# Dad's going into a nursing home. I'm upset. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100 "2012-01-02T01:47:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2012, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/41 "2012-01-03T22:34:33Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > That’s very generous of you, but I remember earlier threads in which you complained about the difficulty of living in the same house as your father. It’s going to be much harder if you’re both in a one-bedroom condo and his health is worse. Assisted living might be the best thing for him. True, and the A.L. hasn’t been ruled out. But everything is up in the air. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/42 "2012-01-04T02:48:03Z")
I think his wavering is his way of not getting into it with you. He doesn’t seem to want your input, so step back and let him have what _he_ wants. Maybe, just maybe, he can’t bring himself to say, “Thanks but I really don’t want to hear, or care, what you think. It’s nice that you care but this is my decision to make, which I’ll do when I’m ready. Kindly respect it by accepting it as my choice, and not requiring your input.” Sometimes it’s in what people don’t say. It’s sounds like your Dad has options, and his choice, that started this thread, seems sound and reasonable. I don’t think you have as much to worry about as you seem to think. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/43 "2012-01-04T22:07:29Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I think his wavering is his way of not getting into it with you. He doesn’t seem to want your input, so step back and let him have what _he_ wants. > > Maybe, just maybe, he can’t bring himself to say, “Thanks but I really don’t want to hear, or care, what you think. It’s nice that you care but this is my decision to make, which I’ll do when I’m ready. Kindly respect it by accepting it as my choice, and not requiring your input.” > > Sometimes it’s in what people don’t say. It’s sounds like your Dad has options, and his choice, that started this thread, seems sound and reasonable. I don’t think you have as much to worry about as you seem to think. Bingo. You are **right**. He’s working on it. Heather set the deadline for the end of the month. ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/44 "2012-01-04T22:21:43Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > All I know is that when I’m 87 and break my hip, when people ask how I want to be able to say “sex injury”. I want to recommend the Philip Jose Farmer short story “The Henry Miller Dawn Patrol” which is about nookie in the nursing home ---
**Author:** ![Dennis\_Arthur\_PERRETT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3e96dc/32.png) [@Dennis\_Arthur\_PERRETT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dennis_Arthur_PERRETT)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/45 "2012-01-06T01:49:46Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > :: makes note :: > > Okay, I can arrange that, but it will be somewhat expensive. ditto ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/46 "2012-01-06T03:17:56Z")
There are generally three levels: retirement home; assisted living; nursing home. It depends on how much care the person needs. In the retirement home, many ppl are quite independent, although not everyone is. They can hire private caregivers if they want, or their family can. That’s how it works in my mom’s retirement home, which she enjoys. She chose to go there. I think some of the folks there really need to be in assisted living or possibly a nursing home, but I also know that’s not my call. My dad had to be placed in a nursing home during his last few weeks or so of life; the decision had been taken out of our hands because it was a medical matter, but there is no way we could have continued to care for him at home with his advanced ALZ and the accompanying medical issues that kept us up all night unless we paid a chunk for a night nurse. Everyone’s situation is different, YMMV and all that. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/47 "2012-01-12T22:59:08Z")
Phoned Dad today. The thing with Tommy has fallen through. He may be coming here. He owns a condo in this building, & the tenant’s lease is running out. Plan: he stays with me, until he moves in there. Maybe. Unless it changes. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100/48 "2012-01-13T12:56:23Z")
Bosda, at the moment I am placing my father in a nursing home and running afoul of all the family issues. Best of luck. So far I have found there is not one single part that is easy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dads-going-into-a-nursing-home-im-upset/608100.md?page=2)