There is a normal and healthy process for grief, and it sounds like you are in the middle of that process. It hurts. It sucks. And there is no way to avoid going through it.
God bless you and help you through this.
When you are done with the pain, (and you will be) you will probably realize something like this: The loved ones I’ve lost are just that–People I’ve lost. They are in the good place I can only imagine. I love them, and love trumps all.
So I’m not sad for them because they are in heaven. I’m pissed off and feeling sorry for myself because they are gone. And they didn’t raise me to wallow in self-pity. They raised me to live and enjoy life.
So I will cherish their memory, and look forward to seeing and sharing with them again. I will miss them on a daily basis, but I will not let that interfere with being the person they want me to be.
Go forward, and enjoy the quiet smiles you’re getting from heaven.
Thank you for the additional hugs, ssskuggiii and MysterEcks. Lizard, thank you for your sweet words and for sharing your difficult stories. I cannot fathom what it would be like to lose a parent (natural, step, or otherwise) as a child. Bass, I know you’re right; I know that the funeral is more for helping those left behind cope, grieve, and celebrate than for the person who has passed.
My PaPa’s time had simply come. He was best friends with my other grandfather, and when he passed away late last June, I’m told he wept at the casket and had a conversation with his best friend for the last time. While Brian and I were visiting in July, we were enjoying a dinner with these grandparents when PaPa got a phone call that his younger brother–a partner in pranks from his youth–had had a massive stroke. He died two weeks later. PaPa lost his best friend and a brother near and dear to him in less than a month’s time; it just kinda signaled to him that it was time, I’m wondering. FWIW, PaPa was 82.
Tomorrow will be (would have been? No…it is…) his 62nd wedding anniversary with my grandmother. (The other grandfather had just celebrated 69 years of marriage when he passed away. I’m looking forward to 60+ years with Brian. )
I started crying today in church. I couldn’t stop, and I wanted to run out of the building. The first hymn was “How Great Thou Art,” one of my favorites–and one of PaPa’s. And the lyrics…about Christ calling me home…oh man. Water works went on. Unlike with my other grandfather’s passing, I really haven’t talked or written much about it. I just don’t feel ready. I just don’t want to, either. Well, except here.
Thank all of you for providing such a safe place for me to grieve.
My dad died on the phone (well, my mom was on the phone), I wasn’t there, he was in Florida. And it is not that pleasant to deal with these things over the phone.I got there 5 hours later.
And I really hate it when religious people make it a joyful event…
But we all deal with it our own way, and the loss is much the same, religious or not.
I’m just starting to get to know people here (and there are lots of people here), so I didn’t think I would say anything after first reading this thread unless I thought I could add something (and didn’t read it in time that this suggestion might have helped you now).
Two dear friends of mine from Chicago (about 500 miles away from here and an eight hour drive) come from very small families, and they have sort of been incorporated into our family. When my mother died after a battle against lung cancer, I called to let them know because they were close to her. They were able to fly here because they called some airlines and asked about bereavement fares, and found an airline that had prices they could afford. They stayed for the funeral and a small reception we had after (do you call it a reception after a funeral?) and flew home the same day, and didn’t have to miss any work because the funeral was on a weekend.
My condolences to you and your family and loved ones. Death is something I really can’t fathom although many of my relatives have died, and I always have difficulty with it.
I’m so sorry to hear of your sad news. The funny thing about death is it makes us realize just how much love we have surrounding us in our lives. Keep the memories close to your heart. They always seems to keep them alive within us for those moments of sadness. Take Care
As a “religious” person, I do find death to be both a joyful and mournful occasion. It all depends on the death though. For instance, sometimes I wish my dad would die, but only because he suffers so much,and his death would bring him to a better place. Now, if someone I knew would be in a sudden, tragic death, I wouldn’t see it as the same. But either way, you’re right-- Of course it’s sad and depressing for a loved one to die. :^(
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