# Dad Apologizes For Losing Cool On School Bus? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2010, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156 "2010-09-18T00:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/61 "2010-09-23T02:24:29Z")
> [@Baracus](#): > > It all starts in elementary school with “no tattling” rules. If the teachers don’t see it and it doesn’t leave a mark, it never happened. Even a bully with a 85 IQ can figure that out. Yep, the ol’ Code of the Schoolyard. Basically allows bullies to operate with impunity. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/62 "2010-09-23T02:31:18Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > The driver did the right thing. What’s he supposed to do? Get up and try to physically eject the maniac from the bus thereby putting the safety of the children at risk? You can see at the start of the video the driver picks up his radio and starts calling it in. I don’t see what else he could do. Maybe if the lunatic had started throwing punches he would have intervened. I agree with you that the dad acted inappropriately, but the driver as well as the rest of the school system failed in their duty to protect one of their students. And for that they deserve the highest condemnation. I can only hope that this incident forces the school system to take the issue of bullying more seriously. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/63 "2010-09-23T02:34:56Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > We don’t know for sure that the kid being interviewed is one of the bullies. But in any case there is no, repeat NO, excuse for threatening small innocent children. > > As an adult, he should know better. You may feel empathy with the bullied kid but he was bullying all the other kids on the bus who had done nothing. > > He was using the fact that he is bigger and more powerful than the kids to throw his weight around. That is the very definition of a bully. He needs to be shot and soon. From what I saw he was directing his ire toward the assholes that were bullying his daughter, not every single kid on the bus. And as for them being terrified, well I’m sure he didn’t say any words that most of them hadn’t heard before. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/64 "2010-09-23T09:05:30Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > - the school bus (and the school itself) should be a safe space where children are shielded from the dangers of the outside world. The school bus driver is (almost by default) the guardian of that safe space by virtue of being the only adult there. No. It’s just a school bus. It’s made of metal compounds, glass, plastics and rubber. It runs on oils and fuel and the skill of a driver. There’s nothing there that shields it from the dangers of the outside world, as much as you would like it to be so. And you ignore the dangers of the ‘inside’ world. Spoiler: you will probably be a bad parent, if you ever have kids. ---
**Author:** ![Caprese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9a28c/32.png) [@Caprese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caprese)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/65 "2010-09-23T10:13:54Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > - **the school bus (and the school itself) should be a safe space** where children are shielded from the dangers of the outside world. The school bus driver is (almost by default) the guardian of that safe space by virtue of being the only adult there. > > . Maybe it should be, but nothing could be further from the truth. Bus drivers do their best, but they’re _driving_. The trip home from school is basically a free-for-all, especially by the time kids reach their middle school years. It is not necessarily noisy or boisterous. There is plenty of cruel bullying that can be done oh-so-quietly, on the bus as well as in the school. The dad should have used more finesse, and not have cussed, but I understand his anger. Contacting the ‘school authorities’ can often be fruitless. We had a school bus bullying situation many years ago, and I dealt with it by going directly to the parents of the other kids involved. It had gotten pretty bad, because our son did not even protest when I offered to do this. Fortunately, these parents were receptive, and the bullying stopped. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/66 "2010-09-23T20:36:48Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > We don’t know for sure that the kid being interviewed is one of the bullies. But in any case there is no, repeat NO, excuse for threatening small innocent children. Your definition of “small children” includes 13-year-olds? If they were 5 or 6, sure, those would be small children, but we’re talking about middle-schoolers, typically kids 11-14, not kids who still need to be escorted to the bathrooms or have their shoes tied for them. Still, Dad was somewhat out of line. If he’d talked to both the school and the cops _first_, I’d be more sympathetic to what he did. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/67 "2010-09-23T21:22:58Z")
I’m sorry, this thread is just going too far for me. If Celtling gets off the school bus with an open condom on her head, and tells me someone hit her and twisted her ear, and put that on her, I am not going to stop and make a few phone calls. Just NO. I hope I would stop short of making death threats, but I’m d\*\*\* sure going to be scaring somebody. And the Mother of those bullies should be crawling in shame, not defending their behavior. ---
**Author:** ![newcomer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e5b9ba/32.png) [@newcomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcomer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/68 "2010-10-09T03:09:55Z")
I was just watching AC360 on CNN with number of guests regarding bullying. I was a bit disappointed with the degree of caution all the guests exerted not to offend any bully. Most they talked is about the victim and their ordeal making us all and their family go through that again. I haven’t heard anything that would cause me to believe that gathering would result in anything positive. My take is that the reason nothing will change is this sublime fear of offending anyone of saying that bully is nothing but a piece of sh\*\* – of course in a mild mannered way as it’s custom not to offend the casual viewer. One of the guests is a mother of 13 year old girl who hanged herself just last week. All I have to say is that the guy from the OP saved his daughter life by standing up for her, publicly, in front of everyone to see. His daughter now knows that she has a parent whose most important thing, regardless of the quasi-civil society, is the well-being of his child and she now knows that she can go and talk to the parent. This girl will live. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/69 "2010-10-09T03:58:05Z")
I also don’t know why people seem to assume that bullies will grow out of it. Some of them grow up to be thugs. Or producers. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/70 "2010-10-09T04:04:43Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > I also don’t know why people seem to assume that bullies will grow out of it. Some of them grow up to be thugs. Or producers. Or mid-level managers. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/71 "2010-10-09T23:46:41Z")
> [@mutantmoose](#): > > Maybe if the lunatic had started throwing punches he would have intervened. Am I the only one here that seriously doubts this? Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/72 "2010-10-10T02:22:25Z")
I have a special needs girl. Thankfully at least for elementary school there is a dedicated bus that picks up the special needs kids. I’m with Dad but he should have just intimidated the little shits. Most Dads can scare the fuck out of a junior high kid without overt violence or profanity. I had a few Dad’s do it to me when I was a shit in High School. I would have taken names and contacted the perps parents, called the school, called the police and i’m fortunate that I can afford a private lawyer to raise the stakes. Here’s hoping i’ll never be in that situation but probably will be… ---
**Author:** ![Grateful-UnDead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ccd318/32.png) [@Grateful-UnDead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grateful-UnDead)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/73 "2010-10-10T03:50:35Z")
[quote=“handsomeharry, post:57, topic:554156”] > [@Baracus](#): > > This is unreal. Before I got to read this sentence, I was thinking “How do I know that he was some hot shot football player?” > > I’m also wondering how many others thought similar thoughts. > Best wishes, > hh Thee seems to be a reluctance in our society to confront bullies; the preferred approach seems to be appeasement. When I was in grade 11 our family moved to a new town, and I started a new high school. In that I was “the new kid”, was “a science nerd”, and I didn’t show enough respect for the ruling jocks at the school, I was a prime target for bullying. I put up with this for a few months, figuring that the jocks would get tired of it all, and get on with whatever else could occupy their minuscule minds. This didn’t happen, and the bullying only got worse. One day I figured I had taken enough; I caught the head jock alone in the gym, and beat the crap out of him. As I recall, I smashed his nose, broke his jaw, knocked out three of his teeth and gave him a badly bruised spleen. I had forgotten to mention to anyone in the school that, in addition to the above, I also was a brown belt in Korean Karate. The story the jock told everyone was that he had been working out in the gym when he had fallen off the parallel bars and hurt himself. I didn’t say anything to suggest anything different, or that I had had any involvement. Interestingly enough, nobody ever bothered me again in high school. The advice I give anyone that asks is: put up with it if you can tolerate it; avoid a fight as much as you can. But draw a line in the sand. If that line is reached, then go in hard, fast and with everything you have; do as much damage as you can, then run away. I commend the father in this instance for his actions; I would not have been as restrained. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/74 "2010-10-10T06:11:31Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > Kids with disabilities are routinely bullied, especially on school buses. Even when their IEP says that they shouldn’t ride a bus alone because of it, it happens, and school districts usually try to insulate themselves by claiming lack of funds to provide _legally mandated_ aides, or by saying that the kid never complained so no one knew. > > One would _think_ that teachers, administrators, cafeteria workers, bus drivers, and other adults are turning a wholly blind eye to what’s going on right in front of their faces. > > I think it’s more a matter of an institutional belief within our educational system (and actually, our society overall) that bullying is just “kids being kids” or “just the way things go.” It’s pretty clear that in some cases in schools, the adults who should be stomping out bullying are identifying with the bullies, not the victims, and feeling that if the victims just stood up for themselves or made themselves more “acceptable” (lost weight, hid their sexual orientation, had a “normal” gender presentation, worked harder to “beat” a speech impediment, acted tougher since they were short or disabled, etc.) they wouldn’t be bullied, so it’s just as much their fault as the bullies’ fault. > > So if I were a parent of a chronically bullied child, especially a child being victimized on the basis of her disability? Yeah, I’d go ballistic on the kids, on the bus driver, on the brats’ parents, and the principal. Because there is a choice made to do these things, there is a choice made not to notice this nonsense, or to not do anything about it, and that choice is not acceptable. Tumbledown RIGHT ON!!! There is relatively mild bullying but the SHIT that kids with disabilites endure…I was one of those kids twenty years ago actually. (grew up deaf and fat and mainstreamed in a snotty suburb) I don’t think very many people understand the HELL we go through. …and yes, cases like these seem to happen in those generic bland suburbs where everyone is high acheiving and superfically “perfect”…I can understand the rage and frustration the father felt. Kids are so fucked up and MEAN. Especially self entitled “suburban special snowflake ones” who are the root cause of ALL this hell! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156/75 "2010-10-10T18:50:44Z")
> [@descamisado](#): > > Even so, how about the bus driver? He should have reported it. Should he be shot? Hmmmm…tough call. Let’s go with "bitch slapped, for not even reporting it.’ If he had a video when his precious self was so close to a man who was yelling at children, why can’t he be just as much a man of action and show the video of the bullying to school authorities? Best wishes, hh [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-apologizes-for-losing-cool-on-school-bus/554156.md?page=3)