# Damn interstellar pirates! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 5, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950 "2001-12-05T02:05:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/41 "2001-12-06T16:32:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\ ***SpaceGhostofArrakis** , they actually tell you what that means in the old RPG. It’s a matter of cutting distance off the wavy course you need to take by getting dangerously close to the gravity wells of obstructions to make the trip more of a straight line. > \*\* Whoosh! ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/42 "2001-12-06T17:00:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RoboDude \* > \*\*You know what else I’m sick of? The new Soylent Green commercials. “It’s not people! We swear!” Come on, how dumb do they think we are? \*\* Can we please retire the “Soylent Green is people” myth? How many times does [snopes](http://www.snopes2.com/) have to debunk this? ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/43 "2001-12-06T19:10:15Z")
“Rebel” my ass, you’re a pirate and you’ll stay a pirate. Fricking bastards! Don’t you realize somebody’s gotta clean up after that mess you left on the Moon? And my crop of vacuum-resistant space mushrooms was just about ready for the harvest, too. But nooooo, it was so much more important to blow Mondoshawan guts all over my crop! And what the hell is it with that Neo-Moon! Blocking easy mass-driver export to Earth, Damn ads for Windows 2268[sup]TM[/sup] visible from 500,000 km away! I hope Bill Gates’ brain jar leaks I Can’t Believe It’s Not Blood[sup]TM[/sup]! Like I’d buy it until they have a patch for the brain crash problem. And don’t even get me started on trying to collect on my Zorg piracy insurance!! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2001, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/44 "2001-12-07T04:29:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spoke- \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by RoboDude \* > > \*\*You know what else I’m sick of? The new Soylent Green commercials. “It’s not people! We swear!” Come on, how dumb do they think we are? \*\* > > Can we please retire the “Soylent Green is people” myth? How many times does [snopes](http://www.snopes2.com/) have to debunk this? \*\* Dunno. Give us a link to the article and we’ll tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2001, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/45 "2001-12-07T05:47:50Z")
**IceWolf** : I can’t tell if you’re stupid, or just inarticulate. Please advise on possible _Wooooosh_. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/46 "2002-04-27T03:50:47Z")
Don’t get me started on tech-format conversions! I’ve already converted my entire music/video collection from Holodisk to Mini-Holodisk. Why? Because they were promising full neuro-compatibility, remember? Where the hell are the promised CerebroPodJacks, eh? They never got past the beta stage!! Boy, did I ever get burned!. And now they’re pushing this new “Discrete Galvanized Crystals [TM]” shit. OK, they have their uses for text data and all, but for purposes of recorded music, the frequency response range just isn’t there, especially on the low end. Give me the old-fashioned, warmly organic sound of the Holos anyday… I don’t care if the Gates Intergalactic Consortium is enforcing it as the new legally-mandated format. They can pry my Holodisks from my pre-recycled, cold, dead hands… ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/47 "2002-04-27T05:20:35Z")
Yeah, rag on those interstellar pirates. But it’s the _stellar_ pirates that do the real damage. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve just finished planting the cycle’s toloth vine seeds, and frell if some gang of hoodlums doesn’t up and steal the sun. Snark-sucking nek droppings! Don’t they realize how much damn hydrogen Bob-R-CLN and I have to scrape together to start another one going? There go all my profits for the next season! Buncha low-grav ingrates, that’s what they are. They don’t realize how much work it is to walk around all year in a gravity well actually producing things for society. Oh no, they’re all into the repulso-gee belts and flying around without a care in the world in their spaceships, the wussies. I bet they’re stealing our star to sell it on the infrared market for cheap syntharum. That, or throwing it into the Black Hole of Kalk-ot-Ah Prime just to watch the pretty colors. Punks! ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2002, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/48 "2002-04-27T23:14:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by saepiroth \* > you know what REALLY ticks me? the way all these people are bothered by the fact that soylent is made of processed corpses. damn prudey stuck-up bastards. HELLO! HELLO! people in developed systems have been eating their dead for THOUSANDS OF YEARS! the Za[sym]Akgr[/sym]thay’riith did it, the prolosi[sym]a[/sym]a[sym]i[/sym]i did it, and even those wierd little bastards from SOL III did it! > > **robodude** , it’s people like YOU who are holding back the development of the [sym]XetaRiKyst[/sym] hivemind! pull your sensory array out of your excretal orifice and think about sentiences other that your own, you son of a deneebrian man-whore! > > hell, it pisses me enough that i have to lapse into my native language to truly express my rage! > > _[sym]hey! do you like kittens? cause kittens are cute! really cute! they’re so FUZZY and WARM! i love em! how’s about puppies? i don’t like puppies. i prefer ferrets. i LOOOVE ferrets. they are REALLY fuzzy! they’re my fuzzybuddies![/sym]_ > > bastard. > > [sub]god! it’s enough to make me go on a laserblade hunt for some [sym]androginii[/sym] on my private planet again! almost fucked the whole ecosystem last time, too![/sub] I see we finally got the Universal Translator on-line. ---
**Author:** ![Warnas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b77776/32.png) [@Warnas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Warnas)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/49 "2002-04-28T10:35:39Z")
I don’t give a damn about space pirates and/or freedom fighters. Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out, like we did in the Middle East Holocaust of 2003. Remember how nice it was to finally have some peace and quiet for a change? What I hate the most about the present day and age is MALE prostidroids. I mean, women being what they are I think us men were entitled to the Diva 3000 or the SkoolGurl XS-1 for some entertainment, but now that GregOrY Mark V is on the market I feel it’s getting sick. Besides, I just hate that competition. If I had my own thermal reactor I’d manage it for three hours too, but it’s just unfair competition. Whereas with FEMALE prostidroids, it’s just taking the pressure off. See what I mean. Oh and I really don’t mind that the Provisional New Terran Government makes me wear a uniform all day. I hated having to pick my own clothes each day. Besides, I look smart in dark-grey! ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/50 "2002-04-28T10:36:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thegrimspectreofreddeath \* > **IceWolf: I can’t tell if you’re stupid, or just inarticulate.** Pull your head out of your arse for a moment, and you’ll see that **Ice Wolf** is neither. You might also use your head’s brief extra-rectal sojourn to learn some manners. Heck, you could even go overboard and offer **Ice Wolf** an apology. You sad fuckwit. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/51 "2002-04-28T10:42:10Z")
er… what? Well, you _did_ want rants from the future. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/52 "2002-04-28T16:16:12Z")
You know, those pirates may seem fierce, but most of them are surprisingly ill-prepared to deal with people who fight back. For instance, just last week I was cruising along in my private runabout when a pirate ship decloaked in front of me and its boarding party tried to beam over. Fortunately, I had invested in the latest transport scrambler (The good kind - not one of those cheap Terran POS models that are dead-simple to detect with ordinary sensors and can’t do anything worse than make the assailants materialize upside down) and I was able to change the destination coordinates from “just outside my cockpit” to “right above the surface of the nearest star”. Then their captain hails me and starts whining. Come on, what did he expect? I had to give up all my premium Brain-Vision channels and put off upgrading my Skillwire system to save up the money for a private spacecraft so I could travel at my convenience and avoid the new security measures (That probulator really hurts!), and I’m not giving it up _that_ easy. And when I turned the survivors in to the Galactic Police, I found out that they had been on the “most wanted” list for almost 5 years! Can you believe it? If we could only start standing up for ourselves, we can stop the madness. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/53 "2002-04-29T00:23:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Munch \* > \*\* > Whoosh! \*\* So… how did I hear that in space? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/54 "2002-04-29T03:55:57Z")
This is the 6th time I’ve tried to make this fucking post, following the 5th system crash. Damn you Jane Gates and your stupid motha fuckin’ Linux '54. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/55 "2002-04-29T11:09:50Z")
If this is the future, then I gotta say it sucks big time. A rimwalker like me can’t even cruise the fatetables anymore without some geekoid bouncer wearing th’ latest tech-spec gear coming up and asking for the provenance of my creds. What do I look like, a frikkin’ space-pirate? Oh, sure, I won a few of their clan threads off 'em last time they let me near a good game of Crystals, but hey! It’s all part of the deal, right? With th’ moss-creatures they imported cornerin’ th’ market in shimmy-dances – I say, ever since those space-pirates got their own damn chat show, _that_ was the end of civilisation as we know it. I’ve blown out more chan-screens when their cheery little “Jolly Roger” logo came up that Lola Stardancer has changes o’ veil on the mid-cycle show over at Bombasta’s Heap. Quit interviewin’ me. Wanna find me a mech with the circuits still uncooked, and steal me a dose of ‘slam. Then I’m gonna find me a heap o’ them space-pirates, and convey me complaints. Personally. In dimension-crackin’ sound. Sod off. Spacers rule. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950/56 "2002-04-29T11:52:48Z")
Oh, an’ that fella callin’ himself **TLD**? If he comes by here again, tell ‘im to head over to Bombasta’s and have several on my tab. He sounds like a great guy, a true rimwalker creddo – take yer techno crap an’ go talk t’ him awhile, 'kay? Great. Now – _what_ did ya say was in this drink again …? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-interstellar-pirates/96950.md?page=2)