# Dad has dementia. Wouldn't take to having home care. I live out of state. Advice welcome **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 18, 2023, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-has-dementia-wouldnt-take-to-having-home-care-i-live-out-of-state-advice-welcome/994788 "2023-12-18T22:04:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 33
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2023, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-has-dementia-wouldnt-take-to-having-home-care-i-live-out-of-state-advice-welcome/994788/33 "2023-12-20T12:32:27Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > Had they moved near me, I could have been right there and would have been happy to help with whatever I could do for them to support their needs. > > I don’t think it really hit home for them until then. It’s too late for them to change their minds now, and they’re too stubborn to admit they might have made a mistake in any case. Living in South Florida as I do, and having run a 150-unit retirement condo complex I’ve learned a bit about this. A LOT of retirees move down here shortly after they quit working. A decent fraction of them move (back?) to wherever extended family and especially their grown children live as they age into encroaching infirmity. Then eventually move from an apartment or whatever “up there” to end up in some flavor of elder care facility depending on their needs. And yes, some are too stubborn to move although they know they should, or they wait until they’re simply old enough that the logistics have become overwhelmingly large to their slowly but inexorably diminishing capacity. The other bad outcome is they’re fine and fully self-sufficient until the stroke or fall or car crash throws them overnight into a whole different world. All three of these latter cases often end ugly. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Having not had children, I’ve been asked more than once, “But what if you need someone to take care of you?” I guess I’ll take some of that retirement money I was able to save up because I didn’t have children, and hire people to do all that. Here is a recent thread on-point that both you and I participated in, plus many, many others. Lotta good info there. Somebody else here might find it useful > [@What do childless old people do when they decline in health?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-do-childless-old-people-do-when-they-decline-in-health/978898): > > I’m pretty much in this situation. I’ve seen my elders decline and day before me. Here is my data collected over the years from my family. 90% of them require some assistance for months or years to take care of health and finances. 10% die relatively suddenly without need to rely on others. Of those people who require assistance, all of them had adult children to assist in their final years. I’m different. I don’t have children who can step in for assistance. What do people in my situati… --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-has-dementia-wouldnt-take-to-having-home-care-i-live-out-of-state-advice-welcome/994788)._