# Damn interstellar pirates! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 5, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950 "2001-12-05T02:05:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![k.os](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@k.os](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k.os)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/1 "2001-12-05T02:05:52Z")
This is a pre-emptive rant. Some day, it will probably make sense. I want to thank **cmkeller** and **mrblue92** (in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=102516) thread) for the inspiration for this thread. Damn those interstellar pirates! I’ve had it with them! Prices on tickets have tripled because of them. Just the insurance on spaceflight is enough to make you want to gouge your eyes out. Don’t even think about getting fine Aldebaran Wines, the pirates hi-jack all shipments. Those damn drunken interstellar pirates! Because of those damn interstellar pirates, we now have to put up with molecular scanning. I don’t know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of having probes stuck up there. I think that if this keeps up, I’ll just stop travelling altogether. I know this rant is a bit weak, but I’m exhausted. I just came back from vacation and our ship was diverted to a backwaters planet in an unfashionable part of the galaxy. You know how it is… ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/2 "2001-12-05T02:07:59Z")
Just a bit bored are we? Been there…done that. ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/3 "2001-12-05T02:16:07Z")
While we’re on the subject, I would like to offer this pre-emptive rant: **"You finally, really did it – you maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"** ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/4 "2001-12-05T02:27:01Z")
God-damnit that isn’t a funny joke! Retroviruses that add donkey DNA are not funny, especially not on the day that I give a speach to the V:Ck representatives. This is so not good. They’re going to eat my brain now!! Damn you pig fucker! It’s a good thing I’ve got all those braintapes and blank clones for back up. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/5 "2001-12-05T02:36:34Z")
Yeah, and you assholes blew up Alderaan. They had some of the best stripper joints in the galaxy. Ah, well. At least I can still visit Nar Shaddaa. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/6 "2001-12-05T02:43:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Yeah, and you assholes blew up Alderaan. They had some of the best stripper joints in the galaxy. > > Ah, well. At least I can still visit Nar Shaddaa. \*\* slave-girl outfit… agrghhrhhahhaahhhh… :drools: ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/7 "2001-12-05T02:48:24Z")
Motherfucking CHUDS! Stay in the goddamn sewers! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/8 "2001-12-05T02:54:40Z")
And while you’re at it: - Leave my fucking ice _ **ALONE!** _ - Return what you have stolen…! - Gather up all the Evil before you leave. [sub]Bastard pirates…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/9 "2001-12-05T03:01:33Z")
Look, people, I’m not _condoning_ the mass spacing of civilians, but you have to understand that centuries of Terran arrogance and imperialism is inevitably going to draw a response of some kind from the rest of the Galaxy. One being’s “pirate” is another being’s “freedom fighter”, you know? So some liner full of rich, indulgent, fatcat Terran pigs and their whiny, bratty, children going off to Tour the Outer Systems get shoved out the airlock or brain-locked and sent to the Trans-Rigellian Labor Exchanges–I mean, yes, it’s terrible, but is it any worse than what we did to Vega Prime during the Third Arcturian War? ---
**Author:** ![lenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3bc359/32.png) [@lenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lenin)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/10 "2001-12-05T03:02:01Z")
Stop me if you’ve heard this one… A hyper-intelligent brain in a stasis jar walks into a bar. Ouch! ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/11 "2001-12-05T03:09:32Z")
So shoot me… In the future of course. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/12 "2001-12-05T03:15:12Z")
All I’ll say is… If we stop going to Vega Prime just because we risk explosive decompression, our entrails squirting out into space and our eyes bursting, then the interstellar pirates will have already won. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/13 "2001-12-05T03:27:23Z")
Well, dammit, since no one can make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, I haven’t had a spice fix in ages. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/14 "2001-12-05T03:31:49Z")
Hey, I’m as much for privacy as the next Betan, but we have to face certain realities. Allowing the police to randomly deep-scan citizens sounds harsh, but how else are we going to keep out the shapeshifters? Besides, the recovery period is only three weeks, and only 2% of most sentients continue to experience the psychotic episodes afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/15 "2001-12-05T03:36:47Z")
Well, Guin, climb aboard my Winnebago, and we’ll go into… hyperactive. ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/16 "2001-12-05T03:39:26Z")
Oh piracy is normal now a’days I am actually getting quite used to the news coverage of all of the lithium crystals that has been taken off the intersteller flights. You know what really irks me–soilent green is so boring. I am tired of eating it day in and day out. You would think they would get different flavors, but it is the same old stuff day after day. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/17 "2001-12-05T03:41:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Well, dammit, since no one can make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, I haven’t had a spice fix in ages. \*\* Parsecs are units of distance, not speed **Guinastasia**. :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![k.os](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@k.os](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k.os)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/18 "2001-12-05T04:01:15Z")
So, how is that soilent green anyway? Varies from person to person, I guess… 😛 :groan: ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/19 "2001-12-05T04:08:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Yeah, and you assholes blew up Alderaan. \*\* I thought this was future rants. That happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/20 "2001-12-05T13:56:46Z")
And what the _ **FUCK** _ is with all the mutations? Huh? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950.md?page=2)