# Damn it! I \[i\]want\[/i\] to pay my child support!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 13, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994 "2001-08-13T04:41:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/21 "2016-06-02T16:20:07Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Woot!! And today, I just made my last child support payment! I’m still happy to give my son all the support he needs, but damn, it sure is nice not to have to go through his alcoholic mother anymore. > (BTW, I forgot how embarrassingly bad my writing used to be. :o) Well, you recovered from those shakes… Congrats, and don’t listen to jerks (family or friends…or especially here!). No one knows what your situation feels like. Hope you get enough time with your kid! ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/22 "2016-06-02T16:34:06Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Beyond that, though, it’s possible - likely, even - that your ex would have been easier to deal with if she would have known that you were voluntarily contributing more than you needed to. A person who knows they have a court order behind them has less need to be flexible - or pleasant - than someone who has an incentive to stay on your good side. No. I wouldn’t use my child’s money to manipulate his mother. What kind of asshole would do something like that? Fortunately, we have been able to maintain a civil relationship with out having to resort to such tactics. (Despite her alcoholism.) ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/23 "2016-06-02T16:41:55Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Can you describe some of these “techniques” to reduce court-ordered child support? Mine is based on straight mathematical calculations based on W-2s of mother and father. Doesn’t seem to be much wiggle room in basic math. I can’t remember all the things they were telling me to do. One thing I do remember being told is that I should quit my job, and then get another one after the payments have been set. :rolleyes: > [@AK84](#): > > Still paying Alimony? Never had to pay it. > [@digs](#): > > Well, you recovered from those shakes… > > Congrats, and don’t listen to jerks (family or friends…or especially here!). No one knows what your situation feels like. Hope you get enough time with your kid! Thank you! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/24 "2016-06-02T16:44:49Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > No. I wouldn’t use my child’s money to manipulate his mother. What kind of asshole would do something like that? Someone like **F-P**? ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/25 "2016-06-02T16:59:59Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > No. I wouldn’t use my child’s money to manipulate his mother. What kind of asshole would do something like that? > > Fortunately, we have been able to maintain a civil relationship with out having to resort to such tactics. (Despite her alcoholism.) If you’re going to back off what you said earlier, then that’s not my issue. I’m only going with what you’ve written here. I was reacting to your statement indicating that you found it unpleasant to “have to go through his alcoholic mother”. And I suggested (among other things) that dealing with his alcoholic mother would probably have been easier if she couldn’t entirely rely on a court order. So now you’re turning around and insisting that you were able to maintain a civil relationship despite her alcoholism. It’s unclear then what your great relief is in no longer having to deal with her. Whatever. It’s your story, I suppose you get to write it, and make yourself the hero. Enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/26 "2016-06-02T17:12:46Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > If you’re going to back off what you said earlier, then that’s not my issue. I’m only going with what you’ve written here. > > I was reacting to your statement indicating that you found it unpleasant to “have to go through his alcoholic mother”. And I suggested (among other things) that dealing with his alcoholic mother would probably have been easier if she couldn’t entirely rely on a court order. So now you’re turning around and insisting that you were able to maintain a civil relationship despite her alcoholism. It’s unclear then what your great relief is in no longer having to deal with her. > > Whatever. It’s your story, I suppose you get to write it, and make yourself the hero. Enjoy. My issue with her alcoholism is that she spent way too much time in the bars as opposed to spending it with her son. Another issue I had with her is that she basically raised our kid on fast food. Because she couldn’t be bothered to come home and cook a proper meal for her son. She’d rather be at the bar drinking and then just grab some McDonald’s on the way home at 10 in the evening. Fortunately, my son has a step dad that’s a pretty good guy. He doesn’t cook but they do go to his mothers house about twice a week for a home cooked meal. ETA: Not a hero. Just doing what I’m supposed to be doing. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/27 "2016-06-02T17:15:53Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > My issue with her alcoholism is that she spent way too much time in the bars as opposed to spending it with her son. > > Another issue I had with her is that she basically raised our kid on fast food. Because she couldn’t be bothered to come home and cook a proper meal for her son. She’d rather be at the bar drinking and then just grab some McDonald’s on the way home at 10 in the evening. How does any of that change now that you’ve made your last CS payment? ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bruce\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/28 "2016-06-02T17:25:29Z")
The OP is sanctimonious… Paying the mother more does not necessarily equal supporting your child more. You’ve already stated the mother is an alcoholic. How do you know your “child support” money didn’t buy her a full liquor cabinet? Why would you want to give her more money than you had to if you had every intention of supporting your child anyway? Supposed you used those tricks or whatever they were, got your support lowered and got 100 dollars less a month garnished from your paycheck for those 15 years. You could have started a college fund, a car fund and/or paid for a number of incidentals expenses. You would have a say in how the money was spent and you think that’s bad?! ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/29 "2016-06-02T17:30:04Z")
It doesn’t. But now I don’t have to deal with her anymore. And if my son doesn’t like the living arrangements over there. He has the freedom to live with me now. Or, get a place of his own. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/30 "2016-06-02T17:33:53Z")
> [@Bruce\_Wayne](#): > > The OP is sanctimonious… > > Paying the mother more does not necessarily equal supporting your child more. You’ve already stated the mother is an alcoholic. How do you know your “child support” money didn’t buy her a full liquor cabinet? Why would you want to give her more money than you had to if you had every intention of supporting your child anyway? Supposed you used those tricks or whatever they were, got your support lowered and got 100 dollars less a month garnished from your paycheck for those 15 years. You could have started a college fund, a car fund and/or paid for a number of incidentals expenses. You would have a say in how the money was spent and you think that’s bad?! There’s no way to get around it. You have to give her cash directly. She’s gotta pay rent you know. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/31 "2016-06-02T17:46:20Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > I have no idea. The OP said people told him of ways to do it. I don’t know the details, which are irrelevant to anything I’ve posted. Jesus, chill out. You said: > [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > When I started reading your OP I didn’t realize it was from 2001. I intended to comment that you could always use techniques to reduced court-ordered CS payments and then voluntarily pay whatever you wanted. I though you meant you knew of some ways to reduce CS payments. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/32 "2016-06-02T19:02:19Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > … Shut up. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/33 "2016-06-02T19:12:01Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > There’s no way to get around it. You have to give her cash directly. She’s gotta pay rent you know. You’ve done the right thing … the day will come when your son understands this … [smile] … think of it as compound interest … just your payoff is in respect. Tip of the hat to you. ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/34 "2016-06-02T22:24:48Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > It doesn’t. But now I don’t have to deal with her anymore. And if my son doesn’t like the living arrangements over there. He has the freedom to live with me now. Or, get a place of his own. All that said (and forgive me if this is a subject that was covered here before I showed up), I feel like it’s fair to ask that, if your ex is an alcoholic, why was she awarded custody? ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/35 "2016-06-03T00:12:10Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Woot!! And today, I just made my last child support payment! I’m still happy to give my son all the support he needs, but damn, it sure is nice not to have to go through his alcoholic mother anymore. > > (BTW, I forgot how embarrassingly bad my writing used to be. :o) Wow, time just zooms along, doesn’t it. Congrats on seeing the kid through childhood and into the next phase of his life. Hope he does you proud 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/36 "2016-06-03T10:56:41Z")
> [@Reluctant\_A](#): > > All that said (and forgive me if this is a subject that was covered here before I showed up), I feel like it’s fair to ask that, if your ex is an alcoholic, why was she awarded custody? That’s the way a bill becomes a law. ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/37 "2016-06-03T15:40:58Z")
I admit to not being familiar with that reference. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/38 "2016-06-03T15:50:21Z")
I had no idea **Grrr!** is/was **Shakes**. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/39 "2016-06-03T16:37:02Z")
> [@Reluctant\_A](#): > > I admit to not being familiar with that reference. [Schoolhouse Rock](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otbml6WIQPo). Sorry, I was being sarcastic, “that’s how it is done” was my point. ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994/40 "2016-06-03T16:55:01Z")
As it turns out, I am, indeed, familiar with the Schoolhouse Rock reference, but I did not make the connection. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-it-i-i-want-i-to-pay-my-child-support/75994.md?page=3)