# Daffodil5 I'm calling you out! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 5, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101 "2003-05-05T01:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/101 "2003-05-06T14:18:57Z")
I care, because she is my husband’s abuser, and is up to her old tricks again. This quote describes the behavior of the maid of honor. I would think ANY contact with a person who did these things to you would be painful. It is here to illustrate why it would be upsetting to my husband, and thus to me. > [@](#): > > Originally posted by me in the thread linked on the first page of this thread: Problem is, this is my husband’s ex-girlfriend. The one who would punch him in the face, kick him in the crotch, call him worthless, and constantly point out that he could be replaced in a heartbeat. She made HIM cook her meals when he was visiting her at her house, but never returned the favor when she visited his. The same one who, immediately after SHE broke up with him, told the whole town that he threatened to harm her, and her mother. His whole family heard the breakup, it was loud. His younger brother, who is my husband’s INTENSE rival/cheif hater even said that he made no such threats. This person seduced all of my husband’s friends she could, and rubbed it in his face. She also actively tried to break up all his friendships and generally ruin his life. I witnessed this, she was still doing it when we began dating, and her recent ex-boyfriend confirmed that she was slandering him, and doing her best to ruin the friendship. Grrrrrrr… \ > [@](#): > > Originally posted by me: This is at the least a highly uncomfortable thing to endure in the best of situations, but given the fact that she was so very abusive it’s magnified to the point of causing hurt to the one who was abused. Any contact with an abuser can cause a great deal of pain\ \*\* jlzania, \*\* > [@](#): > > Originally posted by me: Who are you to determine the comfort level of another being? \*\* He has said it bothers/hurts him, that’s enough authentication for most rational beings! \*\* > [@](#): > > Originally posted by me, in this thread: FTR, I’ll say \*\* I am not bitching at the bride to get my way, my husband went to the groom with his reservations, the groom said he had already come up with a solution, the bride refused to go with her intended’s idea, so I came to the pit to vent my frustrations! \*\* > [@](#): > > Originally posted by me, in this thread: I stated that the bride is ignoring the groom’s requests to have 2 bride’s maids, and 2 best men more than once. Do you see the statement now? It isn’t the “happy couple” that is arranging things this way, the bride is insisting on having her way, contrary to everyone else’s comfort. \ I refer you a bit higher up on this page for the rest of my explanation concerning this, the bolding should catch your eye. Please, read the posts in this tread before you comment on it, ok? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/102 "2003-05-06T14:30:59Z")
\*\* Velma \*\*, he doesn’t love her or hate her. He feels nuetrally towards her. (This is providing she does not get in his space, and start trying to use her old tricks to manipulate his emotions. He hasn’t recovered enough to be able to “weather” that yet.) Put another way, this does not mean he can’t still be harmed by her actions towards him. Wouldn’t it creep you out if someone who had been abusive towards you let you know they were getting a thrill out of “martyring” themselves at your hands? Wouldn’t it re-open old wounds on you? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/103 "2003-05-06T14:34:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > \*\* Daffy took offense at someone’s ire that was not directed at her, and she began to sneer and fling insults at not only me, but my husband, who I’ll remind you did not start the post. \*\* There is a problem with using the pit as a place to vent. This problem is that everything you write and everyone you write about is “fair game”. Time and time again, we have train wrecks here with the OP railing on about how unfair it was because they were simply “venting”. A word of advice to the general public. Don’t vent here. If you want a place to vent use a Live Journal. That way you can get your frustrations out and you don’t have to worry about defending yourself. **Zabali** , you state that your husband did not start this post. You are correct. he did not. _You_ did. May I remind _you_ that no one would have flung accusations of rape, etc had _you_ not mentioned the scenarios? I do understand that venting is good, etc. I also must say that if _my_ husband had written about my past for the whole world to see and comment on, I would not be too happy about it. Frankly, the messier and messier this scenario gets, the more I find it disrespectful towards him. You say you need to vent, but I have to ask: what exactly where you intending the results to be? Were you only expecting us to nod our heads in agreement with you? I see that you are relatively new here. Maybe you don’t realize that at the dope, for better or worse, you will always have someone that thinks waaaaaaay differently about any given situation than you. You could write about the atrocities of the Holocaust, as an example, and someone may claim that they never happened. thus, it’s no surprise to me that someone was to come out of the wood work in this thread. You then say “I do tend to “stand my ground” in the face of people like Daffy.” I am not saying that this is bad or good. That’s your choice. I am saying that that probably is _exactly_ why this whole wedding thing is careening out of control. Sometimes you have to just pick your battles, you know? Lastly, and I appologize for the length, IMO only, you should ask to have this thread closed. All it is suceeding in doing is making your life look more and more “springeresque”, regardless of whether that is correct or not. In short, I am not saying to never post in the pit. That is not for me to decide for anyone. I am saying, however, to think about what you post here. I kept posting to this because I feel bad for you and your bad situation. I do hope things work out for you and your husband. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/104 "2003-05-06T14:50:31Z")
\*\* Bad News Baboon \*\*, thank you for you genuine concern. I expected to vent, and have differing opinions appear. Maybe another person’s way of dealing with a similar problem. I have seen threads in which the OP was venting, and they did not encounter this kind of problem. I did not expect to be personally attacked by someone who did not even take the time to fully read what I had said before they began to throw insults at me. I’ll add, the insults were personal, and not directed at thread content. (You’ll notice I reacted differently to other posters who at least stayed within thread content in their posts.) I don’t put up with that kind of behavior from anyone, anywhere. FTR, this is one of the few times I have encountered behavior like it in years. Also FTR, my husband is aware of what I’ve said here. He told me he isn’t bothered by this. I think it’s probably because I have not revealed enough that you would actually know us if you met us on the street. I do believe I will take your advice and have this thread closed, it appears that Daffy has retreated, so I can “let down my guard”. Mods, please lock this thread? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/105 "2003-05-06T14:54:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zabali\_Clawbane \* > > * * * > > I have seen threads in which the OP was venting, and they did not encounter this kind of problem. > \*\* The pit is like Russian Roulette. One never knows which threads will turn into trainwrecks and which ones will walk off unscathed. You should e-mail one of the mods, however. This thread will otherwise go on until a mod does stumble across it. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/106 "2003-05-06T14:58:23Z")
I did.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/107 "2003-05-06T15:17:10Z")
I did read the entire thread and I still think that you’re way too controlling. The right to rant does not preclude being told that you’re out of line. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/108 "2003-05-06T15:24:26Z")
You also don’t know me IRL. You only saw my vent, and me calling another person on their behavior. I have not griped at the bride to get my way, I griped here. What I said here, is not what I would say IRL if I ever would decide to try to persuade her to do things another way because it would be hurtful. (But I wouldn’t try because I’m not the one who would be directly harmed by it. My husband however did talk to the groom about his problem.) There is no chance of her seeing this thread, or the other one. If this means that to you, I am “controlling” so be it. ---
**Author:** ![Daffodil5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Daffodil5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffodil5)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/109 "2003-05-06T15:48:06Z")
Of course I’m not going to back down, I’m right. I haven’t replied in a while because Zabali was taking up all the bandwidth replying to herself. The more she claims that the moh is abusing her husband, while at the same time she provides details of her husband’s violent temper, the more convinced I am that I was correct. Maybe the moh gets hysterical and scared and has to the leave the building (in the snow) because she’s still afraid of Zabali’s husband. Even knowing that her husband committed a crime by having sex with the moh when she was 14\*, Zabali says that the moh was peverted and had too much sexual knowledge. Great way to blame the victim. \. “we won’t even go into what she wanted him to do their first time. She was 14.” Think about how a thread would look if the typical abusive man’s wife started it. I think this, and the other wedding thread, are just that. **I’ve advised Zabali that she and her husband should stay home on the wedding day, and for her to let the groom and her husband take care of themselves**. That’s really all I can do, other than hoping that the bride and moh don’t have too much trouble with Zabali and her husband that day. To everyone who said that my wedding will be awful or hellish, and to those who said that I want to control my fiance, \ you’re wrong, but I’m not going to argue about it. - _yes Zabali, even if the prosecutor doesn’t want to bring the case, it’s still a crime. Also, I don’t believe it’s prosecutors who get to decide what the words of the legislature mean, that’s for the courts. If you have some case law to quote however, please do (and please try to post cites that support your claims, unlike the last time)._ ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/110 "2003-05-06T16:00:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daffodil5 \* > > **BTW, David’s Bridal, so tacky. I did say I have the perfect dress, it certainly didn’t come from a cheap chain store.** Generally, I don’t like to make any post to a thread (particularly a long one) without reading the whole thing first, just to be sure someone hasn’t already made the point I wish to make, or the person I’m responding to has retracted their statement. In this case, however, I couldn’t bring myself to read further than this post about halfway down the first page of this thread, because it pissed me off so badly that I couldn’t give a flying fuck if every single solitary other post for the next 2 pages said exactly what I’m going to say, I’m going to say it anyway. Fuck off and die, you sanctimonious, evil-hearted, self-absorbed bitch. You think you’re so fucking superior because of the dress you buy?! Well I hope someone steps on the train of your chainstore-superior gown and rips the whole thing from the waist down and your big ass is exposed to everyone in the middle of your ceremony. I hope your husband gets so drunk that he falls face first into the cake and it’s completely ruined. I hope one of your bridesmaids throws a glass of champaign into your hideous face and your makeup runs down your cheeks in big, black clumps. I don’t know just who the FUCK you think you are to hold yourself up as somehow better or classier than anyone else, but I’ve got news for you, dearie, you have proven that you have about as much class as a toad living under the wheel of an RV in a trailer park. You want an insult other than asshat, how about cuntdrip? I wish upon you the wedding from hell. You deserve no less. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/111 "2003-05-06T16:05:57Z")
Nice try. You aren’t right, and you don’t get the last word! Don’t you dare bring abuse into this. That is asshatry of a high order! I got out of a VERY abusive marriage, and I can actually recognize an abuser due to the fact that I got counseling to help me avoid it in future. As stated SHE attacked him, with no provocation and no warning. More than one person has testified to this, they saw her kick him in the crotch as hard as she could. Contrary to what you imply (casting apersions at my husband again I see, and assuming facts not proven) my husband does not have a violent temper. Pssst, here’s a clue: Working out, and venting your frustrations as you do so are HEALTHY ways to deal with your stress. Nice to see you at least stay true to the form you first presented. I submit that you are a hopeless, graceless person with poor etiquette comprehension, and no exibited manners.:rolleyes: Because of the attitude you exibited, the complete disregard you showed me and my husband, and the fact that you showed time and time again how little you understood of what I said your advice is worth less than donkey dung. This is not even covering that you stated all the insults you hurled at me were “rooted in fact”. When asked to PROVE it SOLIDLY, you only offered OPINIONS, and MISPERCEPTIONS! You cannot even debate your way out of a shredded crepe paper bag! I believe I’ve said this before: I hope you have a good life, somewhere else. In other words, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE YOU SHAMEFULL WASTE OF DISARRANGED MISFIRING NUERONS!!! :wally ---
**Author:** ![Daffodil5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Daffodil5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffodil5)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/112 "2003-05-06T16:10:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shayna \* > **Generally, I don’t like to make any post to a thread (particularly a long one) without reading the whole thing first, just to be sure someone hasn’t already made the point I wish to make, or the person I’m responding to has retracted their statement. \ I hope your husband gets so drunk that he falls face first into the cake and it’s completely ruined. I hope one of your bridesmaids throws a glass of champaign into your hideous face \** Yes, Shayna, you really should read the whole thread before posting. Please do, and you will see that I took back the statement about David’s Bridal. Btw, my fiance doesn’t drink, nor do 3/4 of my bridesmaids. It’s funny that you wish a drunken brawl on my wedding, I guess that sort of thing is common in the circles you move in. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/113 "2003-05-06T16:14:54Z")
I submit, that all Daffy dearest is able to do is sneer, and make personal attacks instead of presenting her side of a debate. Isn’t she precious, and she stays so true to her own loathsome form. Awwww, doesn’t it make you green? (But not with envy!) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/114 "2003-05-06T16:29:22Z")
**Zabali** , asking a mod to lock a thread is part of the deal. The other part is not re-opening it to post again. Let the whole thing slide. You sound like you are more upset than your husband. Let him handle it, he is calmer about it. And **Daffodil5**? [quote] My wedding will be perfect…[list] [li]Five hour open bar[/li][li]Lavish cocktail hour[/list[/li][/quote] A word to the wise - these statements are mutually exclusive of each other. I speak from unpleasant personal experience. That having been said, my best wishes for your future happiness to **all** the brides in this train wreck of a thread. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![mske](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mske](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mske)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/115 "2003-05-06T16:30:22Z")
Meh. Personally, I think you are both coming off as Grade A Bitches. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/116 "2003-05-06T16:34:31Z")
I only raise my hackles, growl,hiss,snarl and/or claw at those who have attacked me and/or mine personally first. I will defend me and mine. FTR, I’m of a feline nature. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/117 "2003-05-06T16:34:34Z")
I only raise my hackles, growl, hiss, snarl and/or claw at those who have attacked me and/or mine personally first. I will defend me and mine. FTR, I’m of a feline nature. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/118 "2003-05-06T16:39:49Z")
**Daffodil** , I have, in fact, now read the whole thread and I saw that lameass “retraction.” I don’t buy it. You said exactly what you meant the first time. I stand by my characterization of you as an evil-hearted, sanctimonious bitch. There’s nothing “common” in this thread but you. As for the “perfect” wedding, [I had exactly that](http://www.amschwartz.net/jillandthomas/slideshow.html) – David’s Bridal gown and all! My wedding was elegant, sophisticated, intimate and FUN! My gown was _exactly_ what I wanted – and I looked at dozens of bridal shops, including those on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, for your information. I’ll take my simple, beaded, no-frills, elegant, stylish and comfortable gown any day over the $3,000 - $5,000 crap that’s hanging in most of the “upscale” boutiques, thank you. What gives you the right to pass judgement and call “tacky” the clothing choices of other people at their weddings is beyond me. It’s what makes you come across as the self-centered little snot that you are. I wish you only that which you are so clearly deserving of, nothing less. Twat. ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/119 "2003-05-06T17:00:46Z")
**Shayna** , I think your dress is lovely. The photos are beautiful, and everyone looks so happy. 🙂 And David’s Bridal gowns? I don’t think we have them here in Oz … anyone care to enlighten me? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101/120 "2003-05-06T17:03:13Z")
I agree, Shayna’s dress is gorgeous, and elegant. 🙂 I’ve never seen a David’s Bridal shop here in Oz either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/daffodil5-im-calling-you-out/173101.md?page=7)