I certainly wouldn’t have tiptoed around word usage. The “victim’s” mother’s response is fucking typical. It’s that sense of entitlement that’s turned her kid into a little cunt. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/54 "2010-09-23T00:58:53Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > Hmmm. Unless I’ve misunderstood something, the situation as I understand it is: > > - the kid was being bullied by a couple of kids on the bus (not necessarily the one being interviewed) > > - a large shouty frightening full-grown man comes onto the bus and starts threatening small children > > - most of said small children had nothing whatsoever to do with the bullying issue but they are still being threatened by large shouty frightening full-grown man > > - the school bus (and the school itself) should be a safe space where children are shielded from the dangers of the outside world. The school bus driver is (almost by default) the guardian of that safe space by virtue of being the only adult there. > > - large shouty frightening full-grown man violates that safe space and then threatens to “fuck up” the driver - the only remaining guardian of the safe space and the only protector of the children > > - large shouty man marches up and down the bus being large and shouty terrifying all the other innocent children sitting there > > The guy is a bully himself and a much worse bully than the bully kids. He should be shot. The guardian of the safety surely failed in his job, and the father gently explained to him that there are benefits in doing a job correctly. The other lovely children were a crowd of sheep, who didn’t have the common decency to help a handicapped girl being bullied by a guy. The father was letting them know that if they wanted to yield to terror, he would supply them with enough to make them more than happy, and in this case, the result would be good . Each one of these pigs should have been slapped by Dad, for not at least telling on the punk. The bus driver, especially, deserved it BECAUSE he was the guardian of the safe space. The only protector of the children sure didn’t protect them, or Dad wouldn’t have been on the bus. Good thing he wasn’t being paid taxpayer money to supply the girl with oxygen! Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![mutantmoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@mutantmoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mutantmoose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/55 "2010-09-23T00:58:57Z")
We don’t know for sure that the kid being interviewed is one of the bullies. But in any case there is no, repeat NO, excuse for threatening small innocent children. As an adult, he should know better. You may feel empathy with the bullied kid but he was bullying all the other kids on the bus who had done nothing. He was using the fact that he is bigger and more powerful than the kids to throw his weight around. That is the very definition of a bully. He needs to be shot and soon. ---
**Author:** ![mutantmoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@mutantmoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mutantmoose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/56 "2010-09-23T01:02:05Z")
The driver did the right thing. What’s he supposed to do? Get up and try to physically eject the maniac from the bus thereby putting the safety of the children at risk? You can see at the start of the video the driver picks up his radio and starts calling it in. I don’t see what else he could do. Maybe if the lunatic had started throwing punches he would have intervened. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/57 "2010-09-23T01:04:24Z")
[quote=“Baracus, post:50, topic:554156”] > [@handsomeharry](#): > > I am sure it helped that he was captain of the football team and his dad was a coaching assistant. This is unreal. Before I got to read this sentence, I was thinking “How do I know that he was some hot shot football player?” I’m also wondering how many others thought similar thoughts. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/58 "2010-09-23T01:08:43Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > The driver did the right thing. What’s he supposed to do? Get up and try to physically eject the maniac from the bus thereby putting the safety of the children at risk? You can see at the start of the video the driver picks up his radio and starts calling it in. I don’t see what else he could do. Maybe if the lunatic had started throwing punches he would have intervened. He could also have let the authorities at the school know what he saw, which statement and video would have backed up the Dad’s previous reports and perhaps prompted action sooner. For him to simply do nothing was unconscionable, lead to more bullying, and was what set in the motion the turn of events which lead to the kid’s father unfortunately coming onto the bus. The bus driver (and presumably the teachers/principal who’d been told previously by Dad) knew about the harassment and the girl’s condition, therefore they aided and abetted the bullying of the weak. Should they be shot too? ---
**Author:** ![mutantmoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a87d85/32.png) [@mutantmoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mutantmoose)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/59 "2010-09-23T01:18:04Z")
Were there any previous reports? The article and film doesn’t mention any. Sounds like dad just went apeshit to me. And he went apeshit at young children which is the worst kind of apeshit. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/60 "2010-09-23T01:39:06Z")
At the end of the news footage the reporter says that the father says he called the school authorities and then says the sheriff’s department says he didn’t. How would they definitively know _what didn’t happen_ and it makes more sense that a concerned (if out of control) parent would seek out proper help first. Even so, how about the bus driver? He should have reported it. Should he be shot? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156.md?page=4)