# Damit don't have unprotected sex if you know you have Herpes!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 2, 2005, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520 "2005-06-02T07:50:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/121 "2005-06-03T07:00:35Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > You oughta be informing all your partners. Even using condoms, the risk of transmission for herpes still exists, and I’d want to know about that risk before deciding whether or not I really wanted to have sex with a particular person. > > . I agree on the “should”. It’s those that say “must” whom I disagree with. Being as you \*can \*spread herpes even without sexual intercourse, and many (as JillGat pointed out) have herpes without knowing about it- you can’t be 100% infected. Should they tell you before you kiss? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/122 "2005-06-03T07:02:48Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > you can’t be 100% infected. PROTECTED, not infected. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/123 "2005-06-03T07:05:58Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > I agree on the “should”. It’s those that say “must” whom I disagree with. Being as you \*can \*spread herpes even without sexual intercourse, and many (as JillGat pointed out) have herpes without knowing about it- you can’t be 100% infected. Should they tell you before you kiss? Yes, if they know they have oral herpes! Genital herps is not spread by kissing, so no, they shouldn’t disclose that for kissing. For skin-to-skin contact in the genital area, they should disclose. I feel like I’m in bizarro-world! Why is this so hard to understand? \*\* If you know you’re sick and your actions could cause someone else to get sick, you have a moral responsibility to let them know about it and let them choose their own level of exposure. Period. Doesn’t matter if you have a cold, or herpes or AIDS.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![rinni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f6c823/32.png) [@rinni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rinni)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/124 "2005-06-03T08:58:51Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > 'Cause frankly, if you have a \*\*cold \*\*and offer me a sip of your Pepsi without telling me you’ve been horking mucus for a week - I’m going to be pretty pissed. That’s what I was going to say. I want to give the other person a chance to decide if the Pepsi is worth possibly getting a cold, and I’d appreciate the same in return. I’d also warn them they were about to ingest Pepsi. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/125 "2005-06-03T12:21:53Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > … these guys knew the risks when they stuck their dicks in. Apparently they didn’t. That’s what this whole thread is about. She was NOT telling them that she had herpes, remember? They knew there _may_ be some risks but the very risk they should have been aware of was the one she chose not to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/126 "2005-06-03T12:27:13Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > If by now, they don’t know that unprotected sex with _anyone_ (besides your long term monagamous partner) is dangerous, they are idiots. Again, herpes can be spread during the proper use of a condom. In this case having protected sex is still of concern to her partner. And why would you **DrDeth** , EVER have unprotected sex? ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/127 "2005-06-03T13:49:52Z")
Christ on a pogo stick, **Dio**. You’re bitching that people are taking you too literally but then you read my analogy as accusing her as being as bad as those who knowingly pass on AIDS? The quote said to ask her how she’d **feel** if someone were passing on a disease to her, one she didn’t already had. AIDS just popped into my head, of course it’s obviously not in the same league. A mature, rational adult should be able to disclose such things, not act like an adolescent. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/128 "2005-06-03T15:50:33Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Yes, if they know they have oral herpes! Genital herps is not spread by kissing, so no, they shouldn’t disclose that for kissing. For skin-to-skin contact in the genital area, they should disclose. > .\*\* Oddly, one _can_ get genital Herpes in the oral area, and “oral” herpes in the genital area. Thus, indeed- you could spread genital herpes by kissing. Rare, but possible. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/129 "2005-06-03T16:22:06Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Oddly, one _can_ get genital Herpes in the oral area, and “oral” herpes in the genital area. Thus, indeed- you could spread genital herpes by kissing. Rare, but possible. No, No and freaking NO! The more you try to share your “knowledge” in this area, the more ignorant you’re revealing yourself to be. Considering that you are yourself a carrier, your lack of understanding about your own disease is very disturbing. Genital herpes is, by definition, in the genital area. Herpes Simplex I or II can be found in either the oral or genital area. The viruses themselves are no longer referred to as “oral” or “genital” by people who know what they’re talking about. If you get herpes sores on your dick (or your hip), no matter which virus causes it, I won’t catch it by kissing you on the mouth. If, however, I’m putting sunscreen on your back, you (specifically you, **DrDeth** ) should tell me you have herpes, because as my hand comes down into contact with your hip, current sore or not, I could catch it. Chances are small, but it ethically should be my choice whether or not to take that small risk, or stop sunscreening at your waist and hand you the bottle to do the rest. First rule of dermatology: don’t touch someone else’s skin problem. Herpes is a skin problem whether or not there’s a current sore. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/130 "2005-06-03T16:27:49Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > IF you had examined me, knew my personal medical history, examined the area, and did the tests- then perhaps you could say that my MD is wrong. One is not required to personally examine _you_ to know (and provide supporting documentation) that transmitting herpes via inanimate objects is not “likely”. According to the information you provided, your doc is ignorant of this basic fact of herpesvirus biology, or humoring you with incorrect information out of some perceived need to spare you embarassment (which would be highly dubious on an ethical and professional basis). > [@](#): > > And during “asymptomatic viral shedding” are you not still having an outbreak, even though you may not notice the symptoms? Is the virus contagious when it is dormant? As the link I provided states, one can and often does shed herpesvirus when asymptomatic (i.e. not having outbreaks involving pain, redness and vesicles). Did you read it? > [@](#): > > …do you say that everyone that has ever had one outbreak in their entire lives go around with a plague bell and a sign around their neck? Unclean! **UNCLEAN!** :eek: Careful with that strawman. > [@](#): > > mean- we don’t ask that of someone with the Flu, and the Flu kills thousands of dudes a year does it not?- far more lethal than Herpes, in any case. We _would_ suggest that that person with the flu refrain from visiting Mom in the nursing home. A plea for common sense and respect for others - and you equate this with a demand to wear a “plague bell”? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/131 "2005-06-03T16:36:17Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > No, No and freaking NO! The more you try to share your “knowledge” in this area, the more ignorant you’re revealing yourself to be. Considering that you are yourself a carrier, your lack of understanding about your own disease is very disturbing. > > Genital herpes is, by definition, in the genital area. Herpes Simplex I or II can be found in either the oral or genital area… Hepres Simplex I is commonly referred to as “Oral Herpes” or even just Cold sores. Herpes II is very commonly referred to as “genital herpes”. You can have Herpes II on the oral region, and Herpes I in the Genital region. That does not change the virus from one form to another. “_Genital herpes_ is a contagious viral infection affecting primarily the genitals of men and women. It is characterized by recurrent clusters of vesicles and lesions at the genital areas. It is caused by the _Herpes Simplex-2 virus (HSV-2), one of several strains of the Herpes Simplex Virus responsible for chickenpox, shingles, mononucleosis, and oral herpes (fever blisters or cold sores, HSV-1)_. While generally not dangerous, it is a nuisance and can be emotionally traumatic, as there is no cure.” “Transmission is caused by close _ora_l, anal, or genital contact, including intercourse, masturbation, _kissing_, or any direct skin-to-skin contact which allows for the transfer of bodily fluids.” " Oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals, and vice versa. Symptoms are similar." " It is possible for a person to contract genital herpes if the partner with oral herpes performs oral sex. Oral herpes can be transmitted to the genitals, and vice versa. Symptoms are similar." [http://www.herpes.com/genitalinfo.shtml](http://www.herpes.com/genitalinfo.shtml) I do admit that sometime Herpes I infections on the Genitals are called “genital herpes”, and thus it does get confusing. But there are two separate but closely realted viruses, and either can infect either area. and for Jackmanni: “Environmental surfaces like toilet seats _may_ be a source of contagion, but there is no evidence that this poses a real threat to the general population\*. Experts differ \*as to how long the virus can survive on its own. The primary cause of infection remains intimate contact.” Emphasis mine. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/132 "2005-06-03T16:41:25Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > One is not required to personally examine _you_ to know (and provide supporting documentation) that transmitting herpes via inanimate objects is not “likely”. He did not say it was “likely” as in the general popualtion, but it was :likely" in my particular case, given the unusual area infected, my medical history, and the description of the gym. It’s not “likely” to get Herpes (or either sort) on the hip, either. Although Herpes can be spread when asymptomatic, but NOT when it is dormant? In other words- even if you do not know you are having an outbreak- you must be having an outbreak to spread it, right? Can you spread herpes whn the virus is dormant? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/133 "2005-06-03T16:49:14Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Although Herpes can be spread when asymptomatic, but NOT when it is dormant? In other words- even if you do not know you are having an outbreak- you must be having an outbreak to spread it, right? Can you spread herpes whn the virus is dormant? I’ll ask \*\*jackmannii \*\*to answer that one, but I have to ask how you’d be able to tell the difference between asymptomatic viral shedding and dormant. It seems that in a practical sense, it doesn’t matter, as you can never know when it’s truly “dormant.” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/134 "2005-06-03T17:20:21Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > **DtC** is quite correct here. It is likely that everyone posting here has herpes. Well I sure as hell am not posting to _this_ thread. … Oh, _shit!_ ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/135 "2005-06-03T17:37:06Z")
> [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > Well I sure as hell am not posting to _this_ thread. > > … > > Oh, _shit!_ Please don’t go posting in other threads without warning other posters, please. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/136 "2005-06-03T17:43:08Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Please don’t go posting in other threads without warning other posters, please. Oh, it’s okay–I’m wearing a condom. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/137 "2005-06-03T17:44:22Z")
> [@](#): > > **Biffy the Elephant Shrew** said: > Oh, it’s okay–I’m wearing a condom. On each finger? And your palms … they’re touching the keyboard… _gets out the Lysol_ ---
**Author:** ![charolem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@charolem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/charolem)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/138 "2005-06-03T17:54:41Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Herpes is extremely common in the adult population (if you’ve ever gotten a cold sore, you’ve got herpes) and most people who have it don’t even know it. It’s really nothing to get upset about. All you get is an occasional outbreak of sores. It’s more annoying when it’s on the genitals, of course, but the outbreaks subside with time and there aren’t any other symptoms or complications to worry about. It’s not going to kill you or make you go crazy or blind. There’s a very slight chance that it can cause complications in a fetus if the virus is _contracted_ (not if she already had it) during pregnancy, but even that is quite rare. Herpes is really, really nothing. Just because it gets classified as an STD, people freak out about it way more than they need to. If you’re in a committed relationship, there’s really no compelling reason to worry about infection. Comparing it to AIDS is ludicrous. > > And if a guy “doesn’t want to use a condom” during an episode of casual sex, he is assuming a risk and has only himself to blame for anything he gets. One small problem with this. There are three different types of Herpes. Simplex 1 and 2. Herpes is the name of a family of viruses, which includes the cold sore virus (HSV-1), genital herpes (HSV-2), infectious mononucleosis (Epstein-Barr Virus), chicken pox and shingles (varicella zoster virus). HSV-2 is a major std and should be treated as such. If you are in a committed relationship, you may not want to spread HSV-2 to your partner. So. . . ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/139 "2005-06-04T00:03:18Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > You oughta be informing all your partners. Even using condoms, the risk of transmission for herpes still exists, and I’d want to know about that risk before deciding whether or not I really wanted to have sex with a particular person. > > If I’m sleeping with someone, I want to know if they have any STDs, no matter how ‘minor’ they may think they are. I get checked out, and I don’t have any. If I did, I’d consider it my responsibility to tell _anyone_ who I was about to have sex with that I had an STD and let them decide if they want to risk catching it. Again, the majority of people who have herpes or HPV (which causes cervical cancer) don’t know they have it. So being informed that your partner “doesn’t have anything” is giving you false security. The best advice is probably to use condoms with any new partner and realize that you are just lessening the odds - not eliminating them. We’ve been over this before in other threads in which more accurate and complete information about herpes was given. As other posters have said, herpes is pretty much endemic in the human species. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520/140 "2005-06-04T01:56:55Z")
Well that’s nice. Since you don’t know how those conversations go, I don’t see why you assume I need a lecture, but you did. Maybe you ought to turn your efforts to the guy who doesn’t inform his partners that he has herpes as long as he’s using a condom with them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damit-dont-have-unprotected-sex-if-you-know-you-have-herpes/306520.md?page=8)