# Dammit I need dating advice. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 8, 2014, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818 "2014-02-08T03:48:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/21 "2014-02-09T18:07:37Z")
Great to hear it worked out! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/22 "2014-02-09T19:47:33Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > FYI we’re both divorced 40 somethings so I don’t even know what the crazy kids today are doing. I’ll still take your 40-something view of current singles mores and any younguns inputs too! My ignorance is vast! Glad it is working out too btw. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/23 "2014-02-09T23:17:58Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > …And he suggested that we see each other exclusively … This sends up tiny warning flags for me. No one I ever dated has suggested this, and certainly not so early in the process. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/24 "2014-02-09T23:30:36Z")
I’m very happy for you FloatyGimpy. I hope things continue to progress. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/25 "2014-02-10T04:31:55Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > This sends up tiny warning flags for me. No one I ever dated has suggested this, and certainly not so early in the process. FloatyGimpy, I’m happy that you’re happy, but I agree with needscoffee on this one. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/26 "2014-02-10T12:51:00Z")
I am so glad things are going well! I always have an explicit “setting the terms” conversation when I sense a relationship moving towards exclusivity. I like to make sure our expectations are aligned. It seems a little early for this talk, but it is a thing people do. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/27 "2014-02-10T14:48:57Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > This sends up tiny warning flags for me. No one I ever dated has suggested this, and certainly not so early in the process. I don’t know. It’s been, what, four dates? That’s not crazy early, particularly since they met at an explicitly dating event, and knew that they each had plans to go to more. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/28 "2014-02-10T15:18:13Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > This sends up tiny warning flags for me. No one I ever dated has suggested this, and certainly not so early in the process. See, I would have greatly appreciated that in my dating days. How am I supposed to know that you feel we’re to the point of exclusivity if you don’t say so? I hate, hate, hate having to try to divine stuff like that on my own - I suck at it. I have often told my wife “Any hints you send my way had better be delivered with a sledgehammer, or I’m going to miss it”. It sounds like a great opportunity to dicuss what both sides are looking for in the relationship. A perfectly valid answer would be “Hey, I am really enjoying the time we spend together but I’m not ready to make this an exclusive relationship, Can we continue as is for a bit?”. Reasons may or may not be shared. Now everyone is on the same page, no one misinterprets any hints, and potential pitfalls are eliminated. I like! ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/29 "2014-02-10T17:00:16Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > See, I would have greatly appreciated that in my dating days. That was never an issue for me _way_ back in my dating days, but I agree nonetheless: explicit agreements are way better than implicit ones. Furthermore if it’s what both parties want, then why not express it? I also agree with what **even sven** says about dating. From an analytical point of view, it really would be optimal for both parties to play the field until they find a “best fit”, but evidently that’s not how lots of people want to play the game. In any case, there’s no “one size fits all” plan. ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/30 "2014-02-10T19:08:02Z")
I haven’t gone through any answer on here so I don’t know if this has been covered or not, but my view is you have to look at what you want out of a relationship and go from there. So if you are looking for a lifelong partner and he is doing something which you absolutely cannot stand in this regard, then it might be the best option to not date him anymore. (By the way, I don’t know what you think about soul mates but if you think he is your real soul mate then the above very possibly doesn’t apply and you should at least try to make it work. By the same token if you are trying to go for your soul mate, and that is possibly what we should all be doing, if you feel he is not the one then even if it sounds good to you it might be best to look elsewhere.) He may think you are only a potential for now, but as you get to know each other he may think you are the best person out there. Not enough time has passed I don’t think to tell for either of you, as both of you were registered for another dating event. But if you keep seeing him he may grow on you in a big way, and visa versa. ---
**Author:** ![Gateway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/dbc845/32.png) [@Gateway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gateway)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/31 "2014-02-10T19:11:34Z")
Ah, it looks like you are dating and going exclusive (or at least talking about it). Glad it is working out. Best of luck 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2014, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/32 "2014-02-10T21:15:08Z")
My sister got engaged on date one, a blind date set up. Still married with three grandkids. Both of them are of similar mind about this and have no desire to play the field, appreciate the security of being told that the other is happy with being with just them. Sounds like a nice match. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2014, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818/33 "2014-02-11T07:46:56Z")
Excuse my bad manners for not saying Congratulations! Hope everything goes well! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/dammit-i-need-dating-advice/680818.md?page=1)