# Damn you EWTN!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 2, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630 "2005-01-02T02:52:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/1 "2005-01-02T02:52:42Z")
Or, Creepiest religious film EVER. First, the background: as fifth graders in parochial school, we received a special treat from our teacher-a chance to view the film _Marcelino pan y vino_ (“Miracle of Marcelino”). The movie is about a young orphan boy who is raised in a Spanish monastery. After being stung by a scorpian at age five, he becomes less of a prankster, and more melancholy and reclusive. So one day he’s hanging out in the attic, and playfully offers his slice of bread to the Christ figure on the crucifix. And then it starts going into the realm of Stephen King: we see a HAND reach down and grasp the bread!!! From then, he starts visiting in the attic with this…thing. We never see it from the front-only from the back, and the arms wave back and form, the head moves, and it talks. Creepy as all fucking get out. It ends with Marcelino wishing to see his mother, so as the monks watch in astonishment, the boy dies in the Christ figure’s arms. The whole experience scared the bejeezus (heh) out of me. My friends and I were traumatized by it for about a week. But I thought I had gotten over it. Only to be channel surfing and happen upon the movie on EWTN earlier this evening! (Thankfully, it was only at the sappy “Go to sleep Marcelino” lullaby scene, not the creepy Christ scene). Okay, I get it’s a Katholic Klassic. But unlike _Song of Bernadette_, which while though dull, is genuinely a good film (featuring a young Jennifer Jones and Vincent Price, of all people!), this movie is nothing more than pre-Vatican II Catholic porn. The Catholic church has always had a morbid streak, and this is a prime example. So I thought I had gotten over it, but now I have a feeling I’m gonna have nightmares!!! Damn you, EWTN!!! DAMN YOU TO PURGATORY!!! (Oh, and even though the movie was made in 1955, it looks so much older-if I had to guess, I would have suspected it was made in the early thirties.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/2 "2005-01-02T03:00:36Z")
Oh, c’mon, you know you want to [buy a copy](http://www.talkingblue.com/dvd/504341D1+Marcelino+Pan+Y+Vino+dvd.htm). According to the [IMDB](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047216/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9TWFyY2VsaW5vIFBhbiBZIFZpbm98aHRtbD0xfG5tPW9u;fc=1;ft=6;fm=1), it is from 1955. Check out this comment: > [@](#): > > Wonderful spiritual. I gave my copy to several people and everybody loved it. Even the dubbed version can’t ruin this film. Every household should have this film on hand. Children love it and that Song of Marcelino is still echoing in my head. A masterpiece! If it weren’t $18, I’d buy a copy just for the creep out value. ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/3 "2005-01-02T03:01:18Z")
Ugh. I think I’m going to have nightmares just from your description. Thank Og they didn’t make us watch that in my school. I would have gone home requested to go to Public School and covert to ANY other religion _immediately_. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/4 "2005-01-02T03:01:59Z")
Make that $14. The $18 price comes from Amazon. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/5 "2005-01-02T03:04:09Z")
Great movie! It was also a must-see throughout my schooling, and I too just watched it again for the first time in years a few weeks ago. Creepiest. Jesus. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/6 "2005-01-02T03:05:14Z")
Sounds like atheist organizations should use this as a recruitment film. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/7 "2005-01-02T03:08:25Z")
That’s the beauty to cable TV. If you don’t like something - turn it off or to a different channel. I’m sure EWTN doesn’t care whether or not you’re watching and I would have never known if you hadn’t spilled the beans here cause that’s one of those channels I never go to. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/8 "2005-01-02T03:11:39Z")
> [@flickster](#): > > That’s the beauty to cable TV. If you don’t like something - turn it off or to a different channel. I’m sure EWTN doesn’t care whether or not you’re watching and I would have never known if you hadn’t spilled the beans here cause that’s one of those channels I never go to. Well duh, I’m aware of that. It was a lame Pitting, but just flipping past it was enough to remind me of the oogyness of that film. I’m more Pitting though the movie and the fact that some parochial schools STILL think this is appropriate for young kids. Like I said, _Song of Bernadette_ may be boring (I saw it twice in elementary school), but at least it isn’t traumatizing. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/9 "2005-01-02T03:40:21Z")
Darn it Kat!!! 😉 I almost succeeded on exorcising the memory of that movie!!! In fact, I do remember that as being one of the reasons why I began to lose trust in the church. Therefore, now that my year is already being ruined (looks at **Guin** ’s direction with divine annoyance) 🙂 I had to look for the guilty parties: [http://www.pasadizo.com/peliculas2.jhtml?cod=132&sec=4](http://www.pasadizo.com/peliculas2.jhtml?cod=132&sec=4) Since that place is in Spanish, I had to make some traducing: There was a new animated version made in the 90’s but it has been mercifully forgotten. When I saw it at catholic school the preachers did not bother to say if it was a description of a reported miracle, as the site I found shows it was in reality based on a tale by someone called José María Sánchez-Silva, in the book “Tres leyendas sobre el crucifijo” (Barcelona: Editorial Cervantes, 1923) Still, it seems it was not original at all! The Chec writer Julius Zayer had a fantasy tale called “Samco the bird” that had a very similar script: Samco was a handicapped child that was raised by monks, he talks to a Christ statue, and he also lends him a hand. Afterwards, Sánchez-Silva wrote other adventures of Marcelino in heaven! Where he had many more adventures. But that, is another story…… I am not holding my breath to find about them… ---
**Author:** ![raz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@raz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raz)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/10 "2005-01-02T21:10:27Z")
Oh man! I remember reading the book “Marcelino pan y vino” in my High School spanish class. We all had a kind of “What the fuck?” reaction the more we read. I mean, come on, Jesus kills that little boy! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/11 "2005-01-02T21:14:05Z")
On the cable system in my parents’ town, EWTN is on Channel 10. It’s included of basic basic cable. Buffalo isn’t just Catholic; it’s _ **Caaaaatholic** _. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/12 "2005-01-02T22:58:53Z")
On the cable system in my parents’ town, EWTN is on Channel 10. It’s included in the _basic_ basic cable package. Buffalo isn’t just Catholic; it’s _ **Caaaaatholic** _. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/13 "2005-01-03T10:29:44Z")
What is EWTN? Ewocky With Two Nuts? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/14 "2005-01-03T10:40:57Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > What is EWTN? Ewocky With Two Nuts? [Eternal Word Television Network](http://ewtn.org/). ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/15 "2005-01-03T10:44:14Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Okay, I get it’s a Katholic Klassic. Fuck you. I’ve seen EWTN once at a truckstop in Cleveland a few years back and watched for about 3 minutes. Nothing special and never seen the show you’re referencing. But to use “K”'s in your little dig? Fuck you and everyone related to you. Fuck off. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/16 "2005-01-03T10:45:26Z")
> [@iampunha](#): > > [Eternal Word Television Network](http://ewtn.org/). Ah. Otherwise known as the money changers network. We have one, too. Can’t recall its initials right off — CBN or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/17 "2005-01-03T10:53:49Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > What is EWTN? Ewocky With Two Nuts? [assuming you’re serious] (All of this comes from Google. The [network’s main page](http://www.ewtn.com/) is the first hit in a Google search of the abbreviation.) It stands for “Eternal World Television Network,” which calls itself a “Global Catholic Network”. Pretty self-explanatory, really. [/ays] The image of Ewok nuts isn’t something I wanted in my mind. Thanks a lot, **Lib**. 😛 Anyway, the basic Dish Network package I have includes EWTN alongside two other (presumably one or both Protestant) Christian networks, the names of which I’ve forgotten because I don’t watch religious programming. **Guin** : That film sounds downright creepy and wrong. Someone with a cast-iron stomach for bad religious films should MiST it. (_Kid feeds bread (wafer?) to crucifix._ Crow: “Stop eating yourself. Stop eating yourself. Stop eating yourself.”) **elmwood** : Great. Now you’ve got me thinking of _ **faaaaabulous** _ Catholics mincing and preening in elaborate designer vestments. Like I need any more deranged crap in my head. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/18 "2005-01-03T15:11:58Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Fuck you. I’ve seen EWTN once at a truckstop in Cleveland a few years back and watched for about 3 minutes. Nothing special and never seen the show you’re referencing. > > But to use “K”'s in your little dig? Fuck you and everyone related to you. > > Fuck off. Uh, I think she meant to use the "K"s more in the schlocky old advert style, like “Kute Kountry Kabinets” or “Kalamity” or “Kars”. I’m obviously not going to speak for her, but damn, why not ask before going on the offensive? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/19 "2005-01-03T15:29:30Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Fuck you. I’ve seen EWTN once at a truckstop in Cleveland a few years back and watched for about 3 minutes. Nothing special and never seen the show you’re referencing. > > But to use “K”'s in your little dig? Fuck you and everyone related to you. > > Fuck off. What **zweisamkeit** said. If you think I was trying to frame Catholics as the KKK, you’re wrong. It was more of a cutsey type mispelling, like Kwik-E Mart. It wasn’t meant to be a dig. Jesus Christ, calm the fuck down, would ya? **Lib** , EWTN is the Catholic network. My father watches it frequently for the music segments. (They do a lot of liturgical and classic hymns on some of the programs). It’s a very conservative, almost pre-Vatican II organization. It’s not at all like CBN, because, IIRC, they more of the fire and brimstone fundamentalist, the sort that do not recognize Catholics as being Christian. Now, back to the film-it wouldn’t have been nearly so freaky, in my opinion, had they at least shown the face of the Christ-an actor playing him, so he seemed more human. You only saw some jerky arms and then the back of the crucifix moving and talking. _shudder_ Hell, my mother remembers seeing it with some friends of her’s as a child, and then when they got home, they were afraid to go into said friends’ home, because there was a large crucifix on their living room wall. When I told her what I had seen at school, she immediately said, “Oooh, is that the one where the crucifix comes to life? I saw that-scared me to death!” ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630/20 "2005-01-03T15:38:31Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > Afterwards, Sánchez-Silva wrote other adventures of Marcelino in heaven! Where he had many more adventures. Did they involve his nephew, Scrappy? Sheesh, this thing sounds like absolute electrified crap with a side of shit nuggets. Almost makes me wanna find a copy to laugh uproariously at. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/damn-you-ewtn/282630.md?page=2)