# Damn Anal Fissures!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [June 20, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981 "2005-06-20T01:42:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981/21 "2005-06-22T12:30:38Z")

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> [@racer72](#):
>
> I had one. The doc fixed me up just fine. It was the violent anal dialation that got to me. Imagine a bullet shaped stainless steel dialator, 3 inches thick, covered in KY Jelly headed straight for the brown starfish. The doctor said relax, it will go in easier. Despite my worries that butt would forever be a gaping hole, the doctor was right, it did return to it’s normal size. I did let some wierd sounding farts for a few weeks though.

I don’t know what an anal fissure is. Nor do I want to. I just hope you checked the credentials of any doctor who keeps a supply of industrial size steel butt plugs and KY jelly handy. Paging doctor Jellyfinger…

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**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981/22 "2005-06-22T15:23:10Z")

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> [@galt](#):
>
> [Obligatory link to hilarious Anal Fissure Bob story](http://www.zug.com/scrawl/analbob/analbob2.html)

Thank you! My original AFB link died years ago, and I wondered if it had been preserved somewhere, being the classic that it is! Bless you!

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**Author:** ![groo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecd19e/32.png) [@groo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/groo)\
**Post date:** [June 23, 2005, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981/23 "2005-06-23T05:19:04Z")

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Well, I’m back. I’m a little let down, because after thinking I had the incredibly sexy malady known as an anal fissure, it turns out that:

A) I have an internal hemorrhoid  
B) I have no dignity left  
C) I have a much more intimate relationship with my doctor than before and  
D) thanks to this thread, I now know a bunch of new expressions for the human anus.

All in all, it’s been an educational week.

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**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\
**Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-anal-fissures/308981/24 "2005-06-27T13:12:27Z")

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Oh, get over it already, it’s been 13 years since she shot Mary Jo Buttafuoco!

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