# Dad Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2019, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384 "2019-12-05T00:13:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/1 "2019-12-05T00:13:34Z")
Why do squids have ten tentacles? Because if they had eleven, they’d be eleventacles. Any other dads on the Dope? Got a Dad joke? ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/2 "2019-12-05T00:28:57Z")
Whats green all over and wears a cape? Super Cucumber ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/3 "2019-12-05T01:44:32Z")
Why are they called “Dad jokes”? Because they’re readily apparent. ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/4 "2019-12-05T01:52:46Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > Why are they called “Dad jokes”? > > Because they’re readily apparent. I heard it as: What’s the difference between a bad joke and a dad joke? It’s usually apparent! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/5 "2019-12-05T02:45:32Z")
I just posted [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=22009413&postcount=93) not ten minutes ago; does it count? ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/6 "2019-12-05T02:51:28Z")
“Knock, knock” _“Who’s there?”_ “Two” _“Two who?”_ No, no, it’s to **whom**." ---
**Author:** ![Alpha\_Twit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpha_twit/32/265_2.png) [@Alpha\_Twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpha_Twit)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/7 "2019-12-05T02:53:11Z")
“Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?” “No” “I _thought_ it was **you!** ” ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/8 "2019-12-05T03:53:14Z")
If I make a Dad joke in this thread would that be a faux pa? ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/9 "2019-12-05T04:35:20Z")
> [@USCDiver](#): > > I heard it as: > What’s the difference between a bad joke and a dad joke? > > It’s usually apparent! Your version’s better. ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/10 "2019-12-05T08:11:11Z")
For me it was Grandpa. “Calm down! Don’t let your shirt run up and down your back like a window-shade!” Now that I’m a grandpa, I scare the grandkids with my gnarly, fungal toes. But I was never into Dad jokes. Does that make me a bad father? ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/11 "2019-12-05T13:13:12Z")
I got a ton of them. Of course, I favored them when I was a kid - not sure when they became “Dad” jokes. A couple of my faves are: What’s brown and sticky? A stick What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! (said like a bell ringing) What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The well dressed man wears a 3-piece suit. The dog, just pants. Seriously, I could go on and on - but NOBODY wants THAT! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/12 "2019-12-05T15:05:02Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > I just posted [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=22009413&postcount=93) not ten minutes ago; does it count? It was certainly a Dad-worthy bad pun, but it counts even more because it was unsolicited in an unrelated conversation. As we annoying dads tend to roll… ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/13 "2019-12-05T15:10:14Z")
A monarch stands before a dining table with three cups on it, two full and one empty. What’s his name? Philip III ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/14 "2019-12-05T15:36:43Z")
Did you hear Arnold Schwarzenegger is making a movie about classical music? Hell be _Bach_. Not a joke, per se, but a favorite exchange between my dad and me: Me to him: Does your face hurt? It’s killing me! Him to me: You’re funny but looks aren’t everything. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/15 "2019-12-05T15:42:01Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Did you hear Arnold Schwarzenegger is making a movie about classical music? > > Hell be _Bach_. > > Not a joke, per se, but a favorite exchange between my dad and me: > > Me to him: Does your face hurt? It’s killing me! > > Him to me: You’re funny but looks aren’t everything. > > Good times. You have a good point. If you wear a hat, nobody will see it. ---
**Author:** ![icantdraw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3ec8ea/32.png) [@icantdraw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/icantdraw)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/16 "2019-12-05T15:52:54Z")
Dad - Do you serve oysters here? Server - No. Dad - Shucks. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2019, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/17 "2019-12-05T17:13:34Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You have a good point. If you wear a hat, nobody will see it. He would have enjoyed that 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2019, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/18 "2019-12-14T20:37:54Z")
A girl I knew in high school related that when she was very small she asked her dad “What’s a tuba?” _“The square root of a fourba.”_ A couple of years later the teacher introduced her grade to the concept of square roots. A time-released dad joke! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2020, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/19 "2020-02-21T13:16:40Z")
The Duck is standing by the side of the road looking to see if he can make it through the traffic. The chicken walks up to him and says, “Don’t do it. You’ll hear about it for the rest of your life.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2020, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384/20 "2020-02-21T14:50:34Z")
Dad meets a friend or family member he hasn’t seen in a while. (Obviously, this takes two people.) Dad: Is that your face? Friend: Ain’t nobody else’s, but! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dad-jokes/844384.md?page=2)