# Dad called a perv for photographing his own kid **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180 "2009-09-07T19:02:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/41 "2009-09-08T15:41:58Z")
The ironic thing is that since a woman raised a stink about the kids’ pictures ending up on the Internet, the kids’ pictures ended up on the Internet. Way to fight crime, moron. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/42 "2009-09-08T15:42:47Z")
It’s sad that people just assume a man interacting with kids is a pervert but I was even more saddened by the responses to the article because they were very civil and well typed. If that had been an American website there would have been people blaming Obama, liberals and Sarah Palin. There also would have been a lot of typos and exclamation points and posts in all caps and several posts linking to celebrity sex tapes or nude pics. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/43 "2009-09-08T15:47:49Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > You have no idea. I’ve told this story already, but I’ve once been asked to leave a public park for lazily watching children play with a dreamy smile on my face. Cause, you know, kids are kinda cool. > A helicopter mom asked the park cop to get rid of me, which he promptly did (he did have the decency to first ask whether I was there with a brother, sister or kid of mine. I wasn’t. Out, out, you sleazy perv !) > > What fearful times we live in. And the worst thing is, I don’t live in some Fox News-addict hick town in the middle of the Bible belt or something. This is Paris. City of lights and enlightenment. Well, folks, the bulb’s gone dim. You actually left? That sucks! ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/44 "2009-09-08T15:55:28Z")
Would “Look, lady, your kid’s really not that hot” be an appropriate response in that situation? (Being asked to leave a park because of a paranoid nut.) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/45 "2009-09-08T16:24:55Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > I’m surprised, at you of all posters. Sorry, but what do you mean by “common” here? IOW, cite? Why at him of all posters? Merely because **Der** views all persons with the slightest opposition to a woman’s right to abortion on demand as sick, twisted, bigoted and evil doesn’t mean that he himself has an idealised view of the female sex. It amused me to see him getting yelled at in the Pit the other day. Not for the yelling itself, but for the irony of seeing how people who would normally cheer him on against pro-lifers and believers of any stamp suddenly start howling to the high heavens when it’s their own ox being gored. /hijack ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/46 "2009-09-08T16:28:30Z")
> [@Angry Lurker](#): > > If someone had said that to me I’d have punched them. In my daydreams I find myself punching the crazy lady too. To be accused of such a vile transgression without any evidence whatsoever is offensive in the extreme. In the real world, however, it’s a no-win situation: if you bloody her nose, well, you may not have been a pedophile, but now you’re clearly you’re a misogynist with violent anti-social tendencies. :rolleyes: “Now we see the violence inherent in the system…” ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/47 "2009-09-08T16:52:45Z")
I’ve been a stay-at-home dad since my boy was born almost 6 years ago. I’ve lost count of the number of cautious, accusatory looks I’ve gotten while taking my boyo to the park, or to lunch at a burger joint, or to anywhere that’s considered ‘only for Moms’ during the daylight hours. I consider it a subtle form of gender bias. The Average Jane sees a woman at the park with a child at 2:00 in the afternoon and thinks, “Oh, how _sweet_…she stays home with the kids.” The same Average Jane sees a man at the park with a child at 2:00 in the afternoon and thinks, “Who **is** that that man? What is he doing with that poor child? Why isn’t he at work at this time of day? I’d better get my cellphone out and prepare to call 9-1-1…” It doesn’t help that I dress…_interestingly_ and have a lot of tattoos; that just makes her think, “What a weirdo. And look at all of those tattoos; he’s probably a dangerous ex-con.” ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/48 "2009-09-08T17:28:05Z")
> [@Jettboy](#): > > I’ve been a stay-at-home dad since my boy was born almost 6 years ago. I’ve lost count of the number of cautious, accusatory looks I’ve gotten while taking my boyo to the park, or to lunch at a burger joint, or to anywhere that’s considered ‘only for Moms’ during the daylight hours. I consider it a subtle form of gender bias. I’ve also heard that people tend to be kind of patronizing towards men watching their kids. Like, “Oh, you babysitting for the day?” Or I read a post by someone a long time ago saying that a flight attendant on a plane was very attentive to a single dad and his kids, saying what a great dad he was, while completely ignoring the single mom who was with her kids. I guess it’s from the same reasoning–a woman watching the kids is a default, whereas a man doing it is something new or quirky or bizarre. In some cases, I suppose it’s, “Aww, how sweet” and in others, it’s more, “What is he doing with kids? is he some kind of PRE-VERT?!” ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/49 "2009-09-08T17:39:50Z")
> [@Alastair\_Moonsong](#): > > Whenever I see a story like this, I worry that fear of being labeled a pedophile is going to drive all the normal, respectable dads, uncles, and other males out of the lives of small children completely. > > How exactly did the current pedophobia that seems to be sweeping the world get started, anyway? Is it just that we’re running out of RATIONAL things to worry about in today’s hyperprotective, remove-all-possible-risks-from-all-possible-situations society, and so we have to fear the irrational? Or is it something else? I’d be interested in seeing a discussion on the origin of this phenomenon, as well as how to stop it. It is just another in a long line of “moral panics”. There was an excellent study on the subject in general entitled _Folk Devils and Moral Panics_. > **[Folk Devils and Moral Panics](https://books.google.ca/books?id=K9OxSYJQGXwC&dq=Folk+Devils+and+Moral+Panics&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=65SmSv-GCYaf8Qa-6pzjCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result)** > > Stanley Cohen's study of Mods and Rockers in the 1960s was a foundational text both in terms of investigating the workings of subcultural groups and identifying the concept of a 'moral panic' generated by the media, which leads to groups being... The conclusion appears to be that most “moral panics” eventually simply burn themselves out. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/50 "2009-09-08T18:50:12Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > It is just another in a long line of “moral panics”. There was an excellent study on the subject in general entitled _Folk Devils and Moral Panics_. > > [http://books.google.ca/books?id=K9OxSYJQGXwC&dq=Folk+Devils+and+Moral+Panics&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=65SmSv-GCYaf8Qa-6pzjCA&sa=X&oi=book\_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false](http://books.google.ca/books?id=K9OxSYJQGXwC&dq=Folk+Devils+and+Moral+Panics&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=65SmSv-GCYaf8Qa-6pzjCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false) > > The conclusion appears to be that most “moral panics” eventually simply burn themselves out. That looks interesting. I’ll have to see whether the public library has a copy… checking… they have it! Both the original and the second edition. Unfortunately, it’s at the Reference Library only and I would have to read it there. But it seems there’s a whole literature about this, including “Moral Panics and the Media”, by C. Critcher, an anthology of essays, which _is_ borrowable. I’ve requested it. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/51 "2009-09-08T18:59:34Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > That looks interesting. I’ll have to see whether the public library has a copy… checking… they have it! Both the original and the second edition. Unfortunately, it’s at the Reference Library only and I would have to read it there. But it seems there’s a whole literature about this, including “Moral Panics and the Media”, by C. Critcher, an anthology of essays, which _is_ borrowable. I’ve requested it. You can read the third edition online by clicking on the link. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![JSexton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@JSexton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JSexton)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/52 "2009-09-08T19:02:11Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I’ve also heard that people tend to be kind of patronizing towards men watching their kids. Like, “Oh, you babysitting for the day?” Or I read a post by someone a long time ago saying that a flight attendant on a plane was very attentive to a single dad and his kids, saying what a great dad he was, while completely ignoring the single mom who was with her kids. I guess it’s from the same reasoning–a woman watching the kids is a default, whereas a man doing it is something new or quirky or bizarre. In some cases, I suppose it’s, “Aww, how sweet” and in others, it’s more, “What is he doing with kids? is he some kind of PRE-VERT?!” Couple weeks ago, I took my 5-year-old son to the doctors for shots. In the waiting room, we sat and read a book on birds. A woman came over and told me how well I was doing with him. ?? I know she meant well, but really? He’s my son! Why does she seem _surprised_ that I’m not ignoring him or something? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/53 "2009-09-08T19:19:26Z")
> [@Washoe](#): > > Referential thinking is what most people refer to as ‘paranoia.’ It means interpreting somebody’s behavior as being directed towards you, when in fact it has absolutely nothing to do with you. So in other words, it’s being irrationally fearful and self-absorbed. > [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > If he’d have gone berserk and terrified the nosy fucker who’d made the accusation (and let’s be clear, being accused of being a paedophile is literally _the_ worst accusation that can be made against a man; even the hint of being a sex criminal can ruin a man’s life), then shit like this would stop pretty damned fast. Sounds like a good way to get yourself thrown in jail while reinforcing the beliefs of the busybodies, not to mention scaring your own kids. Guys do have to defend themselves from this kind of thing because it’s gotten insane, but trying to intimidate at crowds of women in parks is probably not the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![StaudtCJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@StaudtCJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StaudtCJ)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/54 "2009-09-08T19:49:43Z")
The idea that a man should ever have to defend himself against this malarky is nauseating. The fact is, men are essential in child-rearing. They’re capable, and they’re wonderful at it in general. I don’t understand these crazy women who accuse random strangers of random things. Some dude in a park is taking pictures? So what! It’s a park. Telling some guy he needs to “babysit” his own kids? I don’t think so. Dads take care of their children just like moms do. No babysitting involved. I certainly hope that people GROW UP. Men are competent, people. (aimed at the idiots, not the dopers) Women are competent, too. Why should anyone assume the worst? Statistics say the worst is NOT what’s going on. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/55 "2009-09-08T20:08:54Z")
Last week, I was playing in the YMCA pool with my two-year-old. He was going down the slide in the wading/water park area, and I was holding his hand as he was going around to the steps from the base of the slide. This little (about 2 ½) girl came along, and started going down the slide, too. She was very friendly, and I would give her a hand getting up in the water. She finished up, and says, “Bye-bye!” I reply in turn, and she runs up and gives me a big hug. My expression of “I’m having fun with my son and his new friend,” changed immediately to “Oh shit!!!” Her mother came running up, yelling, “Isabella - that is not appropriate!!” And she started apologizing to me. I told her there was no problem - I was just afraid that she might think I was some sort of perv. She asked why, and I told her that, as a man playing with children, one of my biggest fears is that someone accuse me of being a perv… for playing with my kids. “Don’t worry about it,” she replied, “some people are just idiots.” I like Isabella’s mom. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/56 "2009-09-08T21:58:23Z")
> [@Freudian Slit](#): > > I’ve also heard that people tend to be kind of patronizing towards men watching their kids. Like, “Oh, you babysitting for the day?” I’ve gotten that. The response that worked best for me is “No, they’re mine”. Regards. Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/57 "2009-09-08T23:36:00Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > You actually left? > > That sucks! In my troubled youth, I learned not to argue with cops. Many, probably even most of them are all right, but it only takes one asshole to throw you in the slammer for a “garde à vue” that always seems to end right after the last subway’s gone. (don’t think the US has those - essentially, the cops here have the right to detain you for 24 hours. According to the law I just checked, it only applies if you’re “suspected of having commited or are about to commit a crime that would land you in jail”, but in practice, it’s pretty much whenever they want. For example, forging ID is a jail offense, so they can throw you in the can to check if your ID’s real and you’re not an illegal alien.) @Freudian Slit : I wish I had that kind of wit, but I’m stuck with my esprit de l’escalier. Still, I’ll keep that one in my pocket, in case there’s a next time 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180/58 "2009-09-09T12:45:37Z")
> [@Jettboy](#): > > I’ve been a stay-at-home dad since my boy was born almost 6 years ago. I’ve lost count of the number of cautious, accusatory looks I’ve gotten while taking my boyo to the park, or to lunch at a burger joint, or to anywhere that’s considered ‘only for Moms’ during the daylight hours. I consider it a subtle form of gender bias. > > The Average Jane sees a woman at the park with a child at 2:00 in the afternoon and thinks, “Oh, how _sweet_…she stays home with the kids.” > > The same Average Jane sees a man at the park with a child at 2:00 in the afternoon and thinks, “Who **is** that that man? What is he doing with that poor child? Why isn’t he at work at this time of day? I’d better get my cellphone out and prepare to call 9-1-1…” > > It doesn’t help that I dress…_interestingly_ and have a lot of tattoos; that just makes her think, “What a weirdo. And look at all of those tattoos; he’s probably a dangerous ex-con.” My dad was a stay at home dad from when I was 5 until about two years ago when my youngest sibling left the nest. He did it in a time where fewer dads did it, but where there was less moral panic about a man alone with kids… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-called-a-perv-for-photographing-his-own-kid/509180.md?page=2)